Are you tired of swiping left and right, endlessly scrolling through dating apps, hoping to find a genuine connection? In this episode, Lily welcomes Maxine Simone Williams, the creative powerhouse behind a New York City-based initiative, We Met IRL, reshaping how people meet and mingle, diving deep into the world of speed dating and real-life encounters.

Maxine shares her journey of building We Met IRL and why her speed dating events make dating fun again. Plus, Lily and Maxine tackle common dating concerns like handling rejection at speed dating events or overcoming social barriers for the shy and introverted. 

Tune into this episode as Lily and Maxine journey beyond the screens, where in-person connections thrive.

They get into:

• Dating assumptions that these events challenge  – making dating fun again! 

• Are dating apps the only way people are meeting people?

• Instagram vs Phone Number: what to give out when meeting IRL

• What if nobody chooses me at speed dating

• How to go about meeting people in real life or speed-dating if you are shy or introverted 

Links:

Pre-order Lily’s upcoming book, Thank You, More Please!
Get Instant Access to Creating a Confident and Joyful-as-fuck Dating Life That Makes the Right Relationship Inevitable

We Met IRL on TikTok @wemetirl
We Met IRL on Instagram @wemetirl

Show transcript:

[00:00:00] Lily: Hey, I’m Lily Womble, former top matchmaker and founder of Date Brazen. After setting up hundreds, I realized that with coaching, women could match themselves better than anyone else ever could. With my unconventional feminist approach, I’ve helped women around the world build courageous and self trust filled love lives, and now I’m here to support you.

[00:00:23] Get ready because I’m about to show you the exact steps you need to attract a soul quenching partnership and feel amazing about yourself along the way. This is the Date Brazen Podcast. Hello, gorgeous friends. Welcome to another episode of the date brazen podcast. I am so pumped to talk to you today with the fabulous guests that we have.

[00:00:43] Maxine Simone Williams is a creative producer based in New York city and the founder of we met IRL, a business she founded in January, 2022, which orchestrates pop up singles events for queer folks, for straight folks, Catering to [00:01:00] people ages 25 to 35 in various cities around the U S including New York city and Washington, DC.

[00:01:06] She manages a dedicated team of five event producers in New York and DC and create seamless, joyful, connective, juicy events for single people to meet each other. IRL off the apps. And so we’re going to talk all about speed dating today. We’re going to talk about Maxine, how she started this business. I’m so excited to get into it and to also give you some practical wisdom around speed dating and how to meet folks IRL.

[00:01:33] So welcome Maxine.

[00:01:36] Maxine: Thank you. I’m so excited to be here. Thanks for having me.

[00:01:39] Lily: So fun to be here. So we met, um, in person at the Tamron hall show.

[00:01:44] Maxine: Yes, we did,

[00:01:45] Lily: which you were a star

[00:01:47] Maxine: and so are you. We were shining girl.

[00:01:49] Lily: We, we were shining. Thank you more, please. And I also feel like you were sharing about your single life and then sharing about your business, which is like so [00:02:00] perfect.

[00:02:00] So it was so wonderful to meet you there. And then I realized I had seen your stuff on Tik TOK before then. And yeah, cause all my clients are asking, you know, a lot of them, Ask often about in person events, single, like speed dating stuff. And so I just want to bring in the podcast to talk about it. So I would love to know, like, how did you start?

[00:02:20] We met IRL. Take us back. What, how did you start this? How did you get into this?

[00:02:25] Maxine: I started IRL for a combination of reasons. Mainly though, because the pandemic happened, I was 24 years old and that year I was so excited to date. I mean, everyone had a lot of plans for 2020, um, but that was all put on hold.

[00:02:42] And by 2021, it was like, okay, it’s like kind of not the pandemic, but it still is. I feel like dating apps started to make a shift. I felt like people weren’t putting in as much effort. There was a lot of screen fatigue happening and I just felt genuinely frustrated with [00:03:00] the options that were catered to me.

[00:03:03] I’ve always craved like some type of space to meet people in real life. I found myself Always having conversations with my friends, like, what if we just had a meet cute? Like, why can’t I meet somebody in person? And I remember one night, me and my friend were like, let’s go to like, a speed dating event.

[00:03:19] We searched it on Eventbrite. I went to it. We went together and. We went and it just wasn’t really diverse. And it seemed like it was catered for more like an older age range, like thirties and above, and we’re 25 at that point. So after that event, I was like, I feel like I could do this better. Um, my friend was like, we’ll do it then.

[00:03:41] And I was like, okay, maybe I will. And I like posted a poll on my Instagram. Like, oh, if I did an event, would you go? Why or why not? And a lot of people were super honest about why they would or wouldn’t. Okay. And why they’re open to it. And I just went full speed ahead. I told my family about my [00:04:00] idea. I’m really close with my family, my siblings and my mom.

[00:04:03] So they were like, this is great. Like, yes, do it. Do it now. Like you have cool now. So that was the end of 2021. I started planning it. I got the idea for the name. Um, my brother and my roommate helped me with the graphics. How

[00:04:16] Lily: did you get the how did you name it?

[00:04:18] Maxine: I just kept talking to my friend like, Oh, I kind of want it to be like, We met at blah, blah, blah.

[00:04:23] Like, instead of like, I met at a speed dating event, I wanted people to say it like in a sentence. Like, We met in real life at this event. So I was like, Oh, I think that’d be so cute. If people met at Marvin, they were like, Oh, how’d you meet Joseph? And it’s like, Oh, I met Joseph in real life. And they’re like, what?

[00:04:41] Yes. Talk about the event. So I came up with the name and also just like so many conversations I had were centered around real life in real life. And we just kept brainstorming, like, what is the hook there? And once I designed the logo with my brother. It was, it looked perfect to us. And I was [00:05:00] like, yeah, this is, this is the right move.

[00:05:02] And 2022, I found a venue, rented it out with my own money. I invested

[00:05:07] Lily: all my money. Pause. Wait, hold on. Hold on, Maxine. Okay. So you found a venue. This is New York city. I have done events before. It is hard to, I’m not letting you skirt past just the Herculean effort that it takes to plan an event from nothing.

[00:05:24] Literally from nothing with your own money. How did you decide on the event venue? Like, how did you pick, like, tell me about that. I love this so much.

[00:05:33] Maxine: Everything about the beginning of my company was just so divine. So I was living in Bed Stuy at the time, looking for a venue. I was walking down my street.

[00:05:42] I lived on Malcolm X Boulevard at the time. And there was a new wine bar or I don’t think it was that new, but I hadn’t seen it before and it looks great. I looked him up and they were having a deal on renting out their whole restaurant. It was a small, like, cute, intimate spot. [00:06:00] They were like, pending their liquor license or something.

[00:06:03] So they were just trying to bring people into the space because they couldn’t be a fully functioning wine bar yet. So they gave me like, maybe like 30%, it was still expensive for me. Like, it was like pretty a big sum of money for me. I’m 25. Like I have roommates, I’m not rich. So I was like, all right, I’m gonna just put my money into it.

[00:06:21] If it flops, at least I tried it, you know, and for the ticket price. It was gonna allow me to like break even a little bit. I think I ended up in the hole after it was all said and done, but it was worth it. But yeah, I just reached out to the owner and she was like, Oh yeah, we have a venue deal. Like, tell me about your event.

[00:06:40] I told her about it. She was supportive and I just booked it and it was like blocks away from my apartment at the time, which was perfect. Cause I do have a day job. I did at that point too. So I was like, how am I going to get from my apartment to the venue, just walk down the street, like a minute walk.

[00:06:58] So that’s how I [00:07:00] found the space. It was just super divine. Didn’t have to like hunt for a spot. Just, it almost fell into

[00:07:07] Lily: my lap. That’s so awesome. That’s so awesome. Tell me about getting people to that first event. What was that like?

[00:07:13] Maxine: It was such a journey, honestly. Like, I was overwhelmed with all the support from my friends and followers.

[00:07:19] Lily: Did you have a following before? Like, did you have? No, no, just

[00:07:23] Maxine: like friends. I have like a thousand followers right now. Um, and that was pretty much the gist back then. Everyone who follows me, like I know them. I know some people have like thousands of followers and they might post something and people don’t engage.

[00:07:38] But with me, all my followers have always been like my friends, like people I actually know. So When I post something and I’m not an event planner, this is like a one off thing. People were really excited to support it. And I really do think it was all about the timing. Like it’s 2022. Like I said, people were ready for something different.

[00:07:59] So [00:08:00] posting about it cost a lot of buzz, honestly, through like my friends, mutual friends. So that first event was like, People I knew or people who knew, like, it was like friend of a friend, but it was fun. Me and my friends were like going to different bars, spreading the word. We’re going to all kinds of events, posting a lot on Instagram as well, of course, and telling people to come and sending out the link.

[00:08:25] So it was really fun. Yeah.

[00:08:28] Lily: How did you feel when you were there? Like, were there or not? Was it a straight event? Was it like, was it specifically for straight folks? Yeah, it was. Or queer folks. It’s for straight people. I’m

[00:08:38] Maxine: straight. I just started the queer events. A queer girl I know reached out to me to partner because I never wanted to do that since I’m not from the community.

[00:08:47] I wanted to do it like in collaboration with people from that space. Um, so that’s how we started the, Queer events. But yeah, so that event was straight.

[00:08:56] Lily: Were you, did you have enough like men to women ratio? Like what [00:09:00] was that like? Yeah, we

[00:09:00] Maxine: had exactly enough men to women. Yeah, it was perfect.

[00:09:04] Lily: Amazing. What trends do you see in terms of, not to generalize, but you know, what trends have you seen in terms of getting men to show up for a dating context, like a speed dating thing versus women to show up?

[00:09:18] What do you see in that?

[00:09:19] Maxine: I’ve noticed that initially women are Way more open to going like if, if I’m at a bar or a party and I say I do speed dating events and I’m talking to a man and a woman, the woman is like, Ooh, when’s the next one? And the guy’s like, Oh, what is that about? Like, how does it work?

[00:09:37] Yeah. Like very, very skeptical guys just have a more negative thought going into that event. Like, am I going to succeed at that event? Like what, why is it worth my time to go? Versus the women are like, Oh, this is what I’ve been wanting. So even to this day, it’s like my women’s and men’s tickets. sell out evenly.[00:10:00]

[00:10:00] But I think in the beginning, it was like a tough sell for the men. I think what’s great about my vids is that they actually look fun and like the graphics and everything are just so on point. So a lot of that, those assumptions of like, this is going to be so lame. Like they look at it and they’re like, Oh, this is like, looks like a party.

[00:10:19] It’s like, yeah, it’s fun. We put thought into it. You know how that works? Yeah. So yeah, it’s definitely like different reactions. The men are slower to warm up to it. But they’re eventually like, okay, I’m actually, I’m gonna try it out. Okay. Everybody’s doing it. Let me try it out.

[00:10:38] Lily: I don’t want to make any generalizations.

[00:10:40] I do think that straight women, if we’re going to get into it, Maxine, straight women have generally thoughts that sound like straight men don’t make enough of an effort. Men don’t want to show up men don’t have the same pressure, which they, they don’t in a lot of [00:11:00] ways, like, in so many ways, women’s experience, you know, like, um, people socialize as women and women’s experiences are more intense because of the socialization and because of the pressure to be coupled over being single and like, because of maybe wanting to have kids or whatever, but I love hearing that your men’s tickets sell out too.

[00:11:17] And I just, I just wonder on that subject of like the assumptions that people are making. Yeah. You know, the assumption that straight women make that like straight men aren’t making an effort or whatever. Like, what are some assumptions that you’ve seen challenged some dating assumptions that you’ve seen challenged by these events or that you want to challenge with these events?

[00:11:36] Maxine: Yeah. I think the biggest assumption I want to challenge with my events is just like making dating fun again and being open. I feel like. With dating apps, ruling our dating culture, we have so many opportunities to like filter out people based on ethnicity, height, looks, [00:12:00] religion, like all we can literally curate our feed based on our type blinders are on at a speed dating event at my speed dating event.

[00:12:10] You, I mean, any event, you don’t know who’s going to be there. You don’t know if you’re going to hate everyone there. But I think that’s okay. I think you should go and just do something different where you physically put yourself out there in a way that you can’t on a dating app. If you’re going to swipe for an hour one night, you’re on your couch.

[00:12:29] Going to a speed dating event, you’re talking to like 20 different men. And again, even if you don’t like them, you learn something about yourself socially, probably like, Oh, like I’m, I’m actually very confident talking to men or it’s like, that was way more stressful than I thought I froze up a lot. That was so hard or anything.

[00:12:51] Like I just think people should approach dating with fun again, instead of like, Oh, I’m back on the apps and like, Oh, nobody likes me. All these guys [00:13:00] are so weird. Men suck, or if you got women are weird, they want a rich man. They want a guy that’s this tall or whatever. Like, let’s just have fun. Take the pressure off.

[00:13:10] Go to this event. Maybe you’ll make a friend. And that can lead to something down the road. That’s the main assumption I want people to shift. Dating can be fun. It doesn’t have to be this stressful thing. Just have fun. That’s it.

[00:13:23] Lily: Yeah, what I’m also hearing is this idea of if you do have the assumption that it’s not going to work out in your love life or that there are, if you’re a person dating men, like that, there aren’t men who will meet your preferences or who are interested in finding love or interested in something serious, then.

[00:13:39] Okay. Assumption. Okay. Okay. That confirmation bias gathering evidence that that’s the case. Both and get yourself into a room where that assumption can be challenged with people who actually do want to find love or want to find a relationship or want to find more connection in their love life. Like, like challenge the assumption with a new set of data.

[00:13:58] And I think that a speed dating event [00:14:00] like yours can be a really good, like new data set of like, look at these people who are interesting and interested and we can connect and, and. Hopefully that can build the evidence that what you want is possible. I’m curious, Maxine, about everyone needs to be on a dating app of it all.

[00:14:18] You know, like, what do you say to people who are like, the dating apps are the only way that people are meeting other people. So like romantically, what do you say to that assumption?

[00:14:27] Maxine: It’s so complicated. I personally disagree

[00:14:30] Lily: share. Yes.

[00:14:32] Maxine: The golden age of dating apps was like, um, maybe like 2018. I don’t know.

[00:14:37] I just feel like things have shifted so much because of the pandemic app app behaviors have shifted a lot. Like I remember when hinge was like really about intentional relationships, but my friends will show me their messages on hinge today. And I would have thought they were on Tinder or something like because Tinder was the hookup spot, but now it seems like everyone’s looking for hookups on any given app and [00:15:00] it really doesn’t matter what app you’re on.

[00:15:02] So, dating apps are good if you want to get dates. But, and I know it works for some people. Like, I mean, a lot of people have met the one on dating apps, but I think there’s other ways to meet people. It’s harder to focus on real life meeting people. It’s way, way harder, but I don’t know. I have friends who are still just a single who have been on apps for years.

[00:15:26] Lily: They’re not the answer. I like to say they’re like a tool.

[00:15:30] Maxine: So many women will come up to me. Like, I just feel like the men on the apps shouldn’t even have access to me. Like these men aren’t like quality when I hear stuff like that. It’s like, Yeah, maybe, maybe your guy isn’t on an app, then like, maybe, maybe try other things, like don’t put all your eggs in the basket of like, I’m on Hinge, where’s my husband?

[00:15:51] It’s like, well, well, let’s do other things to in tandem with that, because not every man or woman is on a dating app. Just like not every person is [00:16:00] openly seeking connection in real life. So I guess like, there’s levels to it, but. I personally disagree that dating apps are like the end all be all for like the find someone

[00:16:11] Lily: right?

[00:16:11] I agree. I mean, I agree. I think it’s like 1 part of it should be just 1 piece of the puzzle.

[00:16:18] Maxine: Exactly.

[00:16:18] Lily: Okay. So I used to be a matchmaker listeners to the pod will know, but I was a top professional matchmaker working for a big, big company. I was like, 1 of 160 matchmakers and the conversation about like quality People specifically quality man was really interesting because, and I look, I’m not a matchmaker anymore for, uh, I think a good reason I’m not into that.

[00:16:43] I don’t want a first date. I want something deeper for myself and my clients that is like sustainable and like actually going to lead to the best relationship of their life. Not a relationship, but this idea of like, I don’t feel like those men should have access to me. What I’m hearing is the [00:17:00] assumption, like you said, that a dating app should just deliver the person instead of looking at it for what it is, which is a vehicle to meet, to see a lot of people and more people than your brain can actually like manage remembering thinking about.

[00:17:15] And so your brain’s defaulting to like confirmation bias mode, looking at the people who are wrong for you as like evidence that it’s not working instead of just seeing like, okay, they’re wrong for me. And.

[00:17:25] Maxine: It is giving like less effort to be on the dating app. It’s like, I’m swiping, like, why is this not working for me?

[00:17:32] It’s like, I just want people to have more fun, approach it like more lighter. Like, and like, like you saying, you’re broadcasting your videos, like good things will happen to you, but you got to believe that to see it through, you know, and looking, looking for those confirmations of like, good things are happening to me,

[00:17:50] Lily: right?

[00:17:51] The thank you more, please. Yes, for sure. Okay. So. When my clients go to, um, speed dating, there’s inevitably like a lot of [00:18:00] fear, a lot of mind drama about like, what if nobody chooses me at the speed dating? What do you, what do you do about that? And like, how do you feel about that? Like, let’s unpack this idea of like, what if nobody chooses me at the speed dating?

[00:18:12] Maxine: Do you mean like how some speed dating events would like match people at the end of the event or

[00:18:18] Lily: yeah, do you do that or do you not like, tell me about it? Yeah, we

[00:18:21] Maxine: actually don’t match people. So. At the end of our events, we always give a boost talk and encourage people to shoot their shot, actually. We say like, where we met IRL, we want you guys to connect in real life.

[00:18:37] We host our events in big cities. You’re probably not going to see anyone in this room again. And we also say like, hey, if someone says no, that’s great. Respect to know. And also rejection is normal. Like our generation isn’t used to rejection because We’ve never been those people to like approach and be like, ah, okay, who’s next?

[00:18:59] That’s like [00:19:00] terrifying for people to get a no, but we, to say it out loud and to tell people like, Hey, you might get some nose and that’s okay. But ask if there’s somebody that you had a good time in that four minutes, approach them, ask for an Instagram, ask for a number. If they say no, that’s okay.

[00:19:19] Lily: What do you recommend people do?

[00:19:20] Like a lot of people are, you know, in the Tamron Hall show, we, we, uh, another person talked about this. She doesn’t want to give her Instagram. Like, um, what are your thoughts on like Instagram versus phone number in terms of like, I enjoy talking to you. Do you want to hang out? What should, what do you recommend?

[00:19:36] Maxine: I prefer phone number. I feel like it sets the tone. You’re going to text me and we’re going to like do the thing, right. Versus Instagram. You follow me, you’re watching my stories. What happened?

[00:19:46] Instagram

[00:19:47] Lily: feels like, Instagram feels like, let me, let me really see. Yes. It’s not like, let’s go on a first date.

[00:19:55] I would like to get to know you more. It’s like, I want to see your [00:20:00] pictures. I want to see how you present yourself. I want to see these stories so that I can judge more. It feels like more judgmental or like more opportunity for judgment, which is scary. That is. And not necessarily going to lead to like something great.

[00:20:16] Yeah.

[00:20:16] Maxine: I really don’t like giving out my Instagram. Like I don’t like having followers I don’t know. So if a guy is approaching me, like asking for, I always just say like, Oh, I don’t give out my Instagram to strangers, but if you want to connect, like we can text or you can call me. And just go from there.

[00:20:33] Lily: So, okay. Paint this picture for me. So like, okay. When people come into your speed dating, are they sitting down and doing like, are you bringing a bell and they’re like changing seats? Is that what’s happening? And then what happens at the end?

[00:20:44] Maxine: Yeah, we, we announced, we usually have a mic, so we’ll be like, Oh, it’s time to rotate again.

[00:20:49] And I have my team, um, making sure everybody rotates in the, at the right time.

[00:20:55] Lily: I’m watching a millionaire matchmaker on Netflix. They just like released it. It’s very old. [00:21:00] It’s like, you know, from the mid 2000s, maybe actually like 2014. I don’t know, but she has all these rules, which I, you know, I’m not into the rigid rules, but at the end of her event, she’s like, only ask for one person’s phone number.

[00:21:16] You can’t ask for more than one person’s phone number. And I just wonder how it goes. You were interested in like two or three people at the event and how to shoot your shot with two or three people like that’s just socially such an interesting dynamic.

[00:21:32] Maxine: We’re lucky that the spaces we host are usually pretty intimate.

[00:21:35] So everyone’s kind of like packed in and I see people like coming up to different. People cool all the time. Like, it just seems like everyone after we give that speech, everyone’s like, very emboldened to be like, all right, they gave me permission to do that. So it’s not like weird anymore for me to go approach this guy and ask for his number.

[00:21:59] We do [00:22:00] encourage the men and the women. It’s anybody approach anybody and any of the more shy people like me and my team will say like, oh, hey, Lily, how’d everything go tonight? Did you connect with anyone? And you’ll be like, not really, but I had a great time. And I’m like, okay, great. We love that. Or like, if you’re like, yes, Maxine, actually that guy, Brad, like, I like him.

[00:22:19] I’m like, oh my gosh, yeah. Let me bring you over to him. And we’re happy to do that too. Um, but yeah, for the most part, We’re hands off. People will approach each other and grab another drink and just chat. And we’ll, we see the phones out, get in the numbers. We see all that.

[00:22:40] Lily: Oh my God. That’s so exciting. How are the queer events going?

[00:22:43] Maxine: They’re going really well right now. We do queer women’s events. So we call them like our, she, they. events. Um, but they’re a blast. They’re super fun. Awesome.

[00:22:56] Lily: Amazing. So fun. Have any couples come from [00:23:00] We Met IRL? Tell me about like, what’s some of your favorite We Met IRL stories?

[00:23:05] Maxine: Yeah, I think my favorite story, yes, we have couples.

[00:23:08] We get messages all the time about like, I’m dating someone or we’ll even get like the next day from an event. Like, I have a date next week from last night. I’m excited. I’ll let you know and I’m like, oh, that’s great too. I think my favorite was like, after my like, fourth month doing events, I ran into this girl.

[00:23:30] I was like, she looks familiar, but I didn’t know why. And she like passed me and then she was like, wait, Maxine. And I was like, Oh, like she knows my name. And she was with a guy and she was like, you’re the reason we’re together. Like we met at your March of it. I was like, okay, I knew you looked familiar, but I couldn’t place it.

[00:23:46] Oh, so fun. That was so cool. I’m like, just to run in to see them in real life. Dating from one of my events. It was so like fun and unexpected. I was like in my neighborhood [00:24:00] too. So it was like, what y’all in my neighborhood and y’all met like cool. Yes. Yeah. That’s awesome.

[00:24:07] Lily: That’s so awesome. I see. And I love that.

[00:24:09] And if you don’t mind sharing, like what’s your dating life, like the cow is we met IRL shifted your love life.

[00:24:16] Maxine: It’s been a very interesting journey, honestly. Like When I first started IRL, I started with me and mine, like, I want to go to events and meet people. Um, but I met my ex boyfriend, like, right before my first event.

[00:24:30] Like, we went on one date and then we continued to date up until last summer we broke up. So I was never single during, like, all my events. Times are crazy, like, that’s, that’s just how things work, funny out like that. But now that I’m single again, I took a break from dating last year. I’m excited to date this year and just meet people through my events and other spaces.

[00:24:54] I’m not on the dating app, so I’m just excited to meet people in real life, however way. That [00:25:00] leads me.

[00:25:01] Lily: I love it. I love it. If you could look into the future, like what is the plan for We Met IRL? What are you excited for? What do you hope it looks like and feels like?

[00:25:10] Maxine: Yeah, in the future, I would love to do We Met IRL events across the country.

[00:25:15] Honestly, like my videos always go super viral on TikTok and I get all these comments from people in different cities like bring this here, bring this here, bring this here. And I really want to pursue that. I’ve been working hard on getting funding through grant applications. So I’m just excited to continue to build and work out some type of maybe ambassador program or something where there could be multiple IRL events happening in multiple cities.

[00:25:42] So that’s a big goal for me and the company.

[00:25:45] Lily: I love it. I love it. And I’m, I’m, I mean, it’ll definitely happen. You’re creating something really magnetic for people and filling a need that a lot of people have. I think that speed dating is such a hot topic and such an important [00:26:00] topic in the dating world.

[00:26:01] What about people who are really shy or like introverted? Like, how do you suggest they go about meeting people IRL or even let’s just say speed dating? Like how do people who are more shy Do this effectively.

[00:26:12] Maxine: Yeah, I say go into it and like prep yourself knowing that it’s going to require a good amount of energy and you, you might feel depleted after that event, but hype yourself up to it.

[00:26:27] And like, if you need to take the whole day to be like restful and quiet so that you know, like, I’m going to be at an event for two hours talking. Let me hype myself up to this. Cause I don’t do that every day. And it is a little intimidating to me. I say, go into it. Like, all right, I want to put my best foot forward.

[00:26:44] I’m going to meet 20. I’m going to go on 20 mini dates or 15, 15 to 20 mini dates. I say, come with an open mind, but also know like this is going to require energy for me. It’s a bit outside of my comfort zone, but I think it’s worth it. Um, [00:27:00] That’s what I tell people. We also post a lot of video testimonials of people after the event.

[00:27:06] So if, if anyone messages the account, like, Oh, like, what’s the event like, or I’m hesitant or how does this work? I’m like, check out our video testimonials too. Cause people are honest. I was exhausted after this, but it was fun. I’m glad I went. If you’re curious about going, go like that. That’s what people say.

[00:27:23] Some people are like, that was great. The outgoing people thrive in that environment, but there’s always a mixture of people there and they are going to all have a good time. It’s about what you put into it. So put your best foot forward. You don’t have to change your personality, but be yourself and be open to like extending a little bit.

[00:27:44] If you’re typically more shy, like be more open to those conversations and come in with a positive attitude.

[00:27:50] Lily: Yeah. I love that advice. The people who consider themselves late bloomers, who’ve never dated before. I’m sure you’ve come across [00:28:00] folks who come to your events and were like, I’ve met Maxine. I’ve never dated before.

[00:28:03] Has that happened? No,

[00:28:04] Maxine: it’s come up to me and said that. No, but people like, I’m so nervous. It’s usually people will come super early and they’re the ones that are nervous. Like I’ve never done this. What do I expect? And I’ll just chat them up. Like, Oh, like, this is what we’re doing tonight. This is how many people are coming.

[00:28:21] Like,

[00:28:22] Lily: yeah.

[00:28:23] Maxine: What’s your questions? What are you nervous about? You look amazing. You’re going to have a great time. Like. Always happy to give someone a pep talk. Yeah, that’s what me and my team are intentional about. As soon as you step in the door, like we’re going to compliment you. We’re going to talk to you.

[00:28:38] We’re going to be personable. Cause I want people to feel welcome coming into my thing. I don’t want it to feel like, oh, where do I go now? What is this? Do we just sit down? Like. What’s happening.

[00:28:49] Lily: Do you watch Parks and Rec? Yeah, I’ve seen it. That episode where Donna and Ann go to a dating event. Have you, do you know this episode?

[00:28:55] Oh, I

[00:28:56] Maxine: haven’t. I’m going to have to check that out.

[00:28:59] Lily: Ann [00:29:00] goes to the, like, moderator who’s giving out the name tags. And she’s like, okay, so just write, it’s not speed dating. It’s just like a mixer. And she’s like, write your name down. And then Ann’s like, so then what do I do? Like, what do I say? And this moderator is such a meanie and is like, are you asking me how to talk to men?

[00:29:17] And it’s like, okay. And then Donna’s like, I quote this literally this whole scene in my book. Cause I think it’s because then she goes up to Donna’s like, I’m so glad you’re here. This, these things are so scary alone. And Donna’s like, why are you talking to me? Like dating is a zero sum game. If you get a man, that means I don’t get that man.

[00:29:35] Don’t talk to me. And it’s so funny because I talk about how dating is not a zero sum game in my book and how, like, the right people are the right people for you and you’re uniquely qualified and all these things, but it can be such an intimidating environment probably for some folks.

[00:29:52] Maxine: It is. It’s definitely intimidating.

[00:29:54] And I’m sure, like, The people that are the most intimidated don’t even end up buying [00:30:00] tickets. Or sometimes people will come to me like, I’ve been following y’all for a year. I finally decided to go and I’m excited for tonight, you know? So if you got to warm up to the idea, I totally feel that. But yeah, I, I’m not the mean moderator.

[00:30:14] I want people to have fun, even if you’re shy or you’re super outgoing. Come in. It’s going to be a good time. And come with an open mind.

[00:30:24] Lily: I love it, Maxine. Well, where can people find you and support your work and go to one of your events? Where can people find out more?

[00:30:34] Maxine: Yeah. So if you follow us on Instagram at we met IRL, that’s where we post about all of our events and to get access to our events, you have to sign up for our email list.

[00:30:44] So just click the link in our bio, sign up for the email list and you’ll get info on all the events.

[00:30:50] Lily: Amazing Maxine. Well, thanks so much. I’m excited for people in the New York City area. You’re mainly in New York right now, right? And I, DC sometimes. Yeah.

[00:30:59] Maxine: [00:31:00] DC. Yep. And we’ve done some stuff in Jersey too.

[00:31:02] Just when I have the time to get there.

[00:31:05] Lily: Okay. So if you’re in New York or DC, like definitely go, if you’re listening, go to we met IRL on Instagram. Um, they’re also, y’all are also on Tik TOK, like find out more. I dare you. If you are single and in New York or DC, and you listen to this podcast, I dare you to go to the next, we met IRL event.

[00:31:23] And I, I want you to DM me and Maxine afterwards and tell us how it went. Cause I, I know we’d, we’d love to hear, um, I would love to hear, and I can’t wait to hear about all of your in person connections that you dear listener are about to make. Um, Maxine, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. Yes.

[00:31:38] Maxine: Thanks for having me. And I love the dare. Yes. Come

[00:31:42] Lily: do it. All right. We’ll talk to you soon. [00:32:00] Everybody.