200. It's publish day! Surprising things I've never shared about the book process
My first book, Thank You, More Please: A Feminist Guide to Breaking Dumb Dating Rules and Finding Love, is out in the world right now. I'm SO EXCITED! My business manager Jayla Rae joins me to reveal the little-known, lesser-discussed pieces of my book-writing journey. She’s leading me through questions about what I learned while writing the book, what I am most looking forward to, and thought-provoking questions about the book from Date Brazen clients! Join us on this behind-the-scenes book journey!
We get into:
Getting real and raw while writing the book and the juicy stories within
The feels and the fun of sharing my book with friends and family for the first time
Answering burning questions from the Date Brazen community about the book, future plans, and beyond
Links:
You can pick up your copy of Thank You, More Please where all books are sold right now and sign up for our book club at datebrazen.com/book!
Show transcript:
[00:00:00] Lily: Hello, gorgeous friends. Welcome to another episode of the Date Phrasin podcast. Today is a big day because it's my pub day. Thank you, more please, a feminist guide to breaking dumb dating rules and finding love is In bookstores, it is available on all the websites. It is available for next day shipping.
[00:00:20] It is, it is gonna hit if you've pre ordered it is arriving today, June 11th, 2024. And it's been a very long time coming. I've been in this process since 2021 January 2021 really January 2020 is when I claimed that I wanted to write a book. So it's been over four years of, uh, planning and dreaming and, and prepping and, and trying and failing and trying.
[00:00:50] Succeeding and then writing and, oh my God, it's been such a, a long journey. And one of the most validating, one of the most [00:01:00] incredible experiences of my life, one of the most important days of my life today is, and so I'm honored that it is happening on a day that we normally hang out. Um, for the podcast and to help me unpack all of this and to help me make heads or tails of this season, I am bringing on one of my teammates, Jayla Ray, who is my online business manager, which basically means she handles operations at date brazen.
[00:01:28] She's been working with me for the past year. She is an incredible, uh, Enneagram coach herself, and also is such a, an integral part of date brazen running day to day and helps us support clients and is just all around awesome. So she is going to come on the podcast, but before she steps in, I just want to say thank you to everybody watching and listening.
[00:01:51] Um, anybody who has participated. Purchased the book or has listened to this podcast or has followed me on social media or is on my email [00:02:00] list. You are the reason that this book exists and your support is the reason that I got to write this book and I don't take that lightly. I am so grateful for you and I am so grateful that you are a part of this community, whether you just found us or whether you've been along for the ride for the past six years.
[00:02:18] Um, uh, as I began date brazen in 2018. I'm just so, so grateful to be right here and really grateful to all of you. So just a big, deep breath and a, and a very humbled. Thank you. Jay Larray. Let's get into it.
[00:02:39] Hey, I'm Lily Womble, former top matchmaker and founder of Date Brazen. After setting up hundreds, I realized that with coaching, women could match themselves in any way, shape, or form. Better than anyone else ever could with my unconventional feminist approach. I've helped women around the world build courageous and self trust filled love lives.
[00:02:54] And now I'm here to support you get ready. Cause I'm about to show the exact steps you need to [00:03:00] attract a soul quenching partnership and feel amazing about yourself along the way. This is the date brazen podcast.
[00:03:07] Jayla Rae: So excited to be here. Yeah. What are we going to talk about today? Some really juicy questions about the book writing process.
[00:03:15] Some of them are my questions. And then we also have a few questions from Brazen Breakthrough clients. Let's get into it. What was the hardest part of your own story? To tell in thank you more, please.
[00:03:29] Lily: I tell a lot of my story. I like, I actually am shocked at how much I'm not shocked. I was always going to like, bear my soul and like, tell all basically.
[00:03:38] And I think writing the book and then having out in the world for like, even galley copies, like there's somebody who did a podcast interview with me the other day and she was like, oh, your ex who you were in Paris with. Right. And that ended terribly. I was like, Oh, my God, like, people are going to know my business.
[00:03:57] And I've, I've shared [00:04:00] a lot on the podcast, but there are stories in the book that I have never shared it publicly. And that even my best friend, um, called me and was like, Lily, I had never heard you say, share this story. So, and I was like, really, that's wild. So I really, I wouldn't say that it was hard, but there were certain points where while writing, I was like, woof, am I really going to do this?
[00:04:21] Am I really going to like, allow myself to tell this story? And the answer was yes. And I didn't, you know, I didn't do so in a way that felt emotionally unsafe, you know, like there are still some that are private, just details in stories. But generally I share Like most of what I've been through in my love life.
[00:04:40] And that was really vulnerable. I wouldn't say it was hard, but it was like very vulnerable. It was hard, but and vulnerable.
[00:04:46] Jayla Rae: I agree. It does come from a really vulnerable place, especially that cognitive dissonance between being in a really unhealthy situation ship, toxic situation while coaching others on [00:05:00] how to, when I was a matchmaker, Yeah, when you were imagining, I don't want
[00:05:04] Lily: to get it twisted that it was during date brazen land.
[00:05:07] Shoot. No, no, no, no, no, but
[00:05:09] Jayla Rae: yes, many years ago, many years ago. Um, I knew I thought I knew a lot about that situation. Um, just having known you for the past few years and hearing like bits and pieces of your story here and there, I was wrong. There was so much of it that I didn't know. Oh my God. I loved, I loved knowing.
[00:05:29] Those stories on a deeper level from you. That was my favorite part.
[00:05:34] Lily: Oh, thank you. It's not a memoir at all. It is definitely like a how to very practical, empowering best friend sitting alongside you guide both. And we've talked about like, could this be a TV show with like the story like shrill was on Hulu and like, you know, Lindy West wrote shrill and my, my My editor was Lindsay, Lindy West's editor for shrill.
[00:05:57] So I'm like, I don't know, like, should this, I mean, the [00:06:00] story is really juicy. I feel so anyway, thank you for that validation. I'm excited for people to read it.
[00:06:06] Jayla Rae: Of course. Okay. So my burning question was, has your mom read this book? Yeah. Does she plan to, okay. She's read it. She read it. Yeah. And what does she think of her influence on your belief that you are too much?
[00:06:24] Lily: Yeah. So for those that don't know, I write about and I've talked about when I was 12, my mom told me you're too much and you're going to have a hard time finding a husband. And I think it, it was a really Hard thing, hard conversation. I think that my mom, I learned later on that she had been told that from a relative from an elder brother.
[00:06:44] And so it was just like handy hand me down patriarchal conditioning. So I don't. Fault her for that. We've talked about it. We have talked about it at length, actually. And I was really nervous for her to read the book. She may even be listening to this episode. She is the [00:07:00] most incredible woman, the most incredible human.
[00:07:02] We are very close and and we've talked about it, but it was nerve wracking to hand her the book. I gave it to her over Christmas as a gift to all each of my family members. And why did I do that to myself? Let me ask, because I was stressed out. I gave it to my brother, my dad and my mom, and I was stressed out for all of them to read it.
[00:07:22] I was like on the edge of my seat. I was like, Lily, why did you do this to yourself? And it was also the just deep desire to be seen by my family members for this thing that I just did. And ultimately I'm so grateful for their responses. And we, we've all had very, Intimate conversations about different parts of the book separately.
[00:07:40] Jayla Rae: Yeah. That's always the fascinating part about using personal stories that involve other people. And like you said, this isn't a memoir. And so that isn't really the focus, but because there's so much of your personal details in here that involve. Family members like, yeah, of course it would be so nerve wracking to hand them a copy and [00:08:00] invite, invite their perspective and invite their opinion.
[00:08:03] And even if it's even if it wasn't favorable.
[00:08:06] Lily: Yeah. And I, yeah, I think that they, my mom also, I mean, I write about this in the book. She also was the most incredible magnetic performer, cheerleader, cheerleader. Supporter inspiration to me. So I think everything's a both and and I think that especially in our context of being in the Deep South.
[00:08:28] I mean, she's was raised in Louisiana in the 60s. And so, of course, I'm saying, like, of course, we were all untangling patriarchal conditioning together in the 90s and early 2000s, you know?
[00:08:43] Jayla Rae: Yeah. Okay. My next question is what's the difference between following dating advice in thank you more, please. And then joining the group coaching program, the brazen breakthrough,
[00:08:55] Lily: this I've gotten this question a lot in different launches.
[00:08:57] And like, you know, this, we've talked about this at length. [00:09:00] Um, I think the book is an incredible DIY guide. And I actually think that it's, it's going to be great for y'all to do with your friends, like build a book club, you know, Do it with your friends. I think that the brazen breakthrough comes in when you know that you're not gonna hold yourself accountable to doing the action steps.
[00:09:18] When you know that you're busy, you have a busy full life, and you're not going to alone Do the action steps in the book and take action. Now you can. And if you do, you will have incredible results. I know that you will. And some people will and some people it'll be a both. And they're gonna, you know, like my client, me, she listened to every episode of the date brazen podcast did every workbook that I ever put out there for a full year before she decided to join the brazen breakthrough.
[00:09:46] And she did decide to join the brazen breakthrough because it's easy. Even though she was getting like great results and feeling more hopeful from the podcast. She was just like, I'm still attracting the same emotionally unavailable man. And what if I just got a fast track? What if I just [00:10:00] got like weekly accountability, daily support when I need it for my dating life to like.
[00:10:05] Fast track my success. And I think that's the difference between coaching and a book. Period. I also think that this book is an amazing price point for folks to work with me who don't have like 2, 000 to spend on a year long, intimate coaching program like the brazen breakthrough is. And so I'm, I'm.
[00:10:23] Delighted that these tools, um, are going to be available for 29 bucks, um, for folks, less if you buy the ebook and or the audio book, which I voice. So I think that this book is going to be incredible, which is why I want the people to do it in community with other people too. So you can hold your friends accountable to these steps and tools.
[00:10:42] I also make it really digestible and easy to follow the steps both. And if you know yourself and you're onto your own brain and you want to invest in. Fast tracking this shit and getting me in your corner to coach you to help you identify blocks that [00:11:00] alone reading a book, you wouldn't be able to identify for yourself.
[00:11:02] Then join the brazen breakthrough and read the book. It's a great book. And
[00:11:06] Jayla Rae: yeah, I think one of my favorite parts about observing the brazen breakthrough the past year has been. The community support networks that each of the members choose to form with each other and how not only are they getting that level of intimacy, um, from the coaches at deep raisin, but they're getting that level of intimacy from the community that they're building as well.
[00:11:28] And no one ever feels alone. And as though they are the only ones struggling with something. It's been so powerful and so moving to see people move through. Blocks just in the slack channel, like I'm not even on the group coaching calls. I just see the slack channel. That's enough. Y'all. It is
[00:11:48] Lily: enough. Oh, my God.
[00:11:50] Well, and I also think in terms of like self compassion, one of the three components that I adapted from Dr. Kristen Neff's work is community over isolation. So. [00:12:00] community can be built even by reading about other people going through the same thing that you are. So normalizing your belonging by reading this book and then, you know, if you want to upgrade into coaching later, then great, let's go.
[00:12:14] I just think that this book is a great place to start to get to know your own needs, get to know your desires and to start building belonging in your love life before you ever meet your person.
[00:12:23] Jayla Rae: So true. Next question. How did you talk yourself back into writing? After getting fed up with the process,
[00:12:31] Lily: I, uh, struggle with anxiety.
[00:12:34] As listeners will know, I've talked about it at length. I was at different points. Like I don't deserve this book deal. I don't like imposter syndrome came in like a lot of like self protective survival thoughts. Like they're going to hate this so much. They're going to like, not want me to write the book anymore.
[00:12:53] It's just the most vulnerable. And the longest term project. There is [00:13:00] no immediate gratification. There is, I mean, very, very little. I did get one email in the beginning of the process from my publisher that was like, this is the greatest thing about dating that I've ever read about my introduction. And at that point, that is all I had written.
[00:13:15] And she was like, I'm shocked that this is so good. And then I turned in three chapters and she called me on the way to a vacation was like, I don't like these chapters very much. I don't think that because I was in the writing process. I think at certain points, I was trying to be like the coach Lily instead of the friend Lily.
[00:13:34] And, uh, The friend Lily is who gets in the muck with you and the, the version of me that I was in my, trying to be in my head was like this version who knew more, who had read more, who was more researched and more just like holier than, like, I was just trying to be somebody that I wasn't. in order to protect myself.
[00:13:53] And it was just a, Oh God, the same fucking work that I do all the time of like, you're enough. [00:14:00] People want you, you know, I, it's the work I come back to again and again, you're the answer. Right. So that's what I did. I also remember a night where I. I was so sick of writing. I was so sick of this long term project.
[00:14:14] Again, it's been for over four years, like four and a half years. I just thought about my agent calling me then. I knew she was calling me the next day for an update. And I just thought about her like calling me and me saying I don't have anything. And that was my motivation to like, sit down on my bed at 10 PM and write out like three paragraphs.
[00:14:33] So it was a little bit of everything.
[00:14:36] Jayla Rae: That built in accountability of someone needing pages from you. That definitely changes the entire process when someone is expecting something from you.
[00:14:48] Lily: Yes. And when I am contractually obligated to deliver, you know, 60 to 80, 000 words, um, at the end of the process.
[00:14:56] And I, I just want to shout out my team really quickly because I, [00:15:00] Literally could not have done this without any of them. Shout out Rochelle Fredson, my book proposal coach, who like would not have been able to even dream of doing a traditionally published book without her. She helped me write the most incredible 90 page book proposal.
[00:15:14] I chose to work with her as her coaching client in January of 2021. So really believing it before it ever existed. And then my incredible literary agent, Johanna Castillo of Writer's House, literally a queen. What a guy, like, truly couldn't have asked for a better literary agent. Then, she pitched me to Chris Sean Trotman at Legacy Lit at Hachette.
[00:15:36] Chris Sean Trotman and I, what a dream match made in heaven to me. I have a publisher, Amina at Legacy Lit, Maya, Tara, Allie, all of the incredible team at Legacy Lit are just so supportive and awesome. And then, uh, My editor, Leah Lackins, who was hired by Legacy Lit to edit my book after Krishan, um, sort of [00:16:00] got me to where, like, they, we knew my voice, we knew what the chapters were going to be.
[00:16:04] Then she got Leah on board to help me, like, write this book. So it takes a literal village.
[00:16:14] Jayla Rae: I'd also like to shout out this same group because we've been In communication at length the past several months.
[00:16:22] Lily: Yeah. And then I hired the best. PR team on the block, uh, Sarah Hall PR and Jesse Reda, Reda is my publicist and that was like a huge investment for me and also has paid off, um, big time in terms of like getting the book out there and it just, and, and Chris cooked most all of my meals and like put them in front of me when I was writing and like, like I would have forgotten to eat many, many days lunch if he hadn't put it in front of me.
[00:16:49] So I'm very grateful for that.
[00:16:50] Jayla Rae: Thank you, Chris.
[00:16:52] Lily: Thanks for taking care of her. And thank you, Jayleray, for, you know, I wasn't able to be as active in the operations. I was still coaching [00:17:00] clients during the writing of the book. But there were many weeks, like I had my wedding during the book writing time as well.
[00:17:06] And Jayleray, you kept things running. Um, so I'm very grateful for that as well.
[00:17:10] Jayla Rae: It's literally my pleasure. Thank you though, for giving a little shout out. I appreciate it. It's been a blast. Okay. Should we get into clients questions? Yes, let's go. All right. So this question is from Natalie. She is a brazen breakthrough client.
[00:17:27] Amazing. She would love to know how, or if, You mapped out the chapters, like, did you start with a loose outline and then kind of flesh things out or was it more like free flowing and less structured.
[00:17:41] Lily: Oh, my God. I had to have so much structure. Y'all know I'm so type A. I wrote, I mean, the book proposal just to peel back the curtain.
[00:17:47] You cannot get a nonfiction book traditionally published if you do not have a transcript. A book proposal, a book proposal is a 90 to 100 page document, 110 page sometimes [00:18:00] where you outline everything you outline, um, every chapter you create all the chapters. You write 3 sample 2 to 3 sample chapters that are in the book proposal.
[00:18:12] You outline your marketing plan right again. This is. Two full years ago that I was writing out the marketing plan for this book, you write out your audience breakdown, like who you think will read the book, what your audience looks like. You have to have like certain platform numbers that they're looking at to see if you're able to sell a book because there are so many books on the market that the authors really have to do, you know, a lot of the heavy lifting of marketing and selling the book to help as many people as possible, hopefully.
[00:18:43] And then also the comprehensive titles section. Like I had to pull what titles did I think were similar to thank you more, please. And what makes my book different than theirs. And I mean that, yes, I had an extensive outline that I used a lot of because Rochelle was so [00:19:00] great at helping me craft it. She's got 15, 20 years of experience doing this.
[00:19:05] So what my proposal, my agent and publisher said it was one of the best proposals they'd ever read. Humble brag, . Yeah. No, no humility. I all bragging. No, no humility. All bragging. It was awesome. It was awesome. If I had received that same
[00:19:19] Jayla Rae: piece of feedback, I, I'm pretty sure I would tell literally everyone I know.
[00:19:22] So . Yeah, absolutely. I
[00:19:23] Lily: cried on the street wept openly when I got that email.
[00:19:26] Jayla Rae: Oh, I love that so much. Thank you Natalie, for asking that question 'cause I was so curious to hear Lily's response as well. Okay, so this is from Erin who is another, um, brazen breakthrough client. Which chapter or chapters are the most life changing and can be applied to other areas other than dating
[00:19:46] Lily: every single chapter?
[00:19:47] Um, not a, not a good answer, but, uh, not a, you know, succinct one, but truly every single chapter, just like y'all know me, I think that this work when you do it for your love life extends into the [00:20:00] rest of your life. Always never an exception because the way we do one thing is the way we do everything. I do think specifically chapter three, I believe chapter three, the brazen bragging revolution is all about how to use bragging for your love life and how to take up more space in your life in general.
[00:20:16] I think that's really good. The in person dating chapter, chapter seven, dating in person with main character energy is also really applicable to, I mean, I have a mastermind about main character energy. Because it is a life changing force. And so I just I think that that's very applicable to life as well as dating.
[00:20:35] Jayla Rae: Yeah, I love that question. I think she was kind of wondering if it was like a choose your own adventure style or if everything is like connected just to expand upon her question or is it. Is it better to read it from start to finish or like, can you just kind of flop around if you'd like to flop
[00:20:52] Lily: around?
[00:20:53] I think that it is definitely possible to choose your own adventure, but it was built [00:21:00] to be read in sequence. The homework builds on itself. The exercises build on themselves. I will say, like, I have some friends who've read it who don't don't want dating advice and they skip the, like, tactical applicant, tactical strategy chapters.
[00:21:14] They just skip. For my stories, if they don't want dating advice at all, that works, uh, if you're not wanting any dating advice, but these chapters are so good for people who are dating. They're so full of like stories and strategy and client stories and homework exercises that'll change your life. I especially love the.
[00:21:34] In person dating bingo that we have at the end of chapter eight, every chapter ends with messy homework, a messy homework assignment, um, to be done imperfectly, of course, to move you forward.
[00:21:46] Jayla Rae: Thank you, Erin. Okay. This question is from Annie, another brazen breakthrough client. She would love to know what your thank you, more please moments or things you're building hope for in the future.
[00:21:56] So let's think like a little bit beyond. The book [00:22:00] launch. Okay.
[00:22:01] Lily: Can't, can't do it. Oh, my brain's only on the book launch. I can't see the past, past my nose on this one. No, but, uh, yeah, past the book launch. What are my, what am I go ahead to continue?
[00:22:14] Jayla Rae: Just thank you. More pleased moments. What, what kind of hope are you building for in the future for my life?
[00:22:21] Yeah. For your life, you personally, specifically.
[00:22:26] Lily: Well, I think in buckets, so I think professional bucket, like I want date brazen to, I want this book. I want this movement. I want my, my, um, this conversation about dating is a feminist and taking up more space and like interrupting patriarchal dating norms.
[00:22:43] I want it to interrupt the dating industry. And I want this to be like a real revolution in women and people socialized as women taking up more space, subtle proofing their love lives. And attracting more than they thought was possible. I want men and, and people socialized as men to feel empowered [00:23:00] to do their emotional work and to care for themselves differently and seek, seek support to, to grow.
[00:23:06] I want all of us to. I am excited that this book is out. This movement is bigger than myself, and I'm excited. I'm building hope for that every day because it just it is, you know, like my intention when starting date brazen, um, and when I claimed that I wanted to write a book at that creativity summit with Susan Blackwell and Laura Kami and that we shared that story on the podcast in January, I stood up at their creativity.
[00:23:29] Workshop and I, in January 2020, I'm going to write a book that changes the dating industry and interrupts harmful norms. And, and that's a big next step. And why for me, because I think it's about the well being of all people. Personally, I'm excited to grow into, I mean, personally and professionally. I.
[00:23:48] Love running date brazen so much, and I I'm really enjoying becoming a better CEO and I'm enjoying growing [00:24:00] our programs and growing and coaching people and building my coaching team full of like people that inspire me and. I'm excited to grow into that role. I want date brazen to continue to flourish.
[00:24:13] So personally, I have like, um, milestones, adulthood milestones that I want to hit in terms of creating prosperity in my life in real life. Retirement accounts being an entrepreneur means that, um, I have not done those things in a long time that, um, people in corporate worlds may be doing right now or that I did at the beginning of my career.
[00:24:37] Um, so I'm excited to bring in, like, more prosperity and like. Create a life that feels more balanced. I think I've spent a lot of years, um, pouring into my business and my life was my business. My identity was my business. My identity as an entrepreneur was taking up like all of my life. Like it was rare that I, I haven't had a weekend.
[00:24:56] Where I didn't work in, I mean, there are some [00:25:00] sporadic, but mostly in years, you know, um, there are some sporadic breaks that I've taken, but in terms of like not thinking about my job or not working, it's been a while. So I'm excited to have some personal joy time. Uh, I'm excited. I want eventually to live in Paris for a few months with Chris.
[00:25:17] That's a dream. And yeah. That's, that's what's on my heart.
[00:25:21] Jayla Rae: I love that so much. Okay. Uh, Michelle would love to know also a brazen breakthrough client. What made Lily decide to write a book? And did she have to cut out a lot of stuff in the final edit? So I think we've kind of already answered this question because we're talking about a movement here.
[00:25:43] The book is like, just a vehicle for a larger movement, but in terms of the final edit. Yeah, well, I did. I
[00:25:51] Lily: think I've always wanted to write a book. I mean, I've always, I've always kept a journal. I've always thought that people would. The E most egotistical thing. [00:26:00] I've always thought that people would read my journal.
[00:26:01] So like it was a child. I remember writing like, hello, everyone. Like, like I would just, as a kid would be like, hello, I know you're going to read this and think, what was she up to today? Like, LOL. So I've always been a writer and, and writing my stories, a lot was cut out, a lot was cut out. I am very, I'm verbose.
[00:26:23] So my editor, Leah Lackins, really helped me refine the chapters. All of the edits that she recommended, all the edits Chris Sean recommended were of service to the work and really served the work. And it was about killing my darlings sometimes, you know, but there was nothing that I was asked to take out of the book that I am proud of.
[00:26:44] Missing now, everything that they asked me to take out of the book was in service to the book and made it a better book and made it a more, more readable, digestible book. And that's like, honestly, what I'm hearing from people who are reading it is like, wow, this is like incredibly readable. It's fun. It's [00:27:00] funny.
[00:27:00] Um, you know, to toot my own horn. But that was also because of the team that helped me Create the book. I could not have written this book as it is today without editing, without expert eyes, and without them in the process.
[00:27:15] Jayla Rae: Beautiful.
[00:27:16] Lily: Okay. Two more. This is fun.
[00:27:18] Jayla Rae: Are you having fun? Are you having fun?
[00:27:21] Lily: No, I love talking about myself.
[00:27:23] I'm having a blast. I hope you'll find that funny. I, I really, I enjoy even to the point, like, and I also love asking questions of other people. So I'm, I'm enjoying being asked questions. It's lovely.
[00:27:36] Jayla Rae: Yay. Okay. From Tia, who is also a brazen breakthrough. I love all of these
[00:27:41] Lily: people who are asking questions. I see all of them in my eye, like in my mind's eye.
[00:27:47] I love all of y'all.
[00:27:49] Jayla Rae: I was so delighted when these questions came through. It was so good. Okay. She would love to know, was there anything, especially juicy or thought provoking that didn't make it? into Thank You More, please. [00:28:00] And can we expect that juiciness in a second book from Lily?
[00:28:04] Lily: Sure, absolutely. Is there anything I didn't write about?
[00:28:08] No. No, I, I would say that nothing that I wanted to say is not in this book, period. So, um, there's no like story. There's no like everything that I wanted to write about is in the book and in a more beautiful format than I could have. Completed by myself for the reasons I just shared, but because it is such a co creation, a book.
[00:28:32] Yes, another book is definitely like what I want. I want this book to, I've talked about it before on the podcast, but like be the basis, like a reality show, like Queer Eye, but for dating that is really kind and feminist and that I get to be a part of. I'm really inspired by Ramit Sethi and how Ramit, Like champion his book and, and helped so many people and then got to share it on a bigger stage.
[00:28:55] I want that too. And thank you. We're pleased to those [00:29:00] conversations. And the goal ultimately is to bring belonging to more people and to inspire people to take up more space in their love lives and to settle proof their love lives and to attract more than they thought possible. So definitely book two, I have no plans right now to write it.
[00:29:14] But I have it brewing and I think it's going to be hard work like this one was. But right now I'm just basking in the glow of this moment. So I'm like, yeah,
[00:29:22] Jayla Rae: another book. You and you deserve to bask. We don't need to, we don't need to hop from thing to thing. Let's enjoy the thing while it's happening.
[00:29:31] Also, you know, and this is huge. It's like, it's gigantic. This is a gigantic feat. Thank you. Of course. Okay. So final question. This question is from me first. I just want to take a moment and. Say how Inspirational that watching and observing this process has been for me, who is also a writer, but even just not as a writer, not as that being part of my identity, just [00:30:00] being behind the scenes and watching you.
[00:30:04] Tackle a goal that was very much already in process before I got here, but seeing all of the steps play out and your work ethic at each of those steps and each of those markers is truly a marvel. And I'm so, I'm so proud of you. Look at this thing.
[00:30:27] It's real. Like I'm holding it in my hands. That is such a surreal feeling. I know it's like, And author, but just to observe someone go through this whole process and have it out in the world. And it's here and it's physical and I can like hold it when you can hold someone's work. There's just something so special about that.
[00:30:48] So thank you. Of course, of course. Okay. So final question after going through this very lengthy process that we've talked about in this episode, and I just explained to [00:31:00] you and finishing the book, it's a finished product. What is your ultimate brag, top level headline brag? What are you most proud of?
[00:31:11] Lily: Well, thank you first of all, for that acknowledgement a moment ago, I really appreciate being seen.
[00:31:16] I have a lot of privilege in this experience. Like I am a viral on tick tock. And that is one of the reasons I got interest from an agent. One of the reasons I got interest from a book publisher before that, I didn't have much interest. I actually got a lot of rejections. Um, I have a lot of privilege in the, um, support that I had from Chris and, and my family.
[00:31:41] That's the privilege. Like there are a lot of things that I Did not control that led to my success that just have to do with luck or a lot of things I will say what I did control and what I did do to co create with what I couldn't control Is [00:32:00] my big brag which is like I? ran a really successful coaching business while writing an entire eight chapter book with a 21 page introduction and a seven page conclusion.
[00:32:21] I feel I say that because saying eight chapters doesn't feel like it's doing it justice. It feels like 10 chapters, but anyway, every word on the page was very hard fought. I am very proud that I saw this through that. I haven't had the opportunity to do many long term projects besides growing Date Brazen, which just felt like, um, that feels like a, like I get short term wins and I get like bursts of energy and I get new clients and get to work with new people.
[00:32:51] This was just such a long process and I'm proud that I stuck with it and my brag is that I stuck with it. I navigated a lot personally and while [00:33:00] writing this book and I'm so proud that it's out there. I'm so excited for you all to read it. I think that it's really good. And I'm not just saying that cause I wrote it.
[00:33:10] I think that it's really good. I think it's funny and I think you're going to love it. I think it's going to feel like a big hug and a game plan that you've been maybe yearning for. I'm just proud that it's so good. Honestly, that's my biggest brag. Like it's good. I did it. It's a, I ran a coaching business while I did it.
[00:33:29] I got to support the hell out of my clients while I did it. They were so inspiring. They were like the fuel in so much of this. Like, I couldn't have built these tools without them over this past 6, 7 years. Um, and they, without their success and without their, you know, affirmation. So that's my big brag.
[00:33:49] I'm, I'm very grateful.
[00:33:51] Jayla Rae: What a damn brag that was. Wow.
[00:33:58] Lily: Thank you for asking [00:34:00] all of those great questions. Of
[00:34:00] Jayla Rae: course. I feel grateful to be here chatting about the book, but to have been behind the scenes of date brazen for the past year. And like this has been over a year now over a year, it has been over a year. I always feel inspired just to Absorbing coaching through osmosis and seeing everyone's seeing everyone's progress within this program is just like, it's so inspiring.
[00:34:28] And I know that so much of that is in the book also. And yeah. I can't wait to see all of the warm reception you're going to get. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you more. Please. Yes.
[00:34:41] Lily: Thank you more. Please. Thank you more. Please. Uh, I'm so excited. I'm also like y'all it doing a book tour, doing a podcast tour, doing like the events we're doing.
[00:34:51] It is all happening at once. And I'm very grateful. Taylor, I thank you for holding it down with operations and for your encouragement [00:35:00] and support. I'm so grateful you're on the team and to my clients, thank you all so much. Couldn't have done this without you. So grateful for you to all the people listening.
[00:35:09] Couldn't have done it without you. Very grateful for you and let's fucking go. It's book season, baby. You're going to hear me talk about this book from now until eternity because I believe in it and I love it and I love y'all and I hope you get it and enjoy it. And if you can't afford it, then your local library, you can call them and ask them to source it and you can have it that way.
[00:35:29] And you can also like do a book swap with your friends and do a book club that way. So thank you more, please. And if you're listening to this on pub day, okay. Our book club is open for the next two weeks. So we do a VI, we're doing a BA VIP book club. So if you preordered, or if you've already ordered the book in the first two weeks of pub, you can go to date brazen.
[00:35:49] com slash book to sign up for the book club where we're doing book club. Two zoom calls. You get reflection questions in your inbox twice a week about the book. Encouragement and [00:36:00] accountability to read and to learn and to apply these lessons. So you can join our book club at date brazen. com slash book.
[00:36:06] And I can't wait to see you there. J. Libby. Thank you so much.
[00:36:10] Jayla Rae: Thanks, Lily. Bye y'all. Bye.