How can you date with social anxiety? This week Lily gives us all a much-needed pep talk and lays out a roadmap for dealing with social anxiety while trying to find love. From her own experiences, she drops some wisdom on showing yourself self-compassion and bouncing back stronger, all to create a dating life full of joy! ✨

You’ll learn:

• Go S.O.F.T. Practice self-compassion, own your needs, feel your feelings, thoughts not facts. 

• “Messy progress forward is okay.”

• “Feelings your emotions is reparenting yourself.”

• The goal is never to feel anxious again; it’s to increase your capacity for resiliency so that when you feel anxious, you know what to do about it.

• Even if you have anxiety, you can still make massive changes in your life.

Links:

Free Training With Lily Womble TODAY, May 7th! 3 Steps to Attract the Right Partner With a Joyful as Fuck Dating Life
The Brazen Breakthrough
Lily’s book, Thank You More Please, is available for preorder right now and you can grab it and the preorder bonuses with this link!
Psychology Today
Dr. Kristin Neff
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, Emily Nagoski, Amelia Nagoski

Show transcript:

[00:00:00] Hello, gorgeous friend. Welcome to another episode of the date brazen podcast. So glad that you’re here. I hope that this episode feels like a big hug. That’s my intention. I’m set. I’m sitting here Friday at the end of my work week. And all I have to do is cuddle up and like, hang out with you. That’s all we have to do right now.

[00:00:27] And I’m so excited to share what’s on my heart to share because look, let’s let’s remove the veil. There was an entire episode that I recorded that got the audio like really messed up. And so we couldn’t put it out there. It sort of is fortuitous timing. I think that this is a great moment because this DM came across my desk, came across my phone, and it really inspired me for this updated episode.

[00:00:59] And so I [00:01:00] think that this message that we’re going to talk about today about anxiety and dating, social anxiety and dating, um, Hopefully feels really, really supportive to you and what you want in your love life and hopefully holds the lantern up and cast the vision for what’s possible for you and your love life, even as you have a human brain, this is a disclaimer.

[00:01:23] That’s what I’ll say that I am not a therapist. This is not a supposed to be an episode that diagnosis anything or that gives you any medical advice. Like, obviously not. No, this episode is supposed to be is intended to be and will be a pep talk. a, um, a roadmap from somebody who struggles with anxiety herself.

[00:01:50] Um, and as I struggled with anxiety myself, I’ve really built tools for the, in this podcast, in the brazen breakthrough to really support [00:02:00] people who have brains that tend towards anxiety, specifically how to date in a way that feels joyful and that leads to extraordinary love. So let’s get into this episode.

[00:02:18] Hey, I’m Lily Womble, former top matchmaker and founder of Date Brazen. After setting up hundreds, I realized that with coaching women could match themselves better than anyone else ever could. With my unconventional feminist approach, I’ve helped women around the world build courageous and self trust filled love lives.

[00:02:33] And now I’m here to support you get ready. Cause I’m about to share the exact steps you need to attract a soul quenching partnership and feel amazing about yourself along the way. This is the Date Brazen podcast. This episode is brought to you by my brand new masterclass, which goes live tonight. We are going live tonight, Tuesday, May 7th, 2024.

[00:02:56] The new masterclass is called three steps to attract the right [00:03:00] partner with a joyful as fuck dating life for feminist humans. And, uh, it is going to rock your world. I’m going to teach you the essence based preferences that you have to include in your dating life to attract the right partner. Exactly how to use my bless and release strategy to release the wrong people without mind drama and to attract the right people to you with more ease.

[00:03:23] And you’re going to learn how to strategize based on your brain, based on your preferences, based on your bless and release strategy for in person and online dating so that you always know what to do next in your dating life to be moving yourself forward. So you get out of overwhelm and exhaustion and existential dread in your dating life so that you can move forward with a plan of action that feels good to your body, to your nervous system, to your heart.

[00:03:50] So come to that live training. It’s going to be so fun. The link to RSVP is in the description of this episode, and it’s going to be a blast. On this live [00:04:00] training, we open our doors to the Brazen Breakthrough, which is my 12 month proven feminist as hell group coaching program. And you’ll learn all about it in that live training tonight.

[00:04:10] And everybody who registers will get the replay afterwards if you register on the website. May 7th, 2024. And if you’re listening to this after May 7th, 2024, check the link in the description of this episode, because the brazen breakthrough is such an amazing life changing container. And, and you can learn more about it.

[00:04:31] In the link in the description of this episode. So let’s get into the meat and potatoes of tonight. Okay. Or today again, it’s evening where I am right now, but maybe you’re listening to this bright and early in the morning on a Tuesday when we dropped those episodes, by the way, thanks for listening. So glad you’re here.

[00:04:48] It’s truly such a gift to be able to support you. Okay. I get this DM from an amazing human who may even be listening to this episode. Hello, you know who you are. And [00:05:00] I get this DM. And it says, how do you date with social anxiety? How can I date with social anxiety? Like you need to create an episode on dating for people with social anxiety.

[00:05:12] So if that’s you, hello, that’s what we’re going to do today is talk about anxiety and dating and scarcity and dating. And, uh, again, this is going to be a big hug and a pep talk. So. If the thought of being rejected sends you into a spiral of anxiety, or if even thinking about approaching somebody in real life sends your body into a high V state, even though you know you’re not going to die from trying, or if you get completely flooded with overwhelm on dates, and it leads to like a hot soup of overthinking and shame and anxiety, even though you know the other person is probably nervous too.

[00:05:55] Then it’s time to really get in the driver’s seat of how you are going to process [00:06:00] your anxiety moving forward to better care for yourself, first and foremost, and to also both and move forward toward what you want. Because if you’re listening to this episode, odds are you have a, like a feeling in you that’s like, I.

[00:06:15] I want to find, maybe it feels like a whisper. I want to find the right relationship. Maybe you haven’t even said it out loud to yourself, or maybe you haven’t said it out loud to your friends yet, or maybe you’re afraid that saying you want a relationship makes you less of a feminist badass. It doesn’t.

[00:06:31] Maybe you are afraid that saying you want a relationship means that you’re, quote, pathetic for wanting one. It doesn’t. Uh, we’ve heard in this podcast before, a client, uh, Beautifully say that they felt like they were put in this double bind of like being taught that wanting a relationship was pathetic and not having one already was pathetic.

[00:06:49] So, of course, of course, so many of us are struggling with anxiety. And so many of you were struggling with anxiety as it relates to dating. Because if we look at how our [00:07:00] patriarchal society has treated single people, people socialized as women, women, like, you know, Of course, you have anxiety as it relates to dating, right?

[00:07:11] Of course, as a high achiever who has, you know, done so much to create the most beautiful life possible for themselves, you listening, you high achiever, badass, ambitious human. Of course that high octane, high achiever, um, checking things off the to do list vibe has gotten you far in certain areas, but maybe not in dating.

[00:07:35] And so then there’s anxiety of like, why has it worked for other people and not for me? Why is it that I applied everything that I know to do to move myself forward? And then it does like, you know, of course you have anxiety. Maybe you, Identify as a late bloomer and you haven’t really dated much as an adult.

[00:07:51] I mean, I didn’t date much as an adult. I tried to, ended in fiery hellscapes of situationships and, and like really [00:08:00] like toxic relationships. And I felt like a failure and just adding compassion to that mix. Of course I was struggling with anxiety. Of course I was afraid that what I wanted didn’t exist.

[00:08:11] Of course I was stopping myself before I had done this work, um, for myself. I was my first client. Of course I would stop myself from taking action or approaching somebody IRL because the fear of that. Um, rejection because the fear of my, you’re too much story being true. It was paralyzing. And so if you’re struggling with any of this, I just want you to first, here’s how you’re going to like solve for it.

[00:08:44] Number one, anxiety probably might Always be present in your life to some degree. You’re a human being. What if you didn’t expect perfection from your human brain and your human feelings? Number one. So when I say fix for [00:09:00] it, solve for it, I’m not saying you will never have anxiety again. What if you just became a softer place to land for your anxiety?

[00:09:09] To me, my anxiety and, and, um, This is again, not a therapist. You need to talk to your therapist about it or get a therapist. There are so many great resources. Psychology today is amazing, but I digress. Maybe your anxiety like mine was this like younger version of myself who was not getting her needs met and I just needed to like do some slowing down and some compassionate responding to her instead of yelling at her for being anxious.

[00:09:38] Do you ever yell at yourself for being anxious in your own head? Like, Oh God, here I am again. Shut up. Stop doing it. Like, it’s like being a kid and scraping your knee on the playground and a teacher comes over and it’s like, what happened? Oh, get up. It’s no big deal. It’s no big deal. Get up, get up, get up.

[00:09:52] No big deal. And then you’re like, what the hell? Like, okay. Is it okay? It’s no big deal. Gaslighting yourself. Right. Okay. [00:10:00] Why am I feeling so anxious? It’s no big deal. Right. Whereas if you just had the teacher who kind of like miss honey, In Matilda, come over to came over to you and was like, what happened?

[00:10:10] And then you share and then they say, Oh, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that happened. I’m sorry. You scraped your knee or I’m sorry that kid rejected you. That’s really hard. Do you want to hug? Do you want to talk more about it? And then you’d like, give a hug to the teacher. And yeah, that vibe of the teacher that’s like, I’ll be here as long as you need me to be.

[00:10:29] And you just like exist in that support for a few moments or a lot of moments. And then eventually you feel more regulated and like, okay to go play. And you say like, okay, I’m, I’m ready to, you know, go play now. And then the teacher says like, are you sure I’m here if you need me? And they’re like, you know, you’re like, okay, I’m good.

[00:10:48] Right. If instead of yelling at yourself for being a human with a human brain that maybe tends towards anxiety, sometimes what have you just gave yourself permission to have a human brain that has anxiety? Sometimes [00:11:00] that flip that reframe that compassionate reframe can give you some space. To take a deep breath instead of feeling anxiety, blaming yourself for feeling anxiety and getting in that vicious loop.

[00:11:15] Because what’s happening with so many people who struggle with anxiety in dating is that they don’t take action and then they blame themselves for not taking action. And then they hide out in their apartment or their house for a few weeks. And then they go and they say, I’m going to take action. It’s going to be different today.

[00:11:31] And then, you know, they may not take. Action or they may do something small or simple and they don’t give themselves credit for doing something small and simple and they say it’s not enough. It’s not enough, right? And then they’re in a vicious cycle. If I’m not doing enough, my brain is against me like all these things, right?

[00:11:47] So, cool. Here’s the deal. It’s time to radically get on your own side. So, here’s the framework that I recommend to move through social anxiety in dating. S O F T. [00:12:00] I’ve talked about this in a previous episode, but I think it bears repeating. S O F T. Go soft. It’s my soft framework. S. Self compassion. Self compassion says, The kindest, most real, of course.

[00:12:14] Of course I’m struggling with this right now. Of course I’m nervous about this right now. Of course I’m struggling with anxiety. It’s really hard to date. This is really vulnerable shit. And it’s bringing up a lot for me. The kindest, most real, of course. Of course you’re struggling. Instead of yelling at yourself for being a human being with a brain.

[00:12:32] Which is just trying to protect you and survive. Self compassion also says, I’m not alone. Right? Self compassion gets in community. Self compassion might mean listening to this episode again when you’re feeling anxious and just reminding yourself that it’s really hard to be human sometimes. And anxiety is not fun and I’m not alone, right?

[00:12:52] Get yourself in community. Then the third way to practice self compassion is, and this is adapted from Dr. Kristen Neff’s work, [00:13:00] is to really notice Your brain having human thoughts, like it’s never gonna happen. I’ve already failed. It’s too late, right? These are thoughts, not facts, which is skipping ahead to the end of the soft framework.

[00:13:14] But it is all like all of it can be done. It doesn’t have to be done in sequence all the time. It can be messy. That’s what I want everybody to like remember is like this gets to be messy. It’s okay if you are having anxiety and you are making messy progress forward. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here to help you move forward no matter what toward the right relationship toward a joyful as fuck dating life.

[00:13:39] That feels like an active self care. So S self compassion, you can do that with a five minute self compassion meditation. Uh, Dr. Kristen Neff has a great resources on her website. Uh, you can do a self compassion letter with all three of those things. The kind is most real. Of course, the community, I’m not alone.

[00:13:56] And the thoughts, not facts that like I’m having a lot of thoughts. [00:14:00] Um, write yourself a quick letter now. Oh, S O F T. Oh, own your needs. So when I am anxious, it can be difficult. This is not always true because I’ve practiced this a lot. So now I usually can tell what I need in the moment, whether it’s moving my body or whether it’s, um, laying on the floor, but it came after a lot of practice of listening to my body.

[00:14:26] Tell me what she needed. So, Own your needs. I’m a huge fan of laying on the fucking floor, uh, in an, in an, uh, in an activating moment, laying on the floor, listening to nothing, just like literally laying and taking three deep breaths. Anxiety. I, I, in the book burnout, the Nagoski sisters talk about that anxiety is your body asking for movement as well.

[00:14:50] So doing a 10 minute. You know, Beyonce dance class on, on YouTube or going outside and like literally sprinting down the block or going on a [00:15:00] walk or just jumping up and down for a few seconds and like shaking your arms. Like what kind of own your needs? Your body is maybe when you’re feeling anxious, asking for movement.

[00:15:11] Or let’s say you’re in a situation where you’re at a coffee shop and you see a cutie in front of you and you want to say hello and your anxiety is. Spiking. And, uh, you like, after you practice this a bit, you can like have compassion. Like, of course, my anxiety is spiking. This makes sense. Own your needs.

[00:15:30] Do you need to go to the bathroom and take a deep breath? Do you need to take a deep breath while you’re sitting there? Do you need to text a friend? Hey, I’m having anxiety about saying hello to this cutie and I want to do it, but I’m so anxious to do it. I’m so afraid of being rejected, right? Own your needs.

[00:15:45] You’re reaching out for support. You are, you know, um, going to the bathroom, taking a break, taking a deep breath, right? You are not going to let the ink with owning your needs. It’s really taking a pause from the stimulus and the [00:16:00] response. And let’s say you just went on a date and it didn’t go well and you feel really anxious about it and you’re kind of spiraling out about it and you are unsure or even if a date really went well.

[00:16:14] That can also cause a lot of anxiety. Um, maybe a date did go well and you’re unsure if they’re going to text back and you’re checking your phone every five seconds and you’re or you got a match on a dating app and they were finally cute to you. And you know, you, you felt like, Oh my God, are they going to text?

[00:16:29] Are they going to message me back? And you’re anxious, anxious, anxious, anxious, anxious, right? Owning your self compassion, then owning your needs, Space between the stimulus, the desire for, um, you know, a response back or the desire to, um, hear back from somebody or the desire to get clarity on something or whatever.

[00:16:47] What is your need that you are in control of meeting? Whether it is reaching out to a friend, laying on the floor, going to the bathroom, taking a deep breath, um, giving yourself permission to just like freak [00:17:00] out for a second and then come back to yourself, whether that’s call, you know, like, what do you need own your needs?

[00:17:05] And this is the practice of really giving yourself permission to be a human who has needs. That’s at the bottom of all of this, really, is permission to be a human who has needs, who has thoughts, who has feelings, who has anxiety. That’s okay. None of this is a deal breaker to you getting what you want.

[00:17:19] Just a human state of affairs. S O F. Feel your feelings. This does not have to be a long process. I Do it in three minutes. This is one of the core lessons that I teach in the caring for your nervous system module of the day of the brazen breakthrough, my 12 month group coaching program that opens tonight for enrollment.

[00:17:39] So feel your, feel it, feeling your feelings effectively. And I do this imperfectly as a human being with you. But what I’ve learned is that if I push away hard feelings, they only come back stronger and harder. It’s like sort of like holding in a poop. Yeah. It’s not going to lead to good things. I Okay.

[00:17:57] It’s about feelings or bodily functions. They’re [00:18:00] designed to keep you safe. They are vibrations in your body. They are not facts. They are also valid. So you gotta feel them. This can look like, depending on where you’re at, three minutes, put a three minute clock on your phone, take some deep breaths, put a hand compassionately somewhere on your body.

[00:18:18] Say, I’m willing to feel anything to be with you. If that feels resonant, there’s nothing that you could say, do or feel that would make me want to stop being your friend. If that feels resonant, those are two thoughts by Simone Soule that I love. Take a deep breath. Notice where it is in your body. Let it take up space.

[00:18:33] Does it have a texture? Does it have a color? Notice it say, Oh, I’m feeling shame. And that really sucks. Or I’m feeling just total anxiety. And that really sucks. Notice what that is in your body and breathe through it and give yourself permission to just be there for 10 minutes. three minutes with yourself.

[00:18:50] This is a healing process because it means that there’s no deal breaker feeling to being with yourself. And so often those who struggle with anxiety, myself [00:19:00] included, were so, I was so apt to beat myself up for feeling it because it felt like unproductive. It felt like it was getting in my way of doing big things.

[00:19:09] It felt like it was, you know, like a liar, you know, like this anxiety, like just shut up anxiety, right? But what was happening in, in that process of Um, trying to shut down anxiety without feeling my way through it effectively is that I was essentially saying to myself, like, this feeling is wrong and you’re wrong for having it.

[00:19:29] And you are a nuisance. You are quote too much. So then we get back to my old socialization that I was too much. I had too big of feelings. The, you know, adults in my life didn’t know what to do with it. Right. Right. Right. But this feeling your feelings work is reparenting yourself. It is saying there’s nothing that you could say, do, or feel that would make me want to stop being your friend.

[00:19:51] I’m on your team. There’s no deal breaker feeling here. Even anxiety that feels difficult or hard as hell. S [00:20:00] O F. Feel your feelings. Oh, by the way, with the feeling your feelings, it doesn’t have to be three minutes. It can literally be like, Oh shit, I’m feeling shame. Like when you’re specifically at the coffee shop and you go up to somebody and you, even if you had anxiety, you just went up to somebody and you were like, hi, and then they didn’t respond or didn’t say anything.

[00:20:20] They checked their phone or they looked away or they looked like, why are you talking to me? And then your body might be flooded with like shame, hot shame. It may not be the moment to set a three minute timer and like feel your feelings. It could be just like in your body, just notice it and be like, Oh God, oh, this sucks.

[00:20:37] Oh, I’m feeling shame. And then call your friend and be like, I’m feeling a lot of shame. That emotional granularity, which is a term coined by Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, which talks about, you know, she’s talking about the, the. Precise emotion words that you can use to describe your experience instead of saying, Oh, I feel bad or, Oh God, I’m so stupid for going up to them.

[00:20:56] Like, of course they denied me or of course they didn’t want to talk to me. [00:21:00] Instead of defaulting to that, you can instead say, Wow, I’m feeling a lot of shame right now. And I’m sorry, you’re feeling that way. And then you get get into like a brief abbreviated how to feel anything work of like, I’m sorry, I’m here with you.

[00:21:16] I’m here with you. This sucks. You’re feeling shame. That sucks. So it can be abbreviated as well. And when you practice, you’ll just get better and more effective at all of this stuff. So S O F T thoughts, not facts. So when you’re anxious, what’s happening is your brain is feeding you a lot of survival thoughts that are designed to just keep you safe and in your hidey hole, in your cave.

[00:21:38] Why? Because we’re neurologically programmed to fear rejection like we fear death because when we, um, were in caves, When we were put out on the streets, uh, we would die from exposure. So of course you fear rejection like you fear death. Of course, your anxiety is trying to keep you safe and secure, especially if you’ve [00:22:00] experienced difficulty in your past or even have experienced trauma and are healing from that or, you know, any number of things like there’s a reason your brain has anxiety.

[00:22:09] And, uh, again, we’ll get on your own side. Like, Let’s just notice the thoughts that you’re having the survival thoughts and say, like, I hear you. I hear you’re trying to keep me safe. And these are not facts, right? Thoughts like, it’s never going to happen for me, or my brain is just too anxious, or, um, I’m, I’m uniquely unqualified or why it happened so easily for my friend and not for me.

[00:22:33] And that must be mean, I’m broken. Those are thoughts, not facts. Your thoughts are designed to keep you safe. They are default. If you’re not paying attention, carlo and dial talks about a thought feels true because you’ve practiced a zillion times. It doesn’t actually mean that those thoughts are true.

[00:22:52] And then what do you do to reprogram your brain? You got to practice new baby step thoughts that feel useful and true right [00:23:00] now. Like It might just be possible that I’m having, having an anxious moment and these are not facts. That’s a thought you can practice when you’re feeling anxious or this is a really hard moment and I just need to lay on the floor for a second or I needed, I needed to take action.

[00:23:15] This is just anxiety and I hear you and there’s nothing that you could say to her feel that would make me want to stop being your friend. And this is not a fact that I’m always going to be anxious or whatever the thought is. I really encourage you to get to know your own brain. With a thought dump on paper, write down all of the thoughts that you’re having, that anxiety is serving up on a platter for you.

[00:23:37] And then go through this entire framework, S O F T self compassion, owning your needs, feeling your feelings and thoughts, not facts. You can do that with your thought dump to neutralize these really hot to the touch, anxiety filled thoughts. So this is about self compassion. Specifically, it’s about increasing your resiliency.

[00:23:58] I’ve mentioned this many times on the [00:24:00] podcast, but there is a study in out of Stanford in 2014 that found that self compassion, the practice, the imperfect practicing of self compassion reduces cortisol. And increases resiliency. So the goal is to never is not to never feel anxious again. The goal is to increase your capacity for resiliency so that when you feel anxious, you know what to do about it.

[00:24:23] You know how to care for yourself and you know how to move forward anyway. This is also one of my brazen breakthrough clients courageously shared in the Slack channel about how she did a blessing release and then felt a lot of scarcity. And how do I heal the scarcity? And I had a lot of scarcity fear.

[00:24:39] And, and I blessed and released. How do I heal that? And what I said to her was like, Okay, why don’t we focus on the fact that you did the bless and release that you felt was right for you. You did it. What if it was true that you would equal parts be healing the scarcity and sometimes have scarce thoughts and feelings?[00:25:00]

[00:25:00] And that you were still moving forward. What if it were true that you could have a human brain and still be moving forward? What if it was true that you? You could move forward in small steps and still be making massive changes with those small steps and that you didn’t have to demand emotional perfection from yourself to get epic shit done.

[00:25:20] That’s what I wanted to share with you today. You don’t need to demand emotional perfection from yourself to get epic shit done. And if you say to me, Oh, my God, Lily, well, this is resonating, but like, what if my social anxiety is keeping me from taking action? Then you need to. Increase your resilience capacity.

[00:25:38] Resilient. Increase your resiliency with the S. O. F. T. You just need to practice that framework every day for a week. And I promise you, if you practice self compassion, listening to your needs, owning your needs. Feeling your feelings, even so, even briefly, even imperfectly, even just saying, I’m willing to feel anything to be with you and then [00:26:00] noticing a thought when it’s happening, not that as it’s not a fact, if you did all of that every day for a week, I promise you, you would do something courageous that you’ve never done before.

[00:26:12] Why? Because you’re creating emotional safety with that framework to you. Do things differently. If you’re like, um, Oh, well, my anxiety shuts me down. Um, and I don’t, I don’t make steps forward. I don’t approach people. I don’t. Then have you done, have you practiced doing this framework and like doing it, taking imperfect action.

[00:26:33] And then when you do small things that are like this client’s bless and release, even when she had anxiety and scarcity, she did the act, she did the bless and release. So did my question back to her was, Did you celebrate the thing that you actually did do? And oftentimes these high achieving people with anxiety, I’m one of them, will say, Oh no, but that’s not really celebratory or that doesn’t count because, or that doesn’t really matter because your brain is hearing you say that that action, that [00:27:00] you’re, that that’s not enough.

[00:27:02] Your brain is hearing you say that your best wasn’t enough. And it’s going to respond in kind to that and be like, okay, well, we don’t have to do anything anymore anyway. So that’s why you got to celebrate the small wins. No win is too small. If you practiced S. O. F. T. every single day this week, I promise you, you would take different sorts of actions because you are healing your nervous system’s response to the fear of rejection.

[00:27:28] Rejection still will suck. You’re still going to have hard feelings. You’re still a human being. As Brooke Castillo says, life is still 50, 50, 50 percent great, 50 percent hard. But this framework and in self compassion specifically is about increasing your resiliency. Even if your resilience, even if you have anxiety.

[00:27:47] You can still make massive, massive changes in your life, and what’s going to happen is you’ll practice this and then two months later, you’ll look up and be like, Oh, wow, my brain feels different. Oh, my God. [00:28:00] Wild. So that’s what’s on the table when I just, I just want to impart to you that like more changes possible than you currently realize.

[00:28:09] That your dating life, your love life could change tomorrow. If you started creating emotional safety first, if you stopped blaming yourself for being quote behind, if you stopped shaming yourself for being exactly where you are right now, and instead practice self compassion, owned your needs, imperfectly practiced feeling your feelings and notice the thoughts, not facts, you would be taking action forward and you would be.

[00:28:41] Creating incredible dates. You would be attracting experiences that you didn’t even know were possible. You would be finding the best relationship of your life. You’d be in progress of that shit because you’d be moving forward having your own back instead of trying to follow somebody else’s rigid rules or instead of blaming yourself into taking action or instead of trying to [00:29:00] shame yourself into taking action.

[00:29:02] What if you got on your own side first and then created a strategy This is why I love this free training that I’m leading tonight. Created a strategy that makes sense for you in person dating. It’s about incremental practice. It’s about incremental wins. That’s why in the brazen breakthrough, we have a, an in person dating scavenger hunt.

[00:29:21] So people can like see their incremental progress in their dating life of approaching people, making eye contact, asking their co conspirators for help, joy building. That’s why in the brazen breakthrough, we create incremental wins. Wins and milestones for people that do online dating, who choose to be on a dating app with our joyful as fuck strategy and joyful as fuck profile review process.

[00:29:42] You need to see that change is possible by taking small chain, making small changes and celebrating every single win. No one is too small. I have seen way too many people who yes, have struggled with anxiety, create. Such freedom [00:30:00] in their love lives, create such joy in their love lives, and yes, attracted the best relationship of their life, even if they had anxiety, to let you think that what you want isn’t possible for one more minute.

[00:30:12] So, go practice soft, S O F T, go, uh, register for that free training I have tonight if you’re listening to this on May 7th, and, uh, You’ve got this. Your human brain is not a deal breaker. But I, I want to implore you, like, it’s not over. This is just the beginning. So I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this episode.

[00:30:37] It means so much to me when you share it and you screenshot it and share it on your social media and tag me at date brazen. Uh, and I can’t wait to see you tonight. Again, the brazen breakthrough opens tonight. If you feel led to join us, go to the link in the show notes. Transcribed We’re in the description of this episode to learn more and to join us right now.

[00:30:54] I can’t wait to be your dating coach officially. This is the shit that we coach on every single day. And my clients [00:31:00] are making the most massive changes in their love lives, even if they have anxiety. And it is such a joy to see happen because what you want is possible and your anxiety isn’t a deal breaker.

[00:31:15] It’s just a human human brain thing. And there are ways to increase your resilience. to move through anxiety more swiftly so that you can take action. So you’re not paralyzed by it.

[00:31:29] Love y’all. You’re the best. I’m so grateful you’re here. And, uh, I can’t wait to see you inside the brazen breakthrough. If it feels like that heart pull full body, yes. And if you have questions about it, you can DM me on Instagram at date brazen and I’ll coach you and help you see if this is the best decision for your love life or not.

[00:31:47] Either way, I want you to be a full Body. Yes. Or a full no. And, uh, being your coach is like such a joy and I can’t wait to support you more. Love y’all. [00:32:00] Bye.