Why do we always feel awkward asking our friends for help with our love lives? Imagine the game-changing power of having a trusted squad of co-conspirators in your corner, ready to support you. This episode dives into how to ask your friends to be your co-conspirators in love—one of the top three ways to date IRL!

Now, it’s not that your friends are clueless about dating; they just need to learn how to help you in a way that matches your wants, needs, and desires. In this episode, Lily guides you through a co-conspirator invitation, so your friends can really be there for you.

Here’s what you’ll learn in this juicy episode:

• Learn how to spot the friends who are perfect for this role and how to prepare for that all-important invitation 

• Asking someone to be your love-life co-conspirator is an honor—here’s how to make sure you’re ready to have that convo.

• Not every friend will be a good fit as a co-conspirator, and that’s okay.

• Discover creative solutions to avoid dead-ends and establish boundaries.

• FAQ on Co-Conspirators: Everything from the best personality types for this role to how to figure out if your friends are mentally available, and overcoming the shame of asking for help.

Tune in and transform your dating life with the help of your very own dream team! ️✨

Links:

You can pick up your copy of Thank You, More Please where all books are sold right now, and then sign up for Date Brazen Listening Guide at datebrazen.com/book!

Friend Forward Podcast

Fighting for Our Friendships, Danielle Bayard Jackson

Show Transcript:

[00:00:00] Lily: Hey, gorgeous friends. Welcome to another episode of the Date Brazen podcast. I am so glad that you’re here. Today’s episode is all about how to ask your friends to be your co conspirators. It is going to be a juicy, juicy episode chock full of actionable strategies to help your friends help you better in your dating life because you deserve support in your dating life.

[00:00:25] Period. Just like your friends asked you to support them for their weddings or for their big life events, you also deserve to take up space in your life and ask for your friend’s support for your love life. Not because it’s frivolous, not because you’re broken, not because you’re too late, not because you’re a late bloomer and somehow something’s wrong with you for those reasons.

[00:00:44] No, no, no, no, no. Just because you deserve support and your friends want to love you better. So. Let’s get into it.

[00:00:56] Hey, I’m Lily Womble, former top matchmaker and founder of Date [00:01:00] Brazen. After setting up hundreds, I realized that with coaching women could match themselves better than anyone else ever could. With my unconventional feminist approach, I’ve helped women around the world build courageous and self trust filled love lives.

[00:01:11] And now I’m here to support you get ready. Cause I’m about to share the exact steps you need to attract a soul quenching partnership and feel amazing about yourself along the way. This is the Date Brazen podcast. So this framework of co conspirators, if you’ve listened to the podcast for a while, you know all about it.

[00:01:29] It is one of my three ways to date IRL in person, especially this summer. It’s going to be a great strategy for you. And I get into it all the way in chapter seven of my book. Thank you more, please. So in chapter seven, I really outline each of these three in person dating strategies. And today I’m going to read to you from chapter seven, uh, the chapter title is dating in person with main character energy.

[00:01:56] And you’re going to learn how to [00:02:00] use the co conspirator strategy to help your friends help you, whether they’re single, whether they’re coupled, whether they’re. In your city, whether they are a long distance friend, you are going to learn how to help your coupled friends or single friends help you more effectively as your co conspirator to increase the chances of you meeting your person and to speed up your trajectory toward meeting your person.

[00:02:21] So it all starts with a thought. Right? Because maybe right now you have the thought about co conspirators. Nobody knows how to help me or I’m uniquely bad at dating or I’m weird for needing help. And so I want you to acknowledge those thoughts with compassion if they’re what you’re thinking and also try a baby step thought like it might be possible that I’m learning something new.

[00:02:45] It might be possible that more is possible. So I’m going to read from chapter seven and give you an outline of exactly what to do to identify your best co conspirators and how to prep for that conversation, what boundaries to [00:03:00] create, and then what action steps to take with your co conspirator to increase the likelihood of you meeting your person.

[00:03:07] So get ready to take notes, get your notes app out on your phone, if you’re on a walk or get a little notepad and pen. You’re going to want to take notes. And if you haven’t already, I highly recommend that you get thank you more, please in your hands, whether from your local library, you can call and see if they have it or, um, getting the ebook or doing the ebook library thing.

[00:03:27] I know that that definitely exists. Um, you can, uh, check it out digitally or get the audio book. It’s, it’s going to help you so much. And I’m going to give you a behind the scenes of this book. specific part of the chapter in this episode. So I hope you feel like this is your best friend walking through all this stuff, dating stuff with you.

[00:03:46] Um, I hope you feel like this episode is a big hug because I’m on your team and I’ve got your back and this is completely figureoutable. So I’m gonna get into this section of the book, then we’ll go over all of the frequently asked questions to make this happen. [00:04:00] Even if you’re resistant, even if you’re saying, Lily doesn’t get it, Lily doesn’t know my friends, my friends aren’t right for this, It’s not going to happen.

[00:04:05] It’s impossible. This is a pipe dream. It’s all over for me. Just know that I see you and this is all going to be okay. So this is from page 142 and this is my galley copy. So it’ll be a little bit different in the page numbers to your copy, um, if you’re reading along with me. This is chapter seven, dating in person with main character energy.

[00:04:27] Bring in your co conspirators. The problem, you’ve not been intentional enough in bringing your loved ones along with you in your dating life. It’s not your fault. There’s no model or rule book for helping your friends help you. You might look around your friend group as the only single one and feel like none of your friends understand you.

[00:04:46] That can be massively frustrating. So many of my clients share the feeling of being abandoned by their friend group when they’re the only single one left. Dating is so hard that it’s like the minute a friend finds a partner, they have [00:05:00] selective amnesia and start spewing terrible, discouraging dating advice.

[00:05:04] They might say things like, it happened when I least expect it. You should just live your life and it’s gonna happen. Bless their hearts. No one taught them how to date well, either. It’s not that your friends are useless in your dating life. It’s that they don’t know how to help you yet. The people in your life who are your perfect dating co conspirators want to know how to love you better.

[00:05:25] This process is a concrete way you can teach them how to support you that will actually work. The theory behind this in person dating strategy is that both you and your friends social circles are expanding all the time. They got a new job and have a cute new coworker. They went to a work conference and met some interesting folks.

[00:05:43] They’re in a pottery class and the teacher’s cousin comes to your birthday party and bam! Relationship material appears because your co conspirator is looking out for you. But not just looking around willy nilly asking just anyone to go out with you. Co conspiratorship comes with some major [00:06:00] structures and rules.

[00:06:01] What you don’t want is to go out on just any date because you both are single. The goal is to help your co conspirator set you up on the best dates of your life. How the hell do you do that with your essence based preferences and your QD questions? Of course, that’s qualifying, disqualifying questions, y’all.

[00:06:19] Here’s what to do. Okay. So there are four steps to this afterward, and I’m just going to speed through this. There’s number one, identify your ideal co conspirators. Number two, plan the date with your co conspirators. Number three, prep your boundaries. And number four, get going. And I’m going to read a few passages from each of these sections.

[00:06:38] And if you want the whole process, Get the book because it’s really going to be a guide that you turn back to again and again and again, especially for the boundary setting section. So number one, identify your ideal co conspirators. These are people who you trust who don’t say problematic stuff about your dating life and who make you feel safe in your dating life specifically.

[00:06:58] Make a little list. I [00:07:00] recommend you start with one person and cap it at three people for now. You can totally expand or shrink your list later. They can be single or couple. Just make sure it’s someone you really admire and respect. Be as discerning as Beyonce choosing her backup dancers. If you know Queen B, you know she Only works with the best of the best.

[00:07:19] She needs the right people on her team, backing her up. She’s not going to give someone a pity invite. You won’t find Beyonce inviting someone because they were on the roster last year. No, everyone must be working at the top of their game to back up queen bee. So it shall be for you and your co conspirators.

[00:07:39] What if you have a shortage of incredible beyond belief dancers? I mean, friends in your life. What if you What if your friends aren’t as supportive as you’d like? What if you’re at a new place without many friends? Let’s dispel any of that anxiety right now. Long distance friends can still be co conspirators supporting you from afar.

[00:07:58] Supporting you from afar can look like [00:08:00] chats about your essence based preferences, intentional check ins about your dating life on your regular catch ups or chatting after your date. You can also use this framework with friends who can become your co conspirators in the future. For real, you can create essence based preferences and qualifying disqualifying questions to make new friends.

[00:08:18] You might need more new friends anyway, so go find them. Then you can plan the date and then get to step number two. You know when a friend asks you to be a bridesmaid, they ask you to go to lunch, maybe write you a little card about how much you mean to them as they get married. The ritual is meaningful.

[00:08:34] The ritual of bringing on your best friends to support you in such a huge life moment can be so meaningful. Such a special friendship ritual shouldn’t be reserved for just a wedding. Asking someone to be your love life co conspirator is an honor. You’re bringing someone in, inviting them to your space and allowing them to be a part of your love story.

[00:08:54] You get to treat this conversation with love and importance. In this conversation, you’ll ask something [00:09:00] like, Hey, I’d really like your help in my love life as a connector to new people and as a supporter. Dating can be so tough. I’d love you to be my co conspirator to plan and scheme for my dating life.

[00:09:11] You can get their buy in, or if they don’t respond positively, move on to another co conspirator option. So then it’s time for step number two. To prep your boundaries. This is where most people get really nervous and freaked out. It’s very possible that your friend says something on my, Oh, no, no’s list.

[00:09:30] Straight from Tom Haverford’s mouth in the classic show, Parks and Recreation. Oh, no, no’s are his list of deal breakers in a romantic relationship. Not loving 90s R& B music is number three. On his Oh No No’s list. In the case of bringing on your co conspirator, I’m using Oh No No’s to refer to the things you and your newly minted co conspirator are not going to say in the conversation about your love life.

[00:09:53] These are statements your well meaning friends and family say that are discouraging as hell. You’ll want to avoid these conversation dead ends. I’m [00:10:00] just, so I’m going to share just a few of the oh no no’s and my boundaries that I recommend. There are more in the book, but basically if your friend says, I just don’t have anyone in my life I can set you up with, I don’t know what to do.

[00:10:10] Oh, no, no. We are in this co conspiratorship to develop creative solutions. If you knew other single people, you wouldn’t be asking for help. If your friend says this, you can set a boundary. That can sound like, I want us to come up with creative solutions together. We’re both brilliant. So please don’t say you’re out of ideas.

[00:10:28] Let’s generate some together. The second one that I’ll share in this episode is there are no good single people out there. Oh, no, no, there are billions of people on this planet. There are infinite ways you could meet someone. And if you hear that and say, but Lily, so many of my friends are amazing women.

[00:10:45] They are single. What? But Lily, so many of my amazing friends are women and they’re single. And if what you’re saying is true, then why wouldn’t we all be coupled by now? My response? Couldn’t it be true that both your single friends are amazing and [00:11:00] single and that you are amazing and single and that there are great single people out there and that any of you could get into the best relationship of your life tomorrow and that being single right now just points to the fact that none of you have settled and that might be good news because that means you will only get into a relationship when it’s the right one for you.

[00:11:22] That’s my both and special sauce. It makes everything more delicious. This is especially good if your friends are stuck in a negative conversation about dating. If they’re like, dating sucks, men suck, men are trash, women are trash, like people are trash. It’s a problem because it’s like an echo chamber of like, this is hard, this is hard, this is hard.

[00:11:40] When in actuality, this is figureoutable and hard, right? So it’s hard and figureoutable. And plopping that both and will allow the conversation to actually be productive and more supportive toward your dreams and desires. So this co conspirator framework is a gift to your friends if they are wanting to be a better friend to you, [00:12:00] which I’m sure if you’re listening to this podcast, you have amazing friends or you’re building amazing friendships.

[00:12:05] And if you don’t have them, then you can make new friends with the frameworks I teach. You can listen to the friend forward podcast by Danielle Boehner Jackson. So good. So if you want to make new friends, that’s also completely figureoutable. I’m skipping to the end of the boundary section here. Uh, it says, look, your friend is a human being.

[00:12:23] They will say stuff that isn’t the most encouraging. Sometimes they’ll have stories, patterns, self doubt and patriarchal conditioning, just like everyone else. So be aware of their lens just because they’re in a relationship does not mean that their opinion or way of going about dating will work for you.

[00:12:40] They might say a no, no, no. And in that case, you get to set a boundary. Remember teaching someone how to love you better means asking for what you want and need this practice of asking for what you want and need. will prepare you to be in the right relationship. And you also might discover that a close friend doesn’t have the right [00:13:00] mindset or even availability to be your co conspirator.

[00:13:02] Not everyone is a good fit for your love life co conspiratorship, and that’s okay. You might be afraid of a friend saying a no no no because you’re afraid they’re right. You’re afraid that they might be right about there no one being out there for you. You’re afraid they might be right about maybe I’m too picky.

[00:13:21] Maybe you’re afraid they’re right that they have no one to set you up with. And it feels like implicit confirmation of your worst fear. So I just want you to first, and this is off the page. I want you to like acknowledge that mindset. and acknowledge those thoughts that you’re having about this conversation.

[00:13:38] These are thoughts, not facts. Your friend also has human thoughts, just like you have human thoughts. So if your friend has the thought, Oh God, if they’re single too, and they’re like, there’s no good single people out there, they’re also just having human thoughts. So I just want to normalize that a lot of people when talking about dating are getting into like [00:14:00] survival mode, scarcity mode, because they don’t know any differently.

[00:14:04] Right. They’re in their comfort zone in a, in a way. And so this book, this conversation, this podcast is all about getting you out of your comfort zone to try new things in your dating life, to experience new data points that prove to you that yes, more is possible. That’s the whole point of thank you more, please.

[00:14:21] So I want to go back to those thoughts that we started the episode with. It might be possible that I just haven’t met everyone yet. It might be possible that more is possible. It might be possible that I’m learning how to do this. And these will open you up and open this conversation up to trying more, allowing in more hope, um, which will help you propel yourself forward.

[00:14:43] And I just want to say, like, venting is important. Like, dating is really hard. And I want to both end in that friendship conversation. I want your friend to be equipped to support you with, like, Let’s talk about creative problem solving as well as wow, that really sucks. It sounds like you are like going through [00:15:00] it, right?

[00:15:00] So this is the both end of like venting affirmation and constructive steps forward. So to prepare for any, I’m going back to the page, page 148. To prepare for any, Oh, no, no moments. It’s best to plan this conversation intentionally. And I found with vulnerable conversations like this one, preparation is the best way to get the most out of this plan.

[00:15:20] Whenever I know a hard or vulnerable conversation is coming up, I whip out my journal and use the framework and radical alignment by Alex Jamison and Bob Gower. I put these steps together for you to use at your leisure. In a journal, write out each of these things. Intentions. Why are you having this conversation?

[00:15:38] What do you desire here? Fears. In your brain, what’s the worst case scenario? For example, if they say something like, Oh, you can’t find a relationship by yourself? What’s wrong with you? That’s like worst case scenario land. Boundaries. This is your plan if and when an oh no no happens. For example, you can leave the table or you can say that’s not okay with me.

[00:15:58] It’s as simple and as [00:16:00] hard as that. Dreams. Last step. What is the best case scenario? Maybe they respond so well and with these new tools, they have someone in mind immediately for you. Maybe they make you feel so incredibly seen and held with their response. Now you’re officially ready for this coke and spirit or hang.

[00:16:17] So then on page 160, there’s literally a page and again, this is my galley, so it might be a little bit different in the hardcover, but there’s a page around 160. That you will fill out to give to your co conspirator with your all of your essence based preferences, your qualifying disqualifying questions so that your friend knows what to look for and what to ask before like asking someone out for you before setting you up and then step four is like.

[00:16:44] Getting going. So, um, inside of my program, I’ve, I’ve said this a couple of times, but inside of my program, two of my clients became friends and co conspirators. And, uh, one live, they lived across the country from one another and they [00:17:00] became co conspirators for one another. They were both single. They shared their EBPs and QD questions and were like really committed to looking out for each other.

[00:17:08] When the, uh, Client from Texas went to SF for a work trip. She was in the airport, found herself on a layover and struck up a conversation with this cute guy. Turns out he lived in San Francisco and she like asked him the QD questions, asked him if he was single and got good information. Like she was like, okay, check, check, check for my, my co conspirator friend.

[00:17:32] And then she was like, This is kind of random, but like, what’s bringing you joy lately? Like, that kept the conversation going. Asked like, are you single? He was. The Texas client set up the SF client with this guy from the airport and they started dating. It was so magical. And as long distance co conspirators, they had like regular check in calls with each other.

[00:17:50] They held each other accountable. They talked about their essence based preferences and their action plan. And that’s just like one example of how long distance co conspiratorship can [00:18:00] work. I had this pre order club. Before the book came out called the Thank You More Please Club, and we had some epic coaching calls.

[00:18:07] I wanted to help them get results from the book before it hit their doorstep because I hated delayed gratification. Now, the book is out now, so you don’t have to wait. Like, you can call your library. You can get the book from your bookstore. Like, you can order it right now. Get 24 hour shipping. La la la.

[00:18:21] So exciting. But the questions that I got from the co conspirator call for our Thank You More Please Club, they were so Good. And so I wanted to address those questions that they asked, because I know you’re probably asking them too. So I’m going to do like a rapid fire, frequently asked questions. Uh, and I’m going to share my hottest takes for these questions.

[00:18:43] What if my friend is introverted and not comfortable going up to a stranger and saying hello or striking up a new conversation? So this ties also into the question, what are the best personality traits for a co conspirator? So basically, you’re looking for someone who’s game, someone who’s willing to be courageous with you and [00:19:00] get themselves out of their comfort zone, too.

[00:19:02] So if you, if you have a friend who is not Going to go up to somebody new and say hello, then you can still ask them to help you. You can share your essence based preferences, your cutie questions, but I wouldn’t elect them to be your like chief co conspirator because you want this person to have the skill of.

[00:19:24] You know, like being willing to awkwardly go up to somebody and say hello or say, like, Hey, I know this is intense, but like, what’s bringing you joy? Like, I want this to feel fun to the right people. Um, so this person who’s more introverted can be like co conspirator light and, uh, the person who you elect to be your chief co conspirator needs to be somebody who’s like game, even if they’re not, yeah.

[00:19:47] The most socially, you know, like they don’t have to be the center of attention. They don’t have to be the social butterfly. They don’t have to be like confident all the time. It’s just that this person needs to be willing to go up [00:20:00] to someone new and say hello. Like that’s the, the basis. Another person asked, what if my friend has a new baby or what if my friend is deep in grief?

[00:20:10] What do I do if these people are not really mentally available? To that I say like you get to make that call only you know who is available for this co conspiratorship because it is an invitation to be intentional with you and to be an invitation to deeper friendship with you both and I think that different seasons are for different things in our friendships.

[00:20:32] So if a friend is deep in grief, it’s probably not the best season to elect them to be your co conspirator, chief co conspirator. If your friend just had a baby and is in the first six months, it’s probably not the best time to elect them to be your chief co conspirator because it just, friendship shifts in different seasons.

[00:20:49] And so you get to choose somebody who is in a season where they’re available to like go to a dinner with you. Sit down, hash out your prep, like talk about your preferences, get it [00:21:00] all on paper, talk about next steps, go out with you once a month at least or something like that. And if you struggle with asking for help from your friends, I just want to say I’m, I’m a human being right there with you.

[00:21:12] Um, I have struggled in the past to ask friends for help because of how I was raised, how I was socialized, how I was, you know, Um, conditioned to believe that I need to be pushing through all on my own, um, because of my insecurities from a young age of being like too much. Um, so I think that it’s a practice of stretching, uh, our ability to ask for support and help.

[00:21:37] And this is, again, Just good life living stuff, both. And if you want the right relationship, this is preparing you to be in the right relationship because in that relationship, you’re going to have to ask for help. You’re going to have to ask for help vulnerably. And I also think you need to ask for help to make your friendships more fulfilling and deeper.

[00:21:58] Not everything is in service of that [00:22:00] relationship in the future. However, I like to draw it there because I get the question a lot like, well, what does this have to do with my dating life? And I’m like, The way we do one thing is the way we do everything. So I think it’s important that you stretch yourself to ask for help, both for your own well being, for the deepening of your current friendships, to create more fulfillment in your life.

[00:22:19] And yes, to prepare you to ask for and receive support in your future. Future romantic partnership. So this is also an invitation to do a little friendship inventory, right? To see what do I need for my friends? Who’s showing up for me right now? Who am I showing up for right now? Where is it already being co created?

[00:22:38] Is there anywhere I’m doing a lot of emotional labor, a lot of emotional lifting, and, and is there any friendship that feels like I want to grow deeper into it, or I’ve outgrown it a little more like you’re taking inventory of who’s around you and what you need in the future. Again, Danielle Boehner Jackson, her book just came out called Fighting for our Friendships and I really, really recommend it.[00:23:00]

[00:23:00] Another question I got that was so good is what if dating has been easy for my friends? And this ties into another question that I got, which is like feeling shame about needing help in my dating life when my friends didn’t need this help. If this is for you, listen up, okay? It is very normal to judge yourself for needing help, full stop.

[00:23:21] Because we are wired to fear. Rejection because we are wired to need belonging because neurobiologically we fear rejection like we fear death, and you don’t want to be rejected or judged by the people in your life for asking for something that you perceive was really easy for them. So You don’t want to be put out of the group, right?

[00:23:41] Because you’re the weird one who needs help. And so you might hide from getting help because you’re afraid of what it means about you and you’re afraid of the thoughts you’re going to have about yourself for needing help. So if that’s you, take a deep breath. Your friends, the ones [00:24:00] who are right for you, want to learn how to love you better.

[00:24:04] Just like you want to learn how to love them better. So when a friend asks for you for support, ask yourself, like, how do I feel? Do you feel honored? Do you feel excited? Do you feel like, how do you feel? And just think about when somebody really close to you asks you for something, how do you respond? If this person is asking for things all the time that feel overwhelming, if it’s not reciprocal, that’s one thing.

[00:24:30] But if this is a reciprocal friendship, usually you’d feel pretty great about them asking you for help. And same, same for you. The thought that you’re behind or that it’s shameful that you need help is a thought and a feeling. Those are not facts. The thought is a survival mechanism, right? I’m behind. I’m broken for needing help, right?

[00:24:54] Oh, self compassion, self compassion, self compassion. This is a normal survival thought based on how I was raised. [00:25:00] This is really hard right now. I’m here for you. And then the feeling like, Oh, What if you gave yourself like, I’m willing to feel this feeling. It doesn’t mean it’s a fact. So like processing that shame with the tools that we talk about in this podcast, emotional granularity, self compassion, um, noticing where it is in your body and offering like, I’m willing to feel anything to be with you to process it.

[00:25:20] So that you can get out of the shame spiral and actually move forward and actually get more of what you want. Here’s a huge aha that I had in, in this process. And I want to pass along to you to see if it’s resonant by not asking for help. You’re already rejecting yourself and your desire. You’re already experiencing the worst case scenario because if you’re not asking for help, you’re not asking for a line support, then you’re rejecting your own desire and rejecting yourself saying it’s fine.

[00:25:50] It’s not a big deal, which is rejecting your own desire. And you don’t have to do that anymore. You can care for that desire. [00:26:00] compassionately and commission your friend to be a human being with you. You like allow your friend to see you as a human being with needs and desires. You having a desire makes you human.

[00:26:11] It doesn’t make you broken or pathetic. Also, let’s put out there that not all of your friends, whether they’re single or coupled, have all their shit figured out either, right? Like even your friends in relationships, like I hope they’re all in amazing relationships, but This is life work, like asking for help, owning what you want, engaging support.

[00:26:30] This is stuff that everybody has to do to live a more fulfilling life and you get to do that. This is your invitation. So that thought I’m willing to feel anything to be with you. There’s nothing that you can say, do or feel that would make me want to stop being your friend. Our thoughts by coach Simone soul that I love.

[00:26:46] And they’re going to really help you process those hard feelings to move through them so that your body is more available and you’re to like asking for help and your nervous system isn’t freaking out so hard. I also want to say stop projecting onto your [00:27:00] friends that they’re not going to be helpful. I want you to give them a chance.

[00:27:03] To be a better friend to you, and it’s not the people who say problematic stuff all the time, not the people who you don’t want to ask for help at all that you, you’re just like in your body. You’re just like, no, this is for people who you’re like, okay, this might be a good coke and spirit, but I’m really nervous.

[00:27:18] This is going to be vulnerable. It’s going to be a new level of friendship, and it’s going to be hard to ask for help. And asking for help doesn’t mean anything about you. Just like somebody would be like, Hey, I need to find a new job. Can you help connect me to people? You wouldn’t be like, Oh, what’s wrong with you that you can’t figure this out by yourself.

[00:27:37] You’d be like, Oh my God, let me help. It’s the same in your romantic life. Like people want to help you. What permission do you need to give yourself in this process? And here’s how to take the next steps, right? To recap what we’ve been talking about, identify. A couple of people who would be a good co conspirator.

[00:27:55] Prep your boundaries with those, Oh, no, no’s and the like [00:28:00] responses like, Hey, I just want to co create creative solutions with you. Like we’re brilliant. Let’s figure out some, some next steps. That would be fun. Going out on the town together. Well, every other week, um, being my wing person at events or bars or at work events or whatever.

[00:28:13] Then the third step, prep your communication framework. That’s the intentions. Fears, worst case scenario, the best case scenario, that’s the intentions, the fears, aka worst case scenario, the boundaries that you’re going to set, and then the dreams, prep that, then you’re going to have the co conspirator date and be intentional with the conversation and be like nimble in the conversation, be willing to ask for help, be willing to be vulnerable, and if you’re feeling really nervous, you can even start that.

[00:28:43] Start the conversation there. I’m nervous. And I want to ask you for some help. Then you can share your essence based preferences and your qualifying disqualifying questions and come up with a plan to do fun things together in person. And you can like ask like, okay, let’s put [00:29:00] on paper. Like, who do you know?

[00:29:01] Like, if you don’t know anybody who’s single right now, that doesn’t mean you won’t know somebody soon because somebody is moving here. Somebody is. Getting into a relationship, getting out of a relationship. There’s somebody in a neighboring town who just moved to the neighboring town. There are creative solutions here.

[00:29:17] What you want is possible. And co conspiratorship is an amazing next step to making the right relationship inevitable. Dating apps are good for two things. Getting to know your dating personality, which you’re also doing with co conspiratorship, your. Your boundaries, your dreams, your desires, your preferences, their dating apps are also good to expand your social circle, which is also the intention and point of the co conspirator strategy.

[00:29:40] So with this intentional strategy, you are building upon dating apps as the one tool. You’re building another tool in your toolkit to create juicy in person dating experiences. I cannot wait to hear about your courageous co conspiratorship. DM me on Instagram at date brazen with your co [00:30:00] conspirator updates.

[00:30:00] If you use this episode to build a co conspiratorship, let me know. Also, you can pick up my book. Thank you more, please. A feminist guide to breaking dumb dating rules and finding love. Anywhere books are sold to have the full in person dating strategy, the full full Kochan spirit or strategy. If you liked this episode, it would mean so much to me.

[00:30:21] If you left a review of the podcast on Apple podcasts or Spotify, those reviews help us so much. And I cannot wait to hear your thoughts on this episode. You’ve got this and I’ve got your back. [00:31:00] Bye.