Bonus: Create a Confident and Joyful AF Dating Life
Lily is bringing you a bonus episode! If you missed her free live training, Create a Confident and Joyful-as-Fuck Dating Life, or want to hear it again - you’re in luck! Today, Lily is sharing the entire training on the podcast. It’s a jam-packed training that will help you build confidence, practice self-compassion and self-trust, and date with ease.
In this episode, you’ll learn how to:
How to create a fiercely confident as-hell dating life (without the overwhelm, anxiety, and burnout).
How to be completely dating-app optional and find juicy dates in person
The anxiety-relieving plan of action that will make the right relationship inevitable.
You’ll also get a special invite to join us in my signature program, The Brazen Breakthrough.
This bonus replay is also jam-packed with Q&As that cover many dating questions and questions about what it's like being a part of The Brazen Breakthrough. So much good stuff - this is such an informative and amazing episode!
Links:
✨Join The Brazen Breakthrough Now! ✨ The doors to Brazen Breakthrough close on Oct 27th at 11:59 pm EST
Show transcript:
Lily Womble:
[00:00:00] I am in awe of all of y'all. I am so excited that you are here. Just know that I feel your brags and I am celebrating with you. You all have such juicy things to celebrate. I am so excited about tonight. We have been, me and team Brazen have been preparing every single day for you and making this room ready for your arrival.
[00:00:28] This room, I know that your relationship status has nothing to do with your value, that you are a bad ass whole person who is creating incredible things, period, both. And you're here because you have a desire for something. You have a desire for probably the right partnership. You have a desire for a dating life that doesn't feel sucky.
[00:00:49] You have a desire for, um, the The steps to meet the right person and get out of that overwhelm and anxiety spiral. And I'm here to give you [00:01:00] the steps. Like I've been doing this for six years. I'm so excited to let you in on how to create a confident and joyful as fuck dating life that makes the right relationship inevitable.
[00:01:08] And I have to start with, I know that our relationship doesn't make you more valuable. Like you're not behind in any way because you're single. There's nothing to fix. There's only growth towards what you want. So if you're ready, put a yes in the chat. I love seeing all of your yeses. Okay, let's get into it y'all.
[00:01:33] Hey, I'm Lily Womble, former Top Matchmaker and founder of Date, brazen. After setting up hundreds, I realized that with coaching, women could match themselves better than anyone else ever could. With my unconventional feminist approach, I've helped women around the world build courageous and self trust filled love lives, and now I'm here to support you.
[00:01:50] Get ready, because I'm about to show you the exact steps you need to attract a soul quenching partnership and feel amazing about yourself along the way. This is the Date Brazen Podcast. [00:02:00] Welcome. I'm so glad that you're here here tonight. I'm going to teach you how to create a confident and joyful as fuck dating life.
[00:02:12] Now I'm Lily. If you don't know me, hi, nice to see you. I am a Southern New Yorker. So I was raised in the deep South. Now I live in Brooklyn. I'm a former top matchmaker, which I will tell you more about in a moment. Turned feminist dating coach. I am also the founder and CEO of date brazen. Here is where we're going tonight.
[00:02:33] So number one, I'm going to teach you how to create a fiercely confident as hell dating life without the overwhelm, anxiety, and burnout. Number two, you are going to learn how to be dating up optional and how to find juicy dates. in person. Number three, you're going to learn my anxiety relieving plan of action that will make the right relationship inevitable.
[00:02:53] Now, if you don't have a pen and paper already or a set of sticky notes like I have or [00:03:00] your journal, I want you to get them now. So make sure you have a little bit of water because we are going places tonight and you need to hydrate and you need to have like a pen and paper to take notes, take note of what feels resonant.
[00:03:11] Take note of your questions so that you can ask me in the chat throughout this training. This is so important and I really need all of your buy in into these guidelines because my goal as a feminist dating coach is that this is a safe and brave space for everyone in this room. So I, we need to have community guidelines so that can happen.
[00:03:35] I want you to put a yes in the chat. If you agree to these community guidelines after each of them, I'll ask for your, yes. So we have buy in mutual buy in number one, speak from the eye. This is so important because as humans, it can be really easy. You're talking about vulnerable things to displace, to the we.
[00:03:53] To say, you know how we all, or you know how everyone does know tonight, you are going to radically own your [00:04:00] experience. You're going to radically own your desires and you're going to speak from the eye. Yes. Put it in the chat. Number two, hold space. Don't give advice. Everyone in this room is at a different moment in their journey.
[00:04:14] Y'all everyone in this room wants something different. You're all here. Cause you resonate with my approach and you want to learn how to do these fabulous, confident, joyful, stuff, dating things, in this room. I'm the only person. Who can give advice? That is the guideline for being in this space. Hold space.
[00:04:30] Don't give advice. That, uh, sounds like validating the shit out of people when they share in the chat. That looks like saying, Oh my gosh, me too. That looks like saying thank you for sharing. So do not give advice. Just hold space. Yes. Amazing. Okay, great. Number three, third and final community guideline is yes and not, but.
[00:04:55] So what this means is that one of you could say, I actually like dating [00:05:00] apps and I want to keep using them. And one of you could say, I hate dating apps. I'm never going to touch them with a 10 foot pole ever again. Those two truths can be held at one time. It's not a, but it's an, and it's a both. And the other piece of that and is, and be kind.
[00:05:14] If you are doing yesterday, if you're speaking from the eye, holding space, not giving advice, yes, ending and be kind and be kind thing. Oh my God. And you're being kind. Okay. I'm so excited to change your life with this framework tonight. And we reserve the right to let anyone go from this room who is not following these guidelines.
[00:05:33] So yes. Yes and. Yes and. And be kind. Yes? Amazing! Bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam! Love it. Okay. Let's get into it. Um, Tonight is brought to you by... The brazen breakthrough. I'm going to tell you more about this at the end of this training and the brazen breakthrough is my proven feminist as fuck 12 month group coaching program to help you create a joyful as fuck dating life that makes the [00:06:00] right relationship inevitable.
[00:06:01] So this program is opening at the end of this training only to those of you who registered for this training. Here's some housekeeping before we get into the meat and potatoes. Number one, turn off all distractions and go in. That means put your phone on, do not disturb. That means throw your phone in the other room for all I care.
[00:06:19] Turn off distractions, close your work email and go all in. This stuff will change your life if you allow it to. Number two, post your questions. In the chat, my team, though, there are a bunch of us here and I'm so glad that you're here. This is going to be a party. We are gathering your questions. So my team is actively grabbing your questions as you have them about the content that I share and about the program at the end of the training.
[00:06:46] Post your questions in the chat. We are grabbing them so that I can answer them throughout the training and at the end and get ready to see if the brazen breakthrough is right for you. Okay, let's go. Here's who you are. If I know anything about you, [00:07:00] here's what I know about you. You are a feminist, high achieving badass who has accomplished so much in their life and dating feels like the one place that you can't figure out.
[00:07:11] Your friends are awesome and most of them are coupled. It sucks being the only single friend and sometimes you wonder why it happened so easily for them and not for you. You either identify as a late bloomer and feel eternally behind in your dating life, or you've settled for relationships where you are required to shrink.
[00:07:31] In order to belong number 4, you waffle between your desire for the right life partner and the belief that you don't need a partner to be whole, which is true. But that feels like the cognitive dissonance between those 2 things feels at odds and it's exhausting. Okay. You're feeling burnt out, hopeless and just ready for the right relationship already.
[00:07:52] You know, that with the right support, you're burnt. Tools and guidance. You create epic results for what you want. You just don't know where to start. Which of [00:08:00] these feels like you, which have put in the chat, like, which of these feels like you let me take to the chat number 3, 3, 4, 5, all of them. 1 and 4.
[00:08:08] Definitely for all of them. All of them. I'm seeing a lot of all of them and a lot of number 1 as well. You're in the right place. If this is you. I have done this work for six years. I know how to support you to create what you want. And that's why I'm so excited that you're here. Here's what you want.
[00:08:28] What I think that you want from working with people like you for the last six years to attract incredible dates with little to no extra emotional labor or any emotional labor for that matter, to stop feeling so much hopelessness and self doubt and actually trust. Yourself and your timing to relax, to unclench your butthole in your dating life, to give yourself permission to want all of your preferences and know with certainty that what you want is on the way.
[00:08:56] You want to approach cuties, ask people out, receive dates with the [00:09:00] same bad ass confidence you have in the rest of your life. You want to be cell proof. You want to find the right relationship with confidence and ease. Does this feel true to what you want? Let me know. Now I have to tell you, gorgeous, gorgeous friends.
[00:09:15] Uh, things have not always been joyful as fuck for me. And, uh, let me share a little bit of, uh, what that has been like for me. This is a picture of me on one of my lower days. Now, Chris, my husband, um, asked me when I was going through this and showing him last night, he was like, Lily, why do you have that picture of yourself?
[00:09:33] It is so weird that you have this picture of yourself. My mom texted It was like, how are you doing? She knew I was going through a lot and I, instead of answering her, send her this picture, that's why I have this picture. And here is a little bit of how I got there. So when I was growing up in deep south, I saw that a woman's worth was deeply tied to her roommate, romantic relationship status with a cisgender man.
[00:09:59] I also [00:10:00] was told from a very young age, you're too much too, too sensitive, too bossy. Too intense, uh, too leadery, right? All of those things made me feel like a pariah made me feel like I would never find what I was looking for, especially romantic love, unless I shrunk myself. And so I took that too much story into my adulthood.
[00:10:21] I was. Creating some epic shit in my professional life. I was working at nonprofits, working for feminist advocacy, the wellbeing of women and girls, uh, and folks has always been at the center of my heart, my purpose. And after I'd burnt out of the nonprofit field, I like moved to New York. I was living my dream.
[00:10:38] I randomly. Like seriously, randomly got a side hustle as a professional matchmaker. I got a side hustle as a professional matchmaker. I thought at the time it's going to be a hilarious story about how I was a matchmaker one time. But what happened is that I started working with women and people in their dating lives.
[00:10:56] And I realized that dating is a microcosm of every hope, joy, [00:11:00] dream, fear, insecurity, desire that we have as humans. And by helping people be well in their dating lives. I could help them create massive results and massive confidence in the rest of their life too. So I was like, Ooh, dating is fun to work on.
[00:11:15] Like feels that some people label it as this like frivolous thing. I was like, no, this is deep. This is deeper than dating. But in my own personal life, that you're too much story was still driving my car. I was settling. I felt like a late bloomer. I was in my mid twenties. I'd never had sex. I hadn't had an adult relationship yet.
[00:11:33] I was just out of my like, love weights, uh, religious background. I was living in New York. I was like, what do I do? I ended up going on Bumble and settling. Again, and again and again for situations that did not meet my needs in which I had to constantly want less in order to be in relationship. And it got to the point where I was in this new relationship with this guy who I loved who I met on Bumble who [00:12:00] was meeting like.
[00:12:01] Literally none of my needs, but who was saying the right things and I would get into this really chasmic moment has a moment where I would tell my matchmaking clients, you deserve more. And then I'd be like crying on his bathroom floor, like, because I was accepting so very little from this person who claimed to love me, who I loved.
[00:12:22] And so with the help of therapy, I love therapy. I gained the courage to break it off with that person. And I was no longer willing to give the advice that I wasn't taking myself. And after we broke up, I looked around, I was like, I never want to settle again. I never ever want to settle again. So what do I do?
[00:12:40] I looked around for support. My therapist who helped me break up with that person was awesome, but she hadn't dated in 30 years. So she was like, I don't know, like download an app. No, I was swiping on all the apps professionally. I knew that it wasn't going to work long term for me. If I just was like relying on this app to solve my problem of singleness, right?
[00:12:59] [00:13:00] By the way, I don't think singleness is a problem to be solved, but we'll talk about that in a few minutes. Then I looked to my friends and my family who said very similarly, why don't you download this app? I met my husband on this app. I met my girlfriend on this app. Why don't you just keep dating? Why don't you play the numbers game?
[00:13:13] Are you sure you can trust yourself? Is this sounding familiar to all of you? Put a yes in the chat if, if that is sounding familiar. So then I looked at matchmaking, which I was helping people with. Top three matchmaker at this firm out of 160, but I was seeing that it was only a first date level solution.
[00:13:35] Yeah, it could lead to a second day, a third date, but was it leading long term to my client's desired results? And so I really, at that point, Started to realize that I needed to create a solution for myself. So I mixed my matchmaking tactical knowledge with deeper coaching work. I started to get beneath the surface of my checklist, a checklist that by the way, led to all of those situationships.
[00:13:59] Cause I thought [00:14:00] they meet my. Preferences on paper. They meet my checklist. So let me keep going out with them. And I found familiar. So I was, I was getting beneath the surface of my checklist, building my essence based preferences, which I'm going to teach you more about in a few minutes, I also started getting beneath the surface of the you're too much story started to untangle that.
[00:14:19] I call it a gold chain. You know, when a gold chain has a tangle in it and when you're panicked, you like, try to figure it out. It only. the tangle tighter. So giving these problems, giving this story space and time to breathe and untangling it with an unhurried unfolding approach, all of that work and led to me feeling like joyful as fuck in my dating life.
[00:14:40] I'm talking, I felt like I couldn't do anything wrong in my dating life. I was giving my number to cute waiters. I was going on dates and setting boundaries like I never had before. I started to feel free in my dating life. And when I taught these skills to my matchmaking clients, they started to find better dates for themselves than I or anybody else could find for [00:15:00] them.
[00:15:00] And I was like, Ooh, this is something, this is good. And then what happened in my life is that these skills and these tools and this process led to me feeling not only free in my dating life. The bonus was that I met. Chris, as a result, Chris is my now husband who is incredible and he's not somebody who would have been on my original checklist and I got to be open to this relationship because of this deeper work that I was doing.
[00:15:25] And so 6 years ago, date brazen was born. I broke up with matchmaking and let me show you a little bit of what I'm talking about. With this after business, this is now the date brazen after this is me and Chris and me and my joy and several of my clients who have found success by doing this work for themselves.
[00:15:47] Success is not defined as a romantic relationship so much as it is defined as how fiercely you trust yourself, how fiercely you have your own back in your dating life, how fiercely, you know what you want and ask for it out loud and often. [00:16:00] So that's where we're going tonight. I'm going to show you exactly how to create a confident and joyful as fuck dating life that makes the right relationship inevitable.
[00:16:11] So you might think that you have a dating problem, right? You come to this webinar. You're like, I have a dating problem. That sounds like, or might sound like there aren't high quality single people. I've never dated before. I'm a late bloomer and that's unattractive to people. I'm just uniquely bad at dating.
[00:16:29] My picker is broken. I don't know. I give up. I've tried to project manage the shit out of dating and nothing has worked and even maybe there's something wrong with me, right? Maybe this is what's. On in your brain, your gorgeous brain, here's what's actually wrong. You're blaming yourself for where you are and staying stuck because of that self blame.
[00:16:53] It's not that you need to love yourself harder. It's not that it happens when you least expect it. My least favorite piece [00:17:00] of dating advice. It's not that you need to settle or play the numbers game. It's not that you need a dating app upgrade or someone to set you up. Dating is deeper than dating. It's a microcosm of every hope, joy, dream, fear, insecurity, desire that we have as humans.
[00:17:15] Dating matters to your well being. So your dating life deserves your attention because you desire something that's not here yet. And you need a powerful feminist as fuck plan of action in a community that has your back. Period. Here's what you need to do. So here's where we get into the nuts and bolts where I want you to have your notebook and your pen.
[00:17:33] Let me take a sip of water. Here's what you need to do. There are three steps to my framework for easeful, joyful, soft, confident, soft dating that makes the right relationship inevitable. Let's get into it. Number one, illuminate your essence based preferences, strategize for online and in person dating.
[00:17:52] And reignite with a plan, a community and self celebration. I'm going to get into each of these [00:18:00] steps and give you like what they look like in practice, showing up in your dating life with these steps, with this community and with the right support makes the right relationship inevitable. And as a type A human, you know that I have a framework.
[00:18:14] I live for a framework. Let's dive in. So number one is claiming your essence based preferences and put in the chat. If you have any questions, my team, like I said earlier, is grabbing those questions, putting them into a document so that I can look at them after each of these steps and answer your questions and dive deeper into each of these lessons.
[00:18:33] So feel free along the way to put your question in the chat. Number one, claim your essence based preferences here. Here's what this looks like. You, gorgeous human, need to give yourself permission to want everything that you want without self judgment. That means that, you know, I think I see a lot of people who are apologizing for what they want or not even saying it out loud for fear that it doesn't exist.
[00:18:58] You've got to cut that shit [00:19:00] out if you want to start making progress in your dating life. And yes, it is vulnerable to admit what you want out loud. It actually is, is deep, can be deeply difficult to admit what you want out loud because maybe you were socialized to want less. Maybe you're breaking.
[00:19:13] Literal legacies of people, women in your life who had to accept less, who didn't have another option. This is legacy breaking work. You need to give yourself permission to want everything that you want without self judgment. You need to get super granular. That means answering these questions. How does it feel to be in the right relationship?
[00:19:34] What personality traits and values does this person have? Go deep. I even want to extend that. Put an essence based preference lens. on everything that you want. So when you say you want an age range of 35 to 45, great, let's put an essence based lens on that and know how you want to feel with that age range.
[00:19:53] If you know how you want to feel, you can gauge every single dating decision against that [00:20:00] metric. Measure every dating interaction against your EBPs, your essence based preferences. This is how you become settle proof. If you focus on how you want to feel and not the like concrete logistical things on paper only, but focus on how you want to feel and hold space for the logistical things too, then you will be unstoppable in your dating life.
[00:20:22] And you can talk about it out loud and often. Here's the other piece that I think a lot of people in this room probably are struggling with that. I struggled with too. So I get it. You need to bless and release everyone who doesn't match your essence based preferences without self judgment. I measure success in my programs.
[00:20:41] And my coaching by how swiftly people can bless and release the wrong people without mind drama, because that mind drama is keeping you stuck. And it's actually slowing down your momentum. The idea of like, Oh, I can't reject them or bless and release them. Cause they really like me and options are scarce, right?
[00:20:58] If you want to move forward, you've [00:21:00] got to start blessing and releasing more people than you go out on dates with. You get to, you need to say what you want out loud and often and take up more freaking space with your desires. This makes you settle proof y'all. I am loving this chat. Keep it coming. Mind drama.
[00:21:20] Yasmin, what is an essence based preference? Exactly. So this, you know how, um, you probably, if I asked you, what do you want? You might say kind, funny, smart. That's great. You get to want what you want. And essence based preference is beneath the surface of that. So asking yourself these questions, how does it feel to be in the right relationship?
[00:21:38] How does it, what personality traits do they have? And then for example, if you want somebody who is. Compassionate, let's say, or worldly. Let's say, I don't want you to just stop there. I want you to ask what is worldly mean to me? What does worldly feel like? What does somebody who is worldly to me do in their free time?
[00:21:58] What do they care about? Like [00:22:00] paint the impressionist picture of this person and how they interact with the world. It's not a rigid snapshot. Like they are this age, this height. They went to Vassar. They went to Brown. They, they got their masters that rigidity. It's sometimes a shield that people use in their dating lives to keep themselves safe from rejection to try to keep themselves safe from settling, but that ends up keeping you from being able to be surprised.
[00:22:25] Likewise, there's this like open minded. I just want somebody nice with a job that open mindedness signals to me that there's a deeper scarcity problem at play. So essence based preferences are the living, breathing documentation of your desire. And when you have this living, breathing documentation of your desires, you then know how to ask for what you want out loud and often with granularity and you will be open to being surprised by the right person.
[00:22:53] For example, when I did my essence based preferences before I met Chris, I knew I wanted to feel held [00:23:00] scene safe. I wanted to feel laughter all the time. I wanted to feel joy all the time. I wanted somebody who would like pick up and dance at the drop of a hat or still sing silly songs with me. I wanted to feel.
[00:23:09] Joined in my silliness. I wanted to feel belonging. I didn't want to feel like an alien. Right? And then what words I put to that were like resilient, compassionately curious. I created my own love life vocabulary. And then Chris, when I met him, I measured those dates against my own love life vocabulary. I was like, yeah, I'm feeling this way.
[00:23:29] I want to feel this is how you quickly vet people and how you know, if our relationship is wrong for you quicker, so you can bless and release them. Or if someone is right for you and you need to keep seeing them. So before, before essence based preferences, before this part of a strategy, you probably go on good on paper dates with people who you feel in your body aren't right.
[00:23:52] And you go on so many more dates than you want to thinking you never know. Is this you? Have you struggled with this? If so, put it in the [00:24:00] chat. This is wasting your time and keeping you stuck. You are exhausted by all the mediocre bad dates and your brain is convinced. That what you want isn't possible because it's been gathering data to prove that what you want isn't possible.
[00:24:16] This exhausts you because you're in your brain. It's like fighting, fighting with your desire and fighting with the like evidence, quote unquote, that what I want doesn't exist, but I want it. And what if it could happen? No, it doesn't exist, right? That seesaw brain is inherently exhausting and keeping you in that cycle of maybe panic dating or inaction altogether.
[00:24:38] Here's the deal. Maybe you don't trust yourself. When you don't trust yourself, you set flimsy boundaries and end up settling either for inaction. I think inaction is a version of settling. I'm not talking about rest. Rest and inaction are two completely different things. Rest is needed for your body and your nervous system.
[00:24:56] Inaction is, okay, I'm okay, but I'm [00:25:00] paralyzed by fear. Right? Or you settle for the wrong relationship, small settling for a shitty feeling. Dating life leads to big settling when you are, when the feeling of isolation and self judgment is so normal in your body. And this is said with all of the love and with all of the knowing, because I've been there when you are settling for a dating life that feels miserable when you are settling for self judgment every single day.
[00:25:28] Then that normalizes isolation in your body and you are more likely to make choices that lead to isolation in the future because that's normal, right? I did the same thing. I, I felt isolated as hell in my dating life. All of my friends were coupled. I didn't know what to do. So I ended up settling because I did not have a community and I did not have a process to give myself permission to want what I wanted when I was settling for those situationships.
[00:25:55] Here's the after the glorious, gorgeous after essence based [00:26:00] preferences. You navigate dating apps rooted in your essence based preferences with ease and boundaries. So it's actually joyful to be swiping. And if you don't believe me, I'm going to tell you stories of people who did this and didn't believe me and came out the other side feeling joyful as fuck in their dating life.
[00:26:15] You know what you want and how to ask for it. You bless and release the rest without mind drama. You are confident when you meet someone in person, whether or not they're right for you because of how you are able to tune in with your body and how you know you want to feel, you know, how to talk about what you want out loud.
[00:26:33] And often you no longer make your dating life, the butt of the joke, you actually feel powerful and confident. You want and how to find it. No more mediocre or bad dates. If you're using, if you're measuring everything against your essence based preferences, giving yourself permission to want what you want, you will like release bad and mediocre people without mind drama.
[00:26:55] You will know how to vet potential dates with swiftness and you will only go on [00:27:00] dates with people you have intrigue for. Cause on a first date you can have like level one information on like. This date is worthy of my time. I have intrigue versus, Oh God, I don't know anything. Might as well go out cause you never know.
[00:27:13] Right? That's it's so much more powerful to be in a space of, yes, I know how to measure for what I want and I have intrigue. So let me take action. So the quality of your dating life continues to become more joyful. You completely trust yourself, which means you can move towards the right relationship faster without getting stuck in indecision.
[00:27:33] Overwhelm and burnout show. Let me give you a client example of somebody who did this essence based preference process and did my whole framework, but specifically loved essence based preferences and how that impacted her love life. Shwetaka is a bad ass human fighting for reproductive justice and reproductive rights in the U S she was in a vicious cycle.
[00:27:54] Hadn't been in a healthy romantic relationship before she tried dating for a month. Go on one date. It would [00:28:00] suck. She'd think it's hopeless and then default to taking care of everyone else's needs. And said, rushing to the side of her friends, rushing to help her boss at work, rushing to help like build a spreadsheet that was gorgeous for somebody else and somebody else's priority, but her love life became less and less of a priority as she continued to rack up these mediocre dates.
[00:28:19] Does this sound familiar to you? So Shreddick also said, I knew time was passing it and I didn't have time to waste on apps. So the dating of the process of dating felt even more burdensome and then it kept reinforcing the message of I'm bad at this because I can't figure it out. So after doing the EBP.
[00:28:41] The process after giving herself permission to want everything that she wanted and creating this vocabulary with granularity. This process made me center myself and living in a patriarchal society, being a woman of color and an immigrant. I'm so not used to my needs being the thing that moves the train.
[00:28:58] Now, I'm not wasting [00:29:00] my time. I'm not making excuses for people who are wrong for me. I know I will meet the right person for me with these tools because I have a different consciousness of myself and what I need. I know how to listen to myself and act on what I need. The specificity of my profile.
[00:29:14] Questions and dating life in general mean that I only attract the highest quality people for me, which has led to the best states of my life. So Schwetica is an active example of how to use EBPs to start subtle proofing your love life. So I want to know what questions y'all have. I'm going to stop sharing for a moment.
[00:29:33] I want to answer questions for the EBPs. I saw go Schwetica in the chat. Yes, go Schwetica. Okay. Let me pull up the Q and a doc. So I get the. Um, questions about EDPs. Okay. Okay. Um, uh, Let's get into it. Neeti, I believe. And if I'm not saying your name correctly, please let me know. I want to say your name correctly.
[00:29:57] How many essence based preferences are too [00:30:00] many? So in my process that I teach inside of the brazen breakthrough, I recommend that you, after going through this process, you first got to do a brain dump, like dump it all on the page. Don't judge yourself. Want everything that you want. Like, Write it all down.
[00:30:13] Maybe like some of my clients are like, Lily, it's now a three page document. I'm like, great. Dump it all out. Give yourself permission. I see some of your faces. You're like three minutes. That's a lot of that's a lot of work. This is doesn't have to be a lot of work. If you do it with a like. I get to celebrate my desire and my preferences.
[00:30:34] If you do it with that lens, it's not going to be a chore. It'll be a celebration of what you want. So how many preferences too many. Once you do the brain dump, I want you to narrow down and I teach how to do this narrow down. To three to five root words, so you're going to have your root words and then you're going to have your definition of that root word.
[00:30:54] So for example, Shwetika, um, I actually just wrote about this in my book that comes up next year. So [00:31:00] exciting. Shwetika is an excellent example. She wanted someone worldly. And at first she was like someone who travels, someone who is like. Maybe speaks a second language, like maybe is an immigrant themselves.
[00:31:09] I was like, cool, cool, cool. Let's go even deeper. Shreddick. Have been asked. I asked the questions. How does that feel? What does worldly mean to you? What does a person who, who is worldly do? We got down into like, okay, they travel. How do they travel? Why do they travel that way? What, how do you know if they are, um.
[00:31:25] Compassionate in their worldview, right? How do you measure these things? We got into all of that granularity. And by the end, she had this gorgeous, succinct definition that was specific to her of worldly. And by the end of this process, you'll only have three to five root words. So when somebody asks you, what do you want?
[00:31:40] You'll be able to quickly be like, bum, bum, bum. Three root words done. Okay. Um, uh, okay. What's the timeline of trusting from Sarah W. What's the time of timeline of trusting that we know enough about someone or have had enough experience with them to bless and release. I worry. I give first dates enough of a chance.
[00:31:59] Maybe they're nervous, et [00:32:00] cetera. Okay. So if you are tuning in with your EBPs, then you need to have intrigue for the person to go on another date. The idea of like spark, I think that that can lead to people getting in their heads about, did I have a spark? Did I not have a spark? What does spark mean to me?
[00:32:19] Look at intrigue. If you have intrigue, if you're like, yeah, I could have another conversation with this person. I want to learn more. I have intrigue. Then go on another date. If you don't have intrigue, you're like, that was a bad date. And I don't have any intrigue or interest or curiosity than bless and release.
[00:32:34] That can be a really good. And this is what I'm talking about with having a framework to make decisions, right? What if you felt clear in what you wanted and didn't get stuck in indecision? What if you had a clear path and a clear, like. A to B to C process that was authentic you and not rigid, but like really rooted in what you wanted so that you could get out of the mind [00:33:00] drama of all of these things.
[00:33:01] Cause like a lot of people are getting stuck in these, like, what should I do because of underlying scarcity, right? This belief that what if what I want doesn't exist. And so this process, giving yourself permission to want what you want. It's really allowing your brain to start building new neural pathways to, and that's why I love my thank you more, please challenge because it is about getting in the habit of looking for evidence that what you want does exist, even small evidence, uh, so that you can get in the way of opportunity.
[00:33:31] One more question. Okay. Um, Ooh, so good. Okay. Emily, how can you figure out essence on dating apps when you're seeing mostly pictures? I think that first you get to be attracted to pictures at an intrigue based level. And I want you to be attracted to their profile at an intrigue based level. I want you to look at their profile and be like, huh, interesting, right?
[00:33:54] Then in your, uh, messaging process. And I'm going to get into this in a moment when we talk [00:34:00] about strategizing, you are going to have a strategy. I recommend a strategy to asking certain questions to gauging whether or not they have your EBPs. So let's get back into the strategy of it all. Uh, number two, this is so much fun of having a blast.
[00:34:16] Um, uh, okay, let me present next is building a strategy. The first step to building a dating strategy that makes dating feel joyful as fuck is to detox. Some of you may have listened to my episode on this complete dating detox. This means detoxing from active dating, bad dating advice and dating worry.
[00:34:42] Resetting in your brain, giving yourself a pause to intentionally reset. This is not the download, delete cycle. This is different pausing so that your nervous system, which is if you've been dating for a while, like tender is 11 years old. Y'all, I think almost 11. It has been around for a while and revolutionized the way that we date.
[00:34:58] Dating is not easier because [00:35:00] we have dating apps. It's actually more cognitively overwhelming. And so if you have been settling for constant. Mediocre dating because you think you have to in order to find somebody or you think taking a pause would mean that you're going to miss your chance. And there's an underlying scarcity problem to address.
[00:35:17] There's an underlying hopelessness problem to address so that you can be more in control of your dating life after this pause because you need to allow your nervous system to reset. Because again, dating is activating as hell detox from active dating. Bad dating advice. Everybody has an opinion, right?
[00:35:37] What if you set boundaries with people who had opinions that don't fill in alignment with your values or what you want? What if you also started setting boundaries in your own brain with your own dating worry? Because your dating worry, ultimately, are thoughts, not facts. I will say it again. Your dating worry are thoughts, not facts.
[00:35:54] They feel true with a capital T. Because you, in the words of the incredible coach, [00:36:00] Carl Lowenthal, who has the Unfuck Your Brain podcast, you've been practicing these thoughts a bazillion times. So of course they feel true. Your brain has, has integrated that thought as a truth to protect you, to keep you safe and in your comfort zone.
[00:36:13] The problem is that that's not going to move you forward. That's going to continue to keep you stuck. So acknowledging dating worry or thoughts, not facts, and creating a plan to reset from dating worry. Number two, this is what I was talking about. Just a moment. I'll go with like a strategy in messaging or in person to asking these, these, uh, folks in front of you, questions, qualifying, disqualifying questions, allow you to vet people quickly.
[00:36:37] So based on your EBPs, your essence based preferences, everything else flows from what you desire. Everything is integrated with what you desire. So when you use your EBPs, you get to choose questions that. Ask somebody like what's bringing you joy lately, or what's made you laugh the hardest lately [00:37:00] as like a first level question.
[00:37:02] And I love, I love EDPs and QD questions, qualifying, disqualifying questions, because in the words of Dr. Maya Angelou, when somebody tells you who they are, believe them. And these questions allow you to Thank you. Like see somebody for who they are, because if you ask what's bringing you joy lately as your opener, which is one of my favorites, and they say nothing, you're like, oh, hello.
[00:37:25] You're like, maybe not the right fit for me. Or if they say something like nothing's bringing me joy. Work really sucks right now. You're like, okay, cool. Like, okay. Like, maybe that's true sometimes, but that's not where I want to start a deeper conversation. What if you ask what's bringing you joy lately?
[00:37:43] And they answer. Um, Oh my God, that's such a great question. I, uh, am actually a part of this trivia league, and we just won the state competition in trivia. It was super nerdy and super joyful. What about you? Do you see how different that is? You're starting intentional from the jump [00:38:00] choosing one dating app based on your brain's needs.
[00:38:04] And build an honest, bold, joyful as fuck profile based on your essence based preferences. Again, this is so important. If you want to be on dating apps, they're not necessary. You got to pick one. And in the brazen breakthrough, I teach people how to choose the best dating app for their brain. Um, because it is cognitively overwhelming to be on them all.
[00:38:25] And if you have a story, I may be talking directly to you. If you have a story that I need to be on all the apps to be trying, then that is a belief rooted in deeper scarcity, rooted in it's going to pass me by newsflash. I am over here, Brooklyn, believing for you that what is meant for you will not pass you by.
[00:38:44] And when you approach dating with this kind of intentionality, the right relationship becomes inevitable. Y'all. Becomes inevitable, and I've seen way too much to let you like go a minute longer thinking that it's out of your control or that it has to suck. I've seen too much. I've seen too many people get in the best [00:39:00] relationships of their lives.
[00:39:01] I've seen too many people create dating lives that are freedom filled and self trusting as hell. This is so good. Choosing a co conspirator. This is getting into in person because I firmly believe if you want to be on a dating app, it can be an amazing tool. And you've got to balance that with in person dating as well and a plan for in person dating, not just a, I don't know.
[00:39:23] I'm like going out and about and nobody asks me out. No, you got to have a plan. You got to be intentional, choose a co conspirator and create an in person dating plan. Co conspirator is my strategy to help your friends effectively help you. And you know, how friends ask their other friends, friends who are engaged, ask their friends to be.
[00:39:42] Like bridesmaids, groomsmen, like stand up with them. And you know how, like they sent, they get a box. It's like intentional moment. Like, yes, of course. I'd love to be a resident. You get to take up just as much space in your friendships. You get to ask for support from your friends, just like they've asked you for support [00:40:00] with their life wins, your life desires, your life.
[00:40:04] Uh, next steps are just as important as theirs and a co conspirator strategy is like sitting down asking intentionally, Hey, will you be my support in my dating life saying I'm not, we're not gonna say, I don't know any single people to set you up with, like preparing those boundaries and getting into the creative problem solving mode with your friends.
[00:40:26] You're going to practice getting messy with eye contact. And you're going to approach people in person and build new connections. Joy building is a big part of this. So even if you're in person connections. There are pottery class and there's nobody that you're attracted to at the pottery class. Know that joy building and building new connections intentionally can lead to a myriad of incredible people and opportunities and friendships and romantic love.
[00:40:53] My partner, Chris, my husband came from me joy building. I went to an improv class cause I wanted to, I was super lonely. I [00:41:00] wanted to be in community. I met an amazing human. We are dear close friends to this day. And a couple of years later, she introduced me to her friend group in New York. They introduced me to Chris.
[00:41:09] Joy building leads to amazing connections. Last part of building a strategy is preparing your scripts and boundaries. So you know exactly what to do when no more overwhelm or indecision. So before building a strategy like this, you're in the download delete cycle. Your brain is convinced that a dating app is the answer to finding love.
[00:41:31] You're stuck in overwhelm and emotionally draining conversations. Does this sound familiar? Literally, this is sucking you of your life energy. It's vampiric in nature, making love feel. Impossibly far away. You get super shy around cute people in person and then blame yourself after not approaching them for hours afterwards.
[00:41:53] So miserable, right? Stewing in self blame and overwhelm. Then going back to on the seesaw brain. We don't need a partner [00:42:00] anyway. Okay. Right. You either overfunction, which is micromanaging date plans, worry constantly, take care of everything or under function, stop taking action. What dating life essentially this stress is felt by your nervous system and is leading you to big burnout and you deserve more.
[00:42:20] Here's the after of building this intentional strategy. You have a step by step plan built with your brain and your needs in mind. So you know exactly what to do when next in your dating life to be moving forward towards the right relationship with or without a dating app. You and your co conspirator that you've intentionally chosen and set boundaries with are meeting new cuties every month.
[00:42:45] Even every week I've had clients build in like an intentional in person dating date with their co conspirator every week with this plan of action. And you finally feel fully supported and seen in your dating life. Dating actually [00:43:00] feels joyful because you are fully supported and you have tons of juicy boundaries.
[00:43:06] You can handle any dating situation with confidence and you're working your plan. You don't get stuck after a ghosting incident. You know how to take care of yourself. And then move forward. You don't get stuck after a hard moment in your dating life because you have your own back. You trust yourself.
[00:43:21] You know how to care for your nervous system well, and then you move forward with power and confidence with your plan. Here is Maddie's story. Maddie exemplifies this creating a strategy on her terms process. Maddie is a bad ass feminist human. She was just out of an eight year relationship. When we started working together, she had never been on dating apps.
[00:43:43] Hadn't really dated and was scared to start after hearing so many horror stories, she experienced rejuvenating rest in her dating life. After our complete dating detox, she claimed all of her EBPs and qualifying disqualifying questions, [00:44:00] she created an authentic. Gorgeous dating profile with my joyful AF dating profile framework and the brazen breakthrough, even when she said, like, I won't need this.
[00:44:08] I would never get get on dating apps. I've heard too many horror stories. We also built an in person dating strategy to match this. And then something shocking happened. Truly shocking, shocking to her. Not so shocking to me because I see it every day. She was excited to start swiping with this plan with this rejuvenating rest.
[00:44:26] She was excited to start swiping something that she'd never experienced before because she finally had the boundaries, the plan, the scripts, the step by step process to make using dating apps, a stress free agency filled experience. Addie was finally taking up space with her desire. She was asking for what she wanted after settling for eight years in that relationship.
[00:44:47] She was ready to take up more space using our courageous communication plan. The QD questions to qualify the right people and disqualify the wrong ones with ease. Her love life was confident, joyful, and settle proof. [00:45:00] She met Jim a few months later and they're getting married next month. That's just like one example of how building a strategy on your terms.
[00:45:09] Works in your dating life. Here's another example from our brazen breakthrough slack channel. This person said, so I did the detox, a lot of the exercises and my last three dates have been fabulous. They're interesting in their own ways, proactive, definitely friends in the future, if not more. I have met a lot of men because I was playing the numbers game and feeling tons of scarcity because of where I live.
[00:45:29] I'm just so delighted and hopeful now I've met three people who are much closer to being matches. Thank you, Lily. This is the power of doing that complete dating detox and creating a strategy rooted in your essence based preferences. What questions do you have for me about the strategy piece? Let me pull up this document.
[00:45:48] Thank you so much for adding your questions to the chat. Let me pull this up. Okay. Keep putting your questions in the chat. Okay. Um, uh, [00:46:00] late bloomer. Figure out how this is Deirdre trying to figure out how or if to share with people that I might be getting involved with that. I'm a late bloomer. This is part of building confidence in your communication, right?
[00:46:12] And it's also about rebuilding your neural pathways, because right now it sounds like you have a belief that you're Lack of dating experience could be like negatively impactful to your dating life. And my opinion is that the right person's looking for you, period. I don't think you need to share like, I've never dated before, before you need to or want to.
[00:46:34] You get to learn how to trust yourself. That's what's so exciting and radical about this framework. Is that rooting in self trust makes these decisions more easeful? It becomes less about when do I share this? When do I share this? That's not the strategy that I'm talking about. What if this was a strategy that was actually rooted in you trusting that the right person is looking for you to?
[00:46:57] And that you get to trust yourself in this dating [00:47:00] process to share what feels right and aligned and what doesn't at any point in the process. Okay. Louise, I love this question. I feel comfortable with my EBPs, but it has reduced my dating pool next to zero. Did I take a wrong turn and maybe too granular with my EBPs?
[00:47:18] Now, without looking at your EBPs, which is, you know, I do that in the brazen breakthrough in this room. Um, I love hearing these types of questions. My initial insight is that based on this training, go back and look at your EBPs, look for the like three to five root words and keep measuring against like, am I actually getting clear on how I want to feel versus rigid preferences?
[00:47:40] Like rigid, like must be this, this, this, and this, right. You get to want what you want and focusing on how you want to feel. Opens you up to the right people. Now this question is about timeline. I hear what if I want what I want and I don't find a date. So many clients inside the brazen breakthrough, they, uh, build this strategy, they're feeling [00:48:00] amazing, and then they get back into the dating pool and they see that like the dating app hasn't changed or dating still is hard sometimes.
[00:48:07] Because people are still going to people, humans are still going to human. And when you are waiting for the right date to be attracted to you or like for you to attract the right date, it can be difficult to not get in your head about the timing. It can be difficult to not be scared of like, Oh my God, it's been two months.
[00:48:23] I haven't had a date. Am I being too picky? Or do I, right? Stop measure, stop using number of dates as you're measuring stick. Your friend who has a bazillion dates on their calendar, maybe even you, when you had a bazillion dates on your calendar, or any closer to finding the right relationship, you are for the few, not for the many, and you deserve to date like it.
[00:48:44] And you deserve to care for yourself. When your brain has human thoughts, like it's taking too long, right? Instead of reacting to that thought with got to fix it. Now, what if you had a strategy that you knew was attracting the right kind of people and you were willing to not go on [00:49:00] dates with the wrong people?
[00:49:01] To instead be on dates, maybe once every three months or once every other month with the right people. Right. I also am a big fan. And I teach this inside the brazier breakthrough of a fuck it date of a date that you go on because you have intrigue and because you're feeling juicy and just be like, fuck it.
[00:49:22] I'm going on this date because I feel intrigue, right? Maybe you don't have all the logical, like. Okay, they fit this essence papers, but if you have intrigue, why not go on a fuck a date and see how you feel and kick the cobwebs and try your hardest to make your winning result. Am I experiencing joy on this date period that can start creating momentum in your flywheel and give you more.
[00:49:44] Granularity and, and context for your essence based preferences, because as you go on more dates, you will build a more robust, detailed essence based preference list. Um, okay, let me get one more question. What are more examples, [00:50:00] Emily of qualifying disqualifying questions? Great question. So level one questions, which are like your opening questions.
[00:50:05] What's bringing you joy lately? What's made you laugh lately? It really depends on also what your EBPs are, what you want to measure. You could, if you want somebody family oriented, for example, you could say like who in your family makes you laugh the hardest level two questions could be like, who are you and your friend group?
[00:50:20] It all depends on like what you're measuring again. But, um, uh, what are other examples? What are you level two? It's like deeper into the conversation. What are you creating in your life right now that you're really proud of? Or, um, what does self care look like for you? Like literally asking the questions I want you to become really practiced.
[00:50:41] Asking the deeper questions, even if you want to vomit, even if you're scared, even if you're afraid that what you want doesn't exist right now, I want you to start asking for more. So you get in the habit of settled, proving your love life. I love these questions so much. Now let's get into the third and final step in this [00:51:00] framework.
[00:51:00] Let me share my screen again. We have presents. Thank you all for your questions are so juicy. Number 3, 3rd and final step reigniting with power. Okay. So you've got your essence based preferences. You've built a strategy based on your essence based preferences in person and online. Now it comes to reigniting with power.
[00:51:21] You're going to start dating with tons of boundaries and you're going to celebrate every win. No win is too small. Let me like, Oh, hear me, hear me when I say this, come close. Self celebration is a strategy to finding love. If you are used to trying to fix the problem with your singleness, if you've been trying to, uh, self blame your way into.
[00:51:45] Action, meaning God, just get out on a date. Why are you so slow? Why is this taking you so long? Right? If that's the voice in your head, self celebration will be a bomb to your soul. You need to be in a community of people that [00:52:00] are seeing you and celebrating you. You need to be in a community of people who are, uh, asking you to brag on yourself for all of your dating wins, the blessing and releasing the asking the question, even when you wanted to vomit.
[00:52:13] The setting the boundary when you wanted to vomit the unclenching your butthole on a date and allowing yourself to have fun. Ragging is a strategy to finding love. Celebrating yourself is a strategy for finding love with this re ignition intentional re ignition. You will attract the right dates online and in person because you're asking for what you want with your EBPs.
[00:52:36] And your questions and you are allowing yourself to be seen. This means like some of you may be afraid to show up in your dating life online or in person because you're afraid of being seen. You're afraid of that rejection that is totally normal. Dating can be really difficult. It's so vulnerable. It's that microcosm of everything, both.
[00:52:59] You get [00:53:00] to build such strong self trust, you get to build such an intentional community around you to support you in your love life that you can start allowing yourself to be seen more often. Some of you are shutting down potential dates, potential opportunities because you're afraid of being seen and with this strategy and with this community and with reigniting with your power and your agency, you can show up even when you're afraid.
[00:53:26] And put yourself in the way of aligned opportunity. That's what creates massive results in your dating life. Not perfection, not doing this all perfectly. I say you got to do this messy because the right person is looking for you to embody. I'm for the few, not for the many in all of your dating moves.
[00:53:46] What if your dating life, like you embody, I'm for the few, not for the many. What would that be like? And you only go on dates with people you have intrigue for and are excited about. And you don't make up mind drama about how often you're going on [00:54:00] dates because you are working your plan. You're putting yourself in the way of opportunity, and you trust that that will lead to the right people for you.
[00:54:08] Reigniting with power also means practicing my thank you, more pleased challenge. To build hope and evidence daily that the right relationship is inevitable, right? Because if you're stewing in hopelessness, if hopelessness feels like a fact in your dating life, Then that is keeping you stuck in an action or keeping you paralyzed, right?
[00:54:27] Thank you more please is acknowledging Wow, I'm having a hard time in my dating brain And I know what I want, so let me go out into the world and for one day, look for slivers of evidence that what I want exists. See that cute person exiting a therapy office. When I have a flirty interaction with my barista, you say, I say, thank you more, please out loud.
[00:54:49] Thank you more. Please. I want more of that. And paying attention to those pieces will draw what you want to you with more swiftness because you are in the way of aligned [00:55:00] opportunity and you are aware of the opportunities that are crossing your path. Grow your self trust and intuition with a date feedback system using your EBPs as the guide.
[00:55:11] So you, I have this inside of the Brazen Breakthrough. You can do this on your own as well. I recommend that you create a date feedback system to measure what happened on every date. If it's a mediocre date, measure like what went on? How, how did I check in with my EBPs? What questions did I ask them before that date?
[00:55:29] On the date itself, what did I talk about that made me come alive? What did I, we talk about that felt meh or bad, right? What does my intuition say is the best next step? To stop freaking out after dates of like, did they like me? Did they not like me ultimately? 99 percent of people that I work with, people that I speak to have a gut instinct.
[00:55:52] It's just about whether or not you act on it, whether or not you trust it and take action based on it. That is the, [00:56:00] um, the needle, the thing that moves the needle, right? Because if you're having this gut instinct, then doubting yourself and suppressing your gut by saying like, but you never know. Oh, my God, that was the best day of my whole life.
[00:56:12] When you know that that didn't feel aligned with your EDPs for whatever reason, then you are teaching your body like we're not trustworthy, right? Whereas if you're using a date feedback system and tuning in with your intuition after every single date, the quality of your dates increases because you have a process because you are tuning in with your self trust intentionally before reigniting with power.
[00:56:34] You probably go on dates that you know, aren't right for you because of scarcity or shut dating down altogether. The belief, what What I want isn't possible feels true and depressing, which keeps you stuck, right? You're getting matches and date setups with people who aren't attractive to you and your brain thinks, do I have to settle?
[00:56:52] What's wrong with me that I'm not attracting people that I'm attracting to, attracted to the mind drama of that gets you real, like angry, maybe [00:57:00] frustrated, apathetic. That leads to a cocktail of soul sucking dating. You don't believe the right relationship is possible for you. And if that's you just know that I believe it for you and you get to start building the belief for yourself too with this process.
[00:57:16] And if you believe that what you want isn't possible, your brain knowing your desire, then like tries to prove that story wrong. By going on dates, another mediocre, bad date, ghosting incident since you right back into that hopelessness, right? This means the signals to me that you have centered your dating possibility around someone else's behavior, leaving you feeling powerless.
[00:57:42] Here's the after. Right. Let's take a deep breath. You only make dating decisions from a place of authentic abundance. You attract higher quality dates that are right for you with an easeful plan. Your dating life is centered around you and your preferences and not dictated by the people who are wrong for [00:58:00] you.
[00:58:00] So many people that I speak to are saying it's hopeless because of the people that were wrong for them. Right. That is centering. Uh, somebody else as the center of your dating story, and not today, Satan, no more. You will brag on yourself and your courageous dating life out loud and often in a community of other single badasses, either in the raise a breakthrough or in your social life or in your intentional group of friends, you feel completely supported, seen and celebrated because you're asking to be supported, seen and celebrated.
[00:58:30] And you are following that up with. Like actionable next steps, which leads you to more courageous action that then leads to more attractive. Amazing. Juicy dates align Trinity. What have you fully trusted your dating intuition? What if your love life that means that love life is subtle proof. If you trusted your dating intuition, you would never settle again.
[00:58:53] You would bless and release the wrong people without mind drama. You feel completely confident and what you want and [00:59:00] how to find it. And this level of self trust means that finding and being in the right relationship will be inevitable. Let's get into some examples of how this actually works in practice.
[00:59:11] Here's Steph. Steph shared my dating life was unfulfilling and I was settling. I joined the Brazen Breakthrough because I realized what I was doing wasn't working. After doing this work, I prioritized myself and not settled. This work goes way beyond dating. Allowing yourself to take up more space in your love life means that your whole life will, uh, have more aligned opportunity in it too, because you're just getting used to asking for what you want out loud and often, not judging yourself, not shrinking, but I digress.
[00:59:38] I've even picked up my life to a whole new part of the world. She, she left the country. Y'all. She moved to a place. She always wanted to live. I now live in a different country. I prioritize myself and dating and everywhere. My self confidence has gone way up. This has led to me feeling free in my love life and my life in general.
[00:59:55] Here is Maya's story. Maya shared, I was basically single my entire [01:00:00] adult life. I was this fiercely independent business owner. It didn't really bother me. Then ding, ding, ding. I went through a phase where it was like, singleness was the worst thing ever. I realized I wanted a partner, but dating was resulting.
[01:00:11] In ghosting after ghosting after ghosting, and it was depleting me. I was devastated. This is so much deeper than dating, right? And I felt like everything was wrong with me and I would never find love. I would go through these phases of deleting the apps, be like, screw it. I'm done. It's over. I'm never going to date.
[01:00:29] I'm going to be single forever. It's going to be amazing, right? Because you are whole without a partner. And this is kind of the seesaw brain and then I would read, don't download everything because there'd be a trigger like Valentine's Day after joining the brazen breakthrough and doing this work. I honestly can't believe where I am.
[01:00:44] My dating life was like night and day. It meant knowing I was okay. And I was for the few, not for the many, which has become her catchphrase a year later after doing this work. She met a partner. I met a partner who has become an integral part of my life. He's serious about maintaining a healthy relationship, [01:01:00] communicates well, treats me like a queen.
[01:01:02] I know I deserve nothing less for my life. So, let's get into some questions about this reignition process. I am going to pull up the question document. I know y'all have been putting some questions in the chat. Um, so let me go here. Okay, Sarah. Oh, yes. I'm not sure where this question would fit in, but I'm hoping Lily can speak to how if polyamory and non monogamy because I think like, um, Okay.
[01:01:31] If you said ethical, non monogamy, non monogamy has to be ethical for it to be non monogamy, right? That's what I, I believe, um, fit into the brazen breakthrough format, the brazen breakthrough. And we'll get into this in, in a few minutes was built without heteronormative expectations. I think that monogamy, while it works for me, and it's what I wanted, because I really did that investigation in my relationship, um, and I've done non monogamy before.
[01:01:57] So I chose what was right for me. And the, the [01:02:00] heteronormative expectation of like, must be this way, must be this thing, must want this kind of person. We don't do that in the Brazen Breakthrough. We don't do that in any of my programs. So this is really about learning how to trust yourself and your desires.
[01:02:13] And while we don't in the Brazen Breakthrough get into like how to structure your non monogamous relationship, we do get into how to listen to yourself, how to know every single thing that you fucking want. So you can communicate that with power and ease. when the right people come across your path. Ooh, Emily, what is the thank you more please challenge?
[01:02:33] It is so easy to get started. You identify your EBPs, you go out into the world and for one day look for evidence that what you want exists, even in small doses. When you see something that. Alerts you to like, Ooh, this is fun. This is tingly. Then you say, thank you more, please out loud. And your brain gets more used to seeing and experiencing the evidence that what you want exists that then leads to you [01:03:00] having this hope flywheel.
[01:03:01] And when I say flywheel, it's like one of those pinwheels that you blow on it. And like the wind keeps it going faster. That hope and that thank you more please will lead to more thank you more pleases will lead to more juicy dates will lead to more juicy aligned opportunities. I've seen it again and again and again.
[01:03:16] Oh, okay. Sarah, any tips on how to be a fantastic supportive co conspirator? Sarah, here's my tips on being and asking for co conspiratorship. You gotta ask for what you want in terms of being a good co conspirator. Do not ever say, I don't know any single people. Your friend doesn't want it. Okay. And for those who are single watching this and wanting to ask for a co conspirator, you get to set that boundary of like, Hey, let's not talk about how hard dating is.
[01:03:47] Let's get her that night out of that negative feedback loop. And let's instead talk about the possibilities. Talk about cope. Co creating solutions. Okay. Amber, what if their character matches everything I want, but the [01:04:00] physical attraction isn't there? It depends on how important physical attraction is to you, which goes back to your EBPs, which goes back to how you want to feel.
[01:04:08] If you want to feel attracted, you get to feel attracted. You don't have to settle for somebody that doesn't align with your EBPs. If you know what you want and you ask for it, even if they're the nicest person in the world, this is your dating life. You get to be selfish. Okay. Let me one more, one more, uh, question, Talia or Thalia.
[01:04:30] What if I don't go on dates and I don't know why no one asks me out on dates? This is such a good question. Don't let your past dating experience or lack thereof signal anything about what's possible or what is to come. Right? We, right now, by being in this room, we are co creating fucking solutions. You are in a room asking for support because you want something different in your love life.
[01:04:55] And if you go about your dating life in the same way that you have been, expecting a different [01:05:00] result, then You're not going to get it right. You're here because you've been dating. Something hasn't been working right. You haven't been asked out, or you haven't had any opportunities crossed your path. And we get to like work on that.
[01:05:11] You get to grow into how to look for opportunities, how to make an empowered first move. You get to learn how to date in person in a way that gets you in the way of people that you could be attracted to. This is all about giving yourself permission to want what you want. Getting yourself in a community of people that are actively thinking about these questions with you and treating your dating life like it fucking matters.
[01:05:35] Because it does not in a, not in a way of like, you need to find a relationship to be whole. No, you get to treat your dating life like it matters because what you desire matters because your desire is evidence that you have something in your body that you want and that it could exist if you put yourself in the way of aligned opportunity.
[01:05:56] Okay, Lily, that's what I'm hearing. You asked Thalia. Okay. That [01:06:00] sounds great for you and your clients, but what about me? Can I do this? Yes. Yes. Gorgeous friends inside of the brazen breakthrough. You fucking can. Here's how the brazen breakthrough is my proven feminist as fuck group coaching program that is going to take your high achieving bad ass self and help you create a confident and joyful as fuck dating life that makes the right relationship.
[01:06:26] Inevitable to get out of inaction, to get out of that hopelessness story, to get out of the, I've never been on the right date or I've never been on any dates, or I just don't want to settle again to get out of that and step into all of the aligned juicy strategy and community that makes the right relationship inevitable.
[01:06:43] Who is this for? This is for feminist high achieving humans who are done settling for less than their dating lives. You are in therapy and ready for laser focused support specifically for your dating life. Your resulting agency and confidence will ripple out into other areas as [01:07:00] well, like it did for Steph and Shwetika and Maya.
[01:07:03] You want to get unstuck and speed up your trajectory towards the right relationship and have more freaking joy in the process. Here's the structure of the Brazen Breakthrough. And if you have any questions, put them in the chat. We are gathering them. I'm going to answer as many questions as I can after this.
[01:07:20] Where you're going to get bi monthly, so twice a month group coaching, daily slack coaching, and my on demand brazen breakthrough course. Let's get into the brazen breakthrough course first, because this is my life's work. It's so gorgeous and life changing. This is a twin. This is a. Uh, on demand proven as hell step by step course, 20 step by step bite sized video guides, type A workbooks to guide you through my entire joyful as fuck dating life framework.
[01:07:48] So the questions that y'all have from the three steps that I shared before, the course alone answers all of those questions and sets you up for inevitability for what you want. [01:08:00] Module one is calm your freak out because your nervous system is fried, probably from dating or not dating and having a desire and not being here yet, aka this is caring for your nervous system.
[01:08:11] You will learn how to stop blaming yourself. You're going to stop your dating panic cycles and learn how to become an expert at lowering your stress and increasing your resiliency. The tool is self. Compassion and it is going to change your dating life from the inside out. Number two, get cozy with your feels, AKA emotional granularity.
[01:08:35] You're going to learn how to have your back no matter what you feel. So when you have hard feelings like shame or embarrassment, or you were rejected and you're like, normally that shit would feel overwhelming and you'd be afraid that it would swallow you whole. You're going to get cozy with these feelings.
[01:08:48] You're going to know how to number three, feel anything. If you, when you can feel any feeling effectively, you become unstoppable in your dating life, period. [01:09:00] This is not your therapist or a loved one just being like, feel your feelings. No, I don't know what that means inside the brazen breakthrough course.
[01:09:08] I give you a step by step process to feel your feelings effectively because they're not going to swallow you whole. The longer you push them away for fear that they're going to swallow you whole, the longer they're going to stick around. So I teach you a framework that I use in my personal life and then my clients use now to move forward quicker, no matter what feeling arises.
[01:09:29] Number two, the module two is the complete dating detox. This is detoxing from dating, so deleting all dating apps, blessing and releasing your roster, getting out of scarcity decisions. Number two, detoxing from other people's dating advice because you know, every cousin. Co worker TikToker has an opinion on your dating life.
[01:09:49] And yes, you may have found me on TikTok. And if you resonate with my approach, it's time to set boundaries with people who are giving you dating advice that feels limiting or stringent or rigid or [01:10:00] blamey. Like set boundaries with that shit. You don't need it. The problem is that you've stopped listening to yourself and inside the brazen breakthrough.
[01:10:08] I'm going to teach you how to start listening to yourself as your best answer. It's time to heal your relationship to your inner voice. You're going to detox from dating worry. It's time to unlearn dating where is your default. You're going to learn an evidence based strategy to release. Reset boundaries in your own brain with yourself, with love, and build new powerful beliefs and neural pathways about your dating life so that you can then take more aligned action so that you can create more aligned results, juicy, gorgeous dates, and amazing, joyful experiences in your dating life that make the right relationship inevitable.
[01:10:42] Number three, illuminating deeper preferences. Here's what's inside. You're going to unpack all of your past patterns with the relationship reflection guide. My clients regularly say that this guide alone helps them rethink their entire dating life in a way that is rooted in their agency and [01:11:00] power and not in self blame.
[01:11:02] You're going to identify every essence based preference and get support in creating those three to five root words. You're going to claim all of your qualifying disqualifying questions with my hundred plus question guide. Module four is creating your dating strategy. You're going to choose the best dating app for your brain.
[01:11:20] If you want to be on a dating app, this whole process makes dating apps optional, and it can be a helpful tool when you use it with boundaries. You're going to create a joyful as fuck dating profile, claim the boldest boundaries possible, build a messaging strategy that attracts the right people for you.
[01:11:36] You're going to create an in person dating life. That makes dating apps optional rooted in your joy building. You're going to learn how to effectively joyfully engage your friends to set you up. AKA co conspirators with my, I have scripts for the, that conversation. I have a plan for you to build that conversation and to get the best, most support from your co conspirator.
[01:11:57] You're going to start playing, getting messy as [01:12:00] fuck in your dating life because you don't need perfection. To get results, you need to start playing more in your dating life with our in comprehensive in person dating. Bingo. It makes dating in person. So fun. I must say the 5th and final module inside the brazen breakthrough course is reignite your dating life, which is start dating.
[01:12:20] You're going to mobilize your strategy. You're going to attract dates with ease that are more. Mind with your essence preferences, you're going to bless and release more people than you ever have before. I celebrate blessing and releasing just as hard as I celebrate a great date because that shit does move you forward.
[01:12:37] You're going to tune in with your dating intuition with our date feedback system to make sure every date is better than the last to make sure that you can look at that date feedback system and see an upward trajectory and the quality of people that you're able to meet. You're going to shed people pleasing patterns that are.
[01:12:55] Keeping you stuck, right? People pleasing that sounds like, Oh, I'll just give them another date. I'll [01:13:00] give her another date. People pleasing that sounds like, Oh, maybe I should just download the app because my friend met their partner on that. And no, no more people pleasing. Center yourself in your own strategy.
[01:13:10] You're going to learn my attraction bucket system to make the most decisive, powerful moves forward. And to get out of that inaction, to get out of that indecision and overwhelm and into your power more. Here are the bonuses. Inside of the course past call replay. So you have calls from the past year and our private podcast.
[01:13:31] I coach on, we coach on everything in those group coaching calls related to anything from biological clock pressure, like how to release that, when, what to do when a new relationship is going well, and you're freaking the fuck. We coach on all of that and you will have the entire library of past coaching calls that are going to move you forward so quickly and help you get unstuck in a matter of minutes.
[01:13:55] The what the fuck to say next guide is text scripts and boundaries that [01:14:00] you can use to bless and release with ease to ask someone out to get clarity after a date. So you'll never be at a loss. of what to say again. I also have brazen meditations in this portal. So pre and post date meditations, bragging guide to pump yourself up before dates and to keep you more grounded and confident as you create your most joyful dating life.
[01:14:22] Here's the deal with our bi monthly group coaching session. For 12 months to group coaching sessions a month for 12 months, you will get unstuck in a matter of minutes, you will raise your hand and get coaching one on one related to anything in our course portal or your dating life and or your dating life.
[01:14:40] We meet in the 2nd and 4th Thursday of the month at 6 p. m. Eastern and we coach your face off y'all. We coach your fucking face off and really help you create results as fast as possible in this program. Every session is recorded and put into your portal afterwards and your private podcast daily coaching in our Slack channel for 12 months.
[01:14:59] [01:15:00] We coach on everything from dating mindset. So, uh, I want to ask somebody out in person, but I'm freaking out. I'm paralyzed. What do I do? I coach on that the day of, and we coach on that the day of and get you moving forward. Tactical strategy support. If you're stuck in any way. Me and the Brazen Breakthrough community have your back.
[01:15:19] You can get coaching Monday through Friday on your dating stuckness questions and post date feedback. Imagine if you had this like daily support inside the Brazen Breakthrough in your dating life. Not because your dating life has to be like the most important thing in your life. It just is a priority.
[01:15:35] Right. It's one of your priorities because you're here and so this support will move you forward faster and get you into the most juicy, abundant dates possible and the most juicy, abundant mindset possible in your dating life. The other piece is that you're going to meet your new bestie. Like, seriously, you're going to connect with other braids and breakthrough members who are single, who are high achieving, who are bad ass.
[01:15:57] Right there with you. We're moving forward together. [01:16:00] I have members meeting up in their cities monthly. You're going to brag on your wins with this group. You're going to make new badass single friends and you're going to get an accountability buddy to take massive action together. So you never are alone.
[01:16:12] So to recap, you get the on demand brazen breakthrough course. You get the bi monthly live group coaching twice a month. You get daily coaching and slack and the bonus portal content. You get all of the support. 12 months. The investment for the brazen breakthrough for 12 months is 2, 000 or five payments of 420.
[01:16:35] And just to let you know, a percentage of every single membership goes towards abortion funds in the U S and the Loveland foundation to be really aligned with our values at date brazen. It's time to get out of dating, overwhelm and dating anxiety. It's time to make the right relationship inevitable with a dating life drenched in your joy in your agency and in your belonging.
[01:16:57] So you can join right now with the [01:17:00] link in the chat. You can also go to date brazen dot com slash joy to join the brazen breakthrough right now for the juiciest season of your love life to commence. Okay. Here's why you need it. Now. Gorgeous high achieving, badass human, because what you've been doing hasn't been working with all the love.
[01:17:17] I say this with all the compassion. I say this, your dating life is impacting your wellbeing and this kind of small settling leads to big billing, right? Your love life deserves your attention, not because you're lacking in any way, but because your desires matter because you are far from alone and the incredible relationship you desire is closer than you realize.
[01:17:38] Your thriving is urgent. So it's time to get out of dating, freak outs and anxiety, get out of scarcity based decision making, get out of the vicious cycle of, will I just die alone? This experience will help you create peace and confidence in your dating life and will help you create a strategy that will attract easeful dates to you that are aligned with your [01:18:00] EDPs.
[01:18:00] You can join us right now with the link in the chat date, brazen. com slash joy. Let's do some frequently asked questions. So I'm going to answer like the questions that I get every single time I open the brazen breakthrough. And you can also drop your questions in the chat. I'm going to get to as many of them as I possibly can.
[01:18:20] Uh, after I go through the hottest questions and pay attention, cause maybe your question will be answered in this and also drop it in the chat. Am I ready for the brazen breakthrough? Do you desire the right relationship? Are you done with feeling hopeless, settling for a stressful dating life and want to make your dating life as brilliant as the rest of your life?
[01:18:38] Have you worked with, or are you currently working with a therapist? Are you ready to do the work and be coached? Then you're ready period for most members, just to let you know, this is the first big investment in their dating lives in there. Maybe even in their personal lives in this way. And it's okay if you feel nervous, excited, right?
[01:18:58] Do I have time for [01:19:00] this to get the best results? You need one hour per week. For at least three to four months, basically, this is the time that you'd be spending on a mediocre date. You can spend instead on creating a more juicy, brilliant, self trusting, confident, joyful dating life after that three to four months, your homework time will be spent on amazing dates, filling out your date feedback system, then coming to brag in our slack channel and getting ongoing coaching in our group sessions.
[01:19:27] There are clients who are. A couple months into the brazen breakthrough, and they're feeling the difference in their mindset, and they start dating and they just need more tactical support. So that's where the coaching time goes. We also have clients in like month nine. I'm thinking of a specific client right now in the brazen breakthrough who met an incredible person.
[01:19:46] Who has been kind of freaking out because I've never met somebody who aligns with their values and their desires so much. And so our coaching is spent on, like, really calming her nervous system so that she can receive this kind of next level [01:20:00] relationship. So the minute you join. You'll get access to every lesson, every past coaching session, and our Slack channel.
[01:20:07] You can dive in, get coaching, and start seeing anxiety relieving results in a day. How do you define success? Lily, I love this question so much. A romantic relationship doesn't equal success. It's the cherry on top. It's the bonus results. Your friends who found a relationship without my help stumbled into it, they aren't more successful than you.
[01:20:29] Here's the deal. You can keep dating as you have without joining the brazen breakthrough, and you'll probably find someone awesome eventually, just like your friends did. Both hands. I don't want you to settle for a dating life that feels soul sucking anymore. I don't want you to settle for a dating life that has anxiety ridden anymore.
[01:20:46] Or overwhelming as hell anymore, that kind of small settling can lead to big settling down the road. That's my experience that when I was used to being isolated in my dating life, when I was used to settling for the wrong situationships, that led to [01:21:00] more settling because I was trying to fix the problem.
[01:21:03] And when I started addressing the deeper stuff at play, that's when I started to break those patterns. Here's how I define success inside the brazen breakthrough, dating pressure, worry, and scarcity. No longer drive your actions. You allow yourself to rest. Often you attract juicy dates and you only go on dates with people that you have intrigue for.
[01:21:26] You trust the shit out of yourself, your preferences, and your ability to attract the right people. Your dating life is finally in alignment with the rest of your bad ass life. You know exactly what you want and how to find it. All of these things make your dream relationship possible and inevitable on your timeline.
[01:21:48] Why can't I figure this out on my own? Let's talk about this hot question. In our patriarchal society, we are constantly told that we should be working harder, pushing more, figuring out it all out on [01:22:00] our own. This is bullshit, y'all. This is bullshit. Your desire for more self trust, more agency, more confidence in your love life is exactly what will help you not only find, but be in the rest, best relationship of your life.
[01:22:15] The real question is, and I want you to like feel this in your body. How supported can you stand to let yourself be? Ask yourself, like how supported can I stand to let myself be? There are probably other areas of your life where you've wanted something. And you've gotten the line support to get it. Maybe you've worked with a career coach or a money coach, or you worked with an executive coach.
[01:22:38] Like you wanted something, you sought out support to get it. And then you like with that support created Epic results. Same, same for your love life. But my friends didn't need this help. That's me and my southern accent coming out. My friends didn't need this help. Why do I need this help? But my friends didn't need this help.
[01:22:55] Maybe this is your question. I'm here to answer it. Your friends didn't work with [01:23:00] me. And to be honest, that's a bummer for them. That's my hottest. Hey, that's a matter for them. I literally, I seriously have a couple of people asking to work with me all the time. Every single launch, every single time I open brace and breakthrough, I get a couple of people in my DMS.
[01:23:15] Is this for a couple of people? Like, do you have something else for a couple of people? Like, because they want this juice, they want the self trust, they want the courage, they want the essence based preferences to make aligned decisions moving forward. I don't fucking care. If you find a relationship, I care about you finding the best relationship of your life.
[01:23:35] With ease while feeling amazing about yourself along the way, I regularly hear brazen breakthrough clients and new relationships that the first few months are so much more easeful, vulnerable, communicative, and fun because of the foundation they laid inside of the brazen breakthrough my client, Erica, who joined the brazen breakthroughs, some shit was going down at work that she couldn't handle.
[01:23:57] Fully go on dates like we were [01:24:00] encouraging inside the brazen breakthrough that were aligned. So she just soaked in the lessons. She did the workbooks. She came to the live group coaching calls. She like didn't ask for coaching. I was like, are you, how are you doing? Are you okay? Erica sent me an email nine months after the brazen breakthrough experience ended for her saying lily.
[01:24:20] I met this person and we're three weeks in, but I'm already feeling so much more vulnerable, so much more connected to myself, so much more boundary, so much more joyous than I've ever felt before. She compared this work to like preparing in the off season for what was to come. And he, by the way, just picked up her favorite bagel order at 7 a.
[01:24:38] m. And now a year and a half later, they're still in a relationship. I get emails from her saying like, he met my grandmother this week, right? Um, you, this is about preparing to be in the best relationship of your life. This one is tough, right? I'm afraid I just need to lose weight, take better pictures, et cetera, to find love.
[01:24:57] I felt this in my dating life, um, [01:25:00] as a curvy person, as a midsize person. And I see you, if this is your worry or your fear, fat phobia in the dating world is unfortunately fucking real both. And you are uniquely qualified for the right partner. Constant worry about your weight or your body is impacting the future of your love life and slowing you down, keeping you stuck in satellite side note.
[01:25:19] I really also highly recommend 2 books for this specific worry, the body liberation project. Chrissy King and the body is not an apology by Sonia Renee Taylor. But I digress. The answer to settle proving your love life and finding love isn't about losing weight or changing anything about yourself. It's not about new pictures.
[01:25:38] It's about learning how to calm your nervous system, set massive boundaries, be supported in aligned community and showing up for your desires out loud. And often I'm queer. Is this right for me? I'm bi and queer, and there are also many queer Brazen Breakthrough members. I intentionally built the Brazen Breakthrough to support folks in pursuing the fuck [01:26:00] out of their most confident, self trusting dating lives, no matter who they date.
[01:26:04] So, how do we create a safe and brave coaching space for everyone, especially folks who hold a marginalized or Several marginalized identities. The answer is our community guidelines. We adhere strictly to our 10 community guidelines. These are just some of them. Number one, we use inclusive language and introduce ourselves with our gender pronouns and every group coaching call.
[01:26:26] And in Slack, we reject heteronormative cultural expectations, including, but not limited to assuming the gender identity of someone that you're dating, assuming you want monogamy, et cetera. Number three, we value many paths. And we do not condone or tolerate homophobia, transphobia, or racism, racism of any kind instances of this behavior will result in an immediate dismissal from the brazen breakthrough because we want to prioritize this being a safe and brave coaching space for whoever wants to join us.
[01:26:55] Inside this program, we, I am serious about creating an environment where [01:27:00] the experience of folks who hold marginalized identities is prioritized. This is also why we have a super generous refund policy. Well, this program is like fucking awesome and it's going to change your life. If you feel led to join us, uh.
[01:27:12] I want folks, especially those who hold a marginalized entity, I repeat myself to jump into this curriculum, give it a chance, see if it's right for your needs. And if it's not right, then you can email us within 30 days and get your money back. No questions asked. I created this refund policy to be as generous as possible because I want you to show up fully, give this your all and see if it's aligned with your needs and your specific love life.
[01:27:37] I know from coaching hundreds of bad ass humans, just like you, that if you feel led to join us. This probably will be right for you. This will change your life. If you feel that body pull to join us both. And, uh, I wanted to have this refund policy in here for anybody who has that question, that lingering question of like, will this work for me and my particular circumstance or [01:28:00] my particular identity?
[01:28:02] Speaking of what, if I'm the only one, this doesn't work for, to be honest, this is a human thought. That is keeping you majorly fucking stuck. It's a thought, not a fact. Trying something new is so vulnerable. Both and what you've been doing hasn't been working so that you get, so you get to decide that your desire for more is greater than your fear of being behind.
[01:28:25] You get to be supported. You'll be joining the leagues of so many other brazen badasses before you, who trusted themselves, took the leap and changed their lives at this program. That's possible for you too. I don't want you to abdicate your agency, your power, your magic for a moment longer. Your love life, your desires, they feel out of your control.
[01:28:48] And that's just a thought. That's not the truth. I know the timing is out of our control. Like when you're going to meet the person or the people, both the end of the thought, my love life will be miserable until I [01:29:00] meet someone is just another form of settling. It's keeping you stuck in a cycle of suffering and playing small.
[01:29:06] It's time to expand. It's time to let your desires take up more space in your life. It's time to invite in more ease into your love life. So here are your next steps. You can join us with the link in the chat, datebrazen. com slash joy. You will immediately get access to our member portal slack channel.
[01:29:26] You can introduce yourself tonight or today if you're watching the replay, and you'll get our live call calendar immediately. So it's time to ask me anything about the brazen breakthrough. You can put your question in the chat and you can also join us right now, but with the link in the chat at date brazen.
[01:29:44] com slash joy. So let's answer your questions. I'm so pumped to talk to you more about the brazen breakthrough. Who has questions about the brazen breakthrough? Y'all let's see. Sarah, is there a max number of people for this cohort? So, [01:30:00] There is not a max number of people for this cohort. We are a rolling admission community.
[01:30:04] There are people in the Brace and Breakthrough who are nine months in who you will meet and glean wisdom from because of their brags and their shares. And because of our community guidelines, because of our group coaching calls, because of the daily Slack support, this community is intimate because we intend it to be.
[01:30:23] Right? And when people join from around the country around the world, the meetups that people are doing in person using our connections tab in slack are really blowing people's minds at the level of belonging that is available. And it's helping people create faster and faster results because they are in belonging and they can meet up in person to move forward together, be each other's co conspirator.
[01:30:47] Sarah, when does it begin? It begins as soon as you join, right? So this is the on demand course, course portal is available. You can start tonight with the caring for your nervous system that calm your freak out [01:31:00] or the dating detox and start seeing results like tonight to relieve. Your anxiety to start moving forward.
[01:31:07] You can also join now and introduce yourself in the chat and start like building that in person meetup with your, in your city, based on there are other people who are waiting for you to join so that you can meet up in Boston or LA or Austin, Texas or Scotland or London, like people are waiting for you to join and so excited to see you inside.
[01:31:25] And your 12 months begins when you join, so you have a 12 full months inside of the brazen breakthrough. And our group coaching calls are the second and fourth Thursday of every month. And your first group coaching call would be in November. Um, Rachel, do you work with clients that are dating within a particular religion?
[01:31:44] Amazing question. Absolutely. I've had clients who are Muslim and they're looking for a partner. Who's also Muslim or Christian who are, um, there are so many who are Jewish and looking within their faith. Um, and, uh, the, [01:32:00] I, the, the groundwork in the brazen breakthrough is about helping, you know, what you want.
[01:32:05] And helping, you know, how to find it, whatever you want. So I want you to be open to being surprised by the right person still within your essence based preferences. So yes, essence based preferences will definitely support you. This strategy will definitely support you and attracting the right partner within your desires, right?
[01:32:23] And if that's a particular religion, then. Let's work with that. Let's go right. Know what you want. Ask for it out loud and often. Uh, Rachel, do you open registration only once a year? I'm not sure I'm in the right place to start yet, but would be in the beginning of next year. Love this question. So I, uh, don't know when we're going to open again.
[01:32:43] And, uh, this is the invitation for the people who are available to it right now, I want to address two different buckets of this question. One bucket is this may just not be the right time. You may not have the investment money to spend on yourself in this way to gift yourself this experience. [01:33:00] That's okay.
[01:33:01] Wait until we open again. I don't know when that will be. Um, and in the meantime, you can still listen to the day praise and podcast and create your own strategy on your own right now. If you, if the, I don't know if this is the right time for me is more about fear or more about like a butthole clenching.
[01:33:20] Is this right for me? Is this my time to invest in myself? Am I really going to do this? Oh, my God, what's going to happen? Right? Take a deep breath. If it's that bucket B. Of like, it's really some fear coming up around this being the wrong time. Then what would self compassion say? It might say, of course, I'm freaking out.
[01:33:38] This is a new thing for me. This is a new experience. And I've never done anything like this before. Of course, there's fear coming up in the room. Both. And if I'm listening to my body, if you're listening to your body at this invitation, this is the framework that I use to make decisions for my investing on myself.
[01:33:55] Right? Like I invest a lot of money on myself. I love coaching. I love therapy. And [01:34:00] whenever I'm faced with a new investment decision, I'm listening to, I'm like grounding my feet, grounding my butt, unclenching my butthole, like releasing my jaw. I'm taking a deep breath. I'm imagining what it would be like to join or to invest in myself in this way.
[01:34:13] And I listened for what my body is saying. Even if there's fear, is there any opening? Is there any expansion? Is there any like pulling yes forward? Any like, yeah, nervous, excited. Listen to that. That's your body saying. This is right for us. We need to seriously consider this or join. If your body upon this invitation is like a, if there's any like, not for me, or this isn't financially available, like any, they'll do it.
[01:34:41] That's your body saying this isn't right for you. Period. Listen to your body. You get to engage self trust no matter what. Okay. Um, uh, how many folks are in the group coaching calls? Rebecca, Good job. Uh, up to 20, 30, um, some weeks it's as few as 10. Some weeks it's as high as 50. It just depends. [01:35:00] And we have built in these two group coaching calls to let you be fully supported both and you get daily coaching and Slack, no matter what.
[01:35:09] So that's how we create intimacy in this program because we help you create results fast with a 24 to 48 hour response time during Monday through Friday during our business hours. So you get coaching no matter how many people are in the brazen breakthrough that is high quality aligned with your values.
[01:35:26] And my head coach in this, now I'm the founder and CEO of date brazen, and I believe that my curriculum. Inside of the course is the head coach. So anytime you have a question, the head coach of the curriculum is the first place to look, because I've been doing this for a really long time. I have answered so many questions and coaching calls in my lessons and modules.
[01:35:48] And odds are that where you're stuck, yeah, you're unique. Your situation is unique. Both hands. I've heard it all. So odds are that your question will be addressed in the course as well. [01:36:00] Um, yes, Melanie. So amazing to see amazing women and all in this space. Amazing humans in this space. Thank you more, please.
[01:36:06] Excited to connect. Well, hi, Melanie. Uh, finola, is there any chance you rarely get the live coaching because of the big numbers? Um, so if you don't get coaching inside of our live coaching call, then you put your question in Slack and you get a response. The 24 to 48 hours, either in the form of a voice memo from me or a date brazen coach.
[01:36:29] I have hand, I am handpicking a coach to be trained by me to really support people inside of the brazen breakthrough. And, uh, because we're growing, we are also implementing new features that are coming out very, very soon that I'm not even going to share yet because the brazen breakthrough members don't even know.
[01:36:47] But the sneak peek is we're creating even more features, and we're also adding more coaching calls to the calendar because we're growing. So we are actively expanding the experience for folks so that everybody gets the support [01:37:00] that they desire. And you can join it. Date brazen. com slash joy. Okay. Um, uh, yeah, Sarah, like that people are at different places.
[01:37:09] Um, Emily, how often these start? Yeah. Not ready to start now thinking about the buckets, right? Is it like a legit, like not legit? Cause your feelings and your experiences, your thoughts, like we're playing with all of it in the sandbox together here. So I'm not here to delegitimize anything that you're thinking or feeling both.
[01:37:25] And if you have a bucket of like, This isn't financially available for me right now, or this actually like I'm doing another program right now, or I'm, you know, whatever the case may be. And you're just like, right. That feeling is coming up. This is not the right time for you. That's okay. If you're in the second bucket where this is, this invitation has flooded your nervous system with excitement.
[01:37:48] If this invitation, if you were listening to these slides and like listening to me talk and you were like, Oh my God, Lily is speaking my language. I really like this approach. I really like the idea of being in this community. I really [01:38:00] like the idea of being supported in my dating life. How supported can I stand to let myself be?
[01:38:05] Could be your body talking to you. Right. Could be your body talking to you. I have clients who are single mothers who are pediatricians at top hospitals who clerked for are currently clerking for a U. S. Circuit court judge. I have people who are real busy inside of the brazen breakthrough and they decided to join us.
[01:38:26] Because they decided that their desire for support, their desire to move forward was greater than their fear of being behind was greater than their fear, like, like, uh, uh, staying stuck, right? Like, they wanted to move forward and with their schedule, they carved out that 1 to 2 hours a week for 3 to 4 months to do the workbooks, to do the lessons, to get themselves coached, to actively create results, co create results with me and this cohort of amazing, badass humans.
[01:38:56] So that they can move forward because even if they're a single mom, even if they're a pediatrician [01:39:00] at a top ranked hospital, even if they're, uh, clerking for a circuit judge on a federal level, they still get to want what they want and they still get to create a clear path to find it. So, if your fear of like, is this the right time is more rooted in.
[01:39:14] Scarcity or that like butthole clenching feeling of like, I've never done anything like this before. Is this the right time? I want to plan it perfectly. There's no such thing as doing this perfectly. And you get to make epic results happen even though you're busy messily. I want to help you get messy in your dating life and create epic.
[01:39:34] Results amazing. Um, uh, okay, great. Megan, is the coaching always group based or are there one on one opportunities too? So the one on one aspect is you get your questions answered one on one in our Slack channel daily, Monday through Friday during our business hours. And then in our group coaching calls twice a month, you will raise your virtual hand.
[01:39:56] If you have a question and you will be called on for one on one coaching. [01:40:00] So that is for two K for the entire year by monthly group coaching, daily slack support. You're going to get your face coached off the difference between people who get results and people who do not is how hard they show up for themselves.
[01:40:16] Messily, even if they don't have all the answers, even if they haven't done all the homework perfectly, even if they can't say for the whole session, they show up, right? They ask a question in slack and get clarity. They get unstuck because they ask for support and they put themselves in the way of the opportunity to get the support by joining the brazen breakthrough.
[01:40:35] So the 1 on 1 affect is in the brazen breakthrough because you'll raise your virtual hand and get coaching. And the Slack channel. If you want to work with me one on one, I do have select VIP one on one spots available that we can follow up with you about if you're interested in that. Hi, Angela. Uh, Lily and co conspirators.
[01:40:55] I'm so excited to start dating with confidence and purpose. Words I never thought I'd say. Thank you. [01:41:00] Fuck. Yes. Celebrating you, Angela. Amazing. Um, uh, yeah, Abby, I answered this question a little bit earlier. What's the range for how many people are on the group coaching calls? It could be as few as 10 could be as many as 50.
[01:41:11] It just depends on the schedule and who shows up. Um, and I want to reiterate this. My intention in every single group coaching call is that everyone gets exactly what they need. So I want to talk to you about how you're going to get exactly what you need, whether you raise your virtual hand or not. When you hear other people's questions, you will realize, Oh shit, I have that same question or, Oh my God, I didn't even think to ask that, but I am stuck there too, because there is this like community.
[01:41:43] Experience of realizing that you are not alone, that your struggles are very similar to other people, even if you have unique circumstances, you will find people in this room who you deeply resonate with and watching them get coached again, [01:42:00] even just showing up and not raising your virtual hand.
[01:42:02] Watching people get coached will change your brain, will change what is possible. This program is intimate because we intend it to be. It is also supportive as hell because we intend it to be. And everybody gets exactly what they need because we intend that. And we create those results by showing up really hard in our coaching sessions on Zoom and on Slack.
[01:42:23] And obviously with the head coach. Program portal. Abby, when will the enrollment time close? Jayler Ray on my team answered for me October 27th. And the doors open to everyone on October 19th. Yeah, Emily, I mentioned courageous communication. Can I explain that a little more? I mean, very simple. The QD questions, qualifying, disqualifying questions, based in your essence based preferences.
[01:42:48] So like, all based, yeah, based on your EVPs. You define your QD questions. They are courageous questions. I'm going to teach you how to ask the question you want to ask so badly, but you're afraid makes you look too [01:43:00] intense. I'm going to teach you how to vet people so quickly without mind drama and with ease because the right person is looking for you and you deserve to know if the person is right for you on a level one basis before you go on a first date.
[01:43:13] Courageous communication is how you ask the questions that you really want to ask. Sooner, getting clarity sooner. Why are you dating? What do you wanna find in your dating life? Do you want a relationship or do you just wanna hook up? Totally fine. Just let me know so I can either bless and release or continue this conversation.
[01:43:28] I'm gonna teach you how to vet people courageously with clarity. That's courageous. Communication piece number one. Number two is my, what the fuck to say Next guide. So this means you will have literal scripts to bless and release people. You can customize them for yourself to get clarity from somebody when you're seeing them and you're not sure like where you're at.
[01:43:50] Get out of that indecision and overwhelm and like, ask the question, I'm going to teach you how to do that. I also teach you how to set boundaries because this is a skill who taught us, right? Who would have, [01:44:00] nobody taught me how to set boundaries in my life. In fact, as a woman growing up in the deep South, I was taught.
[01:44:07] How to not listen to myself, how to not have boundaries. And so in the program, I make it a priority to help you learn the skill of setting boundaries in your love life courageously so that you get more of what you want and you're less available to the people who are wrong for you. Lindsay, thank you for the kindness and one for a wonderful info.
[01:44:25] Love it. Um, Megan. Thank you. So glad you're here. Megan. Okay. Emily. Ooh, I love this question. How do you create more opportunities to meet people in person when you're not going to bars? Totally possible. It is the in person dating strategy that I teach in module four, that creating your dating strategy module is three pronged.
[01:44:45] So there's a three pronged approach to in person dating that you may not, you may not even be thinking about right now. Number one is your co conspirator strategy. So that means helping your friends effectively help you. Two of my clients became co conspirators for each other [01:45:00] actually, and they lived in different states.
[01:45:03] So when they told me they were each other's co conspirators, I was like, okay, cool. Let's go. My client who lived in New York was in Atlanta for like a work trip. The, uh, the client who the other client lived in, uh, Atlanta. And they, the client from New York was in the airport and met a cute person in the airport who lived in Atlanta, had her friends, her co conspirators, QD questions in hand in her brain, because they had had intentional conversations.
[01:45:35] The New York client vetted this guy for my Atlanta client. Vetted him, asked him about his single status, what he was looking for in his dating life, what's bringing you the most joy lately? I have somebody in mind for you. And asked my client in Atlanta, do you approve of this setup? Here's the information I gathered like so clear, so easeful, so joyful because of [01:46:00] this plan.
[01:46:01] And then my Atlanta client started going out with this guy and it went really well. Like it was super joyful and fun. That's the power of co-conspirators. That's just number one, because your friends are like, Expanding their circle all the time. They're going to work conferences. They're going on trips.
[01:46:15] They're like, allow them to help you better with a plan. Number two is joy building. You got to build more joy in your life. If you want to have a more joyful life period, because again, I don't care if you find a relationship, I want you to find the best fucking relationship of your life. Joy building is a big part of that.
[01:46:31] So really getting granular with what brings me joy in my life outside of my house. How can I intentionally do those joy building things? Often put them on my calendar and even if there are people, there are people in the Raisin Breakthrough who love pottery. I mentioned that earlier and they're not meeting like the people that they're necessarily attracted to in the pottery class, but that's not the point of joy building with in person dating.
[01:46:56] So many people are freaking out about like, but I'm going to these hobbies and no, there are [01:47:00] no attractive people for me in these hobbies. That freak out is just slowing you down. So what you do is you go to these joy building activities, either solo or with your co conspirator, you make eye contact with new people, you make new friends, and then you have more friendships in your life.
[01:47:20] And you can ask them, do you have any single people? Here are my desires. Here are my QD questions. Do you have anybody in your life that would fit that? Boom. That's how I met Chris. Okay. Number three is getting messy with eye contact. This is the scariest one for people. You've got to get messy in the world.
[01:47:43] And this is why I've created brazen bingo because I've identified the five steps in each module, including the in person dating module that gets you results that guarantees you. Results. So there are steps in brazen bingo that you will go to and be like, okay, what am I doing for my dating [01:48:00] life? Let me go make eye contact with cute, five cute strangers.
[01:48:05] Thank you more, please. After each one, let me go. Okay. Next bingo card. I'm going to go up to three people and say hello and start a conversation with a cutie question, right? Getting in the practice of getting messy, even if you want to vomit doing it. Okay. Elaine. Hello, Elaine. What time are the Thursday coaching calls?
[01:48:19] 6 p. m. Eastern 3 p. m. Pacific. All of them. If you can't come live are in your portal afterwards. Um, Rebecca, do you have recommendations or examples of good joy building activities? I'm an introvert looking for inspiration. So if you're an introvert, you might want to do these things with a co conspirator right.
[01:48:34] To have somebody beside you to tap on when you need to leave or whatever. Now, uh, recommendations for joy building. You need to figure out what brings you joy. It's different for everybody. It could be a board game night at your local board game shop. It could be a speed dating event. Could be a, uh, a whiskey tasting workshop.
[01:48:54] It could be a trampoline class. It could be a strip tease class. It could be, I don't know what it is. We get to [01:49:00] figure that out together inside of the brazen breakthrough. And if you don't join the brazen breakthrough, still make a list of what brings you joy outside of your house. Just to reiterate what's included, you get 12 months, 12 months access to the Brazen Breakthrough course, 12 months access to our bi monthly, two, two times a month group coaching calls, 12 months access to our community Slack channel where we do daily coaching.
[01:49:22] You get the bonus portal with the meditations, with the past coaching sessions, with the what the fuck to say next guide. Katie, thanks for tapping into this public health need. Yes, it is a public health need. Thank you so much as we are in an epidemic of loneliness. And I feel this work is about connection to self and others.
[01:49:39] It absolutely is. Again, the romantic relationship is the cherry on top. What is really guaranteeable within the 12 months, even shorter amount of time when you join is that you will finally. Be learning to trust yourself. You will finally be building connections with other badass single humans who are helping you move forward.
[01:49:59] You're [01:50:00] finally celebrating yourself on an epic scale and using that self celebration as a strategy to perfect to propel you forward. So do you offer refunds? Another question? Yes. We have a 30 day no questions asked refund policy so that you feel. Fully like game and ready to join us if you have some, uh, resistance or thoughts about that.
[01:50:21] Now, that being said, you need to do the work to see the results. So that means an hour, maybe a little bit more per week for the first month, at least to see what this is like to do the workbooks, to dive in. I know that when you feel led to join us and you join and you gave yourself the. Luxurious, expansive time to dive into these questions, these journaling prompts, and this coaching that you are going to see massive shifts in the way that you're thinking about your dating life and the way that you do your dating life and the worry that you release along the way.
[01:50:56] So when did doors close for everyone? Doors closed October [01:51:00] 27th at 11 59 PM Eastern. When will the doors reopen? I don't know. Feel out in your body, what is the best next step for you? And if you have that nervous, excited expansion, yes, then join. This is right for you. If your body is telling you to join us and you have the financial capability to do so.
[01:51:20] Okay. Let's do, Oh, if you want to work with me one on one, I do have several high level VIP one on one spots, like only a few. Um, so we can talk about that. If you desire that, just email us if you have that question. However. And, um, one on one coaching is with the brazen breakthrough. So this process is what I guide all of my clients through, whether or not we're working VIP one on one together.
[01:51:45] This is what I guide everybody through and have been guiding everybody through for the last six years to get my clients epic results. You can join a date brazen. com slash joy. Um, okay, Lauren. Here we go. I can tell this is gonna be a juicy one. Hold on. [01:52:00] I feel like I'm running out of time and I am anxious to meet my person.
[01:52:04] What if, Ooh, so many yeses and I'm losing the message. Okay. What if I go through this 12 months and haven't made progress? I'm seeing, I hate feeling like I'm wasting time. Lauren, this is such a good question. And, uh, I would love to toss it back to a client story, Michelle, who her episode with the, um, date brazen podcast comes out next week.
[01:52:28] Michelle was somebody she in March this year, she and I were on Instagram about this and it was like the last day and she said, similarly, I've done so much personal development work. I've done a manifestation course. I've, I've invested in my business. I am a business owner. Like, what if I dive into this program and I don't see results.
[01:52:51] What if I dive into this program and I don't find a relationship? And so I held space for that feeling, right? What's the feeling underneath the surface? Maybe it's [01:53:00] panic. Maybe it's shame. Maybe it's self doubt. Maybe I don't know what it is. Like just notice what's happening in your body. That feeling deserves your attention, not because it's a fact, but because you deserve to be compassionate with yourself for where you're at.
[01:53:14] This is a normal human thought. Both and. If you. Desire more self trust in your dating life. If you want to feel in your bones that the right relationship is inevitable. If you want to believe that and you want to have a strategy that feels like self care to match and getting out of the vicious hopelessness cycle feels worth it to you, then there's no way you won't get results in this program.
[01:53:41] Period. I have another thing is that you don't have to believe that the right relationship is inevitable right now. I believe it. For you until you can believe it for yourself. You can borrow my belief at any time, both. And I've built the brazen breakthrough so intentionally to help [01:54:00] you create a dating life worthy of your brilliance.
[01:54:03] So if you feel led in your body to join us again, if you feel that shrinking or like, not right, not for me, don't join. Your body is telling you not to join. That's okay. Right. And if you're listening to this invitation and you're saying to yourself, holy shit, it sounds really cool. This sounds aligned for me.
[01:54:22] It sounds really powerful. Sounds really unique. And like, it would really meet me where I'm at. If your body's saying that, and then your brain, your logical brain inevitably comes down with like, but what if I don't get results? What if I'm the only one that gets, doesn't get results? That's your brain trying to protect you, right?
[01:54:39] Both and if you listen to your body. Your body's not wrong, right? Like it can be difficult to listen to our self trust, especially if we, or I like, I'll speak for myself. I've experienced trauma. Self trust has been difficult to tap into because of that experience, which I worked on in therapy, which is why I really recommend slash require that folks in the brazen [01:55:00] breakthrough have been in or are in therapy.
[01:55:03] So we're putting that aside of like, can I listen to myself because of my past experiences, whatever. Your body, it may not be that you can't trust yourself or that you don't have a gut instinct. It may just be that you're not used to listening to it yet for fear of being wrong. What if when you trusted yourself, you were doing the right thing?
[01:55:26] That's one of my favorite beliefs that we work on inside of the brazen breakthrough. When I trust myself, I'm doing the right thing. So if your body is telling you to join us, then this is the right thing for you. When you trust yourself, you're doing the right thing. If your body is saying not for me, closing off a little shrinking, don't join.
[01:55:46] It's not for you. That's okay. I guarantee results for people who feel led to join us. Period. So if you feel to join us, you are going to get results. And I can say that with confidence because I've coached [01:56:00] hundreds of people who I don't know your exact circumstances. Um, both and Lauren, like the idea of I'm running out of time.
[01:56:08] I'm anxious. How much is that costing you on a daily basis? How much is that anxiety, that running out of time story costing you to believe on a daily basis, because if it's costing you peace, if it's costing you sleep, if it's costing you connection, if it's costing you money, because you're going to your therapy sessions and banging your head against the wall with a therapist who doesn't know how to help you tactically in your dating life, then this invitation, this program is going to change the way that you think about and do your dating life in a way that will change your life.
[01:56:43] So that's my answer. Okay, great. Yes. So many people fell that felt that I feel like I'm running out of time. Just asking, looking at like, how is that belief triggering so much anxiety that it keeps me paralyzed or keeps me in a [01:57:00] cycle of settling. And do I want to continue that cycle anymore? Because unhooking from scarcity based decision making, unhooking from the panic dating, unhooking from the rapid, like, gotta fix it, gotta fix it, gotta fix it, with the dating detox alone will change how you are available for the right people, the right relationships, and to be honest, the juiciest, most self trusting relationship with yourself first, the most important relationship in your life, and then with a partner second.
[01:57:28] End. Chloe, what happens if you only just started therapy and I'm, uh, just started my therapy journey. Am I too early to join Brazen Breakthrough? No. My clients who are in therapy, even if you've just started, literally bring in their workbooks to their therapy sessions. And the therapists again and again and again, I've heard it.
[01:57:50] So many times say, who are you working with? What is this? This is, Oh my God. Can I, I've had so many conversations with people's therapists that are like, this [01:58:00] is so great. I've created referral partnerships with therapists. Cause people are, therapists are like, I don't know, like therapists don't know everything.
[01:58:07] You know, therapists have therapists of their own. I love therapists. I've worked with so many therapists as my clients and. Your therapist may not know slash probably doesn't know how to help you tactically in your dating life and how to build that mindset that you need to then move forward with swiftness and self confidence and self trust.
[01:58:27] So when you couple therapy, no matter where you are in your therapy journey with the work of the brazen breakthrough with the community of the brazen breakthrough, you will create six years of results in therapy in six months. Because you have the both and of coaching and therapy. I've seen it. Again, and again, and again, that great question.
[01:58:49] Megan, could your location also be a part of dating was you live in a city without a strong queer lesbian presence? Megan, what a great question. Location impacts dating. [01:59:00] Like, you know, that, that you, you know, this, I know this. It feels a little obvious to say. Let's say it again. Location can impact dating both.
[01:59:07] And the slide that I showed you with my client, um, who said I was dating it with the numbers game because I was in scarcity because where I lived, she lived in rural America. Okay. And she went through this process and started the thank you more please challenge. Started the dating detox, started the, uh, in person dating strategy imperfectly because you don't have to do all this shit perfectly to get results.
[01:59:32] You just have to show up messily and start getting coaching. And then she attracted three fabulous dates that felt so much more in line with their essence based preferences. Also as a queer person, uh, I'm, you know, using that as an example, queer as a queer person as a lesbian, potentially, uh, uh, in your case, um, I think that.
[01:59:54] Learning to use a dating app with boundaries can be really powerful. If you don't want to use a dating app, though, [02:00:00] the co conspirator strategy will be really powerful no matter where you live, right? Because your friends will be looking out for you in a different way, more intentionally. So great question, Megan, um, Julia, are these workshops trainings created by or with the input of psychologists?
[02:00:17] Um, so, uh, I'm a big fan. Uh, I'm not a therapist. I am very, very, uh, clear that I'm not a therapist. I am a coach. So my program. Lessons have been influenced by the work of Dr. Kristen Neff, leading expert of self compassion, um, Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, who created the concept of emotional granularity, which is like, if you can name your emotions with granularity, you can more easily and effectively move through them.
[02:00:45] Um, I also, uh, you know, Brené Brown was a big influence on me as a coach. Um, uh, and so these lessons have been influenced by Me, uh, learning coaching from people that know a lot more than me and [02:01:00] it's from my lived experience, coaching clients, diverse group, a diverse group of clients over the last six years.
[02:01:06] So it's a great both end. Emily, what are basic dating app boundaries? 20 minutes a day, one dating app, not for no notifications. Those are just some of my dating app boundaries. You also need a swiping tip tipping point. Like when do you put the app down? If you become triggered, that's something we focus on in the brazen breakthrough.
[02:01:21] You also need a cutoff point, which is something that we created in the brazen breakthrough. At what point are you either blessing and releasing or making an empowered first move? So you're not in pin pal conversations. I'm so grateful that you all showed up. I am over here believing for you that what you want is inevitable when you show up for your desires.
[02:01:39] And I'm here to help you make that shit inevitable. I'm here to help you show up for your desires in an aligned way because you get to be supported and what you desire matters. Here's the deal. You get to be supported. How supported can you stand to let yourself be? And if you have any lingering fear of like, [02:02:00] Oh, am I going to spend money on my dating life?
[02:02:03] Like, what does that mean? Then let's get into that. The estimate piece of spending money on your dating life. Think about where else in your life you have spent money. To gift yourself support, maybe it's therapy, maybe it's a career coach, maybe it's an executive coach, maybe it's a financial coach, maybe you, um, have a workout buddy and a, and a trainer, or you're going to work out classes like, and so you have invested in yourself before.
[02:02:34] Let's put that in a bucket to the side. You also, because you're here, have a desire for something that's not here yet, and the space between those two things can be very frustrating, very intense. Right in the space between what have you been doing to fix the problem? Maybe you've been spinning out and trying to overfunction, right?
[02:02:56] Micromanaging the dates, micromanaging the conversations, [02:03:00] trying to figure out what dates are possible, getting the dates on the books, being on all the apps, overfunctioning to try to solve the problem, to find a relationship, or maybe you've been under functioning that like doing nothing. What dating life.
[02:03:16] I don't date. I've never dated before, like settling for inaction. Now, how much, I just want to ask, how much is that costing you the furious, trying to figure it out of it all the furious, like, am I the only one with this problem? All my coupled friends are coupled and they don't get my dating struggle.
[02:03:36] I'm lonely. I'm, I'm isolated. Like, how much is that costing you? It could be costing you financially, like I said, in the form of, like, going to therapy sessions and banging your head against the wall with a therapist who doesn't know how to support your dating life. Specifically, it could also look like spending a lot of your time on worry on feeling that hopelessness and becoming paralyzed within it [02:04:00] of allow of, like, Make it treating the hopelessness like a fact that you need to fight rather than a thought that is optional when you know how to rewrite that neural pathway, when you know how to gather more evidence that what you want does exist, right?
[02:04:15] So when you think about what do I desire in my dating life? What would it be like if I felt joy asking for what I wanted? What would it be like if I knew how to ask for what I wanted with confidence? What would it be like if I knew how to set boundaries and bless and release the wrong people without mind drama?
[02:04:32] What would it be like if I felt confident in where I was going in my dating life? How much of that stress overwhelm anxiety? would dissipate With a plan that you felt really confident in and a community that supported the fuck out of you. That's the invitation. That is why I think that this investment pays off dividends.
[02:04:55] Every single time when you feel a pull in your body to join us, [02:05:00] this will pay off big time. You're busy. You create amazing things in your life. And what has happened in your life in other areas when you have carved out intentional time to work on something in a way that is aligned with your values.
[02:05:15] Also, you may have learned to be so busy in the other parts of your life because that's where your brain has decided that you're the most valuable. So maybe. Your brain has decided that your desires are frivolous or that they're not worth your attention because it's out of your control. Anyway, or I'm a feminist and I want a relationship and I don't want to want, I don't want to want a relationship that badly because that makes me desperate.
[02:05:42] And then people could smell the desperation of me, right? Like that freaking out. So normal that brain spinning on like, there's probably a lot of reasons why you have not prioritized this part of your life before in an intentional way, not in a hustling, like fix it right now, what sort of way [02:06:00] there's probably a lot of reasons, right?
[02:06:02] Socialization, past experiences of rejection, fear that if you try, you'll, this is what one of my clients, Michelle said, and she said this in the podcast, so I don't mind sharing what if I try. It doesn't work for me and I'll feel like a loser if it doesn't work for me. That points to as a coach, I'm hearing that and I'm like, wow, there are some underlying self blaming messages that are driving your dating car or driving your love life.
[02:06:33] What if you had the tools to soften the edges? Of your relationship to yourself and your brain to soften that self blame to say, like, because that story of what if I try and it didn't work for me and I look like a loser, I feel like a loser. That message is your body just trying to protect you. That's a survival story that is like flaring up to try to protect you from vulnerability because if you don't [02:07:00] try, then you won't get hurt and you don't try, then you, you won't be a loser because you didn't try and they can't beat me.
[02:07:05] It's trying to like beat the universe to the punch of you not getting what you want. So this invitation, this work, this community is about allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to admit what you want without self judgment and to be vulnerable enough to try. With a plan of action that is rooted in your agency, because like I said, at the beginning of this evening, the answer is you.
[02:07:33] I'm not the answer. I have a lot of great ideas. I'm pretty brilliant. If I do say so myself, I've created the fucking greatest program on dating that ever has been aligned with my feminist as fuck intersectional feminist values. And I know that it changes people's lives every day. Both in I'm not the magic, you're the magic, you showing up to call, showing up to Slack, showing up to the curriculum, you bringing your brain and your [02:08:00] desires coupled with my magic results are inevitable period.
[02:08:05] Because when you learn to trust yourself as the answer to what you want, and when you have the tactical skills to ask for and receive more of what you want in your life, what could be possible? I know the right relationship and incredible love life, a love life that is drenched in your confidence and joy and agency and self trust.
[02:08:24] That's what's possible. All right. Got another direct message. Here we go. I'm I love this question already so much. I'm worried that even if I commit, I will procrastinate or deprioritize out of continuing Fear of failure or success?
[02:08:46] This is a good juicy question. I'm worried that if I commit, I will procrastinate or deprioritize out of continuing fear. Here's what I know, right? You have this experience when you join for 12 months. [02:09:00] Now, by the end of 12 months, the guaranteed success is I trust the fuck out of myself and my love life.
[02:09:05] I know exactly how to ask for what I want out loud and often. I go on only dates that I have intrigue for. And the bonus cherry on top is the right relationship in your timing, right? The, the bonus that I've seen is that this work speeds up your trajectory towards the right relationship because you're getting unstuck every single day.
[02:09:23] You're getting yourself in alignment with your values. You're asking courageous questions. You are showing up for your desires, right? All of that. There are people in the brazen breakthrough who like. I had a client this past week in our group coaching session in the reason breakthrough show up and say, Oh my goodness, I haven't been to a coaching session and I'm, I'm, uh, I, I'm neurodivergent and I don't really know how to hold myself accountable and because she was courageous enough to ask the question.
[02:09:55] Of like, I'm stuck, or I'm procrastinating. Lily, how do [02:10:00] I stop procrastinating? If you get ahead of that procrastination by asking the question first, and not assuming that you're wrong for being human, hello, then I get to help you. Brazen Breakthrough gets to help you. Make a plan to make results inevitable.
[02:10:18] So for example, we created a best next, uh, um, like a triage plan for that client who felt behind, who felt like she was procrastinating, couldn't get out of the procrastination. We created a triage plan, get an accountability buddy, go to the connections tab and slap. Accountability, but he now set up a call for this week with them so you can have a one on one pal doing this work with you.
[02:10:37] Number two, I told her based on what she was struggling with what exact lesson to go focus on first to print out her workbook and get that done and then use the tool of self celebration to go to slack and celebrate just doing even a tiny thing to then create the flywheel Of motivation, because when you allow yourself to be celebrated, it creates that flywheel of [02:11:00] motivation that like pinwheel blowing on it and then creating results results flow from engagement.
[02:11:06] So, even if you're procrastinating, even asking the question, Lily, I'm procrastinating. How do I get results? And I can help you period. Right? So this is about even if you like in with your human brain partnering with your human self, if you're a neurodivergent, if you have ADHD, if you have trouble holding yourself accountable in your personal life, right?
[02:11:29] One of my clients said I can make a spreadsheet every single day for my clients. That looks beautiful, but I have trouble getting it up for my own desires. So this may be a problem of you not knowing how to prioritize your desires in a way that moves you forward. And instead in your personal life, maybe you're procrastinating.
[02:11:46] I will help you end that cycle, right? It is as easy as showing up and getting coached. This was such a beautiful session, such a beautiful training. And uh, just know that [02:12:00] this experience was built for you. If you feel that heart pull to join us, if you feel let it in your body. I want you after the session to care for your nervous system.
[02:12:09] So whether that means like laying on the floor for a minute or jumping up and down and kind of like shaking, this was a big night. This is a big invitation. This is a big next step party. And, uh, no, that I am so excited. Catherine just signed up. Welcome to the brazen break. Catherine, your love life will.
[02:12:30] Never be the same in a beautiful way. Welcome. So know that this invitation is here for you. I want you to care for your nervous system after this session. And I want you to seriously consider this invitation when you think about it. I don't want you if you've, you're here, right? Like you stayed, this has been two hours, like two and a half hours you were here for a reason.
[02:12:55] Okay. Maybe it's that you just want to be. [02:13:00] Maybe it's that you are curious about joining us and your butthole is clenching up a little bit because you're nervous. So I want you to care for your nervous system and seriously consider this invitation to join us in the brazen breakthrough. There's a reason you're here.
[02:13:15] There's a reason you're still listening. There's a reason you signed up for this training. There's a reason you're in my orbit. Maybe the reason is that this invitation is here at the perfect time for you to start prioritizing your love life with the brazen breakthrough. I am so excited to support you inside the Brainstorming Breakthrough in seriously considering this invitation.
[02:13:35] If you haven't joined us yet, in seriously considering this invitation, journal on it. How supported can I stand to let myself be? Go on a walk and think about it. So number one, go care for your nervous system after this. Number two, seriously consider this invitation. If this Experience. This invitation is right for you.
[02:13:53] Your body will let you know and you get to trust yourself when you trust yourself. You're doing the right thing. No matter what. [02:14:00] Love y'all. I can't wait to see you inside brazen breakthrough and uh, yay. This was awesome. Let me play some music out and uh, we will talk again very soon. Email us at support at date brazen.
[02:14:15] com. If you have any questions that we didn't answer in this session and I will talk to you soon.