Okay, let’s say finding love is 100% all luck.

A few weeks ago I shared my take: finding love is proximity to opportunity plus courageous behavior in the face of it. I got a lot of comments that said, “You’re wrong, it’s just 100% luck.”

So let’s run the thought experiment.

If finding love is 100% about luck… what creates the conditions for luck to occur? What even is luck? And how do you become the luckiest version of yourself in your dating life?

This week’s episode of The Feminist Dating Show shows you exactly how to create the luckiest love life possible, even if you’ve never been in a relationship before.

Inside Episode 273 you’ll learn:

💎 Why the story “I’m just not someone love happens to” isn’t protecting you. It’s shrinking opportunities your dating life.

💎 The two-part formula behind every lucky love story: proximity to opportunity plus courageous behavior in the face of it

💎 How to do the both/and– hold real frustration or grief about your dating past without letting it become a prediction about your future

💎 What the both/and reframe actually looks like when you’ve been ghosted, rejected, or disappointed more times than you can count

💎 What creating the conditions for luck looks like in your love life this week

Work with Lily

💎 Join my free live training on June 9th 2026, Attract the Right Partner, Zero Experience Needed

Free Essence-Based Preferences workbook: datebrazen.com/workbook

📚 Read my book: Thank You, More Please
A feminist guide to breaking dumb dating rules and finding love. Order HERE

Follow Lily everywhere:
📺 YouTube Channel
📸 Instagram
📲 Tiktok
🌐 Website

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Show transcript:

Lily @ Date Brazen (00:37)

Hey gorgeous friends, welcome to another episode of the Feminist Dating Show. I’m so glad that you’re here. We’re gonna have a little yap session today, okay? About my most recent video that got a lot of disagreement in the comments.

Why I think finding love is about proximity to opportunity plus courageous behavior in the face of it. I made an episode about this a few weeks back. ⁓ so if you listen to the podcast every week, first of all, thank you. my God, you’re the best. I created this podcast six years ago, and having you here every single week, being in your earbuds is such a privilege. I really

Really adore you and I’m grateful that you’re here. But I digress.

Okay, a lot of people in the comments did not agree with this take, which is totally fine. And I I I get it, right? Dating is vulnerable as hell. And it can be difficult to ⁓

Think outside of the disappointment that you’ve experienced, If you have not been dating for over a decade and you’re afraid to start and you hear only horror stories from your single and dating friends. Or if you have only attracted situationships and you’ve tried dating more intentionally, but it leads to getting ghosted or someone not showing up

It’s just like, whoa, the disappointment level is intense. But when I hear people say like it is luck, it’s a hundred percent luck. Somebody in the comments said, This is wrong. It’s a hundred percent luck. I had a thought and I wanted to share that thought with you.

I do want to go on a little thought experiment with you today. Let’s play with the thought that it is just luck. Let’s just say finding love is about luck.

What is luck, right? I think that there’s this fallacy that luck is just something happening to you. And to some degree, there are probably friends in your life when it comes to finding love for whom it did just happen. They were in college with someone and they met them and they fell in love

whatever. And those moments are ⁓ kiss me, serendipitous, right? Perhaps even lucky for sure, for sure. So that can be luck. What else can be luck? Luck for me in my life has meant proximity to opportunity plus courageous behavior inside of that opportunity. I I

I think that one prepares to be lucky.

Because this idea that luck is something that just happens to you if you’re a lucky person denies you of your agency. this isn’t to discount the hard experiences that you’ve had. This isn’t to discount that you’ve had disappointments and perhaps trauma even in your dating life, and that that has been really hard and you don’t want that to happen again. And maybe you have perceived yourself to be just unlucky in love. But how is that story that you are unlucky in love impacting?

How you behave in your dating life. I would imagine that that story that you’ve been telling yourself out of survival, out of self-protection, after moments or or years of disappointment, that story of I’m just unlucky, I’m not the person that it happens to, that story creates the feeling of dread or even shame or even

⁓ you know, like embarrassment. I’m just not the I’m just not somebody who love happens to. I’m unlucky. And then the that thought feeling cocktail combo leads to actions like not asking for help, not putting yourself out there. ⁓ you know, when a friend says, I have somebody that you might like, you never follow up. You get a match on a dating app after you’ve downloaded and deleted five times, you get a match that you’re like kind of excited about, and you like literally throw your phone across the room.

Or delete the match immediately because you have the thought, I’m just not something, somebody that love happens to. I’m not, I’m not a lucky person. This is this is too good to be true. It’s not gonna happen for me. So you what do you do? You deny yourself the opportunity to be lucky in the future by shutting down the opportunities now out of fear, because you’re telling yourself the story that you’re not the kind of person that love happens to. And I get it, you have years of disappointment and experiences that would

That would potentially point to you’re not the kind of person the love happens to. But let’s be real. Your past experience is not a guarantee of future experience. It’s just like, have compassion for that version of yourself who went through the hard shit, but let’s not tell a story that those things are gonna happen forever and always. For example, like, I have had some really hard seasons in my love life.

I went on before I met Chris. I met a lot of people who are really wrong for me. I was in a very toxic situationship. I’ve been revisiting some of these stories, like revisiting writing about them, talking about them just for myself, because they they were a little while ago now, and and I sometimes forget, like, shit, I went through that terrible toxic relationship where I was literally accepting crumbs from this man. Literally, like.

Crying on my bedroom floor. Why doesn’t he want to talk to me at night or on the phone at all? Why doesn’t he want to invite me over to his house? Like I was accepting these crumbs. And it at that time it was very easy to tell myself the story. Like, I’m not somebody who love happens to easily. So I have to force myself into this relationship that feels shitty in order to belong and have love.

Do you see how this story that you’re not lucky is impacting the feelings you might have and the actions you might take and do take? The story that you tell yourself is the difference between being lucky and being unlucky. Now, I’m not saying that hard things don’t happen if you’re telling yourself the story, I’m lucky, I’m lucky.

Hard things still happen, right? Like this is life. Life is 50-50, 50% hard, 50% amazing. But let’s do this thought experiment of like, okay, what if it was 100% luck? What would create the conditions for me to be lucky? It would start with the practice of self-compassion to have your own back. It would then go to what might I believe about myself if I believed I was lucky. I might believe that I haven’t met everyone yet, that.

There might be possibility out there that I haven’t seen that even when I’m convinced that my love life is over, it’s impossible for me to find love, that my brain is not an accurate fortune teller. So maybe I can play with some new beliefs, some new thoughts about myself. ⁓ it might be possible that if luck, if the conditions for luck are created, that let me ask myself, what might I do to put myself in the position to be lucky this week?

In my love life or wherever I want something. Let’s use those examples I used earlier. One of my clients realized when we were coaching, ⁓ shit, I had been doing the proximity to opportunity. I’d been going to the events or like being on a dating app, being in proximity, but I wasn’t doing the courageous behavior in the face of that opportunity. She had had a friend who was open to setting her up for a long time, but she had never followed up. She had had and this happens with so many of my clients. It’s honestly not just one. It’s like,

So many when you take inventory of the opportunities that you can la come like ⁓ claim and like say yes to, friends who might be open to setting you up. Dates that you had in the queue, like with people who might have been interested, but you threw your phone across the room because of fear. What if you just reach back out and say, Hey, I I was taking a break from the app, but just wanted to pick back up this conversation if you’re interested in them. Right? It’s about create this is about creating the conditions for luck to thrive.

So that you can build the identity of someone who is lucky, for whom good things happen in their dating life. Now, how do you square the disappointments, the ghosting, the hard experiences with this new mindset? It’s a both and. It’s not an either or.

The the the problem with the idea, all the love to the people who commented, it’s it’s all luck, right? I that’s inspiring this episode. I’m glad we’re talking about it. Cause I think a lot of people struggle with this. I’m either lucky or unlucky. I’m either, I either was going to find the love of my life in college, or if I’m 35 or 45 and haven’t found love yet, it’s all over. I’m just not somebody who love happens to. It’s such an either-or binary. And binaries suck, right? Like things are so much more.

Complex and nuanced than a binary. The the reason our brains like binaries is because of like safety. You know, we like to think of things in neat little boxes. And either ors, like either I would have found love already or I’m never gonna find love. It can be an organizing mechanism to keep yourself safe, but it’s not leading to getting more of what you want. It’s a both and approach that gets you more of what you want. Both. I haven’t felt very lucky in my love life, and I haven’t met the love of my life yet. And sometimes I’m disappointed.

And I have timeline grief that I haven’t met the love of my life yet, like other people in my life have. And I am willing to learn how to show up for my desires in a way that makes me lucky, that creates the conditions for luck, which means proximity to opportunity plus courageous behavior in the face of that opportunity, which means building a feminist dating strategy that is rooted in your preferences, rooted in your values, that creates the conditions for a joyful dating life.

That makes the right relationship inevitable. Both shit, that person ghosted me. Fuck, that really sucks. Be angry, be frustrated, have compassion for that version of yourself. That person sucks. Bless and release them in your mind. They disqualified themselves so hard, and this really sucks. It sucks to be ghosted, sucks to be rejected. And this person may not mean anything about my dating life or my dating future. They just revealed themselves to be the wrong person.

Maybe that’s neutral information for my future. Doesn’t mean that love is impossible for me. It just means this is a disappointing scenario and I get to move forward when I feel available to it. Do you see how, like, with this lucky mindset of I create, I have the agency to create the conditions for luck, disappointment, hard experiences are not going to disqualify you from the future that you want. It’s just data that that person revealed themselves to be the wrong person.

Most people are the wrong person for you, because why? You’re for the few, not for the many. And let’s keep going toward that which you want. All of this, like my whole reason for doing this work, is so that you have the tools to live a bigger, more joyful, more magnetic life than you could have imagined for yourself, than you were taught to believe was possible for you. I have seen.

With my clients who felt like it was too late, who told themselves the story that they were unlucky in love and a lot of other places too. I’ve seen how when they give themselves, when they vulnerably give themselves the permission to learn something new, to be in community that subtle proofs their dating life that when they give themselves permission to be coached, to build a new dating mindset, to build a new dating strategy rooted in these feminist tools that I teach.

When they give themselves that permission, their whole life changes. They become, they create luck because of the permission that they give themselves to learn something new, to be in an environment where growth is inevitable, where learning how to find love is inevitable. And when they vulnerably at like show up and ask for what they want, right? It leads to their whole life changing.

Not only your dating life, but everywhere, because this, these tools make you the main character. That’s the why behind why I do this work. And I think dating is this really cool microcosm of your well-being. It might be the one place where you still feel super duper stuck or where you feel patriarchal conditioning still has its claws in you, thinking that you should just be more passive or that you should be less picky or you shouldn’t trust your instincts ⁓ because they’re wrong.

And when you start to untangle that with how to build a feminist dating strategy, like I’m teaching on June 9th, 2026, your whole life changes. It’s possible for you to become lucky. So let’s say it is 100% about luck. Let’s go and create the conditions for luck in your love life,

So come join me on June 9th, 2026, to learn how to become the luckiest, most magnetic version of yourself. Even if you’ve never been in love before, even if you’ve only had crushes, even if you’ve been in five situationships, even if you’ve just gotten out of a 25 year marriage and you don’t know where to start, come learn how to create the conditions for your luckiest love life.

Possible with this step-by-step feminist as hell system. This is my live training called Attract the Right Partner, Zero Experience Needed, How to Date Without Shame, Burnout, or Settling, and Make Love Inevitable. You can go to dateBrazen.com/slash let’s dash go to sign up or go to the link in the description of this episode. This training is going to change your life and you need to be there this next week. It’s happening in one week from today, June 9th.

2026 at 6 p.m. Eastern. And everybody who registers will get the recording. And doors open to my signature high-touch group coaching program, main character dating. On that call, you’ll learn all about what it’s like to be inside there with me. You’ll also, if you register, get eligible for a super special bonus that I’ve never offered before. 10 days of one-on-one coaching with me, 10 business days.

Where I’m going to help you in 10 days kickstart your entire dating life by helping you create your essence-based preferences, your matchmaker protocol, your vetting process, helping you recreate your dating profile and working on it with you to get it done and make it as magnetic and joyful as possible, working with you on your IRL plan. We will have all of that done in just 10 days. So you can hit the ground running dating on day 11 of main character dating. So

Come to this live training, you will be eligible for this super special one-on-one bonus with me that I’ve never offered before, if you join us within 24 hours at this training All right, y’all. That’s it for today. So glad that you’re here. Thank you, more pleased to creating luck. And I will talk to you soon. Bye.