Ever wondered why you often overlook the self-care you desperately need? This week, Lily chats with the amazing Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite who drops some serious knowledge on managing stress, building habits that stick, and incorporating practical self-care into our everyday lives. Get ready for some game-changing insights straight from her awesome books! 

We get into:

• The three must-have types of self-care for ultimate well-being 

• How to spot the red flags that scream you’re neglecting self-care 

• Handling high-stakes pressure in dating and staying grounded

• Why stress isn’t all bad—it’s all about balance and self-compassion 

• How inequality affects self-care for Women of Color and how everyone can be co-conspirators in making a change 

• Fun and easy activities to seamlessly weave self-care into your daily routine 

Links:

Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite’s website

You can pick up your copy of Thank You, More Please where all books are sold right now and sign up for our book club at datebrazen.com/book!

Show transcript:

[00:00:00] Lily: Hey, I’m Lily Womble, former top matchmaker and founder of Date Brazen. After setting up hundreds, I realized that with coaching, women could match themselves better than anyone else ever could. With my unconventional feminist approach, I’ve helped women around the world build courageous and self trust filled love lives.

[00:00:20] And now, I’m here to support you. Get ready, because I’m about to show you the exact steps you need to attract a soul quenching partnership. And feel amazing about yourself along the way. This is the date brazen podcast. Hello gorgeous friends. Welcome to another episode of the date brazen podcast. I’m so glad that you’re here because when I first met our guest today, I was overtaken by this sense of like.

[00:00:45] Magnet. She’s magnetic, I believe. And like really so powerful. And I know that we’re all going to learn so much from this episode. So I’m excited to bring on Dr. Cicely Horsham. Brathwaite is a [00:01:00] licensed psychologist, speaker, executive and business coach with a focus on maximizing the personal and professional development of executives, high potential employees and entrepreneurs.

[00:01:10] She specializes in helping leaders increase their confidence, sharpen their leadership skills, and create a healthy, equitable, and sustainable team culture. Dr. Horsham Brathwaite’s coaching draws from her own experiences as an executive, previous executive leadership training, and professional theory throughout 25 plus years.

[00:01:31] So, uh, she’s earned her doctorate in counseling psychology from Temple University. She was then Tenure track professor in the Master’s in counseling program at the University of Bridgeport, where she taught career development and clinical skills, and we gotta mention the media. She’s got incredible work in well and good essence, entrepreneur, CNBC, making it self HuffPost and the BBC World Service, excuse me, she’s the author of Better Daily Self-Care Habits, which came out in [00:02:00] 2021.

[00:02:00] And self care activities for women, which came out in 2024 and is a bestseller. I’m so excited that you are here, says Dr. Cicely. Welcome.

[00:02:11] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: Oh, Lily. Thank you. Thank you for the invitation. Thank you for that full bodied sharing of my bio. And it’s great to be here to talk with you author to author.

[00:02:25] Lily: Oh my God, which is, I think one of the ways that we first were zeroing in in our conversation of like, Oh my God, you’re an author.

[00:02:31] You’re an author. This is so weird and intense and beautiful and hard. So I just would love to hear about your journey to being an author. You obviously are so accomplished in your professional life outside of being an author. And then when did you decide, like, I want to write my first book? Uh huh.

[00:02:48] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: I decided I wanted to write my first book probably over two decades ago, and much like earning my PhD, [00:03:00] it was something that I knew I wanted, but wasn’t sure that I would actually be able to do.

[00:03:06] You know, which has a lot to do with like messaging and socialization, but I wanted it for a long time for at least a decade and a half, I had file on my computer that said book notes and years. I would drop notes in there. And because I’m someone who really believes that we draw unto ourselves that which we desire, I think I primed my brain and my spirit to take an opportunity when the publisher of my first book contacted me.

[00:03:45] And at first I didn’t know what to do. The topic was, and it turned out that they wanted me to write about self care, which is the thing that I’ve always wanted to write about and was really the bones of what were, what was in my book notes.

[00:03:59] Lily: [00:04:00] Yeah. Tell me about your Concept of self care. Like, I’d love to ground us in a definition so that we can really talk to the people who are struggling with it.

[00:04:11] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: Yes. Okay. So first I have to tell you that I was raised by a nurse, right? And both my parents worked in health care. So my definition of self care comes from nursing literature and that definition goes something like self care Um, it’s a set of habits that person takes on their own behalf in service of their well being and so self care are the things that we do to help us to be well across a wide range of well being functions and that I believe that each human needs to have three types of self care in their life.

[00:04:50] We need to have regular self care habits. Those are the things that we do that are sort of like hygiene for our wellbeing. The things that we do on a daily [00:05:00] basis, a weekly basis, like making sure that we take time to move our body, making sure that we are sleeping, uh, the amount of time that we really need for our particular body and makeup and the things that really just help us to feel generally well.

[00:05:17] Just like brush our teeth. I believe that those regular self care habits need to be part of our life. Then the next type of self care that I believe that we need is responsive self care. That is the set of habits that we have that help us to really cope either pre cope or cope during or after circumstances that are taxing or stressful.

[00:05:40] And remembering that stress is neither Positive or negative. It is. We have stress from all kinds of experiences.

[00:05:48] Lily: Yeah.

[00:05:49] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: Word of self. Pardon me. Responsive self care helps us to be able to mitigate the effects of that stress. And then restorative self care is often what we are taught. Self [00:06:00] care is out in the world.

[00:06:01] Things that we don’t generally do on an ongoing a regular basis. They take care of. Time they take planning away from our general schedule. That’s the spa visits. That’s the vacations. Those are the weekends where we just spend time playing, whatever that thing is, that is restorative self care that helps us to come back to ourselves and

[00:06:24] Lily: this is so.

[00:06:26] Good. You’re just giving such language to these concepts that I don’t think I have a grounding in a lot of times, like the, the distinction between these three types of self care, and I’m curious what you would say to this question about how can you tell if you’re neglecting them? One or two of these three steps, like what are some telltale signs that you are neglecting one, two or three on this?

[00:06:54] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: Yeah. Yeah. Well, okay. Here’s something I find really interesting about habit [00:07:00] formation. And my first book, Better Daily Self Care Habits, is about habit formation. So when we build a habit that often happens over the course of time and habits that we develop in a state of relaxation or happiness or joy, those are those are grounded really easily.

[00:07:16] But when we develop habits, we know that our brain creates neural connections that supports that habit. Now, the thing is. When we are not engaging in the thing that has become a habit, when we don’t engage with it, our bodies, our brains have a tell. And that tell is often like a sense of discomfort that you’re not quite feeling like yourself.

[00:07:40] So if you have a habit that every day you get up and engage in some kind of movement early in the morning, you’ll note that your day. Goes a certain way. And the days that you don’t, once it becomes a habit, we tend to feel sort of out of sorts.

[00:07:57] Lily: Yeah.

[00:07:58] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: And so that is our [00:08:00] brain saying, wait, we have this neural pathway that is really supportive of the thing that we do all the time not happening.

[00:08:09] And so therefore we’re a little bit uncomfortable. Our brain is waiting to close the habit loop. Right. So that’s part of how we know that we are not doing what we need to do to take care of ourselves. But often in our busy lives, we may find that. We’re not tuned into ourselves enough to feel that slight discomfort of not finishing our typical habit loop.

[00:08:35] And so one of the ways that we can do that is to one, have people in our lives that are sort of like our accountability partners who check in with one another to say, Hey, How well are you feeling? How are you supporting your wellness? Just like we ask about like, who are you dating? What’s happening at your job?

[00:08:55] Yeah. Yeah. How’s your kid?

[00:08:58] Lily: How’s your

[00:08:58] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: mom? Yeah. [00:09:00] So I think one is that we have folks in our lives who are accomplices to our wellbeing and we are that for them is a way that we also know. And also I’m a real big fan of Of really sitting down and writing out or putting in your mobile device, whatever it is.

[00:09:20] What are the signs and symptoms that let me know I’m doing well, and when I’m not doing well, one of the things each when I do workshops on well being and performance, I ask people to think about on a scale of 0 to 10, what is their peak performance number, right? Like, so for some people, peak performance, meaning that they have enough.

[00:09:44] Push in enough stress that it motivates them. They’re able to get to a place where they feel like they’re thriving or they are in flow with their activities. And for some people, peak performance is like a seven out of 10, right? And then what do you know? Your number [00:10:00] is when you are starting to fall into overwhelmed and to know what, like, Too much performing too much doing is some people, maybe that is like an eight, 8.

[00:10:11] 5, the margins are thin being able to ground that in a number to be able to say, okay, I’m approaching eight, 8. 5. I need to pull myself back. So I think having numbers, having metrics can help people as well as having an accomplices and tuning into yourself are ways that we can know when we have not been.

[00:10:34] Really paying attention to ourselves, but I do think that there is really great power in community where other folks we have given them the okay to notice when we just are not, not where we typically are.

[00:10:50] Lily: Yeah, I have so many questions and thoughts about this. I think one of them is. It’s so brilliant.

[00:10:57] This idea that like self care is a [00:11:00] holistic practice. It’s not just the spa visit. I think that that is, you know, a no brainer. Sometimes to me, and then sometimes it feels completely revolutionary that I can’t just go away for a day and feel completely better and now all my problems are solved. Um, yeah, when you’re sharing, I’m thinking about the listeners and I’m thinking about their.

[00:11:20] I can sense them totally on board with you and totally like, yes, yes, this is amazing. This is exactly what I need. Both. And I see in myself when I get to the 8. 5 or 8. 7 or 9 when in my entrepreneurial journey or in the book process or in, you know, my day to day life being a breadwinner and my family, right?

[00:11:41] The stakes feel very high. Sometimes. I’m going to be radically transparent. Yeah. Bring it on. Last night I was working till 1030 p. m. Okay. I started work at 9 a. m. I went on a walk in that time. I had an hour during that period of a walk and I ate lunch and dinner and [00:12:00] breakfast that time spanned all of those meals.

[00:12:03] But, and I could sense frantic action. I was aware of somewhat flow, somewhat frantic, like sometimes I didn’t know which was which.

[00:12:15] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: Yeah.

[00:12:15] Lily: And the stakes felt so high that I was like, let me just do this one more thing. Let me just do this one more thing. It’s all on my shoulders. And I’m thinking about even for those in the audience who are listening, who don’t own a business or who aren’t entrepreneurs like us, maybe they have a corporate job that they feel like.

[00:12:33] Oh, it’s all on me. I have to be available to my manager 24 seven or it’s all on me. I’m a single mom and I have to get everything done. It’s all on me in this like I have to be frantic. Oh, this self care stuff is great, but I have to stakes are high. What do you say to those people and me yesterday working from 9 a.

[00:12:54] m. to 10 30 p. m.

[00:12:55] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: Yeah, and me the day before that, right? Like, I think, you know, [00:13:00] going back to your first question about what is self care. I think that what I would add to that is that self care is an ongoing process, right? In anything, there are peaks and valleys, uh, points where there is relapse and then recovery, right?

[00:13:16] Like, it just is. And one of the things that I have found is that. Part of it requires a mindset shift and then actively. Confronting the habits that we have acquired that tell us our production is more important than our physiological needs. And so 1 of the things I think that can be a cue is. Tuning into what does your body need?

[00:13:49] And so I’ll give you an example from my own life about sort of how that looks. I, like many of us are juggling so many things and to [00:14:00] some degree, I kind of like the creativity that comes with, how do you figure out how to juggle those things? And I remember not too long ago, I got up early to work on a deliverable that I needed to get done by a certain period of time.

[00:14:15] And I noticed that this question came up in my mind, which was, Do I get straight to work or do I eat?

[00:14:28] Lily: Oh, so good. Yeah.

[00:14:30] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: Moment. I had to look at myself and notice I am questioning whether or not I should feed myself or common.

[00:14:47] Lily: I feel that.

[00:14:47] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: And I think that that happens often. It happens quite often where we are taught to deny our physiological needs and our emotional needs.

[00:14:58] So I think part of [00:15:00] that first is noticing when you’re making that decision without having to shift your behavior, right? That day I chose to go feed myself, but other days I have not chosen. I’ve chosen to go to work, right? And so noticing, I think is the first. And once you notice, then after a period of noticing, seeing if you might want to take the opportunity to make a different decision.

[00:15:29] What I have found is that bringing myself back to what do I physically or emotionally need helps me to make different decisions. But the part that is the mindset shift is, That means that there’s some things that I just won’t accomplish today. And that’s the part that then I have to be okay with. What I find there is like being okay with that again is also a [00:16:00] journey.

[00:16:00] It’s being more realistic about what do I say? I value, what do I actually do and not putting myself down or beating myself up when I make the choice toward my work, but what I honestly know and what the literature tells us is that our performance is better. When we do these wellbeing things, right? So I would like to say that it’s.

[00:16:24] All because like, it’s the right thing to do. But like, I actually, I actually find that I am in a able to access flow and able to get things done and have ideas come to me because I’ve taken a walk because that’s what my body needed and required. So that’s my long answer. It is a process, but I think it means.

[00:16:50] Challenging what have become societal norms on this land

[00:16:56] Lily: around

[00:16:58] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: preferencing [00:17:00] our production over who and what we are.

[00:17:03] Lily: I’m thinking about those who are dating and how. You know, that’s a different form of high stakes, high stakes desire, especially for those who feel the pressure, like a biological clock pressure of like, I want to have partner in a kid in the next seven years, five years, two years, one year, but it doesn’t feel available right now.

[00:17:28] Like, I don’t know what’s going to happen that kind of high stakes pressure or the high stakes pressure of I’m a late bloomer. I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve got to figure this out or else, you know, I’m wondering about, cause what I hear you saying is like a radical identity shift in some ways.

[00:17:46] Does that resonate for you? I don’t

[00:17:48] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: know. I think it’s an identity shift. Perhaps it’s radical for some and I, yeah, I think, but I think part of it is sometimes we are making a choice [00:18:00] toward our emotional and physiological needs and sometimes we’re making a different choice. It’s an, an awareness shift at like, you can flex into.

[00:18:12] Lily: What is a self care practice that you have found helpful either for yourself or for your clients to emerge from frantic stress? Cause you know, for the folks specifically biological clock pressure or like late bloomer stress, or I just got out of a 10 year marriage that was unfulfilling and I don’t know what to do.

[00:18:32] Frantic, frantic, frantic, got to figure it out. What is a self care practice that you’ve seen really help re regulate and ground And release the frantic. Yeah, of

[00:18:44] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: course, let’s, let’s, let’s ground this. I am a black woman with a Ph. D. Okay, I remember while I was still in graduate school hearing about the research study that talked about how [00:19:00] likely.

[00:19:01] As a black woman, you were to be married once you obtained a doctorate. Funny enough, my aunt, who’s since transitioned, had the person who did that study as her advice. Like, so I was in school really believing I would never marry. So that was never like a goal for me. I am married now, but I understand. I understand frantic, right?

[00:19:33] I did not have pressure about biological clock or even getting married in my family. There were other pressures, right? But like, that wasn’t a particular pressure. But what I found is that centering myself in my joy and having fun. Uh, and not clinging to or feeling desperate was helpful for me. I don’t think you just flex into that.

[00:19:58] I think, again, you have to [00:20:00] deconstruct the messages that you have internalized about by biological clock work, et cetera. Right. Right. But how to get out of frantic, I think sometimes is to move towards what is more joyful, what is more light. While also having a clear. awareness and plan for how you are going to approach your dating life.

[00:20:25] I think you need to have a plan and I love that you talk about plans. So I think it does mean, you know, when I have had clients who are in the dating process, similarly ambitious women, high achieving women, you do have to sort of like get yourself in the mode that you’re going to put yourself out there, right?

[00:20:43] And that you have to prioritize that, especially when you are. working at a high level and your work is all consuming. You have to make a decision making time for things, but also making time for other aspects of your life and seeing yourself as a whole person. And joy is [00:21:00] always to me, whatever joyful is for me, joy is going to take a walk.

[00:21:05] Joy is listening to music. Joy is being with a small group of friends.

[00:21:08] Lily: Yeah.

[00:21:09] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: I think having that and knowing yourself. Yeah. Through your joy and through your excitement and wonder. And recently I took a class, a positive psychology course and grounding yourself in awe, I think really, really

[00:21:26] Lily: helpful. Ooh, I’m going to write that.

[00:21:28] I’m writing that down. So grounding in awe, I’m just immediately thinking about the trees in spring and like, The going on a walk and just noticing. And that is very grounding to be like, that is a tree that is beautiful. And I love the way it looks and how I say thank you more pleased to trees now. Yes.

[00:21:46] And that really, I think that that rings true for me. And this very powerful. I want to go back to something that you said earlier in our conversation that again, revolutionary to some not revolutionary to others because you do this [00:22:00] work in and out every single day. I just love that you said stress is neither good nor bad.

[00:22:05] Yeah. There’s this pressure that I. See, you know, I work with very high achieving feminist human beings who have created incredible things in their lives and generally their work lives have come with a lot of stress. Their personal lives probably have come with a lot of stress, family lives, right? Past relationships, dating stress, dating struggles, but there’s this big Pressure to be like, get over, you know, don’t be so stressed if you’re stressed.

[00:22:32] I, I felt like sometimes like, Oh, Lily, you’re so stressed. You didn’t take care of this last week when you started feeling it. And now you’re, you’ve failed managing to be a successful, well, human being. And I think that that self blame is very common. I would say, I think at least about stress. So what would you say, like any reflections there or anything that comes to mind for you?

[00:22:57] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: Yeah. I mean, I talked about [00:23:00] this in some of the activities in my first book, but also again, fresh off this refresher on positive psychology principles. Self compassion is a really effective and important way of being. And some of the principles around self compassion are recognizing that self That which we feel are typical human experiences.

[00:23:24] We are not the ones who feel this,

[00:23:27] Lily: this

[00:23:27] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: thing. And I think there’s a challenge because stress And the behaviors that we associate or might trigger our stress for many high achievers is what we attribute our success to. I think it’s hard to make folks wrong about that. I don’t think it’s, it’s helpful, but I think if we can demonstrate compassion to the, those that we come in contact who are experiencing self incrimination because they have [00:24:00] not done whatever they intended to do when they intended to do it.

[00:24:05] Or that they are navigating the ins and outs and ups and downs of stress, really helping people to be compassionate. It’s okay to fix it, but that it is okay that you are having this experience. And then like, I think that compassion then opens up. So what might you want to do about it? But stress, stress, whether it is from something that we have labeled or is objectively.

[00:24:34] Uh, horrible, whether it’s stress from something that’s positive physiologically, it has the same impact on our body, right? And so I, like many people really appreciate that book burnout because it really talks about the importance of closing the stress cycle every day. And so I think it’s important now where I kind of.

[00:24:59] [00:25:00] Probably hold a harder line for people around like the acceptability of the level of stress in their lives is that what we know is that the way inequity is structured into the societies in which we live in the United States, that inequity for black women, women of color really. Contributes to very terrible health outcomes or chronic disease as it does for everyone, but that what we see are the differences in health disparities that that level of stress, if not mitigated.

[00:25:39] adds to our allostatic load, and that makes it harder to be well. So it’s a, it’s a fine line because sometimes I do find myself having to really say to people, this is too much. Like, you’ve got to, like, we have got to find ways.

[00:25:57] Lily: But,

[00:25:59] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: I [00:26:00] think, one, not making people wrong about their stress, offering compassion, helping them to tap into compassion for themselves, and then recognizing that they can begin to make some small changes that build up over time.

[00:26:16] Lily: For the Black women listening, for the women of color listening, what specifically would you say to them about how to start engaging self care in a world that sometimes is hostile or a lot of times is hostile toward them?

[00:26:30] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: Part of what has helped us survive is to not pay attention to the day to day challenges, right?

[00:26:41] Like, to focus on what you need to focus on and not get caught up. What that does, I think, sometimes, though, is it supports us disengaging from our stressors. So the thing that we can do is to recognize active coping is the most adaptive. And [00:27:00] self care is a way to actively cope. And I, what I find for the folks that I’ve supported, you know, over these decades, is that Sometimes it’s scary to know ourselves, right,

[00:27:10] Lily: that

[00:27:11] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: we’re taught we need to be self sufficient, we need to be strong, and it’s trite at this point, but being strong also means being able to ask for and receive help.

[00:27:24] And so what I would say is, Get a friend that the two of you can do something together that helps you to feel well. And the truth is sometimes we don’t have friends or family members. And that’s what I would say. Start with getting someone that you pay professionally as a therapist or a coach. Who you can develop a safe and trusting relationship with that you can develop habits and patterns that you can then begin to replicate in your external and personal life [00:28:00] relationships.

[00:28:00] So let’s say support social support time and time again has been shown to be a key factor in our well

[00:28:06] Lily: being. Thank you. And, uh, as a white woman, I’m curious, how can white folks. Be better co conspirators in supporting the self care of their, um, friends who are black or, or friends who are people of color.

[00:28:24] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: Part of the reason that I focus on working with people who work, right? Executives. Yes, right. Like is because I feel like those folks generally have some formal authority to be able to create changes. The degree to which, if you have a role in which you can be contributing to well being, work habits that don’t trigger burnout, that supports the self care of women of color, Black [00:29:00] women.

[00:29:00] Work environments for Black women. Are what police are for black men, often work in medical environments. So the degree to which any white woman can be self aware, can be racially aware, managed their mental health and wellbeing. Bring that to the work environment that supports women of color. And looking at ways that again, you can disrupt activities that fly in the face of sustainability, that makes a difference.

[00:29:41] Like don’t email me. At 11 o’clock at

[00:29:48] Lily: night.

[00:29:49] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: Yeah.

[00:29:49] Lily: It is the scheduling button does exist for a reason.

[00:29:53] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: Schedule it.

[00:29:54] Lily: Yeah.

[00:29:55] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: Don’t ask me to take on this last minute thing [00:30:00] that you didn’t plan for. Mm hmm. Yeah. When you see someone else taking my idea. You can say, that’s a great idea. And when Cicely said that a few minutes ago, it also resonated.

[00:30:14] For example.

[00:30:16] Lily: Yes. I mean, these are incredibly usable things that people need to, they could integrate tomorrow in their workplace. I’m reminded of the reflection exercise you shared at the beginning of this episode about like, know your number. About like, where do you feel in flow? And where do you start feeling like overwhelmed and stressed and even being aware of what contributes to the higher number for you, that awareness can help you create a more sustainable work environment for folks around you as well.

[00:30:45] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: Absolutely. Especially if you’re in a role where you have some positional power or authority. Right.

[00:30:52] Lily: Right. Um, well, thank you for those, those questions. Next steps. I think that that’s really helpful. And, uh, I’m curious [00:31:00] from your book, self care activities for women, which this subtitle is 101 practical ways to slow down and reconnect with yourself.

[00:31:08] So I really, Dr. Sisley, Literally, you sent me this book with tabs for me and my clients, and it was so thoughtful. And uh, like there’s child’s play, a page on child’s play. There’s crafting to create your spa ritual. Give yourself a hug. Literally anything from like two minutes to 15 minutes to an hour, you’ve put even the time it takes and like the materials it takes.

[00:31:35] So it’s so thoughtful. If you’re type A and you are stressed at making decisions at the end of a day, like me, I’m like, I don’t even want to decide what I’m going to eat. I don’t know. Literally all it takes is grabbing this book and opening to a page and being like, okay, I’ll do that. What are some of your favorite, maybe like one or two of your favorite activities from this book?

[00:31:53] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: I have one and. I’m not going to remember the name of it right now, but [00:32:00] there’s one where to help us to feel like grounded and really held or feeling tender. I have one where you imagine yourself holding onto a palm tree and that the palm tree is moving side to side, back and forth, but stable, right?

[00:32:18] Like you are still held and stable. I love

[00:32:22] Lily: so good. I feel more relaxed, like hearing you say those words.

[00:32:28] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: I love that one. And then, I mean, this is at the very beginning, I really love it. It’s called create your joy list and it’s sort of like you’re happy songs that help you to feel well. I’m going to get two more.

[00:32:46] One is prep your response. It’s, it’s, it’s. To be able to have your response to, uh, the typical microaggressions that you experience walking throughout the world, moving throughout the [00:33:00] world or in your workplace, that research shows that if you have a prepared response, it helps to lower the stress of the situation rather than having to come up with something in.

[00:33:13] In the beginning. And then I really enjoy the golden breath. Tell us more. Really? It’s about, you know, reading is one of the most reliable ways, um, to help us center and calm our bodies. And what I really love about this, it’s like, as you’re breathing in, you are imagining the qualities of gold, strength, resilience, high value, as you breathe in this golden and like, imagine it go throughout your body.

[00:33:44] Those are like, I do enjoy.

[00:33:48] Lily: They’re so good. Well, the idea of like, you don’t have to really, I struggle sometimes in my own journal of like, okay, what do I write about today? That would be helpful. [00:34:00] I don’t know. I’m so overwhelmed. And you give direct. specific prompts for living a more well life. And especially if you have high, you know, achiever tendencies or high stress in your day to day life, like this is so good.

[00:34:15] And I really, we’re going to put the link to buy this book in the description of the episode and in the show notes as well. It’s self care activities for women, 101 practical ways to slow down and reconnect with yourself. And, uh, your other book title. is, uh,

[00:34:31] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: self care habits.

[00:34:33] Lily: Yes. So good. And they’re available on Amazon and every works are sold.

[00:34:39] Yeah.

[00:34:40] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: Yeah. Yeah. Um, self care activities for women is in Barnes and Noble brick and mortar. Um, so I invite people to come there. I’m going to say one more, if I could,

[00:34:48] Lily: please. And I have one more question. I’m not, I, yeah.

[00:34:52] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: Oh, okay. This one’s called anoint your body. I really love this one. And I think it’s really great, especially in the dating [00:35:00] process, right?

[00:35:00] Like, I think it’s very important for us to develop relationship with our own bodies and not because we have a partner, right? And so this one brings in the health benefits of self massage and healing touch, right? But it is taking your favorite moisturizer, body lotion. And really putting it on in a way that you are anointing your body and also appreciating and complimenting your body as you do that.

[00:35:32] Right? And for those who feel comfortable engaging in that activity. I think it’s really useful. Like I give the example of even saying to your shoulders, thank you for being so strong. Or I love how soft my skin feels really just like luxuriating in yourself.

[00:35:48] Lily: So good. Uh, so good. And I also am reminded like, it’d be great if you had a lotion you loved.

[00:35:55] What lotion are you going to get for yourself that you love [00:36:00] and like taking care with those, you know, ways to. Care for yourself. Last question. What are you excited about right now?

[00:36:08] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: Well, I’m excited. I’ve been doing work to support managers to strengthen their ability to spot and respond to employee mental health needs.

[00:36:20] And as that work, I’m excited to be a part of that work. For this cycle is wrapping up. I am moving into doing a cohort for leaders that is around their own self management and wellbeing and self care, because we know that when people leave their work environments, they’re not leaving a company. They’re leaving a manager.

[00:36:40] And so it is so important for leaders to be able to develop strong self care and wellbeing habits. For them, and I’m excited to work with people in small groups in this way.

[00:36:55] Lily: So good. If people want to learn about how to work with you, where do they go? [00:37:00]

[00:37:00] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: Yeah, they can do two things. They can go to my website, which is cicelybrathwaite.

[00:37:04] com. They can also follow me on Instagram. I’m at Dr. Cicely Brathwaite and they are in, in my bio. There’s all the information about when I’m up to these days and how they can stay in touch with me.

[00:37:18] Lily: So good. Y’all, we’re going to put all that in the show notes and in the description of this episode. Thank you so much for coming on.

[00:37:24] I’m so grateful.

[00:37:26] Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite: Oh, Lily, this has been a joy. I’m really excited. We’re so close to the world experience.

[00:37:37] Thank you more, please. Oh my God. This is a delight to be with you at this time for such a time as this, and I’m so excited for the world. To get to experience part of your brilliance and [00:38:00]

[00:38:01] Lily: so much. I’m so grateful for you, Cicely, and thank you more pleased to, to that. And y’all go check out Dr. Cicely Horsham breathweights work.

[00:38:12] I’m so excited for you to read her book. Books and get them and work with her. If it feels like that, yes. And your body, I’m sure listening to her in this episode has left. So many of you inspired and galvanized to take action for yourself. So go do something very self carry for yourself right now. And we’ll talk to you next week.

[00:38:36] [00:39:00] Bye.