Have you ever wondered if you’re “too late” because dating has never worked the way it seems to work for everyone else?

My client Liz joined Main Character Dating at 38 having never been in a long-term relationship. She felt behind, alone, and unsure how to even do dating.

What shifted for Liz inside Main Character Dating was hope.

No more dating shame.

And an action plan that helped her move toward the right dates with self-trust and support.

In this episode of The Feminist Dating Show, Liz shares how dating went from something she avoided to something that finally felt possible.

In this conversation, Liz shares how:

• Dating went from something she avoided to something that felt possible
• Community helped her realize she wasn’t the only one
• Structure and feedback helped her interrupt old patterns
• She started dating with clarity, courage, and direction

Her words say it best: dating feels possible now.

If you’ve ever thought “Is it always going to be like this?” — this one’s for you.

And I also want you to know this:

Main Character Dating is open for enrollment right now.

This is my year-long group coaching program for anyone who hasn’t found a romantic relationship (or the right one), and wants a joyful dating life that makes the right relationship inevitable.

🗓 Doors are open until Monday, Feb 16th.

💖 Learn more and join us here: datebrazen.com/dating

No matter what, I know Liz’s story will help you feel less alone—and more hopeful about what’s possible for you.

Work with Lily

Main Character Dating: datebrazen.com/dating

Free Essence-Based Preferences workbook: datebrazen.com/workbook

📚 Read my book: Thank You, More Please
A feminist guide to breaking dumb dating rules and finding love. Order HERE

Follow Lily everywhere:
📺 YouTube Channel
📸 Instagram
📲 Tiktok
🌐 Website

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Show transcript:

Lily @ Date Brazen (00:01)

Hello, gorgeous friends. Welcome to another episode of the Feminist Dating Show. I am so excited for you to listen to this episode. It is for you. If you’ve never been in a long-term relationship or never been in one that felt mutual. And maybe you’ve quietly wondered, is it always going to be like this? Am I never gonna find love? Today, you’re gonna hear Liz share her story.

Liz was somebody who hadn’t been in a long-term relationship. She was in her late 30s and we met. She joined my program, Main Character Dating, after years of starting and stopping and dating, feeling super scared to open up, feeling like she owed people that she was dating her story in full, which made her want to avoid dating altogether. And you’ll hear how she was in this cycle of shutting down opportunity before it ever began. And if this…

feels resonant to you, if you feel behind in dating and also so scared to even start, this conversation is for you. She’s gonna talk about what actually shifted for her when she got in belonging with other people who hadn’t had experience, just like she hadn’t had experience, who normalized her story ⁓ after feeling so alone and like she was the only one.

you’ll learn how she started to date with self-trust, started to date with courage, and started to date with belonging. And you’ll see just how much those things can change the game for you too. Liz joined Main Character Dating, which is my year-long group coaching program for people who feel like late bloomers, restarter daters, start-stop daters, anyone who feels behind in dating and wants to build a joyful dating life that makes the right relationship inevitable.

This program is open right now for enrollment. includes weekly group coaching with me and my small group coaching team. It includes daily written coaching, a community of a coven of cheerleaders who have your back and curriculum that is feminist as hell that takes you step by step by step through how to build a joyful dating life that makes the right relationship inevitable. So.

We’re open for enrollment right now. We’re open February 9th through February 16th, 2026. You can learn more and join us at datebrazen.com slash dating. And whether or not you decide to join us this round, this episode is going to really make you feel less alone. It’s gonna inspire you with what’s possible. And if you’ve ever felt alone, ashamed, or stuck in the same dating cycle for years,

I really want you to listen because Liz’s story might help you see yourself with more compassion and more hope for what is possible. With that, let’s get into this episode.

Lily (03:21)
All right, Liz, welcome. So glad that you’re here.

Liz (03:25)
glad to be here.

Lily (03:26)
How are you feeling about this?

Liz (03:28)
Still a little nervous, but in a good way. Like that good nervousness, yeah.

Lily (03:32)
Okay.

Yeah, and I said before we hit record, my only intention in this episode, because it’s so vulnerable to talk about, you know, one’s experience, and I’m so grateful that you were game. My only intention for today is to speak to that one person who felt like you did before you joined main character dating. And I’d love to…

Liz (03:43)
Okay.

Lily (03:57)
paint that picture a little bit of like what was your dating life, your love life feeling like before we met?

Liz (04:07)
So I’m gonna go a little bit further back, because I think it plays into my whole story. I never dated in high school, never dated in college, and I’m now 39, almost 40. And I think really it was before I joined, I just didn’t feel like I knew how to date or how to even go about it. Like I had tried…

Lily (04:09)
Give it to me.

Liz (04:30)
Periodically after college throughout the years, nothing had really progressed post a second or third date with anyone. So I just was at that point where I just, I felt like I didn’t know how to do anything or like even what I wanted out of any of it. So that was kind of where I was at before I started working with you.

Lily (04:54)
Hmm.

Liz (04:55)
and very much a

Almost too scared to try again, because nothing had ever worked or felt like it would work going forward. And so I wanted that like help with that and also the community, because all my friends were partnered and I didn’t have anyone who would ever experience the same thing and not having past relationships to sort of talk it through with.

Lily (05:02)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. What was that like before having this community and main character dating? Being the only single friend in your group.

Liz (05:32)
It just, was, I felt very, very on the outs in a way, very alone in my thought process, in how I felt about things. And a part of me held a lot of shame for it. Like that’s still working through, but it just a very alone and like no, like no one else has done.

has experienced this. No one’s ever felt this way or never done this or never done that. And so like the community that you have inside me in character dating was a huge asset as far as what it brought to the table for me. But I also had to let myself be open towards that community.

Lily (06:01)
Yeah.

Yeah, so.

Liz (06:16)
So

that took a little bit of trial and error, not trial and error, but little bit of time, a little bit of time.

Lily (06:21)
Yeah,

well, tell me, we’re gonna go back to like, okay, you’re just to lay the, set the scene. have been trying to date off and on for years and it hasn’t progressed and all of your friends are coupled.

Liz (06:38)
not all of them are married, but they’re all coupled.

Lily (06:40)
coupled,

gotcha. And this is a really common experience of like, social, you know, it’s very common for a human to feel like their friend group and what they see on TikTok is like representative of the world. And so you were experiencing this loneliness and I just speak, you know, our intention being speaking to that version of you before we met, like, what do you think that person who literally…

Liz (06:51)
I hear ya.

Lily (07:05)
is convinced they are alone, they are the only person who’s experiencing this, they feel like the only 38, 39, 40 year old on the block who has never been in a romantic relationship long term before, like, what do you think that version of you needed to hear?

Liz (07:20)
that she’s not alone, I think more than anything else. in so many different ways of not being alone, like just because you’re not in a romantic relationship doesn’t mean that you don’t have relationships. And long-term relationships, like I have a long-term friendships, I have short-term friendships.

shorter term, I guess. I shouldn’t call them short term because I’m still friends with him. just yeah.

Lily (07:48)
I get what you mean, shorter, like you have some lifelong friends, you have some like

shorter, you know, a couple of years friends, totally.

Liz (07:55)
Couple years.

Yeah. So it’s that like, that feeling of loneliness can be reduced to you, but you have to like go for it. You have to make it too.

Lily (08:08)
Hmm, yeah.

What helps you get over the hump of asking for help or allowing yourself to be in community?

Liz (08:18)
gosh, I was super nervous about joining and it really was that gut feeling of, well nothing I’ve tried before has helped, has worked in this fashion. I mean, I’ve worked with a therapist for several years and that’s definitely done some pieces, but it’s that acknowledging that it’s…

Lily (08:21)
Yeah.

Liz (08:42)
not a bad thing to ask for help.

Lily (08:45)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Liz (08:46)
Like,

there’s no shame in that. There’s no saying, I did something wrong to now need this. Like, there’s none of that. It’s just a, well, know, talking it through with someone, having support, finding other like-minded people that are kind of going through the same things or feeling the same things or thinking the same things. Maybe that’s what I need to shift.

Lily (09:12)
Hmm,

hmm. Before we get into like what has shifted, what helped it shift, what the community feels like, all that juicy, yummy stuff, I do want to hear about previous dating patterns. So when you would try in the past, what would happen?

Liz (09:30)
I very often didn’t let things get past a first date. I would just stop it. Like I’d go on a first date and I would immediately be like, no.

Lily (09:33)
How do you mean? Tell me.

Why?

Liz (09:45)
A lot of it is I have a hard time opening up to people and we’ve done a lot of coaching on that over the last year and that’s gotten better. It’s really hard as I’ve gotten older to…

allow myself to tell my story and to be comfortable in telling my story. So it’s that like, well, but if I go past this, what do I have to tell them about myself? And I don’t want to tell them this piece of myself. So I’ll just stop it now. ⁓ Some of it was trauma related and I don’t really want to get into that. And so like that’s a blockage point.

Lily (10:18)
Mmm.

Liz (10:29)
But it really was like I just didn’t let it. I stopped it. I either never communicated with him again or just kind of never responded or said I wasn’t interested. The few that went past a first date

Lily (10:38)
Hmm.

Liz (10:43)
I can, like the funny thing is that I can picture all of them, it’s that few. ⁓ The trauma response would happen. And so that prevented anything from going any further. Cause I just wasn’t ready to deal with that piece of it. And so I had to sort of work with that first.

Lily (10:48)
Uh-huh.

Hmm.

Yeah.

Liz (11:05)
before I realized I was open to trying to do the dating again. And so the few years before working with you, that was spent in therapy dealing with some of that.

Lily (11:17)
Nothing is ever one thing. I don’t know if that makes sense. But I think like, like, for example, so many of my clients come to me after working with a trauma therapist, some of some of my clients, trauma therapists recommended me to them after doing some work or, you know, a lot of people work on other aspects of their lives. And this dating piece just sort of becomes uncovered as an opportunity after listening to yourself in other areas of growth. And so

Liz (11:19)
No.

Thank you.

Lily (11:44)
I’m so glad to hear that you, you know, you had already asked for help in some ways, it sounds like, but this sort of, it sounds like you felt emotionally safe enough to be open to the possibility. Yeah. How does it feel right now to be sharing your story? You shared that it was a difficulty sharing your story.

Liz (11:48)
Mm-hmm.

Yes. Yeah.

I can tell that like a part of me is just kind of like, what are we doing?

Lily (12:11)
Sure, sure.

Liz (12:12)
but another part is like, well, I’ve listened to your podcast for a long time and I’ve felt pieces of other people’s stories really resonate, but none exactly like mine. ⁓ and so, and I know that not everyone should have the same stories, but maybe someone out there can hear pieces of mine and feel.

Lily (12:27)
you

Liz (12:37)
and resonate with that in a different way that they would resonate with someone else’s story.

Lily (12:43)
So I want to I want to. Really honor that you.

really had not been in the practice of sharing your story before you did get in the practice, right? I don’t know if it was a mixture of therapy and our coaching, but you are doing it now. And I think that I just wanted to honor that, that it’s really exciting to hear you say that you’re even any part excited about sharing. And I love keeping in mind

Liz (13:16)
Yeah.

Lily (13:20)
that version of you who was like, like this podcast, but I’ve never heard somebody like me come on, exactly like me, obviously, everybody has a different story. But what about your story felt unique as compared to the people who you might’ve heard in the past on the podcast?

Liz (13:28)
Yeah.

I there are other people I’ve met, in main character dating that have very similar backgrounds and never having really dated and never having any long-term relationships. And I think there are some that have been on the podcasts that are similar, but it’s also that like I was never open to being in a relationship. Like I wanted it.

Lily (13:56)
Hmm

Liz (14:01)
but I wouldn’t allow myself to be open towards that relationship, because I was the one that put the brakes on everything.

Lily (14:10)
Yeah,

interesting. Yeah.

Liz (14:12)
And so

it was a, I would go through the cycle of, okay, I’m going to try dating. And some of it was IRL in real life. Most of it was through the dating apps. But I always would get into a cycle of, well, this isn’t working, so I’m just going to stop. Or this isn’t comfortable, I’m just going to stop.

Lily (14:29)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Liz (14:33)
And so it was like that repetitive cycle over and over again throughout the years. And I think that that is part of something that I want to share is like, just because I did that cycle doesn’t mean that I can’t work to change the pattern going forward. Like I can take breaks, but I’m not stopping looking for what I want.

Lily (14:52)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

That’s so

exciting. I got a tingle when you said that. What would you say if we really are intention, you know, as when this episode comes out, Valentine’s Day will be approaching like the next weekend. And I’m wondering what…

would it sound like for you to talk to or what do you think that version of you who was like, it’s over. I can’t escape this pattern. It’s always going to be this way. Change isn’t possible. It’s not even worth trying. What would you say to that version of yourself or what would she need to hear or want to hear?

Liz (15:41)
I think for me it’s all about proving where I’ve made changes in a pattern in other areas. friendships have been cyclical for me. I’ve lived in the same area, but other people that I’ve been friends with in the past have moved away. So then I’ve had to start new with different people as a friend group. And so that has been a cycle too, but I’ve changed.

Lily (15:47)
Yeah, say more.

Mm-hmm.

Liz (16:09)
how I approach going about friendships and that doesn’t mean that in another year or two that I’m gonna have to make another friendship group or make different friends. I can make new friends for sure or that like wanting to travel but not having anyone to travel with. So I went with a travel group.

by myself. And so like that was a shift. That was a major shift. ⁓ So like proving that I’ve done these changes in other areas and maybe other people can resonate with that. And then seeing that, okay, so I’ve done that in other areas. How can I take that into this area?

Lily (16:30)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Right. So that leads us into you joining main character dating. What was it like to hit the like join button for you? Do you remember?

Liz (17:00)
So I think I remember emailing you a question and getting like a video response back. Cause I wasn’t sure if it was something that like the timing was right. That whole like adage, you have to work on yourself first before you can do that. And that mindset shifted completely. I can continue to work on myself cause that’s me.

Lily (17:25)
Yeah, that’s life, yeah.

Liz (17:27)
That’s

life, yes. ⁓ I think it was along the lines of that I’m working with a therapist in my trauma type stuff that I was working through. Do I need to deal with all of that before I try to join main character dating? ⁓ And your response is really good. I don’t remember it verbatim, but it was like,

Lily (17:29)
So what was your question? I don’t remember what your question was exactly in the inbox. Do you remember?

Mm-hmm.

Liz (17:51)
being open to possibilities and just because you’re continuing that work doesn’t mean you can’t do this at the same time. And so it was kind of that like, okay, I gave myself a deadline to make a decision and then I clicked the sign and kind of immediately afterwards I was like, ⁓ what did I just do?

but that like scared nervousness, new situation. That’s just the way thing. That’s the way life kind of works in that respect. ⁓ and so, you know, got into it, started doing the modules, didn’t ask for coaching right away.

Lily (18:21)
Mm-hmm.

Liz (18:32)
If I remember right, I might have, I don’t remember. I do remember, I think it was my first live coaching that I asked a question. Very emotional, something had happened, and I think that point was the turning point for me.

Lily (18:47)
Hmm.

Liz (18:48)
because I think it was the first time I had spoken a large portion of my story and felt completely safe and felt welcomed and felt cared for in that situation and in that experience and really got some perspective back and coaching back that was different than how I had gotten things from

my therapist in a way that worked in tandem with things that I had done with my therapist. And I think that was what really hit me is I can do this at the same time. I can work on these things at the same time and I can have community and support behind me as I do that.

Lily (19:32)
Ugh, I’m getting chills because I do think about the impact of, you know, the modules, the videos, the lessons, the workbooks, the breakthroughs that people have with those tools alone. Like some people never come to a live call and they only do the self study materials and they get amazing results. And I will say if you’re open to trying to come to a live call that we have every single week, all you have to do is raise your virtual hand to get.

Liz (19:44)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Lily (19:59)
like one-on-one coaching, in the context of this group, that belonging, that moment that you’re describing of like people in the chat even being like, Liz, I’ve been there too. Thank you for sharing. I think that that moment can be tectonic plate shifting for people.

Liz (20:05)
it’s huge.

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Yeah. Well, and what was I think also I got really lucky in another person from my same town joined a few months afterwards. So like she became an accountability buddy and now she’s a really great friend. And so like that really helped to to have that local connection as well as the larger main character dating community. Like very fortunate in that. So

Lily (20:28)
my god!

That’s so cool, Liz. Well, and

I love that. And it happens, you know, more often than not, I think, you know, we have some people in the same small town in Canada, you know, it’s just sort of, it happens that way sometimes it’s funny, but tell me Liz about this part that you mentioned that I’m so interested in, because people sometimes look at main character dating or look at these materials. I’m wondering.

Liz (20:49)
It happened. Yeah.

Yeah.

Lily (21:09)
and they ask themselves, how is this different than therapy? Because I’m talking about dating and therapy, but how is this different? How would you characterize the difference?

Liz (21:18)
I think, I mean, it all depends on how you’re working with your therapist and how you’re approaching that. And everyone does therapy a little differently to how it works for them. So I can’t speak to that too much. But for me, it was a focused piece of it. So I could take what I had learned in therapy that was

Yeah, I talked about dating, but not in depth a lot. And so I could take some of those pieces and work it in the main character dating format in all the lessons. But the lessons were so specific. And I think that that really helped me focus on just that piece. It ⁓

Lily (22:03)
Yeah.

Liz (22:09)
I also needed the structure. Like I need a little bit of structure in some ways. And therapy is for me a little bit more free flowy sometimes, depending upon what’s been going on in my life. But this is a little more structured and I liked that piece of it, but also like I could take it at the pace that I needed. Like one of the big things we do is the essence based preferences.

Lily (22:19)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Liz (22:36)
And I was like, Oh, I can knock this out in an evening and now. it was a weekend. It was a three day, like, because I took, I did some on one day and then I was like, okay, I’m this is this was a lot I need to set this aside. So I work on a little bit more the next day. But that worked for me in that I could really sit down and think about it and take my time. And, you know, I’ve

Lily (22:42)
How long did it take you?

Okay.

Uh-huh.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Liz (23:05)
looked over those and I’ve periodically I’ve thought about like, well, is this still true? Is this still what I’m wanting? And every time I look at it, it’s kind of like, well, yeah, it is. And it can change for sure. But for me, it hasn’t because those have stayed true.

Lily (23:12)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm. I love that you got to own what you want and that you keep checking in with it. Like that sounds so different than how you were approaching what you wanted before, you know.

Liz (23:30)
Yeah.

Yeah,

for sure. Yeah, I think before I didn’t really know. I think I wanted something in the abstract, but it was very abstract. It wasn’t as understandable to me as it is now.

Lily (23:40)
Does that feel true?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And tell me about any like love life wins that you’ve had in the past year.

Liz (24:05)
I mean, I’ve definitely gone on more dates in the last year than I have in the couple years previous, for sure. That’s definitely a win. I think for me, it’s being able to recognize what I want a little bit better and still being open to something new. Like for me, the win is being open towards a relationship because that was what I came in knowing that I wasn’t.

Lily (24:12)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Liz (24:34)
probably there yet. And this process has gotten me at least to that point. And now it’s building hope that that relationship that I want is out there.

Lily (24:36)
Yeah.

Yeah.

And what about your dating practice? Like I know that you’ve said, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It can be, I can do it and pause, but I’m never giving up on what I want. You said that a few minutes ago that I was so powerful. What does your dating practice look like now and how would you characterize some of the shifts that you’ve seen?

Liz (25:00)
Yeah.

So I do use the dating app. I use just one. And I’ve taken breaks, but it’s never a break that like is indefinite. Like I’d say, I have too many other things going on right now. I just need one last thing to focus on, because I have to focus on these other things. And so, but that’s different than saying, oh, I’m just done.

Lily (25:20)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Liz (25:36)
So it’s, know, pausing my profile for a week or two while I’m on vacation because I just don’t, I want to focus on my vacation.

Lily (25:41)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, it’s an agency-filled choice instead of like ⁓ a sort of download delete spiral.

Liz (25:47)
Yeah.

Yes. And I think from an in-person standpoint, it’s finding new things to do around town, going to new things. I did do speed dating, not, and I did it not with the intention of meeting someone specifically, but just having practice, different having practicing, having conversations with different people. That was my intention going at, and I got that coming back.

Lily (26:14)
Mm-hmm.

Liz (26:18)
Some of them were easier than others. So like, it’s just that being open to new people and new experiences from an at-home standpoint. Like I’m definitely travel and I’m do that, but I haven’t been great about doing that in my hometown. I live. So kind of translating that into here.

Lily (26:18)
Amazing. Yeah?

Mm-hmm, yeah.

What would the you a year ago think about the you sharing your story today?

Liz (26:51)
she would be shocked. She wouldn’t believe that I would sign up for this.

Lily (26:56)
Say more, say more.

Liz (26:58)
cause I think it was about a year ago that I had the breakthrough moment during our coaching call. Cause it was after a snowstorm. I remember that piece of it. yeah, she wouldn’t, she would, she would not, she wouldn’t understand it. First of all, she’d be like, why are you doing this? and I think that

Lily (27:04)
Mmm

Liz (27:18)
at the end of the day, she would be amazed at how far we’ve

Lily (27:22)
Say more on that. How far have you come?

Liz (27:27)
It’s the balance of knowing that no one needs to know my story 100%, but I need to know my story 100%. And I need to recognize and acknowledge and pay it forward to that person two years ago or a year ago that didn’t even think that she would be where she’s at now. It’s… ⁓

Lily (27:36)
Mmm.

Mm-hmm, yeah.

Liz (27:57)
honoring my past to create the future that I want.

Lily (28:06)
Yeah. So good. And I think, you know, something that you’ve alluded to and mentioned is that the anxiety of, don’t want a date beyond a first date because I will owe them my story. And that was putting you in such a sort of passive, like a passive.

Liz (28:21)
Yeah, I don’t

Lily (28:29)
of like, ⁓ if this then that, if I go on a second date, I owe them my story, even if I’m uncomfortable, even if I don’t wanna share. And now what I’m hearing, go ahead, what were you gonna say?

Liz (28:29)
Thank you.

Yeah.

Well, and it’s that I don’t owe anyone anything.

Lily (28:43)
That’s huge, Liz.

Liz (28:45)
Like,

it’s, I can do what I want. I mean, I want be kind as far as that, but be kind in sharing my story and that I don’t owe anyone my past.

Lily (28:59)
Yeah, and that is main character energy.

Liz (29:04)
Yeah.

Lily (29:05)
Like, period, you can show up and share or not share, be honest insofar as it feels safe to be, but it’s like, it sounds like you’re playing by your own rules now.

Liz (29:18)
I guess I am.

I think, yeah. I was gonna say I think I’m learning how to, but no, I think I am. think I’m allowing myself to take the time that I need when I need it, and I’m expressing myself when I want to.

Lily (29:23)
pretty cool.

And tactically, have you been on any second or third dates this past year?

Liz (29:40)
I’ve been on a few second dates. ⁓ A few of them I did it because I didn’t want to just say no after a first date. I wanted to sort of see if I could change that pattern, but there really wasn’t a connection ⁓ during the second date. And I’ve also been in situations where I’ve asked of whether or not they want a third. And I would have

Lily (29:42)
How was that?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Liz (30:09)
never been able to do that before. And it didn’t, it wasn’t something that they wanted to and that was fine. And it was hard in the moment, but like afterwards the reflecting and thinking about it, was like, know, they’re really proud. There really wasn’t something there. So I’m fine. This is good. Like I asked, I was curious and nothing bad happened.

Lily (30:12)
Yeah.

Yeah.

That’s so good. And tell me about using the date feedback and getting those videos back. How was that for you?

Liz (30:44)
I think for me, the reflection, the date feedback questions actually lead me more than anything else. Like the video and questions you guys come back, those are helpful for sure. I think I could get, because usually it’s based on like a specific question that I asked, so I could always just ask on a coaching question. And so like those reflections, it’s like,

Lily (30:52)
Yeah.

Liz (31:06)
Okay, well, yeah, this was this piece was really good, but I’m not so sure about this and really taking the time to think about it. And for me, I guess I’m a little type A. I had a notebook that I would keep in the car. so like immediately afterwards, I would jot down like quick thoughts for all the questions. So then when I went to fill in the feedback form, I could reference that.

Lily (31:12)
Mm-hmm.

Cool.

Yeah.

Cool.

Liz (31:36)
when I was typing things out and so helped me remember things a little bit better instead of waiting for, know, an hour or two after the date. I could think I could go back to something that I had wrote immediately thereafter.

Lily (31:45)
Mm-hmm.

I love it. And for those that don’t know, date feedback is a practice that we have our clients do in main character dating. ⁓ After they start dating, we help you build a dating intuition, sometimes from scratch, with this intentional discernment process after a date. And if you want to, can submit your date for feedback, meaning we get back to you.

Liz (32:02)
Mm-hmm.

Lily (32:11)
a video outlining

here’s the pattern that we’re seeing, or here’s something we want you to be thinking about for your next date, or here’s some feedback on XYZ, but it’s all in the service of you building such a rock solid self trust that you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you will find the right partner and be in the right relationship because you can trust yourself. And I think that that is such a special part of the experience

Liz (32:25)
Yeah.

No,

Lily (32:42)
being the main character in your dating life. I love hearing that you asked on dates how people felt. That is so courageous and better than wondering. And I’m wondering if there’s anything that stands out as the most transformative piece of your learning in the last year through main character dating.

Liz (32:50)
Yeah.

Honestly, I do think it was the community. think the feeling of not being alone and not being the only one that’s experienced similar things has been the most transformative for me because I hadn’t met anyone else in my life prior to this point that had been through similar

Lily (33:08)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Liz (33:23)
So it’s that knowing you’re not the only one is the biggest piece.

Lily (33:27)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Liz (33:29)
and

being able to talk to others who have similar experiences and in a way that’s honoring both of our stories, like just sharing it to each other.

Lily (33:42)
What’s the tactical implication of that community for you? It feels really good. It shifts things in your nervous system. What does that look like in the world for you day to day?

Liz (33:54)
I did make a friend through the group. So it’s, it’s nice to just talk to someone else. Cause otherwise it’s just all up in here in your head. And so kind of getting it out in the world.

Lily (33:56)
Love that, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Liz (34:09)
in knowing that I can just send a text to someone and be like, ugh, I had this, or celebrate with them because you had something to brag about. Those are the tactical pieces and I think…

Lily (34:20)
Yeah.

Liz (34:26)
in my head it feels less shameful knowing that I’m not the only one feels less damaging to my psyche like it feels more this is more normal this is and I’m using normal in quotes this isn’t just a me thing this is

Lily (34:30)
Hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Liz (34:44)
Other people have that have felt this other people think this way. This there’s nothing wrong about this. And so like that shifted how I think about it. And that’s probably the most tactical is just like that mindset of, okay, well, I can have this thought, but I’m not the only one that has this thought.

Lily (34:50)
Yeah.

Liz (35:05)
the whole self-compassion piece of there’s nothing wrong with having this thought, you are alone in this thought, that there’s something wrong, that I’m the that I’ve never found a relationship. And just because that’s never happened doesn’t mean that there’s nothing, that there is something wrong. It just means that it hasn’t happened yet. Yes, yet.

Lily (35:11)
thought what?

Yeah.

yet.

And I do think, you know, the function of self-compassion, because what you’re describing is, you know, one of the three tenets of self-compassion is, self-compassion is defined by Dr. Kristin Neff, which is, you know, kindness over judgment, mindfulness over, over, over identification. You’re talking about that too, of like, I’m having a thought, not a fact in my head pop up because it’s trying to protect me. That’s mindfulness. And then the third and final is belonging over isolation, community over isolation.

The function of the practice of self-compassion is increased resilience and decreased cortisol, decreased stress hormone. And so what you’re describing in the woe, the community aspect, knowing that I’m not alone actually changes my brain. It changes my body awareness, my body experience of this. Like there’s less shame because we’re out in the sunlight together. Shame is.

inherently like trying to, you know, it’s trying to protect you by shutting you down and putting you in a hidey hole. So you’re that like totally protected, but community in the sunshine effectively like helps you increase resilience, decrease cortisol, decrease shame. And what happens when you get that flywheel going is what you’re describing, which is like, you’re going to date, you’re going to find the right people for you or person for you because of these efforts. Whereas before it sounds like you were

Liz (36:30)
Yeah.

Lily (36:51)
know, feeling shut down and isolated and shame was doing its function of keeping you safe at the cost of belonging. And so now you’ve got this flywheel going and I’m so excited for you.

Liz (37:00)
Yes.

Thank you.

Lily (37:07)
And I’m really proud of you for allowing yourself to be supported and seen in community. And even in this episode, like allowing yourself to be seen and heard in this episode so that hopefully at least one person who feels like you 30 plus, 40 plus and hasn’t been in a romantic relationship yet can really like resonate and they get the flywheel going.

Liz (37:27)
and

Yeah.

Lily (37:36)
because of the sunshine that your story sharing is allowing them to feel too.

Liz (37:42)
Hopefully that would be awesome.

Lily (37:43)
Yeah,

yeah. Is there anything that you would say to somebody who was like you on the fence about joining main character dating? What would you say to them?

Liz (37:56)
I think if you’re on the fence…

Figure out, do you want something to change? And if you want something to change, how can you create that change? And this is one piece that can help you create that change and can move you forward, can give you guidance, give you support, give you community, and give you action steps to move forward.

because of the change that you already know inside yourself that you want to make.

Lily (38:29)
I wonder what you would say to yourself a year and a half ago. Like what comfort or encouragement would you offer her as our last question?

Liz (38:38)
Go you.

I…

That feels honest and appropriate, but also you have changed so many different things and you’ve grown in so many different ways. This is a way that you can just continue that.

Lily (39:10)
Liz, thank you for coming and sharing your story, a part of your beautiful story with us and a part of your heart with us as well and with me. I’m so honored to be your coach. I’m honored to have witnessed the past year with you. remember that coaching. I remember these coaching sessions where I got to support you and hold space for you. remember the chat, you know, blowing up and, you know, ⁓ supporting you.

Liz (39:28)
you

just it’s so much love in the chat like always

Lily (39:41)
So much love in the chat, so much love in the written coaching and the brags, like, much love for each and every member that y’all have for each other, that I have for you, that our co-coaches have for you. And I’m really honored to be your coach and I’m excited to hear what happens next. Thank you for coming on, Liz.

Liz (39:44)
Yeah.

All right, me too.

Lily (40:04)
Yeah,

Liz (40:04)
Me too.

Lily (40:05)
I’m so grateful. Everybody, if you’re interested in main character dating, we are open for enrollment right now. You can go to date brazen.com slash dating to learn more and to join us.

Doors open February 9th, doors closed February 16th, 2026. And I’m so excited to support you. If you feel resonant with Liz’s journey or you have been thinking about joining us, now is the right time. Now is the best time. And if you have any questions about the program, email us at support at datebrazen.com and we will get back to you. I might even just get back to you with a video like I did with Liz answering your question. So thank you all so much and thank you Liz.

Liz (40:44)
Thank you.