She Moved Abroad, Quit Her Job & Took Her Life Back: Jackie’s Main Character Energy Story

Burned out, stuck, and shrinking herself to stay safe—Jackie thought joy was out of reach. In this powerful episode, she shares how she went from emotional exhaustion to building a joy-filled life abroad with purpose, friendship, and bold-ass moves. If you’re craving your own main character energy moment, this one’s for you.

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Show transcript:

00:00

Hey, gorgeous friends, welcome to another episode of the date brazen Podcast. I’m so glad that you’re here. I am thinking of you wherever you’re at right now, whether you’re listening to this on a walk or on your drive or sitting at your desk looking at your computer. Should be doing something for work, but instead you’re hanging out with me, and I am just so thrilled that you’re here. So I have been thinking about you as I am one to do, and I’ve been thinking about this idea of shooting your shot. I’ve been thinking a lot about this idea of main character energy, especially as our world and our country I’m in, the US feels so uncertain and hard, like how can main Why does main character energy matter, and how can it change your life and the lives of those around you? And I think that this idea of that I always talk about, that dating is a microcosm of our well being. It’s every hope, joy, dream, fear, insecurity, desire that we have as humans. Dating Matters to your well being, I think expanding even further your main character, energy, whether or not you are people pleasing, whether or not you are shrinking yourself and your desires, whether or not you are settling in your life right now, in love or work or friendships or elsewhere that matters to your well being and how you show up in the world matters to how you can make change in the world. And I know that a lot of y’all are probably struggling with burnout at work or in life in general. You might be struggling with people pleasing this like constant nagging voice in the back of your head saying, Don’t upset that person or or do this thing, because they’re gonna have this reaction, and you really need to measure for that, because if they get upset, then you’re gonna, you know, you’re gonna be unsafe emotionally or whatever, like this idea of people pleasing, I’ve noticed, as I really untangle it from my psyche, it is pervasive in ways that you may not even realize. Right now, people pleasing and perfectionism have wormed their way into how we’ve learned to survive for good reason, right? It makes sense why you are people pleasing. It makes sense why you might be stuck in cycles of trying to be perfect in order to survive both. And I think this moment is an enormous invitation, an enormous invitation for you to get really real and really honest with who you want to be moving forward, what kind of life you want to live moving forward, because, in the words of Mary Oliver, what are you going to do with this one wild and precious life? That question, I think, is more important right now than ever before, and if you are struggling with that nagging people pleasing voice in the back of your head. If you know that you are shrinking yourself and playing small in order to keep safe and in your little hidey hole, if you know that perfectionism and that high achieving tendency that you have is just making your life miserable, then I have a free training coming up for you on april 23 at 6pm Eastern. It’s called stop people pleasing and build a stupidly joyful life. It’s for late bloomers, self doubters and quiet dreamers. So if you’ve been feeling behind, if you’ve been feeling constantly self doubting, or if you have just been standing in the sidelines as sort of a background character in everyone else’s life. This training is for you. It’s time to become the main character of your whole fucking life without guilt, without overthinking or holding yourself back. It is on april 23 at 6pm Eastern, and at this free training, doors will open. Applications will open for my proven small group mastermind. So if you’ve wanted to work with me, not only on your love life, but on your life in general, to become the main character, to learn that skill set of main character energy. This is the mastermind for you in this program. The mission and the promise is that you are going to learn how to stop people pleasing, build rock solid self trust and become the main character of your life in six months or less, with our people pleasing, detox, our life essence based preferences and our 100 dares project where you’re going to claim 100 dares and start stepping into your most main character life possible, in your Love life, in your friendships, in your career, in every domain, every facet of your life, you’re going to step into main character energy. And it’s not only going to change your life, it’s going to heal your burnout so that you can start showing up more impactfully for others. And that’s what you’re going to hear in Jackie’s story, how she went from feeling so burned.

05:00

To a crisp, to where she didn’t even like, resting didn’t even resonate. She was like, so burned out. She was like, I don’t know what to do, but I feel completely stuck and paralyzed and exhausted. And laying down on a vacation is not helping to building the skill set of main character energy leaving that job that was burning her to a crisp, starting her own company, moving abroad to the place that she’d always wanted to live, building new friendships and and dating more joyfully with more freedom. And you’re going to hear that in Jackie’s story today about how main character energy, not only will change your life, but it has the capability to change how you show up in the world and make a deeper impact in the world as well. So just know that the mastermind is coming. And if you’ve wanted to work with me at a higher level in a more intimate space, this is for you, and we open at this free training on april 23 at 6pm Eastern. So you can sign up right now at date brazen.com/joyful-life,

06:06

or you can look at the description and in the show notes. And with that, let’s get into this episode with Jackie 

06:17

Hey, I’m Lily Womble, former top matchmaker and founder of date brazen. After setting up hundreds, I realized that with coaching, women could match themselves better than anyone else ever could. With my unconventional feminist approach, I’ve helped women around the world build courageous and self trust filled love lives, and now I’m here to support you. Get ready, because I’m about to show the exact steps you need to attract a soul quenching partnership and feel amazing about yourself along the way. This is the date brazen podcast

06:45

today. I have one of the sparkliest humans. I told her before we hit record. She literally is giving like main character in a romance novel energy at the end of the book. You know what I’m saying? Like the feeling that I get off of her is magnetic. And I’m so excited to talk to her. She was a part of main character energy mastermind. She was one of our members. And I’m so excited to chat. Hey, Jackie, hi, hi. What feels important for people to know about you before we dive into the mastermind I am, I mean, just constantly in transition, but a recovering environmental justice consultant and current researcher of joy, looking for ways to support women, in particular, racial justice advocates through my work with BG, veritable good consulting, amazing and tell the great people. I know where we met first, and I know how that you know how that how it felt, and

07:59

how much of a joy it was to meet you at the very beginning of our journey together. But let’s go back. Let’s turn the clock back a little bit and start at when How did you like come upon main character, energy, mastermind, and what drew you to apply and like? What was that like for you?

08:21

Yeah, so I found you during the pandemic, and I Googled feminist dating because I wasn’t sure that that was a real thing

08:34

popped up, and I can’t even remember the specific episode that it was, but I think that you know you were doing a deep dive on it, and

08:44

yeah, your values, everything that you were saying, just really aligned with my own. And it was just such a beautifu 

08:54

space to happen upon, especially during the pandemic. And so I would listen to it while I was walking around the Capitol in Sacramento, and I was listening for a while. And romance is definitely an area of my life that I’m interested in focusing some attention, but I recognize that there was some repair that needed to happen in some other areas, maybe not necessarily before, but definitely in fandom. And so while I was heating all of your beautiful advice when I heard the main character, energy mastermind, I was in Los Angeles at that point and was trying to figure out where I was going to go next and what I was going to do next. And you seem to be offering a space that was built specifically for women who were trying to figure that out and who wanted to level up and to transition in their lives. And yeah, it was that the one on one call that we had that really sealed the deal for me, that I don’t know even in that one on.

10:00

Call you make me feel very, very seen. Do you remember how you were feeling? Take us back to what, what was going on for you at that point.

10:09

I laugh because, you know, I feel like there’s a part of me that wants to be like that was so long ago, and I’ve grown so much, and I’ve changed so much, but, I mean, it’s just been non stop transition. It’s been really big decisions, really big changes, and most of them have been terrifying, but also just being able to trust myself in those choices and in those spaces has brought a lot of unexpected joy, a lot of unexpected experiences and a lot of unexpected

10:43

pleasure. You know, I feel, yeah, good about

10:46

the decisions that I’m making. Yeah, do you mind if I share a little bit of what I remember from our conversation? I am horrified.

10:59

I think that you’re doing this thing where you don’t remember. I don’t know that many clients who have had a big transition for over a six, eight month period would necessarily remember or want to touch down on some of some of the harder moments before deciding to get support. So I just want to be sort of a witness to Jackie, you know, eight months ago, maybe a little bit longer now, when we first had our call one on one to see if this was the right fit for you, I remember that you had an idea of where you wanted to go and who you wanted to become, but I also remember that it felt impossible, right? Do you what? What comes up when I say that, Oh, 100%

11:52

I

11:54

was so burnt out and exhausted and I was unable to really process everything that, you know, had happened over the course of the pandemic, the things with work and you know, I couldn’t see the forest through the trees. Yeah, I just remember, especially in our one on one, I couldn’t stop talking about how I was a background person and that I wanted to be a main stage person, I wanted to be at the front, but that I just, I feel comfortable. I feel the most comfortable being being backstage,

12:30

um, but yeah, it’s the, it’s the transition, and it’s the, it’s the growth, and yeah, I’m,

12:41

I remember that feeling extremely hard and extremely painful. And even,

12:49

I think once I got to Glasgow and we had our one on one session, I think before we the the program even got started, and I know I cried,

13:02

that’s most do. Yeah, right, but it was just feeling like I couldn’t see anything. I just couldn’t had no vision. I was just exhausted, and I didn’t have the capacity to see anything for me anymore. I just want to lay down. Yeah? Yeah. And as I recall, you gave yourself a lot of permission to lay down.

13:26

I did. And you also you just threw the Glasgow thing. And the people at home do not know that you decided to make an international move near the beginning of your you think you had already decided, like, that’s what you wanted when you joined. But there was a lot of like, pressure and voices from a lot of different places that were like, Why would you do that? That’s not stable, that’s not a good decision. That’s not going to serve you, that’s not going to you needed a career, and you need a job, and you’ve done this non profit thing for so long, why would you ever, ever stop doing this exhausting job that you’ve had forever 100%

14:04

and

14:06

there is something to be said. I mean, it’s a privilege to do the work that I do 100,000%

14:13

but I think that also, as a black woman, that there is a sense of obligation that’s in brained culturally, and that like we are to be of service. And so when I was even having this conversation about the things that I wanted to do, a lot of the pushback was, you know, abandoning people, abandoning communities, and abandoning the work, which just made me feel 1000 times worse, because I knew that where I was at and what I was doing wasn’t working, and then I wanted something else, and I wanted to be somewhere else, but I just felt so torn up inside about this idea of, you know, abandoning my community. How did you make 

15:00

Move through that. It sounds like some shame and sounds like some just like pressure. Well, how did you move through that? I mean, I it’s still a struggle every single day,

15:12

because that’s it is intrinsically a part of who I am as a person. And I’ll never stop being an advocate, and I’ll never stop doing the work, but you have to take some time and some space to figure out how to take care of yourself in that because you can be in service of no one if you can’t take care of yourself. So pausing right there, Jackie, that sentence that you just said, I can tell you believe it now, right? But there were like months that it did not feel true, that like, Yeah, that’s true for other people. Other people get to put themselves first, but I don’t. It’s not possible for me for these, you know, very valid reasons, you know. So what gives what? How did you? What do you? How do you think you transitioned? I think this is helpful for everybody to hear just whether it’s about the mastermind or not, but you have been on this journey of, like, truly believing, right? And transitioning from that sounds good on paper, not for me to this is what I believe now, and it’s a struggle, but it’s what I believe, and it’s what I’m living. How did you get there? I mean, it’s a lot of deprogramming, yeah, first. And, I mean, it took me the I mean, the sabbatical was supposed to be two or three months, yeah, yeah. And I remember you were when we first taught you were in where you were in California, but you were at a friend’s home, right? And you were like, I’m going on this sabbatical. Like, I don’t know what it’s gonna be. I don’t know how long I’m gonna be cut to eight months later, you’re Yeah, somewhere else.

16:45

At that point, I had come back from the sabbatical, and I was having, I was having a difficult time staying so I was trying to figure out what it would look like for me to come back to everything. And I it. The resistance was just so strong. It took me a good couple of months just to relax, once you have experienced a state of burnout. I mean, it’s a different amount of time that takes everybody to recover. And I mean, could spend a lifetime recovering, but it was a good couple of months before I could even relax, which was, you know, just the first portion of the actual sabbatical, and then I was back, and it was just, I was immediately just depressed, and I felt trapped. I felt a lot of shame about wanting, wanting something else, about thinking about something else.

17:41

Yeah, well, I had been traveling. I mean, Scotland is not anywhere that I thought would resonate in the slightest. But it, it did something, you know, like, I keep coming back.

17:57

Well, I’m, I’m curious. Okay, so let’s get to the point where, okay, you’re just to set the scene. You had gone on this sabbatical, you’d come back, you were in this job that you felt like, wow, it’s a place where I’m of service. But I don’t think that this is my long term fit, but I but I don’t know what to do you. And I had a conversation what led you to, and I want to acknowledge that your journey to right now is because of the myriad of things that you’ve done to pour into yourself this mastermind being one piece of a large, larger puzzle of figuring out what your agency is telling you to do. So just want to put that out there as an acknowledgement, as an acknowledgement. And so what led you to decide to invest this amount of money, this amount of time, this amount of energy, into a program, into the mastermind? Well, let me say, first of all that it has been a large piece, great. The main character, energy program anchored me, you know, like I was still kind of grasping, I was still kind of searching, I was still kind of spinning, I was trying to figure stuff out, and it anchored me in a way that I really, really, really needed, and the community that was built in that space just incredible. You know, I had a call with Mishi and ash Winnie. I was either yesterday or the day before yesterday, just checking in and catching up and yeah, yeah. It was not a small piece. It was a large piece. I wanted to join the brazen breakthrough, but I wanted to focus on more than just the romantic aspect. I wanted something that was going to allow me to breathe into, to grow into the spaces that I needed to regardless of what my romantic conditions were, yeah, but I also loved that during our one on one, you were like, That’s cute. But also like.

20:00

Like, we’re not going to forget about romance, yeah, and love is a very important piece and component to this. So I want you to grow in whatever way that you’re going to grow, but also, like, be thinking about this. And, yeah, it gets to take up space too, correct? Yeah. So what led you to invest that amount of money, time and energy? Like, what was the impetus for, like, Okay, this is for me, truly, it was the one on one, yeah, I’d been a long time listener, and there really wasn’t much that was preventing me at that point. I wanted to level up, yeah, and you were offering a space to do that while also healing. Does that make sense? Yeah, it makes total sense. Makes total sense. And it’s such a an expansive program in that it’s six months. It’s like we’re going deep. It’s such a What are you thinking? So I try to explain this to my friends, right? Because I’m like you, wishes me to do this

21:08

because I recognize in each of them it’s really strong, feminist, independent women who don’t feel like they’re being met by romantic opportunities that meet them where they’re at and they’re spinning their wheels and they’re upset and disappointed by the experiences that they’re having. And not to say that that’s not a space that you should focus on, but if you what was helpful for me was shifting that attention towards me and focusing on what I want and what I need and how I want to grow, instead of trying to keep myself small and making myself appealing for,

22:01

you know, whatever’s out there, yeah. I mean, online dating is just a hot mess, such a hot mess. Any of the platforms that you know have been created with the intention of developing spaces for safe spaces for women inevitably get overtaken or dominated by all the systemic issues that, you know we see, white supremacy and misogynist and, you know, everybody racist, and it just, it’s not a hospitable place when that’s the pool, the dating pool, that you’re swimming in, you know, that’s, that’s a lot of pee, that’s a lot of pee in the pool.

22:43

That’s a lot of be in the pool, and that’s a great analogy. I love it. Gotta get out. You gotta get out. You gotta get out, and you gotta find some other way to find that level of relief again, like I think about my my friends who are going through this, and it’s so hard to explain it, because I’m like, this is probably everything that you’re looking for.

23:10

Those are the things that you need. They’re also a lot of them are independent, not necessarily contractors, but they certainly work independently. And again, like not having community while you’re trying to figure out all of these things is a really tough place to be. I know what you think that this might be, but in actuality, like, I guarantee you that it aligns, Yeah, completely, you know, like a heavy percentage, if not 100% with what your values are, yeah, a lot 100% with what my values were, yeah, and it is. It’s a safe space. It’s a good safe space to, I don’t know, to

23:55

find something better, to do something better, to get the level of support that you need, so that you stop thinking of yourself as the problem. I think that’s exactly it, right, like you, when I think back to your story and obviously not disclosing anything that we haven’t already, you know, hinted at, we’re not going to, I’m not going to totally like this is a safe space as well. I’m not going to, you know, talk about the things that are confidential. And I do want to mention, you know, when you were in the job that felt like the only thing that you could do because of the structures and the the system that you live within that says you must be serving other people. You must be giving back all the time, no matter what. Doesn’t matter how you feel, the feeling of trapped, I’m trapped in that and nothing else will feel better, like it’s actually not possible. I remember you saying things like, I don’t think it’s possible for me to create the job that I really want. I don’t think it’s possible for me to get funding for the thing that I really want to do. I don’t think this was so 

25:00

In that it’s not possible. You’re centering that which was wrong for you in whether or not you believe what you want is possible in the future. 1,000%

25:13

Yeah, which is very normal. But what are you thinking? I you know, I both wish that the program was longer and happened to be happy that it was only six months, you know, like I’m the kind of person who likes to leave a situation wanting more, and that’s definitely how I felt in that space. The absence of it is very apparent. Like I’m happy that I have those relationships and those connections that I built, and I have the workbook that I can still reflect on and go back to,

25:47

that’s a very potent space. It’s a very potent space. Well, I’m honored that you feel that way. That’s the intention, you know. And I think, as Oprah said in the making Oprah podcast, in the Oprah show was deep because I intended it to be the the main character, energy mastermind, was deep because I intended it to be and the group that is attracted to that container is going to co create a really magical once in a lifetime space. It’s happened every single time we’ve done it, and you get 100% of what you put into it. I really appreciated the fuck the workbook at the beginning, giving yourself some permission on how you want to participate. But I’ve never seen such a successful model of you get what you put into it. You get out put into it like is exactly that, however much growth you are looking to make, if you put in the effort like that’s what’s going to come out on the other side of that. Yeah, and it was, was amazing to see what we were able to accomplish over the course of just six months. Yeah. I mean, because it’s, it’s a lot, and it moves really, really quickly, and it doesn’t feel it’s, there’s nothing about it that feels heavy, and there’s no sense of obligation, and you move through it so quickly, like, at least for me, like that, you don’t realize within the first couple of months, sort of how quickly you’re moving and how much you’re processing. But, yeah, the reflection certainly is like, Well, God damn.

27:22

I remember when I you know, at the beginning of the mastermind, for those listening, we create a list of things that you want to believe. By the end, you know what? What are things you want to believe about yourself, about your main character, energy, about your future, about who you are. And about halfway through the program, we we did an exercise where they went back the members went back to the beginning of the workbook, saw what they wanted to plan to believe, and all of you were already at at the point you wanted to be at the end right now, like in the middle, you know. And then we could just go into bonus golden hours, you know, because the work that you had done to believe, like, maybe I am worthy of a job that I feel supported by and good within. Maybe I am worthy of a love life that feels

28:11

equal and sparkly and sexy and reciprocal, you know, like you were already there, and then what we had to do is just like, put actions in place to continue to bolster those beliefs and bolster the worthy action you were taking. Is the main character of your story. 100 

28:29

I had a really difficult time getting my brain to step away from work, because, like, obviously, like, what I have to come back to, and I have to figure that out. And so that was a struggle for me throughout the entire process. But what happened was my relationship to it improved in such a way that I was able to make that into a joyful space, because I got to imagine what it could look like when I enjoy it, which is fun, it’s giving, which ironically or unironically, is also still me supporting other people like that doesn’t go away, yeah, but it’s just how I do that and How I live and operate in that space is also included, yeah, and the other thing is,

29:28

I don’t know, like this is sort of what has happened since the program ended, but the reflections that I’ve been having on The way that I’ve been participating in romantic relationships has definitely shifted. I’m aware of it, because I have friends like I said. I’m like, girl, you gotta go to this program. You gotta do this thing. Because I’m watching them go through and experience the same thing. And you know, I’m like, I know what it feels like to opt.

30:00

Operate, and to think about these things from a place of scarcity that you know, like what you want doesn’t exist, and just it’s a reinforced experience based on you trying to, you know, play in the pee pee pool.

30:21

Don’t play in the pee pee pool. You gotta get out of the pee pee pool.

30:27

The funniest thing that has been said on this podcast ever continue, the level of clarity that I’ve had more recently around my own intentions has just been apparent, and it’s not even something that I’m specifically trying to focus on, yeah, but I’m just, yeah, there’s just a different level of awareness that I’ve been experiencing around what I want, because I’ve had some practice. I’m building some muscle memory around what that looks like in the other life. And so now that, like, work is kind of coming together. The living situation is kind of coming Wait, wait, wait, wait, excuse me. I’m sorry. We have to coach. We have to coach right now. Jackie, how is it just kind of coming together?

31:20

I thought, go ahead,

31:24

nothing’s permanent. But I did find out today that I got the apartment that I wanted, um, here in Edinburgh.

31:36

Thank you more please. Thank you more please. No, like, that’s an example. That’s it, Jackie, it’s kind of coming together. And then I, I pushed back, and then you said, but nothing’s permanent. Life isn’t permanent, right? You get to claim, and this is why I love coaching, is because there are little, these little micro inflection points where our brain wants to be safe. It’s going to dress rehearse tragedy. It’s going to make sure that we’re like everything is 100% figured out before we take action, and then doesn’t know that, and then we end up paralyzed and not taking action because we were waiting for things to be perfect. You’re engaging in imperfect action, yeah? And all you have to do now is claim that it’s working out because it is. Yeah. And

32:24

it is uncomfortable. It is uncomfortable. Say more. I mean, yeah, it’s

32:32

but I don’t think that I would be trying, you know, if it was, if it was comfortable, I was comfortable. I was, you know, doing okay, but pushing myself, is, it’s fucking terrifying. It is absolutely terrifying. It’s scary to want things. It’s scary to desire things that yes and fear of rejection, and, you know, all these other things, and so

33:02

I just find that I have an easier time coaching myself through these things. Now,

33:10

still love to be in your mastermind.

33:14

Well, we’re resigning soon. So it’s it’s all good, no, but I love that. I mean main character energy, to me is about imperfect action towards what you want, which imperfectly admitting what you want, and as you’re sharing, it’s uncomfortable and you’re, you’re, I mean, I just want to reflect back to you like from the outside in. And I know nothing is ever completely perfect, it sounds like to me, you’re getting everything that you want right now. This is true, and I have a date.

33:50

So thank you more please. Thank you more please. How does that feel? It feels good and and it feels different. I The being able to be reflective, being able to access that tool is very helpful. And I think, like, that’s what I got out of the program. Was just a really good fucking toolbox. And I know, like when I start spilling, I spinning. I call it my, my stack, my self care, Action Plan, love so I block out some time on my calendar, like once a week, where it’s like, you gotta, you gotta do it. And it’s, what do you do? Meditation on younger you. Oh, yeah, it is, which is in the portal for everybody who is listening in the portal, for the mastermind, how to feel your feelings. Mm, hmm, also in the portal. Yep, there’s another one. It’s an exercise that you did, but I have four. I have four activities that I include. And.

35:00

So I know, like, when I start to spin, that’s like, alright, like, let’s come back. Let’s check in thoughts, your feelings are not facts. You know, it’s a really good toolbox. It’s a really good toolbox. Yeah, and

35:17

like, being able to be reflective. I like, even this week,

35:23

this date, I’ve been very nervous about because, you know, I’m like, I want it,

35:30

yeah, but I have also just been thinking about the experiences that I’ve had that have gone well, that I’ve really enjoyed, and that have taught me something about what I like and what I want and what I need, so I feel prepared to identify those things and to I have a metric through my own experience, through which I can measure like however this is going to go, which makes me feel a lot better about it. Well, I don’t know how this is gonna go. Yeah, yeah, you have your own back, right? This is different because you have your own back. It’s not that I like to say like dating like people in the dating world don’t necessarily change. Like the wrong people for you are gonna be the wrong people for you. It’s also not that dating apps are going to be like amazing after you did no your brain is the one that’s changing your self trust is the thing that’s changing your you know, lens through which you see the world and you give yourself permission is changing, and that, in turn, does change everything, right? Because you’re in control of what you’re in control of, instead of trying to control things that, like the pee pee pool, that you’re not in control of at all.

36:49

Correct, correct. What lesson stands out to you in the six months? I mean, just one,

37:01

what was one of your favorites or one that you like? Think about often? I feel like it’s hard for me to parse this out, because I I keep thinking about my self care action plan. Yeah, it does feel like one one thing, doesn’t it like there were weekly lessons, but it does feel I’m hearing that as well. Like it sounds like it feels like a conjoined unit, right? It isn’t one thing, and all of the things build on each other. Yeah? Each one is better, and you eventually get to like, self gratitude, yeah, yeah, self application, yeah. I mean, I’m just, honestly, I’m just grateful for the toolbox, yeah, having all of those resources and having have been in a space where, I mean, it’s just such an incredible group of people, anytime you can get incredible humans together, you know, yeah, who

38:04

are oriented around similar goals, similar values, you’re going to get really dynamic results, learning all of those things on my own would have been nice, but it would have been like, okay, yeah, I read that. Thanks.

38:21

But hearing the experiences of everybody else in the group, getting the coaching, watching the coaching, just really helps to bring everything together. You know, it’s, it’s a recipe. There isn’t one ingredient in there that for me, at the very least, it’s not one ingredient that I want to take home with me. I’m like, I want the whole cake. And there you are with wanting things.

38:50

What did ash Winnie say? I mean, what didn’t she say? Back, truly, the most quotable person I’ve ever had in a group coaching program. I think what you’re mentioning is about, like, hearing other people engage and embody and belong to their own main character. Energy. Huge. That was huge, like, from where she started in the beginning. Yeah, I can’t I am unmatched, or I am irreplaceable, or what was somethin 

39:25

well and I every there wasn’t a single person in the cohort who I can’t tell a story about. You know how they you included just like so deeply, because I would love you to tell the the listeners, like, where are you now? Like, what is your what is your work life look like now, obviously, you have a sexy date tonight. Today, you got approved for an apartment Edinboro, which you have now, like, decided that you’re, like, kind of permanently moving to I, like, I What? Like?

40:00

Okay, continue. Where are you now? Right?

40:05

Well, I was in Portugal for two months, and I spent a month in Lisbon and a month in Porto, and that was really to do some deep digs and deep dives on how I want this next phase of work to come together. Yeah, like I said at the at the top, I’m really interested in trying to figure out how to spread the Gospel, how to support women’s of what gospel just to be, to be extra clear, of rest of self care, joy of thinking more please. Yeah, yeah. Whatever is the world feels like a terrible place all the time, and there’s lots of that information.

40:55

I think that being able to find your own joy and happiness and self care in the middle of all of that allows you to amplify whatever impact it is that you’re trying to make. And I mean, that’s just, that’s how I feel is,

41:13

yeah, I don’t want to stop what I’m doing. I just want to, I want to be better at it. I want to have a larger impact around it. Make sure that the people who are doing it a little more specifically around the women and women of color, but I want to make sure that they are resourced, you know, racial advocates, the level of burnout, I mean, before the pandemic was gnarly, post pandemic is just, I mean, I’ve never heard the words radical more times in my life. I just want to figure out how I can support folks. And, you know, I just, when I say that I’m an, you know, amateur researcher of joy, but I’m, I’m kind of serious about it. You’re not an amateur researcher of joy. I don’t think, no, you’re doing a whole, full fledged,

42:04

like project with proposals and funding, right? Tell us more about this. Well 

42:12

I mean, it’s sort of backwards, because the the research project that I’m doing right now originally was built around the concept of examining the mortality rates of environment, viral justice of racial justice advocates, but we decided to shift our focus to burnout, yeah, because it was like, well, let’s talk about stress impacts. Let’s not just talk about what happens at the end of their lives. Let’s talk about these conditions, and it’s largely burnout. So we’re conducting some research right now with the UC Davis Center for Regional change and having conversations with racial justice advocates about what their experiences are, how they are coping, what coping skills they have, what what they need, what’s absent, and none of it would be unremarkable to hear. It is probably already what you imagined, and probably more severe. But all of these people, all of them you know, just deserve some rest and some joy and some peace. And so I am initiating some conversations around what it Yeah, could potentially look like to build some some support around,

43:25

however many of these folks I can get to, but this next phase of whatever we’re going to be doing to engage with the world and to engage with all the things that are going on, we Better be rested, right? Gotta be caring for ourselves, right? And how does Joy play into that? I know joy is a part of a study, if not this study, yeah, because we’re we’re hoping to make recommendations, right? What that can look like in in terms of the support that they need, community is a really big one, even just in the conversations that we’ve had just being able to see each other and talk to each other, you know, like it’s, and literally, at this point, we’re just having, these are just conversations like you want to share, yeah, but then they know each other, and it’s, you know, it’s a community, it’s a community.

44:19

And so I’m like, how do we tap into that? Yeah, the community piece or spaces, yeah, where they can talk to each other and rest with each other and play with each other and eat delicious food and like, how do we tap into that?

44:38

Imagine what these people who are already doing such incredible work could accomplish if they were also getting mental health, physical health, childcare support, they didn’t have to worry about housing like if we invested in them the same way that we do it. You know some of these other CEOs 

45:00

Just think about the level of impact, arrested woman, arrested racial justice advocate,

45:08

yes, well, Jackie, I’m just so excited for what you’ve created in a relatively short amount of time. I mean, if you think about, you know, we probably spoke in August. It is currently end of March. So, September, October, November, December, January, February, March. Like seven months, you truly have created a container to support, just to reflect back and like verbally, you know, affirm the shit out of you. You have created a completely different life for yourself that sounds like from from my perspective as your coach and and and cheerleader and I just am hearing you’ve created a job that suits your life. You’ve created opportunities to change other people’s lives because you are now more well rested. You are living in the space that you want to live in. You are figuring it out, even though it’s messy and scary and unclear sometimes and unsure sometimes. I mean, you were sharing. It’s been a journey to get this apartment that has been difficult, like it doesn’t negate the hard that still exists. But I just am so excited for you, and so proud of you. Thank you.

46:28

I’m excited too

46:31

well,

46:33

because you were talking beforehand, I was telling you, like all the things, yeah,

46:39

and it is, it’s it’s hard, it’s hard. This didn’t make things easy, but it made it, made it more joyful. It made it easier for me to see like, yeah, couldn’t I can get a lot of things done if I can visualize what they look like and how they need to come together. I was just, I couldn’t see anything anymore, and I was like, I don’t want to see anything anymore. I just want to lay down. Come find me. If you need me, I’ll be, you know, laid out. Yeah. So it was really nice to be engaged in a way that allowed me to both see myself in a life that I want to continue participating in, I don’t know, just being able to imagine like that’s that’s the fun part. The hard part is building it and actually getting the fun part is realizing that you can make it look like whatever you want. Yeah. What would you say to somebody who is interested in doing the mastermind main character into mastermind and it’s on the fence, get off that fence. Get out of the peepee pool.

47:56

Yeah. I know it’s a tough decision because it’s a considerable amount of money you have to decide on how you want to invest in yourself. And I have not seen many actually, where dating is, because I haven’t seen feminist dating anywhere else you were literally the only thing that popped up when I Googled it. But I haven’t, I haven’t seen anybody else who is taking this approach, who is trying to get things accomplished in the same way that you are, which is really rooted in building community and

48:34

the space and ability for women to believe in themselves. It’s hard because it sounds it sounds like a dream. It sounds like, yeah, okay, right,

48:47

yeah. But good for Jackie, good for Jackie, but not for me. And maybe when you were listening to a podcast episode of an other mastermind client before you signed up, you were like, good for them, but not for me. I’m trapped definitely well. And I was like, I don’t have that kind of money. You do that because you have that kind of money. But I did just get to a point where I was like, I need something different. Yeah, something has to be different. I need to be different. And it resonated with me. It resonated with me, and it was worth more pennies than I gave

49:23

Yeah, well, I’m so glad that you trusted yourself into that decision, right? Like you listened to yourself, you trusted yourself, and I love to I mean, this is true of every client I’ve ever worked with. If you trust yourself into your yes, then you are guaranteed to get massive results that you can’t even plan for, like, could you have planned for this life that you’re living at this current moment, right now, eight months ago? Not even a little bit. I was so terrified. I was just like, I didn’t know where I was going to go, I didn’t know what I was going to do, I didn’t know where I was going to live. I just knew that I.

50:00

Couldn’t stay where I was and I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing.

50:04

And no, like I could not. I did not have the mental, emotional, physical capacity to entertain anything like this. I just didn’t have it in me. What changed? To have it in you, to try it was the healing in I was using REST as a hoping mechanism. I was using REST like, don’t talk to me. I’m laying down or I’m zoning out. I’m, you know, like I was using rest in a in a not so great way. And I through this process I’ve started, I’ve been able to use rest as a as a gift to myself and as a mechanism of healing. Some of that, it has to be permissive. You have to give yourself permission for that, because if you don’t, there’s some shame in it that, like you don’t deserve to be resting, or you don’t want anybody to know that you’re resting, you know.

51:12

But when you can give yourself some permission for that, then it shifts the way that you engage in, that you’re not trying to hide, and you’re not like laying down until you have to get up again. It is going to take some time. Yeah, the permission piece, right? Yeah. Well, I am so excited to hear about this date that you have tonight, and I’m so excited please post pictures of your new apartment in the Slack channel, if you feel available, if that feels good, we all want to celebrate and see and I’m so grateful that you came on, Jackie, thank you for sharing your story, and thank you for being vulnerable enough to say yes to yourself and to say yes to what you wanted In general, right? That’s what led you to here, is being supported, being in community, saying yes to what you wanted, and now you’re, like we talked about so often, the identity of I get everything I want, right? And I think that you’re an embody of that, embodiment of that. That was a tough one, yeah, that too 

52:20

me quite a bit of time to get around. And I had it on a post it note, and I would take it down when people would come over, because I didn’t want anybody to know that I was thinking that. Yeah, I said it on Mike at my wedding, and I,

52:38

like, literally, was like, I’m so grateful to be here. I’m so grateful you all are here. And aren’t I lucky that I get everything I want? And then I like, over thought it. I was like, oh shit. I shouldn’t have said that. Like, oh my god. Whoever gonna people think I am like, oh god. Over thought it for a week. I was like,

52:56

so it is a it’s for those listening, it’s not saying that hard shit doesn’t happen. Life is still 50, 5050, great, 50, shitty. And it’s a belief right that shapes your reality, right that is difficult to employ, but when you do, you could be like Jackie going a fabulous state and getting an apartment in Edinburgh, where you exactly where you want to live, and building a business that’s going to change millions of to change millions of lives. I don’t

53:25

know anything’s possible. Results vary, you know, based on what you want. Um, well, thank you, Jackie, so grateful for you. Thank you. Thank you more please. Thank you more please. If you want to join main character energy mastermind, go to the link in the description of this episode, and you can find out more talk to y’all soon.

53:44

Thanks for listening to the date brazen podcast. If you liked this episode, then you’re going to freaking love my book. Thank you. More please. It’s my proven step by step feminist guide to breaking dumb dating rules and finding love. You can buy it anywhere books are sold, and then get a juicy bonus at date brazen.com/book 

54:03

The bonus is the dating life fix my top 10 podcast episodes to get Unst right now and be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. You’ve got this and I’ve got your back. You.