Dating while struggling with body image fears can feel like an impossible task. In this episode, Lily is joined by Bri Campos, LPC, and body image coach, to explore the idea of body grief—the distress and loss we feel when our bodies change—and how it impacts dating.

Together they cover:

→ The 4 aspects of body image you need to know

→ Why rushing to “body love” skips over the real healing work

→ How fatphobia and privilege show up in dating dynamics

→ Practical tools to move through body grief with compassion so you can put yourself out there and find love in exactly the body you’re in

If you’re a late bloomer who’s avoided dating because of how you feel in your body, this conversation will give you the validation, tools, and hope to take your next steps.

Learn about Bri’s work here→ https://www.bodyimagewithbri.com/

💥 Want more support? Start here:

→ Free Essence-Based Preferences workbook: datebrazen.com/workbook

→ Read Thank You More Please: datebrazen.com/book

→ Learn how to work with Lily: datebrazen.com

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Show transcript:

Lily @ Date Brazen:

Hello everyone, welcome to another episode of the Date Brazen Podcast! Today, I am with the incredible Bri Campos.

Bri is a body image coach and education consultant for people who are tired of hating their body. She is an LPC and the host of the Body Grievers Club podcast. She’s passionate about using the Health at Every Size paradigm when it comes to helping clients find freedom with food and peace with their current body.

I found her on Instagram—she’s been such an endless source of inspiration to me on a personal and business level. We got on this call like 30 minutes ago thinking that we were going to start the podcast. Silly us, because we just shoot the shit endlessly and have a great time. You’re going to love her so much.

Hello, Bri!

Bri:

What an introduction! I feel so honored—thank you for having me.

Lily @ Date Brazen:

I would love to hear, for folks that don’t know you—how did you get into this work?

I know, such a big, loaded question.

Bri:

So, I’d say the short answer is through lived experience. The longer answer is: I’m an LPC, a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of New Jersey. I had to do an internship in my graduate program, and I was placed in an eating disorder center.

I’d always been interested in body image because I struggled with my own body image, but it was there that I realized—nobody knows how to have these conversations. Nobody knows how to pull people through what I call the suck of body image or body grief.

Because that language didn’t exist, I had to figure it out for myself—and that’s how Body Image with Bri was born. I created my first Instagram post in 2018. I was still new on my journey with intuitive eating, but I could already tell that nobody was holding space for the discomfort around what I call body distress—the fact that it is hard to exist in a body.

So many times, I would see providers just put it on the proverbial back burner—“I know this is hard, but intuitive eating!” So I had to marry intuitive eating with the discomfort of my body changing. That’s how I came up with body grief.

I was finding words, even for myself, for the distress I was feeling. Around that time, I’d also experienced great loss—my older brother passed away. Because I had learned grief so deeply, I knew its name before I ever heard it paired with body image.

In the world of body positivity—everyone saying, “I love my body,” “I love my thighs that jiggle”—I couldn’t relate. I didn’t love all the parts of my body. Through exploring my own body grief, I learned:

I don’t need to love that my thighs jiggle. But at the end of the day, I love me. That’s what I teach my clients—to hold both truths.

Lily @ Date Brazen:

My God, how powerful. It also sounds like… I don’t know how to even phrase this, but—the conversation around privilege and different levels of privilege in this conversation about body image.

Bri:

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. One of the cornerstones of my work is talking about how fatphobia or anti-fat bias is rooted in racism. We can’t talk about body positivity unless we’re willing to talk about its roots in racism.

If you’re wondering where to start, I recommend The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor and Fearing the Black Body by Sabrina Strings.

On the surface, if you and I are fearful of existing in a fat body because we’re afraid it’ll discredit us—say, in dating—that fear is rooted in racism. As early as the 1600s, society decided which bodies were desirable and which were not, to benefit those in power—stereotypically, white men.

So, when you can go through the world and your body doesn’t impact your day-to-day life, that exposes privilege.

For example:

If I lose my luggage while traveling, I don’t have the privilege of being able to walk into any store and find clothes that fit. That’s not guaranteed for me.

Or when I avoid going to the doctor—not because I don’t need care, but because of the shame and trauma I’ve experienced there. If you don’t fear being shamed at the doctor, that’s a privilege I don’t have.

Another example—recently, I got pulled over while driving, and I was let off with a warning. I joked about being in the Lord’s favor, and someone replied, “…and because you’re white.” They were right. I don’t fear being pulled over because of the body I’m in.

So, when we talk about body positivity, we must also talk about body privilege.

Lily @ Date Brazen:

That’s exactly the direction I wanted to go. I was curious about how you move through that conversation.

Because the idea of Ashley Graham saying “love that my thighs jiggle” made me wonder about mid-size versus plus-size privilege, and who belongs at the center of the body positivity movement.

From you and leaders like Sonya Renee Taylor, I’ve learned that the people at the center must be those who started the movement—Black and brown women in larger bodies.

And I’ll probably mess up in how I talk about this—but I want to learn. Similar to when I talk about dating apps—there’s privilege there too. Some queer folks literally cannot safely date without apps. Some differently-abled folks or people in larger bodies don’t have the same access to “meet someone in person” opportunities.

So, I’m really grateful to be learning and recognizing my place of privilege in this conversation—as a mid-size white woman who’s queer in a straight-presenting relationship.

Bri:

I love that openness. I always say—call me in. I’m open to being called in, especially by people with less privilege than I do.

Every person can talk about body positivity—but only if they’re willing to carry the discomfort that comes with it. If you’re only talking about the “sexy” parts of it—“love your body, feel empowered”—but not the grief, the discomfort, the pain—then it’s incomplete.

I always encourage my clients to explore their own privilege and implicit biases. Take the Harvard Bias Tests. How do you feel about fat bodies? Disabled bodies? Race? We can’t move forward unless we know what we’re working with.

Lily @ Date Brazen:

That’s powerful. It reminds me of Chrissy King—her book The Body Liberation Project talks about racism in the fitness industry and body feelings too.

Tell me about body grief—how do we recognize it, and how do we move through it?

Bri:

My definition of body grief is the perceived loss that causes distress when one’s body changes.

When your body changes—puberty, menopause, diagnosis, weight gain—there’s often a perceived loss. But society treats some body changes as “acceptable” grief—like pregnancy or menopause—but stigmatizes others, like weight gain or recovery from an eating disorder.

I once had a client say the thing she grieved most was the privilege of passing in a smaller body.

Lily @ Date Brazen:

Wow. How did you help her move through that? Are there “stages” like with grief?

Bri:

Yes—if we look at Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance—most of my clients oscillate between bargaining and depression.

They’re not ready to face the depression of not being able to control their body or meet society’s expectations. They bargain: “Maybe I can still fix this.”

So I hold space for them to grieve. To acknowledge—this is out of my control, and it sucks. No silver lining, no “at least.” Just sitting in it.

When you can look grief in the eye, you find that eventually you come back to balance. And you learn you’re not alone.

Lily @ Date Brazen:

What’s one of your favorite coping skills?

Bri:

Body connection. So many of us have learned to disconnect from our bodies. I help clients reconnect—to feel sensations, to trust their body even when it feels unsafe.

Grounding, mindfulness, breathing—all the things I once rolled my eyes at! It doesn’t have to fix the feeling; it just sustains you until the next moment.

Another tool I love is reparenting.

We talk a lot about the inner child, but I remind my clients—you’re here now because the adult you did something right. So how can you let that version of you protect the inner child who feels unsafe?

That’s where my body grief formula comes in.

It’s:

Building Awareness + Active Unlearning, over Time, in Community.

You can’t change what you don’t know. You unlearn patterns. You give it time—not because time heals, but because it builds familiarity with grief. And you do it in community, so you can see your pain reflected in others and realize—you’re not alone.

Lily @ Date Brazen:

That’s brilliant. I see how that applies to so much more than body image. Do your clients use it in other areas too?

Bri:

Absolutely. It started with body image, but now I teach it to providers and business owners too. I’ve had to apply it myself—as a CEO learning to see my business as real and worthy.

We’ll never arrive at a place of loving every part of ourselves all the time—but we can have tools for the hard days.

Lily @ Date Brazen:

That’s so beautiful. How can people learn from you and work with you?

Bri:

Come hang out with me on Instagram at @bodyimagewithbri, or listen to The Body Grievers Club podcast. Everyone belongs—you just need to have a body.

Lily @ Date Brazen:

Thank you so much, Bri, for this conversation. Everyone, take a deep breath. Notice what came up as you listened—your brain and body probably reacted. Care for yourself through that.

Bri has so many resources to help you move through hard feelings about your body and yourself. This is such sacred, reparenting work.

Thank you, Bri. And thank you all for listening—I’ll talk to you next week.