This week kicks off our new series on the podcast of amazing folks who’ve worked with Lily and who are embodying their main character energy. You’re going to hear more about how these women are giving themselves permission to have what they want and take massive courageous action. 

Today’s episode is all about Maddie’s main character energy journey. We worked together last year. She shares how she has been taking up space, asking for more, and valuing her worth. 

Hot-takes from this episode:

• The three pillars of main character energy! (00:25)

• Having genuine belonging is better than accumulating connection (7:58)

• What it was like for Maddie to step into the personal growth space (12:28)

• The benefits of dating mindfully and with intention (20:30)

• How Maddie went from people-pleasing to understanding what she wants and putting herself first (28:11)

Links and resources:

• Last week’s episode about the big shifts that are  happening! 

• Date Brazen on Instagram

Subscribe to The Date Brazen Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Stitcher!

Show transcript:

Lily  00:00

Hello Gorgeous friends, welcome to another episode. Okay, so today is a supeciall episode all about Maddie’s main character energy journey. She has been coming into her main character energy we worked together last year, she is taking up some damn space and asking for more. And I want you to allow this episode to inspire. You allow this episode to ruminate in your brain ask yourself like, what might be a freeing choice for me? What might be a self trust filled choice for me? What would happen if I deeply trusted myself like Maddie is in this in this moment in her story? Ask yourself those questions. And I hope you enjoy Maddie is such a badass. And we worked together, like I said last year and this week kicks off our new series on the podcast of amazing folks who worked with me who are embodying their fucking main character energy. 

So over the next few weeks, you’re going to hear more about how these women are taking steps to claim what they want, take up more space, give themselves permission to have what they want, give themselves permission to take massive courageous action. I’ve identified there are three pillars of main character energy, number one, massive permission. Giving yourself master permission to want what you want, to do what you want. Number two, massive self trust. Trusting that your body knows what’s right for you. Trusting that you are on the right path. You don’t have to know all the right steps to be on the right path. Trusting that like, when I trust myself, I am doing the right thing. That’s a mantra that I say to myself. That’s a big piece of main character energy. The final pillar of main character energy to me, right, there’s permission. There’s self trust, and there’s massive courageous action. And so the people who I’ve brought on the pod for the next couple of weeks embody these three pillars. Permission, self trust, massive courageous action, and you’re going to hear in each of their stories, what main character energy looks and feels like for them. And I want it to fill you up with possibility that what you desire is available. 

As you know, if you listened to last week’s episode, there are some big shifts happening in the deep brazen universe. The Main Character Energy Mastermind is being created as I speak this out loud. Oh my god, the pleasure challenges that I have mapped out the six months of incredible deep as hell coaching content that dives into main character energy, like I’m going to share every detail about the main character energy mastermind in a few weeks. I just want you to prime yourself for the magic that is happening that is on its way. And look, if you listen to Maddie’s story, and you think oh my god, I want to do this work in community. I want to be in this new container, this Main Character Energy Mastermind, it will be an expanded version of everything that I’ve done previous to this and so if you feel that calling on your heart then go to the description of this episode, go to the show notes. You can find details on Main Character Energy Mastermind there and sign up for the waitlist. We are opening this summer and I’m going to be honest, I don’t know when we’re opening. I don’t know how long we’re opening. And that’s not a line that is me speaking from…I am practicing radical self trust and the answers are still being born. So I am so excited to bring you Maddie’s story again, allow yourself to be inspired by this for yourself. And I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this episode. With that let’s get into it.

Intro 

Hey, I’m Lily Womble, former top matchmaker and founder of Date Brazen. After setting up hundreds, I realized that with coaching women could match themselves better than anyone else ever could. With my unconventional feminist approach I’ve helped women around the world build courageous and self trust filled love lives and now I’m here to support you. Get ready, because I’m about to share the exact steps you need to attract a soul quenching partnership and feel amazing about yourself along the way. This is the Date Brazen podcast.

Lily 

Hello Gorgeous people. I am so excited about today’s episode. I have an incredible human named Maddie who worked with me in the Brazen Breakthrough last year. And she is somebody who is really embodying her main character energy in this really cool way. And I’m so excited to have her on to talk about her experience. To talk about her major wins. To talk about how she’s taken more space in her life and what that means tactically as well, in all the different facets. Welcome, Maddie.

Maddie  05:08

Yay! So glad that you’re here.

Lily  05:11

Okay, so tell the people at home what feels important for them to know about you.

Maddie  05:16

I mean, I think I’m kind of just your average girl moving through life and figuring out who I am to myself and who I am in the world. And, I’m a recovering people pleaser. So I know that there are more people like me out there. 

Lily  05:33

Yep, yep,yep, for sure. Me, me, me, me. And tell me about what was happening in your life when we found each other. And what was life like at that time, in your dating life and your love life in general,

Maddie  05:49

I don’t think we could have met at a better time, I was going through some pretty significant life changes, I had moved away. It’s been four years now that I’ve been in North Carolina, and moved away from my small town, conservative background. And kind of got a chance a little bit later in life, maybe then some, but got a chance to see something different. And kind of sit with my own feelings and my own opinions and really start to formulate those. Whereas being like I said, a recovering people pleaser, I just kind of took on the opinions of others. So I feel like I was really kind of coming into my own. When I met you, and your program, took it to the next level.

Lily  06:38

Oh my god, Maddie, what is that I see some like feeling in your face. What is the feeling in your face?

Maddie  06:44

This has been like a very integral part of making that shift to be the main character in my life, where when you’re a people pleaser, you’re not. Everyone else is the main character. Right? And so really embracing that. Of course, there’s a lot of feeling to that. And there’s a lot of excitement to that. There’s, I’m very proud of going through that experience and kind of coming out to where I am now.

Lily  07:14

Yeah, before we hit record, I said, you know, we were talking about this idea of being on a podcast and that that’s new for you. Yes. How do you feel in your body right now sharing? Just to be real with the people?

Maddie  07:29

tingly? 

Lily  07:32

tingly? Okay, cool. Good. I remember when I first started doing podcasts, I was like, am I fucking really doing this? This is intense. This is weird. So I want to bring up what we were talking about right before we hit record, which was this idea of, if we could go back like two three years and talk to Maddie, then? What was she going through with that people pleasing? And like what was happening? And what would she have needed to hear from you?

Maddie  07:58

Something that I very recently realized is that having genuine belonging is better than just accumulating connections. So when you’re a people pleaser, right? You agree with other people’s opinions, you support their needs. And I was very attuned to leaving myself for the benefit of other people to make them happy to make them like me more. And I’ve realized now, well, I used to be afraid if I shared a provocative social media post that people would unfollow me. Now I welcome it. I hope if you see something that doesn’t resonate with you, and you don’t want to continue on whether it’s a friendship or relationship, a random person following me, I hope you do leave. Because that means that the connections that are left are genuine, and I would much rather have that and there’s so much more value in those connections and having the courage to like, share your values and share your beliefs and speak openly about those things without the fear of judgment. And instead welcoming that judgment because again, you’re you have much more genuine and truthful and fulfilling relationships leftover when you stop with the mindset of I just want to make everyone around me happy and like me.

Lily  09:34

Yeah, you know I am dealing with that’s so powerful and I am personally like literally this weekend to Maddie which is why it’s so funny that you’re bringing this up. And is that this past weekend, it was like Thursday or something last week. Are you on Tik Tok?

Maddie  09:54

No, I mean I’ve watched Tik Tok’s

Lily  09:57

You’re a passive. Me too before like Thursday Okay, so I was my social media team, there’s a there’s an evolution going on as the the listeners will know by now and as you know, and hearing me talk about how things are shifting in date brazen land and how the focus is coming into the main character energy. Anyway, I let go of my social media team, and I love them. And I just needed to do all my own stuff again and just like really get reconnected with my voice again. And so I blessed and released my social media team. Okay, so they have been doing this like tik toky things for me posting the things and I’ve been like, cool, great, whatever, tick tock is so weird, and like, creepy and all these things. And I ended up falling in love with tick tock. And so Thursday last week, this is a winding road, Thursday, last week, I decided I was like, You know what, I’m going to do my new skincare routine that I learned from tik tok, while I tell a story in the mirror, yeah. Okay, and it started blowing up. And that was one of those videos. And I did it every day for like four days. And one of those videos now it’s like 20,000 plus views, and I’ve grown like 400 followers in four days, and it’s crazy. And there are people who love it, who are commenting. And there were people also who do not like it. Who were like, commenting like not for me. And it was very interesting. Watching my body and brain have reactions to people not liking something new, and having a new sort of stepping onto a new sort of stage. And watching my people pleasing come out on a new stage and watching my nervous system freak the fuck out. Like it was not a perfect like, Chris was like Lily, I can’t talk to you about the negative tik tok comments anymore of which there were like two. He was like, because you’re gonna obsess about it, we need to find a way to move on. And I was like, No, I’m gonna anyway, what was it…all that winding road to say I’m so with you. And I’m curious for you, Maddie, what was it like to step onto working together stage? Like the brazen breakthrough stage and being asked to sort of come into being seen both by other people in the group and by people in your dating life? What was that like for you?

Maddie  12:28

Um, I think it was, I think it was a great opportunity to continue my personal growth path that I was on. So I am, I go to therapy now. I’ve been in therapy for a long time, I’ll continue to go to therapy. I think it’s incredibly important for adult human beings to do. So I’ll continue to do it. So I’m no stranger to introspection. And I’m very good at evaluating and reviewing and analyzing, but then kind of taking that next step. That’s a lot sometimes. But in your program, it was good to have a group of people where you’re uplifting each other, and you’re supporting each other through that growth period. And while it’s all under kind of the frame of dating, it impacts so many other different aspects of your life. And seeing other women like me, who kind of have similar mindsets to me. Similar…I don’t know, type A, you know, always been, you know, focused on growth and improvement. It was good to be in a supportive group like that.

Lily  13:43

Yeah. Tell me about this idea of you said, Oh, it can be hard sometimes. What was the, what was difficult about stepping into that space for you?

Maddie  13:55

You said something about your brain loves well worn paths. And it is work to repave different paths. It’s not always easy. The outcome is great, right? And I’ve, I’ve gotten to some very positive outcomes now and since the program, but it’s, it’s work. There are feelings that you have to sit with. And it’s difficult. I am somebody who tends to have very large feelings. And my feelings feel like, very big to me. Yeah. So it’s difficult to feel all of that and to kind of break old mindsets. If it was easy. Everyone would do it.

Lily  14:41

Yeah, I have a memory of a moment where I was like, oh shit, Maddie is really stepping into something new. Do you remember? Do you have a moment? Early on or like halfway through where you remember sharing something and being like, oh shit. Yeah, I’m growing. Do you remember that? Like a boundary? Does anything come to mind? I can share if that feels best.

Maddie  15:08

Two of them are coming to mind. One I’m not, I don’t remember if I shared it or not.

Lily  15:11

Tell me. Tell me.

Maddie  15:14

I think the key takeaway, and I’m gonna, I’m gonna jump ahead and then come back. The takeaway of your program, and what I got out of the date brazen program and just interacting with you, you provided a safe space for me to give myself permission. And it’s not…So you gave us a safe space to learn and activate wanting what we want in the dating scope, right? It goes so much bigger. And one of those things of wanting what I want is I wanted to have a boss who cared more about the success of the team and the success and growth of myself than his own ego. I will no longer set myself aside for the sake of a man’s ego.

Lily  16:10

Hell yes! Wow, Wah wah wah wah, wah, wah, wah, wha wha wha Okay, keep going.

Maddie  16:16

And so I stood up for myself this new…I had accepted a new job. And on how I think it was day three, had a very unfortunate interaction with him in a meeting with him. And I realized, nope, nope, this is not I am not going down this path. I deserve more than this. And I won’t stand to be treated this way in a professional setting. So I stood by myself, rather than just blowing it off, or worse, thinking that I should accept something like this. I knew what I wanted. I knew what I was willing to accept in a work setting. And I stood by that. And that was a that was a big thing for me.

Lily  17:03

I remember you coming into the breakthrough group and bragging intention to something that we start with, right, you are brag, was I think we lingered there for a long time, just because there was so much to celebrate and to unpack, and it was this new boundary that you were setting and I just remember that group cheering you on, and it feeling very new. To set that kind of boundary and fucking bold. How amazing. So what did that…? What did that lead to you setting that boundary in your professional life?

Maddie  17:40

Well, thankfully, he’s no longer with the company. And I have a wonderful supervisor now who is very in tune to my success and my growth and building a positive team.

Lily  17:53

Amazing, amazing. And tell me about this idea of your main character energy. And when you think about when we started the dating process, oh my god, can we talk about the person that you were seeing? And then what happened? Yeah. Is that okay? Okay. You start like, okay, so month three, you start dating. Tell me what stories maybe you were carrying into the dating space that you started to shed? Or are maybe still working on shedding that feel like old stories now not fresh?

Maddie  18:35

I think for a very long period of time in the dating realm it was it was people pleasing. It was trying to mold myself into the person that they, the other person on the other side of the table, wanted to see. So agreeing with their opinions. Kind of downplaying certain things like if they said, you know, something was a turn off, and I realized that I did that thing, would downplay it. Or trying to put your best foot forward embellishing a little bit to get the likes. And now I’ve realized that I bring my whole genuine self to, and I did that with this person that I was seeing. That was the first time that I really got to do that.

Lily  19:25

How did you meet this person? And when did you meet them?

Maddie  19:29

online on Hinge?

Lily  19:31

It was like months three.

Maddie  19:33

I want to say like Septemberish.

Lily  19:35

Yeah, yeah. Okay. So you need…what did meeting him sort of feel like for you?

Maddie  19:42

It felt great. He was very different than anyone I’ve dated before. He had a love, love emotional intelligence. But I hadn’t seen in a man before that I was very attracted to.

Lily  19:56

Yes, and Okay, so okay, what I remember backing up, what I remember is you said I met this person, I’m seeing that what I want as possible in ways that I haven’t before. Would you say that’s the case? 

Maddie

Yeah. 

Lily

And then you kept noticing. You were like using your date feedback, right? And then you noticed what this person wasn’t like, I don’t need to feed you words, but I remember like, you were like, oh, maybe this isn’t like THE person.

Maddie  20:30

Yeah, um, I think I was just noticing more with the date feedback system that was evaluating dates, and going much deeper than I had ever done before. I can’t say that after a date, I would ever think like, oh, this is this thing is good. This thing is bad. I want to see more of this thing. I never did that before. And so it helped me be more mindful about the experiences I was having. And while I, there were a lot of very positive qualities to him, there were a couple that weren’t as great. And then my period of life, I want to be very open, and walk down the paths of different ideas, and to talk about things more that are a bit progressive, if you will. And he was somewhat cynical. And I, that was something that kind of stuck with me. And something that I realized, as part of the reason why we didn’t move forward together.

Lily  21:37

Yeah. What was it like to bless and release that connection?

Maddie  21:41

Um, I think that was fairly interesting, because there was a little bit of back and forth after the bless and release. So…and I think that was too coming out of, coming out of old mindsets. And that spoke to how it’s difficult to form those new neural pathways. I think there was a bit of scarcity involved in, in the going back and forth, a lack of self trust, in the going back and forth. But through that process, I found more self trust, I learned to listen to my body, even though it didn’t work out there…I think he’s a wonderful person. I think he’s a fantastic human being. But there was a lot of opportunity to learn one and two, he was a great piece of driftwood to show me that what I want is out there. And what I want is possible. And there are men in this world who are, have emotional intelligence and care, you know, genuinely about values and opinions and things like that.

Lily  22:51

Mm hmm Absolutely. I think that that’s so that’s a huge shift for people in general. When we work together is like, this idea of oh, this is better than I’ve experienced before. Gotta, gotta keep it. Versus, Wow, this is better than I’ve ever experienced before and what if even more is possible? Like, if this person isn’t inspiring the feelings that you desire to feel and creating the emotional safety that you desire, right? Like that there’s even more out there is like a trippy new mindset to try on if you’re so used to survival mode.

Maddie  23:30

Yeah, absolutely.

Lily  23:32

What you mentioned, self trust Maddie, what is self trust to you now?

Maddie  23:42

Now, I would say that self trust is putting myself first. Is standing by myself rather than pleasing others and giving myself to other people in a way that’s not like filling my soul but taking away from it. I think when you are living in a place, coming from a place, where you’ve given yourself permission to want what you want in any and all aspects of life, then you trust that want. And that want is more important than someone rejecting you or a situation not working out the way that you want it to. I think once you’ve, like really identified those things it’s easier to move through life without having these Oh, maybe I should have or Oh, I wish I would have moments.

Lily  24:43

When you look back what do you think the pieces were at play from moving from, Oh, maybe wanting what I want to sell fish or it’s not safe to do something that makes somebody else displeased, Right? To I get to want what I want and that’s my compass. How, what do you think the pieces are, that helps you get there?

Maddie  25:05

Support from people that I trust and value input on. And I think just again, really spending time with myself and evaluating what I want in my life. I don’t feel, for a very long time, I felt like I was just going with it. And whatever happened happened, and I would just get through it. And that would be it. But now I feel like I’m driving it more. I’m not in control of everything, obviously. But I think when you again, lead, when you take that first step from a place of knowing, and genuinely standing by yourself, it just makes things easier.

Lily  25:52

Yeah. And what would you…what would you say were the thoughts in your brain before joining brazen breakthrough? Like, were there any hesitancies? Or worries? Or was it all excitement? Like, what was the, what was going on in your brain? Before you said, Yes?

Maddie  26:11

My initial hesitation was the investment and would it be worth it? Would I get my return on investment from a business perspective? But I think once I said, Yes, I was in it. I was all in, I was very excited. Obviously, there were no difficult hills to climb along the way. But I was pretty settled in my decision once I had made it,

Lily  26:37

What was the thought that you had that led you to invest?

Maddie  26:40

I don’t know her name. But you had done a podcast with a previous client, who talked about, it was either during or after going through the browser breakthrough program, who had either changed jobs or changed careers, because of what you know, she kind of learned and discovered in the program. And I thought, well, this is, I’m doing this for me, I’m using this for me. And all the rest of it is just kind of like a tool to dating and to going through that process. But this is about me. And if I can apply this to my whole life, rather than just like a little, just a little picture of it, then it’s worth it. If I find the growth that I’m seeking, and then I meet my partner down the road, that’s the cherry on top, but it was, it was for me, that was the basis of it.

Lily  27:38

Looking back. Okay, when you were asking, what’s the ROI going to be on this investment? It’s obviously like, it’s an investment in your personal life. I know that there’s a direct return in money, honestly, because people ask for more raises after doing this program, they ask for better jobs, they ask for better bosses like, you are an excellent example. And so it does lead to money both and the direct corollary is so personal. What would you tell her is the ROI not past version of you?

Maddie  28:11

Finding the main character as being the main character in my own life. I mean, again, I’ve said people pleaser like 10 times now but as a people pleaser, you, you are not your own. You often like, the the method, the name of the game, when people pleasing is to make everyone else happy. And you often lose yourself in that process. And what I took away from that is that I am the main character in my life. Not all these other people that I’m trying to impress are to make me so that they like me. I make me happy. And when I’m happy, then the people around me are also happy. So having that. I mean, that’s, you can’t put a price on that. You cannot put $1 amount on feeling firmly enough within yourself, to live to move through life in a genuine way that fills your soul. You can’t put a price on that.

Lily  29:17

Yeah. Beautiful. Maddy, thank you. We worked on so many different facets of belonging. And this idea of belonging to yourself, I think comes up for everybody like how are you going to belong to yourself and really believe in your own inherent worthiness? And I wonder if it, was there anything else that sort of popped up for you that you needed to work through in regards to belonging to yourself and like the self esteem piece in your dating life?

Maddie  29:53

Sure, so I had a well worn path that I had created in my brain was that you have to be thin to meet someone. You have to be thin to attract a partner, because all of my friends, when they were younger, in college, and before kids, all of those things, and they were all thin when they met their partners. And so in my mind, I also had to be thin to meet someone. I’m not thin, I’m a curvy girl, I appreciate my curves. While I am always working on myself, I liked that aspect of me and thinking that that might be something that’s causing people to not like me or not be attracted to me. That was something that I really had to work through.

Lily  30:45

What did that look like for you?

Maddie  30:47

I don’t know that there was any one, there’s, there’s no like, step by step, do ABC and you’ll get this outcome. I think it’s just giving yourself time and space to kind of accept. And I know, that’s something that we worked through quite a bit in, in our time together. Accepting what, excepting where I am now. So I have, I’m at the heaviest I’ve ever been. But I’m also, in my heart, and just in a general sense, I’m in the best place of my life than I’ve ever been. I know myself now more than I ever have before. I’m standing up for myself now more than I ever have before. It kind of makes the package that I’m in this container that I’m in less important. Not that it’s not I mean, I think physical attraction is a huge part of dating. But there’s so much more important things than that.

Lily  31:58

I just want to acknowledge you for being so, you know, for sharing, I think that it’s a story that I talked about, in my personal journey on the podcast about body image and being curvy, and, and taking inventory of all the stories that I gleaned from family, friends, society, that created those survival mechanisms of gotta be thinner to be more attractive. Right? And I, I’m just thinking about how we, our brains create stories to remain safe. Right? And so, you know, my safety story was, oh, I don’t want to be looked up and down on a date. So I’m going to protect myself from that and be like, Are you sure you know that I’m curvy? Like literally like, you know, before? You know it, did you see this picture of me like I just all of those thoughts that I had. And as a dating coach who works with so many different people and knows so much about how varied people’s attraction is based on different factors is like, some people don’t like somebody who hasn’t had braces, that’s a deal breaker for them. Some people don’t like somebody who’s bald, and that’s a deal breaker for them or somebody who did…and that there’s so much that goes into different people are attracted to different stuff and different bodies. And it’s it’s really difficult. I think the way that the patriarchy, our patriarchal society, has zeroed in on women’s weight as a way to, I think, control us and make us dim ourselves.

Maddie  33:39

I think partly to part of that. Trying to protect yourself and keep yourself safe. I, I know, I know where I am in the spectrum of looks. Okay, well, and I see someone that’s like I perceive as out of my league, I might swipe left on them. I might not even go down that path. Because somehow I know what a stranger is thinking somehow I

Lily  34:09

were getting to that. I don’t know.

Maddie  34:13

Right. So now I do still do that. But I also recognize that I do that. And why? And here’s…what’s uh, what’s this?

Lily  34:27

It’s so interesting, that our thoughts feel so true. You know, like, of course, of course, they feel sort of bringing in self compassion, of course that thought of, oh, they’re out of my league. I shouldn’t say yes. Because well, I’m gonna fill in the blank of what I think you were thinking because I hear it every single day is like, Oh, well, who or what are they going to think about me? Are they going to think that I think that I am at their level? And what does that say about me? I don’t want to be embarrassed. I think that’s a really normal thought of self protection, both/and it’s, it’s very similar to seeing a really cool person in like a person in a conference that you’re like, Oh my God, if I could just be friends with them, and they just spoke on this thing, and they’re so fucking brilliant, and I admire the shit out of them. And if only I could be friends with them, and like they won’t want but what are they going to think of me? I’m not a speaker at this conference, I don’t have any value, value to bring to the table, right? And that thought can keep you disconnected from like a human being who, who probably would like, be delighted by hearing from you. What comes up for you, when I say that analogy?

Maddie  35:43

I’m thinking of dating, and thinking like when you see one of these people, and what’s the worst? That’s super hot person, super hot. Maybe they’re the President saying like, we’re adding an XY and Z factor. What are they going to do? Are they going to swipe right to match you? And then say, I’m not into fat girls, nobody’s going to do that. Nobody does that. So what’s the worst? Like, what’s the worst that could happen? You put yourself out there and then they never match and you never hear from them again. Okay? 

Lily  36:19

What does the word fat mean to you?

Maddie  36:22

It means less the older I get. And I think the more comfortable I become with myself, it means less I don’t… it’s a shape. It’s a space of existence. It’s not good or bad. It’s neutral.

Lily  36:36

I just wanted to put that out there. Because I am familiar with like, some fat activists and people who are in the body neutrality, movement, body positive movement, there’s so many different opinions amongst, amongst the group. For anybody who’s not familiar, I want to, I wanted to just touch on, like the feeling of that word, because the feeling of that word can be totally different, depending on your thoughts about it. You know, what I’m saying?

Maddie  37:02

And I have been in a place where it is, it’s hurtful, and it’s triggering and that, you know, hard to hear. But I again, I think it’s it’s just the word I don’t think that. I mean, you could, you could say other things, right? Like, you could say, curvy, you could say, Say whatever you want to say. It’s the person inside that matters.

Lily  37:28

And I think that believing your own attractiveness is, is such important work. No matter what size, no matter where you are, no matter what age, right? That there are so many…I was lucky enough to be on the news the other day pix 11 in New York, hello. And one of the questions that they asked was, is someone ever too old to find love? And of course, the answer is no. It’s like a simple question for, you know, a TV spot. And the answer that I came up with, like brainstorming and preparing is like, the thought I’m too old, is only slowing you down from finding connection is only slowing you down from finding what you deeply desire, the thought I’m in the wrong body, or you know, or I need to shrink myself in whatever way emotionally, really, you know, in your career in your body. Shrinking yourself as I need to shrink myself to find what I want is just, is not true. It’s a thought that will, that deserves compassion. And that will slow you down if you allow it to drive the car. 

Maddie  38:41

You know, I mentioned earlier that with this relationship that I found, while in the program, bringing my whole self genuinely to the table. This is myself, right? This is I’m I’m I know, you’re listening. People are listening to me, but I’m gesturing around my body. This is me. This is me. This is my genuine self at any size or shape. And I if I’m not willing to tailor my values and my opinions to someone else, I’m also not willing to tailor my body size. 

Lily  39:20

Yes. Yes, yes. Yes. Yes. Maddie, I’m celebrating the shit out of you. Oh, my God. Is it true? I keep bringing up like two years ago, three years ago, you have three years ago, you could just hear what you just said out loud. How do you think she would feel?

Maddie  39:37

Gosh, I wish I would have found her a long time ago. I think she would, I think, I think things would have changed a lot sooner.

Lily  39:46

Well, now that we’re here what do you…I believe that like time is happening all at once. So like we can go back. This is for everybody listening who has a version of themselves in their past. It’s like God, I wish I was here sooner. Everybody deals with that, right? So I think that right now what I want to do is like, take a deep breath together. The listeners will do it as well. And I want to go back to like three years ago, you and I want to for a moment, like, give her the comfort that she needs right now. Like, what would she, what is she, if she exists in our like, right now in our brain as like that version like, I think that when stuff happens and trauma happens that a little version of us sort of breaks off in our body and like still exists and is still inside of us. But it’s, sometimes it feels like when we’re activated, that version of ourselves comes forth and like it’s driving the car. Maybe so with that version of yourself from three years ago, what comfort does she need to hear right now?

Maddie  40:52

Who you are, is worthy. The way that you are right now. For the job, for the friend, for the relationship, for the parent, everything. I mean, who you are, is worthy.

Lily  41:08

Thank you, Maddie. So powerful. So, so powerful. And I want to celebrate so much of our conversation. I want to celebrate your new tattoo. That was huge, I saw it on Instagram. And that’s what prompted me to be like get let’s get you on the podcast. You are like you are being so much main character energy with the choices you’re making, the space you’re taking up, the tattoo you’re getting. Tell us about this gorgeous tattoo and what it meant for you to get it.

Maddie  41:34

Oh, it meant so much. At first, so I’ve wanted it for a very long time. And then first it was well, I’m not sure that I want a big tattoo in a wedding. Okay. A beautifully done tattoo might look wonderful with a gorgeous wedding gown, and also not getting married right now. So and then it was when I lose weight. If I lose 20 pounds, I’ll get this tattoo. If I lose 50 pounds, I’ll get this tattoo. It was always tied to weight. And I just decided why? Like, who cares? I have seen larger curvier women with full sleeves, half sleeves. They look amazing. And it’s not about the size of my arm if I want to do this, and I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time. I’m gonna do this for me. So I just decided to get it because I’m worth it right now. Just the way that I am.

Lily  42:39

Yes. I think it’s so beautiful Maddie and it is, it’s a peony? Yeah, a giant gorgeous peony. And I love it. I just got the pleasure of seeing it right before this on your arm. And I just want to thank you so much for being vulnerable for sharing your story with us. And is there anything you would say to the listener in parting?

Maddie  43:01

Listening to your podcasts, following you on social media, and if you dare to take the next step of participating in one of your programs, I highly recommend it. It has been so valuable to me and I know that it will be valuable to other people. I mean,

Lily  43:21

Thank you, Maddy, everybody go to the show notes to see all that we talked about today. Maddy, I’m so grateful for your time and you being here and sharing a bit of your story with us. I’m so proud of you. You’ve done such hard and worthy work. You’re an amazing example of the unhurried unfolding of like diving into the work and saying you know, I don’t know exactly where this is gonna lead me and I’m choosing myself. You’re also an amazing example of main character energy when you say yes to what you want in all of the ways. So thank you and I will talk to y’all soon. Bye.