In this episode, we’re diving deep into Main Character Energy — what it is, why it matters, and how to start building it (even if you’re shy, introverted, or feeling wildly behind).

You’ll learn:

– Why Main Character Energy is even more important in unstable times
– The three essential skills at the heart of a Main Character Life
– The truth about people-pleasing, perfectionism, and “best friend identity”
– Why healing burnout isn’t just for you — it’s for your community, too
– How to take powerful action using the “10 Seconds of Courage” method

Real stories from Lily and her clients on what happens when you stop shrinking and start taking up space

This is your invitation to stop settling for “good enough” and start creating a life that’s audaciously joyful, deeply aligned, and unapologetically yours.

Want to go deeper?

Join us for the free live training on April 23rd:

✨ Stop People-Pleasing + Build a Stupidly Joyful Life ✨ 

You’ll learn exactly how to cultivate Main Character Energy — and get a behind-the-scenes look at the 6-month mastermind, Main Character Life.

RSVP HERE– https://www.datebrazen.com/joyful-life

Applications open during the live event, and spots are limited.
✨ Join the waitlist for early access → https://www.datebrazen.com/mcl-waitlist

Listen now + step into your Main Character Era.

Order my book, “Thank You, More Please”: https://www.datebrazen.com/book

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Show transcript:

Lily @ Date Brazen (00:00.718)

Hey gorgeous friends, welcome to another episode of the Date Brazen podcast. I’m so glad that you are here. Today I’m talking about something that I’m really passionate about, which is you getting off the freaking sidelines and into your main character energy. Even if you’re shy, even if you’re an introvert, even if you never have before, even if you’re a late bloomer, even if you have a really big fear of being selfish and you’re afraid that main character energy

means that you’ll be selfish. whatever it is, this episode is going to serve you and to help you step into your main character energy. And I wanna talk about this concept of main character energy, not just because I’m very passionate about you getting what you want from this one wild and precious life, in the words of Mary Oliver. I wanna talk about main character energy because in this moment in our history as humankind, with so much of the world on fire, you might be wondering.

Is it selfish or even useful to focus on my own joy or my own main character energy right now? How can we focus on working toward your dreams when so much is uncertain? We cannot main character energy our way out of systemic oppression. So why would main character energy matter? My answer is that main character energy is not just for more stable moments in our history.

It’s even more imperative for the unstable ones too. Main character energy, which you’re gonna hear about in this episode, is a buildable skill set. And without it, you are going to burn out or continue to be burnt out. And when you’re burnt out, you are less likely to make powerful shit happen in the world because all you can do is lay down. Laying down is totally fine. Both end, I don’t want burnout to be your consistent status quo.

I want you to engage with your own needs so fully that you start to heal your burnout so you can not only care for yourself, but you can make the impact that you are meant to make in the world as well, both and. And your default mode that you were taught, that you were socialized to perform, of people pleasing, of perfectionism, and of like bone level exhaustion to care give for everyone else before you take care of yourself

Lily @ Date Brazen (02:27.126)

that will persist without a powerful redirect. This moment right here that we’re in together right now is an invitation for you to heal your burnout, to stop people pleasing and to enter your like basically villain who is the main character era. Because when you release people pleasing as your default, when you heal your burnout, when you stop fucking shrinking yourself, you unlock your power, the power to take up more space.

to advocate and to make change where you can. Imagine, just for a second with me, what is possible when you are no longer stuck in overthinking every choice, people pleasing every single day, or shrinking your needs to accommodate others? Not only what changes would that make in your life, what relationships, opportunities, and healing could you invite in, could you attract, but also what causes could you support?

What moves could you make, whether that’s organizing in your hometown, funding movements and organizations that matter to you, or building a business that changes lives. This is what my clients inside of Main Character Life are doing now that they’ve built the rock solid skill of Main Character Energy. Your community needs your Main Character Energy and so do you. So, let Main Character Energy, let this invitation of this episode.

Be a call to action for you. Let this episode be a call to action for you that you deserve your main character energy. is possible to build it. It is possible for you to build that skill set even if you’re shy or introverted or a late bloomer or whatever. Both and. Imagine with me in this episode what you stepping into your main character energy could mean for the lives of not only your loved ones around you

your community around you because this shit matters. So I am fired up about this topic as you can tell. And I also am really excited to share that this episode is brought to you by our gorgeous sponsor, my mastermind main character life. This is a six month high level small group mastermind.

Lily @ Date Brazen (04:45.21)

where you and a small coven of cheerleaders who are joining you are going to release people-pleasing, build rock-solid self-trust, and become the main character of your whole freaking life in six months or less. We do this inside of the mastermind with weekly group coaching, daily coaching in Slack, a brand new main character energy curriculum. Inside that curriculum, I am so excited to announce…

that I’ve created the people pleasing detox for one month where you are going to eliminate people pleasing decisions and rewire your brain to actually make self trusting decisions that are in your best interest so that you have more fun in your life. So you take up more space. So you’re more powerful. So you attract that which is highest and best for you without people pleasing. Cause it’s keeping you stuck and shrunk. There’s

creating your life essence based preferences. So I’ve talked about this in dating, this is like creating a rubric to make self trusting decisions and main character energy decisions in every domain of your life. And we’re going to create your life essence based preferences to be that rubric. So there’s no more overthinking or mind drama about making decisions in your life. No more having to outsource your decision making to 10 friends. You’re going to know how to make

self-trusting, powerful decisions in every domain of your life that only eliminates burnout, eliminates that people-pleasing, eliminates perfectionism from your way of going about things. So you’re just freer in your life and you get more shit done and you attract more amazing shit. And then the third exciting piece of this framework in the curriculum is the 100 Dares Project. In the 100 Dares Project,

you are going to start claiming and doing the epic shit that’s been on your to-do list and in the back of your brain for years. Whether you’re a quiet dreamer and you have been dreaming of leaving your job and traveling during a sabbatical so that you can make a career pivot or whatever. You’ve been quietly dreaming of that, but it feels impossible or so far away. Or whether you’re a single mom and you haven’t taken a week to yourself in eight years.

Lily @ Date Brazen (07:00.536)

and you don’t know how you would be able to, we’re gonna figure that shit out with the 100 Dares Project. If you feel like a late bloomer and you feel behind in your career or in your friendships or in your love life, the 100 Dares Project is meant for you to start taking that epic aligned action, to start shooting your shot, to start asking for more, to start advocating for yourself every single day. And then if you’re an over thinker, you’ve been stuck in perfectionism,

The 100 Dares Project is gonna help you get messy, help you get playful, help you bring more joy into your daily existence. The 100 Dares Project is truly life-changing and it is gonna be so fucking fun and I cannot wait to share more about this curriculum with you, share more about the mastermind with you. In my live free training coming up on April 23rd, the live training is called Stop People-Pleasing and Build a Stupidly Joyful Life.

and it is free and I’m going to teach you all about main character energy. I’m going to teach you about the mastermind, see if it’s the right next step for you. Applications open on April 23rd at that live training. And so if you want to join us, then go to the link in the description of this episode or just go to datebrazen.com to sign up for the live training to learn more about the mastermind. You can also join the wait list for main character life in the link in the description of this episode. In the wait list, you get early access to applications because
This room is limited. We are limiting this room to 30 people max. And if you want one of those spots or if you want to explore taking one of those spots with an application and a sales call with me, then go get on the wait list and get early access. I am really pumped about this, as you can probably tell. And this mastermind is always.

Such a highlight of my year. I’ve been running it for the last three years and the results are incredible, which you’re going to hear a little bit about in this episode. And this framework of main character energy, this three step framework that you’ll learn in this episode is also really incredible, if I do say so myself. So all that being said, can’t to see you on April 23rd. Apply for the mastermind on that date. We will fill up. And if you are a good fit,

Lily @ Date Brazen (09:14.04)

then we will hop on an unhurried sales call to figure it out together if it’s the right next step for you. Y’all are the best. Let’s get into this freaking episode.

Lily @ Date Brazen (09:28.018)

Hey, I’m Lily Wonville, former top matchmaker and founder of Date Brazen. After setting up hundreds, I realized that with coaching, women could match themselves better than anyone else ever could. With my unconventional feminist approach, I’ve helped women around the world build courageous and self-trust-filled love lives, and now I’m here to support you. Get ready, because I’m about to share the exact steps you need to attract a soul-quenching partnership and feel amazing about yourself along the way. This is the Date Brazen podcast.

Today’s episode is all about building main character identity in your life. What it means not to be in main character energy and then how to build main character energy, how to build main character identity. So main character energy, really I think about the movie The Holiday, you know? I think about the movie The Holiday and I think about that conversation that Kate Winslet has at that dinner table with that older gentleman who was a script writer. do not remember his name.

But he basically says like, you’re amazing, you’re stunning, like you’re the main character, but you’re acting like the best friend. And that’s one of my favorite movies and I draw so much inspiration from film and television specifically, like a handful of references. You can hear me quoting all the time that it’s not mysterious, the holiday, Parks and Recreation, Gilmore Girls, The Office sometimes in my personal life, but I digress, know. This holiday moment.

really hit home for me and was just this defining moment in media for something that I see every single day. And I saw in my own life, right? This tendency that I used to have and that I see my clients struggling with every single day, maybe in their dating life, maybe in other parts of their life as well, to shrink. Being the best friend, if we take media and film as an example, literally means less air time, less screen time.

And the only time you see the best friend, generally, unless that best friend has been a character arc later on in the season, let’s take Lane in Gilmore Girls, for example. You don’t see Lane in Gilmore Girls without Rory, her best friend, the main character, until much later on in the series. Now, there are exceptions, but the general rule is the best friend character exists to service the main character.

Lily @ Date Brazen (11:47.252)

You might’ve seen this in your life as the single one. Your friends are coupled, maybe you have kids, maybe you’re the only single one left in your circle, and you feel like you’re showing up in their lives as this like guest character, this like best friend character that exists to love on their kids and love on them and talk them through their issues. And there’s nothing wrong with playing that role in somebody else’s life. The problem comes in.

when you struggle coming back into your life being the main character and instead you default to caregiving, people pleasing, exerting all of your energy, taking care of other people instead of asking for what you want. Before main character energy, you might be shrinking your wants because you think they’re too much for other people. They don’t have time, they’re going through so much, I don’t know. Shrinking your needs, playing the best friend.

You’re afraid to upset someone by asking for what you want because of the paralyzing fear of being left, being rejected or being judged. The best friend character, if she were to… I think about the show, Kevin Can Fuck Himself. I haven’t seen it, but I have seen the trailer. Famous last words. No, it’s very much like, I read an article, I read a title of an article. No, but this show, Kevin Can Fuck Himself, is these two worlds.

You know, and it’s Annie from, from Shits Creek, how I know her, she’s brilliant. So in the show, Kevin Can Fuck Himself, she lives two lives. She’s got this like sitcom life where she’s like the wife of this man and who was terrible. And it’s like, LOL, funny, like, she’s doing laundry, typical like woman stuff, whatever. And then she goes into like the kitchen and it goes to this like dark, shattered reality where it’s like this gritty drama. And if in,

Gilmore Girls, Lane was to stage a coup. The best friend character was to stage a coup in order to become the main character of the series. The series would break. It wouldn’t allow her to be the main character. And some of y’all are living out here, living in best friend identity instead of main character identity, thinking that asserting yourself, asking for what you want, setting the boundary, acknowledging what you want, even at a base level will break the show.

Lily @ Date Brazen (14:12.651)

because your life before now might have been crafted around the assumption that you need to be small in order to belong. Maybe you have friends that are not the friends that you ultimately want who make you feel like you need to stay small in order to belong. Don’t ask for so much. Don’t set that boundary. Don’t ask us to stop complaining. Don’t ask us what’s bringing us joy. What a weird question. If that’s your friend group, we need to talk. Okay? Maybe that’s not your friend group. Maybe your friend group is amazing, but you feel like

my God, I can’t ask him that because then like I’ll disrupt the status quo. So what? Maybe in your love life, you’ve been in a situation chip that you know you have to shrink in in order to belong like I did. I was in the situation chip where I knew that had I asserted my needs and set a boundary and been willing, had I been willing to let it go if the boundary wasn’t met or the expectation wasn’t met of regular communication, like base level shit, I knew.

that I would lose that relationship. So I defaulted to being the best friend character in my life in that relationship by sidelining my own needs in order to keep that relationship. you know, being the best friend also means settling for good enough, good enough job, good enough friendships, good enough vacations, good enough dates, good enough situationship, good enough relationship.

And you probably know deep down because you’re listening to this episode that you’re in a rut and that you don’t want a good enough life anymore. You want a great life. But how do you get there? That’s why you’re listening to this episode. Okay. So that’s before building main character energy. That’s before building main character identity. Okay. So let’s just level set. You’re the main character of your story. This doesn’t mean that your needs are more important than everyone else’s in the world.

It does mean that they’re just as important though. And it also means as you argue, the human listening to this, watching this, whatever, you’re the only one who can really meet your needs because you’re the only one who can acknowledge them and ask for them. Nobody’s a mind reader. You’re the only one who can get your needs met by building the right relationships, building the skill of self-advocacy, building the skill of self-permission, building the skill of self-trust.

Lily @ Date Brazen (16:36.371)

Your needs, main characters know that their needs are just as important as other people’s and that they are in charge of getting their needs met. Main characters know that it’s okay to make mistakes that’s gonna happen. It actually moves the plot forward. We think about Rory’s mistakes in Gilmore Girls. Now there are some mistakes that we could do a different podcast about to talk about Rory’s mistakes sleeping with Dean when he was married. Mistake.

No, thank you. No, no, no. Dean making the decision to sleep with Rory when he was married. No, no mistake. And making a mistake, even though, oh God, wouldn’t have chosen that, wouldn’t recommend it. I have not cheated. I have not slept with my high school boyfriend who was cheating on his wife. I’ve not done that, nor will I. And I’ve done things that I wouldn’t do it again. I’ve made mistakes.

Main characters know that it’s a part of life that I’m going to make mistakes and they move through it. Big feelings come up. They have a conversation. They get support. Hopefully they know that they’re human and nothing in life by making a mistake. They haven’t fucked up the show. You know what I’m saying? Now with Rory and Dean, arguable, arguable. Their schools of thought that again,

We’re not, that’s not this podcast, Lily, Lily, Lily, calm down. That’s not this podcast. But main characters know that mistakes happen and they have somebody in their life and the show is like mistakes happen and you don’t have to let this define you. Like we move forward, right? Main characters know that when something goes wrong, they know that they’re going to freak out. Like it’s a part of it. And they have a toolbox or in the show or in the movie, they build a toolbox to have their own back.

Right? The movie is an arc. The show is an arc. So they may not come in knowing how to have their own back, how to care for themselves, how to make different decisions next time, but main characters build that shit. Main characters are not afraid to celebrate themselves or brag on themselves. Now, again, that’s a skill that is built. Main characters can stand in what they’re proud of and what they are worthy of and who they are.

Lily @ Date Brazen (18:58.795)

They stand in what they’ve been able to create and who they are and like what, you know, like main characters own that shit. Main characters shoot their shot often. This is all play anyway. Main characters build up the courage to shoot their shot. It’s all play. This is all made up, right? There’s a writer’s room in Gilmore Girls writing the main character arcs, writing in everything. This is your life. You get to be in that writer’s room.

and main characters shoot their shot, period. Main characters do 10 seconds of courage. That’s literally all it takes to be the main character of your life and to do epic shit is 10 seconds of courage. 10 seconds of courage. So I wanna point out two examples of 10 seconds of courage that changed my life and then changed somebody else’s life. So in thinking about this episode and in thinking about writing about main character energy in my book,

and my mastermind main character life, I really sat down and did some journaling on, in my life and in my clients lives who’ve done the most epic shit, asked for big raises, gotten the most incredible grants, gotten tens of thousands of dollars in grant funding in just one month because they were audacious enough to ask for it, for their new business, starting a new business, quitting their soul sucking job and getting a new one that was on a schedule by their own design.

Building a new core group of friends that was reciprocal as hell setting a boundary with their mom or their boss For the first time in their lives shooting their shot with a cutie and starting an amazing romantic relationship because of that 10 seconds of courage to do that right these epic things me starting my business and like getting a book deal and meeting Chris and and and building a relationship like we have that is so reciprocal and joyful How did that all happen? Okay, so I sort of back

I was like, what is the line through, the through line in all of this? And I identified that this is main character energy, right? It’s the three skills. It’s permission, self-trust, and massive messy action. And then to take massive messy action is the third scale and break it down even further, because y’all know I’m Taipei, I love to break this shit down. What does massive messy action take? What does that require? And then I broke it, I thought about it, okay.

Lily @ Date Brazen (21:21.057)

I was like, really? If we’re breaking it down to its simplest form, it only takes 10 seconds of courage. Now you might wanna vomit on the front and back end of that 10 seconds. You might wanna pass out. You might wanna run away. But all it takes, all it takes to do epic shit with main character energy is 10 seconds of courage. Now on the front end, permission, self-trust, of course. But for the messy action, 10 seconds of courage.

So here’s 10 seconds of courage, an example of 10 seconds of courage from me and a person that then learned this skill herself. I was a matchmaker and I was burnt out, totally burnt out, totally like at the end of my rope. And I had had this, I had been researched, I had seen online, think, Gilmore Girls Fan Fest was in its second year at the time. I hadn’t gone yet and I was desperate to go. I was so.

sad to not go because I didn’t really think I had the money nor did I have the time to take off work to do these this thing just for my pleasure and joy. was like that’s silly. Why would I do that? That’s silly. I don’t have the time. I don’t have the money. don’t have the energy. I have to work. I have to make more money. I have to figure this out. I have to match. We have so many dates to get out the door. That was the language we used to get the dates out the door. But I was with my boss at the time who to her credit such an encouraging person.

And she saw how burnt out I was, like burnt out to a crisp. And she stopped me. And sometimes main character energy requires some intervention from people that care about you, right? So she stopped me and she was like, Lily.

You’re not gonna make it like this. What’s going on? And I told her, I’m burnt out, I’m exhausted. I’m having some really dark thoughts about what’s next and I don’t know what’s next for me and I feel like just everything’s kinda hopeless. And she was like, you need to do something that brings you joy this weekend. I think it was a Thursday or Wednesday even. You need to do something that brings you joy now. This is not a…

Lily @ Date Brazen (23:32.641)

She was very direct with me. She was like, this is not a question. It’s a demand. You need to do something that brings you joy right now. Like you need to figure that out right now because this burnout is not gonna get you anywhere. And you need to do it and you need to give yourself permission to do it. I was like, well, I do know that Gilmore Girls Fan Fest is this weekend. This weekend is Gilmore Girls Fan Fest. And she was like, and I said, it’s silly and it’s weird and I don’t know. I’m obsessed with Gilmore Girls.

decades, but I don’t know. She’s like, need to stop. You need to do it. It took 10 seconds for her to interrupt my burnout pattern. It took 10 seconds for me to give myself the permission. Gamble Girls Fan Fest it is. It took 10 seconds to get on my little keyboard, click, clack, click, clack, find out info about the accommodations and the festival. 10 seconds. Look in my bank account. See, okay, I could make this work. 10 seconds.

calling up the, at the time there was this accommodation site that was sort of like dirty dancing, like a campground. I called and there was one more bed available in a cabin of strangers. And I was like, I’ll take it. 10 seconds to call. The call lasted longer than 10 seconds, but I took it. And then I didn’t know how to get there. So I looked up, okay, let’s go train schedule. Okay, I’m gonna take a train from New York City.

And I got on the fucking train full of joy. I went to Michael’s the night before.

And I bought materials to make my costume because I it was so joyful. I’m like crying. I made a t-shirt that said I love Jess. Now, I wasn’t familiar with iron-ons at the time. This is just color for the story, y’all. I wasn’t familiar with iron-ons at the time. So I bought iron-on materials to do I love Jess and I did the E of Jess backwards. Again, unfamiliar with iron-ons.

Lily @ Date Brazen (25:36.576)

And also a little bit, this is a little silly moment. Did the E backwards of I was like, I’m so embarrassed. I cannot show up to Gilmore Girls Fan Fest with a Jess with an E backwards. So I ended up making a little heart of like little scraps of other iron-ons and make the E a heart. So was like Jess, the E was a heart. It was ridiculous. And then I did my little costume for the night before. I was like ironing on shit. it was.

hilarious and so joyful and silly and just like effervescent. My main character energy started blooming and blossoming. The burnout because of this decision to do the 10 seconds of courage because of the encouragement from somebody else who saw me to do the 10 seconds of courage. Joy is connective and I was living in my joy, baby. I was I was doing my dream at the time.

And my costume was from season five, Laura Lai’s all special, all me alone place or something. I dressed literally as the room that she decorates. Very meta, like deep cut. only the fans of the, the only the, the cream of the crop fans knew what I was. And that was a thrill for me. And I show up to Gilmore Girls Fan Fest and again, I get on the train and I hadn’t shown up yet. I get on the train and I didn’t know how I was going to get from the train to the campsite because there was no Uber in the small town.

that we were in Connecticut. I’m sure that I could have waited like two hours for a cab, but this town had 1500 people coming for this fan fest. was no, like the resources were stretched thin. There was not like accessible Uber. And I made friends on the train with other people going to the fest because it was obvious who we were. We ended up meeting and befriending a local antique dealer who was adorable.

and wonderful and gave me and like five other Gilmore Girls FanFest attendees a ride to the campsite. We did take a picture of that person’s license plate and did text it to our loved ones beforehand and we felt it out together. It was good vibes. It was like Bridges of Madison County. We were going through this gorgeous like autumnal paradise and I was just like, my God, joy, the joy is life-changing. Main character energy is life-changing.

Lily @ Date Brazen (27:55.744)

And then I had the best weekend of my life ever at Gilmore Girls Fan Fest because of main character energy and joy. 10 seconds of courage was all it took to get me over the hump of doing that thing that changed my life. What happened next year is that I decided to go again and I felt confident. I made friends the year before we were going to meet up at the festival. It was so joyful. And I go and I sing karaoke.

was really good. I sang, I will always love you, the Dolly Parton version, because I believe in season seven. I don’t really watch the later seasons for, I think obvious reasons, but I’m trying to plow through it again right now. But I think it was season seven, Laura Lai sings, and I will always love you. And I sang that, it was so joyful and fun. This is the 10 seconds, how 10 seconds of courage changed someone else’s life or how I sort of broke down like, that’s all it is. This woman came up to me.

After I sang, and it was just so fun, at this karaoke bar at Gilmore Girls Fan Fest, she came up to me and said, hey, I don’t know you, but you look like you had a lot of fun up there. And she was like shaking like a leaf. And I probably have told this story before on the podcast, but I don’t remember when, so I’m just plunging ahead. She was shaking and she said, I don’t know you, but I have always wanted to do karaoke and I’ve been too afraid to do it.

So will you go up there and do it with me? Again, didn’t know me, had never done karaoke. And I looked at her and I said, it would be my honor to do karaoke with you for the first time. And it was a big stage with a lot of people out there. It wasn’t a typical karaoke bar. was in this like event venue thing. And we went up to the stage again. She was shaking like a leaf. She chose waving through a window. And I got to…

stand there and witness her 10 seconds of courage of I want to do this. Let me get support to do this. Let’s do this. Even though I’m shaking, even though I probably want it, she probably wanted to vomit. And she start, we started singing together on the outside, always looking in, we like, and I ended up noticing that she was like stepping forward onto a bigger stage, into center stage, downstage center stage. And I ended up

Lily @ Date Brazen (30:19.57)

removing myself and going to the side and only singing harmony on the chorus and the DJ was really into it as well and he knew the words and the harmonies as well so they ended up doing three-part harmony on the chorus and let this woman take up space in front of us who had never done it before and the crowd cheered and erupted with cheers afterward and I just saw 10 seconds of courage at work. This is shooting your shot. This is all it takes. This is asking to do the thing even though you’re

scared to do it. This is doing it scared. This is the thought, why not me? I just want you to take these examples and I want to galvanize you with them. have 10 examples of what you can do with 10 seconds of courage today to start stepping into main character identity. The main character believes, why not me? The main character believes, why not me?

The main character believes I’m worthy of being here. I’m worthy of taking up space. The main character says, why not me? And then the main character, right, gives themselves permission to want what they want, trusts that it’s going to be okay because they have their own back with all of the nervous system care that they get to do, that I teach on this podcast, all the self-compassion and all that shit. And then they take 10 seconds of courage. So here are 10 examples of 10 seconds of courage that you can do today.

And I really want you to pick one and do it, if not more than one. So from the thought, why not me? I hope that inspires the feeling of the feeling of joy or the feeling of possibility or the feeling of hope. And I categorize these 10 into three subcategories, right? There are a few for each. So self-care, you can stop working, go for a walk. Notice 10 things that bring you awe or joy on your walk. That’s one thing that you could do as the main character, 10 seconds of courage to like really

Have your own back and like bring in some peace today, bring in some awe today. You could lay on the floor. Something a main character could do, shut their computer, lay on the floor. You could do a self-compassion meditation that will really help, proven to reduce cortisol and increase resilience. Main characters do that shit. The category belonging. You could text a friend that you need support, send out a bat signal right now. Don’t do this shit alone. Text a friend, hey, I really could use a phone call. Can you chat tonight or tomorrow morning? If you need that.

Lily @ Date Brazen (32:43.636)

You could also text your therapist. Your therapist probably is like, text me if you need me. If you need help, if you need support, if you need encouragement, text, reach out, 10 seconds of courage. Or if you’re not seeing a therapist and you’ve wanted to, go to Psychology Today right now and do a little searchy search in your area. Look for somebody who resonates with you, book a consult, okay? And the last category of 10 seconds of courage is shooting your shot. So here are.

One, two, three, four, five options for that. I’ve done five for self care and belonging. Here’s shooting your shot examples. Take them, run with them. 10 seconds of courage, all it takes. And vomiting, wanting to vomit or wanting to pass out is part of the game. Do it scared. You will be okay, especially if you have the skill of self-compassion on the other end. Text that QD and ask them out. 10 seconds is all it’ll take. Ask for clarity with that person that you’re seeing. If you’ve been feeling confused or like, do they like me? Do they want to be exclusive? Ask for clarity.

10 seconds of courage, you can’t say the wrong thing to the right person. Number three, take your friend up on that setup. You could tell your friend that you want to be set up with that cutie that you met at her party three weeks ago. Okay, shoot your shot, 10 seconds of courage. You could bless and release a situationship that isn’t right. You know it isn’t right. If you need help tuning in with self trust, listen to episode 216, you could bless and release them. I also have an episode on how to bless and release. Just type in bless and release on date brazen podcast on Google and you’ll find it.

Bless and release the situation chip, 10 seconds of courage. You need to bless and release the people that aren’t aligned with your main character energy, period. Finally, you could DM someone, ask them to be friends or ask them out on a date if you’re attracted. You can’t say the wrong thing to the right person. Shoot your fucking shot with 10 seconds of courage. All it takes is the thought, why not me? Hopefully that inspires a little feeling of possibility. And then 10 seconds of courage. That’s all it takes.

You’re giving yourself permission to be the main character imperfectly. You’re in progress of being the main character. You’re giving yourself permission to do that shit. You’re giving yourself the skill, the practice of self-trust by saying, no matter what happens, I have my own back. When I trust myself, I’m doing the right thing. I may not know exactly what’s going to happen. And no matter what, I have my back, self-trust land. Okay. And then the third and final skill, character energy, is to shoot your shot. 10 seconds of courage. This creates the identity.

Lily @ Date Brazen (35:06.24)

of a main character. You’re no longer going to be the best friend. You’re going to be centering your own needs and wants. You’re going to be asking for what you want and the right people are going to show up with you. Again, there’s this fallacy running around that I was raised amongst as well that taking up space takes light away or space away from others. That’s bullshit. you’re other people, specifically, let’s talk about like celebrating yourself. Celebrating yourself

Brazen bragging is not about sucking the air out of the room. It’s about bringing people along with you and celebrating yourself along with others, right? Hey, here’s what I’m proud of about myself. What are you proud of? It’s about encouraging your friends to be the main character of their life too, as much as you’re comfortable. It’s about building friendships in which you actively celebrate and support one another in a reciprocal way instead of needing to dim your light in order for someone else’s to shine or vice versa. Main character energy is about

co-creating the right relationships, the right support, the right epic action. And you’ve got this. So let me know after listening to this episode, what epic 10 seconds of courage action are you gonna take? DM me on Instagram at datebrazen. And if you liked this episode, then you are going to fricking be obsessed with my mastermind, Main Character Life, which is my six month mastermind where you’re gonna complete a life-changing main character project.

by releasing people pleasing, building rock solid self trust and becoming the main character of your whole fucking life in six months. Okay. It’s going to usher in the most epic season of your love life and your life in general. Members of the past have built core groups of friends with this mastermind. They have created opportunities that at work that they didn’t have before. They have asked for year long sabbaticals and received them that they never thought they could do or get before.

They have quit their soul sucking job with confidence and found other jobs that are more aligned and have a schedule on their terms. They have attracted the loves of their lives. They have dated with main character energy and shot their shot every single day. The possibilities are endless inside of this container with what you will create and co-create with your main character energy. When you have the accountability, the support and the coaching to take massive messy action, to trust yourself, to give yourself permission to be the main character.

Lily @ Date Brazen (37:25.618)

Applications to Main Character Life open on our live training on April 23rd. The live training is called Stop People-Bleasing and Build a Stupidly Joyful Life. In that training, I’m not only gonna take you through the pillars of main character energy and how to apply that skillset to your life right now to stop being the best friend in everyone else’s story and to start taking up more space, you’re also gonna learn everything that’s inside the mastermind. You can get all of your questions answered personally by me on that call.

We can coach you through any of your questions and get to know whether or not this is the right next step for you. And then applications open on April 23rd. So if you’re listening to this after April 23rd and before May 2nd, then go to the link in the description and click it, learn more, apply. The application alone will increase your main character energy. And after that application, if you’re a good fit, then we’ll hop on an unhurried sales call.

to see whether or not this is the right next step, the most powerful next step for you and your main character energy. So go to the link in the description of this episode to join the live training. If you’re listening to this before or on April 23rd, and if you’re listening to it after April 23rd, apply in the link in the description. If it’s before May 2nd, 2025. And if it’s after then, then join the wait list. The link in the description will take you to all those places depending on when you click it.

And I cannot wait to see you on April 23rd. It’s going to be such a good time. So go take a deep breath, do something for your main character energy today, write yourself a big permission slip. And I would be asking myself if I were you just in general, no matter when you’re listening to this, how supported can I stand to let myself be? And what might my main character energy be calling me into in this season? Talk to you all next week.

Thanks for listening to the Date Brazen podcast. If you liked this episode, then you’re going to freaking love my book. Thank you more please. It’s my proven step-by-step feminist guide to breaking dumb dating rules and finding love. You can buy it anywhere books are sold and then get a juicy bonus at datebrazen.com slash book. The bonus is the dating life fix. My top 10 podcast episodes to get unstuck right now. And be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. You’ve got this and I’ve got your back.