274. Three Reasons Finding Love Is More Possible Than You Think

Overcoming Dating Fear & Rejection

Your brain is convinced it knows how your love story ends. It’s gathered all the evidence from your past and decided: this is just how it is. But your brain is not a fortune teller. It’s a safety mechanism. And it is working with about 1% of the data.

In this episode of The Feminist Dating Show, Lily breaks down three reasons you might just be wrong that finding love is impossible — and why more is possible in your love life than you currently believe.

Inside episode 274:

  • Why your brain’s “it’s never going to happen” narrative is a biological feature, not a fact about your future
  • The math on how many people you haven’t met yet — and what that means for your love life
  • How to use the relationships you already have as evidence that more is coming
  • The two things that actually change your timeline: proximity to opportunity and courageous behavior in the face of it
  • Lily’s ACK process for rewiring your brain toward possibility when scarcity takes over

Work with Lily:

Show transcript:

Lily (00:00)

Hey gorgeous friend, welcome to another episode of the Feminist Dating Show. I’m so glad that you’re here. Today I am talking to you about the three reasons why you might just be, and I think you are, wrong that finding love is impossible for you. So let’s get into it.

Before I get into the three reasons, I’ve got to tell you this episode is brought to you by my upcoming live training called Attract the Right Partner Zero Experience Needed, How to Make Love Inevitable Without Shame, Settling, or Burnout. It is tonight. If you’re listening to this on Tuesday, June 9th, it is tonight, June 9th, 2026, at 6 p.m. Eastern. All you’ve got to do to sign up to join us live or to get the replay is go to datebrazen.com/lets-go or go to the link in the description of this episode.

Inside this live training, I am outlining exactly how to become powerfully picky, how to become your own expert matchmaker, and how to create a magnetic dating strategy, IRL and online, so that you can go from feeling too late, too behind, not enough in your dating life, like it’s impossible to find love, to clearly and confidently making the right relationship and making thriving within that right relationship inevitable. So I cannot wait to see you there. I can’t wait to cook your face off in that room.

I can’t wait you for you to meet each other. It is a really great community that always joins us for those live calls. So get your butt there if you feel led. Let’s fucking go. Here are the three reasons why you might just be, and I think you are, wrong that finding love is impossible for you. Number one, your brain’s job is to convince you that your current state of being, the pain you are currently in, or the suffering you’re currently suffering, or ⁓ or or whatever moment you’re in.

Is going to be that way forever. This is a safety mechanism honed over many years of human beings just wanting to be safe over learning something new. It’s a safety mechanism to make sure you’re safe. You want to be safe. So your brain is saying, well, dating sucks now. It’s always gonna suck. I haven’t met the kind of person that I want to meet, so I’m never gonna meet them in the future. Your brain is trying to be a fortune teller, but the deal is your brain’s not a very good one. It’s just

Gather data on what has happened in the past. It does not have an accurate read on the possibilities in the future, especially if you change the two things that are required to make the right relationship inevitable: proximity to opportunity and courageous behavior in the face of that opportunity. Those two things change your timeline, change the possibilities in your love life, change your circumstances.

Know that if you look at your life from a 10,000-foot view, you can probably see other inflection points, other moments where you thought something was impossible and you did it and you got it. Maybe a job you really wanted, or an opportunity that you really wanted, or a friendship that you really wanted that worked out. I can think of so many moments in my life where I thought something was impossible.

And then suddenly it it happened or it ch I changed my behavior and I created a different result. And then, you know, years later it’s sort of like, no duh, of course I made this happen. But the same is true for you. And the same can be true for you in your love life.

Number two, it might be possible that maybe just maybe you don’t know everything, that you haven’t met everyone, that you’ve only met one percent of the people that you’re going to meet in this then it bears to reason that there is more possibility than your brain currently can conceive of, because you’ve only met one percent of the cuties that you’re gonna meet in your lifetime.

And if you say, Lily, I live in a small town or I live in this area and I’ve met all the cuties or I they are there aren’t any cuties and I can’t. Okay, I hear you. I’m not here to negate your lived experience in the past. I’m just here to not let you tell a story about your future based on that which you’ve experienced. If you were to do that ⁓ and fully buy into, I’ve experienced everything there’s gonna experience in this life, then

⁓ change wouldn’t be possible, then you wouldn’t see change things happening in other people’s lives, right? ⁓ you are not uniquely unqualified or uniquely broken. Your brain is just convinced of a reality that it’s not gonna work out for you. And I’m here to help you open up to the possibility that maybe just maybe you’re wrong. Number two, it’s possible you have not met everyone yet. And therefore, more is possible than you currently realize.

Maybe it’s possible that my brain is just being a human brain and trying to keep me safe. And maybe that is okay because my brain is not an accurate fortune teller. And if my brain is not an accurate fortune teller, then let’s go gather new evidence. Do you see how possibility begets more possibility

So if your brain is currently convinced that it’s not possible, acknowledge it. Hey, my brain’s just being human brain thinking that it’s not possible that change isn’t possible. Then compassion for that human brain of yours, right? Compassion could sound like, ⁓ I’m sorry you’re struggling. It makes total sense why you would struggle with this thought, right? Based on your past experience, makes sense. I hear you. I’m sorry you’re struggling. That fierce self-compassion might say, and I’m here to figure it out with you.

And you’re not alone, let’s fucking go. Kind reframe, this is my ACK process to rewire your brain toward possibility and away from scarcity automatically. Kind reframe, it might be possible that I haven’t met everyone yet. I don’t know everything, that my brain is just being a human brain right now, and it’s not an accurate fortune teller. So let’s gather new evidence. A C K. Third and final reason why you might be wrong that finding love is impossible for you.

You have relationships. You literally have relationships right now. You have friendships who you didn’t know existed a few years back, or you have people in your life who you love so intensely who you know you can just show up and be yourself with. Instead of your ex being the evidence that what you want does not exist, what if you instead centered the relationships you do have in your life that are healthy, fulfilling?

As evidence that you can build more relationships. Is there a friend in your life who you didn’t know existed? And then suddenly you went to this party and you met them and now you couldn’t imagine your life without them. Same same for your future love life, right? You have relationships. It bears Teresa that you will build more relationships in this one wild and precious life, in the words of Mary Oliver. It is possible as we grow and live our lives that other kinds of relationships will happen that we weren’t expecting. That’s the nature of putting yourself out there.

In the way of aligned opportunity, of getting in proximity to opportunity and having courageous behavior in the face of that opportunity. What you want does exist. And the other piece is that you don’t have to believe that lock stock and barrel right now. I am over here in Brooklyn believing it for you until you can believe it for yourself. And just know that you don’t have to have perfect belief for something magical to happen in your life. You just have to be willing to open up to the possibility that you can learn something new.

That you can create a new result based on how you show up for your desires, you have to open up to the possibility that your desire may just be evidence that what you want exists. So, what do you want to do about it? And I am over here believing after seeing so many people who literally thought it was impossible to find love, so many amazing humans who thought it was impossible, who are now in the greatest romantic relationships of their lives.

I’ve seen way too many of them. I’ve experienced this myself after feeling like a late bloomer and struggling so much with my dating anxiety and settling in the wrong relationship, and then meeting Chris, who’s this incredible, attractive, emotionally intelligent man who makes me so happy. I now know that what you want is possible because of not only my own story, but the stories of hundreds of my clients who are in the best romantic relationships of their lives. And again, you don’t have to blame me right now. You just have to open up to the possibility that more is possible.

And that you get to follow your desires and learn something new in order to realize them. That’s why I’m leading this free training tonight. That’s why I have a job. That’s why we’re here. So that you can open up to getting what you want in this one wild and precious life. Again, in the words of Mary Oliver.

All right, y’all. Those are the three reasons why you might just be wrong that finding love is impossible. I hope that you opened up to a baby bit of possibility or a lot of possibility by listening to this episode. And I hope to be able to coach your face off tonight, June 9th, 2026, at 6 p.m. Eastern in this live call. I will see you tonight and I will talk to you next week. Bye.