215. How to ask for exactly what you want, nurture big dreams, and overcome your fear
Want to know how to ask for exactly what you want, nurture your biggest dreams, and crush your fears along the way? You’re in luck! Lily and her guest break down how to tap into your main character energy and own every aspect of your life.
In this episode, you'll learn how to reclaim the parts of yourself you’ve left behind, nurture your inner light, and permit yourself to ask for – and actually receive – what you truly want.
We get into:
The disconnect between showing Main Character Energy on the outside but not feeling it internally
Giving yourself permission to take the chance and truly nurture your own needs
The power of finding support through a community coaching space and receiving collective encouragement
The challenges of asking for what you want, and learning that sometimes it’s about asking less of yourself and allowing others to show up for you
How slowing down, even during success or failure, doesn’t stall your growth
Understanding that listening to your desires only fuels more of them
The willingness to embrace more joy and actively seek it out in your life
Links:
RSVP for Take That Risk with Confident Main Character Energy
Show transcript:
[00:00:00] Lily: Hey, gorgeous friends. Welcome to another episode of the Date Brazen podcast. I'm so excited for you to listen to this episode. As you know, if you've been listening for the past couple of weeks, we are focusing on main character energy and specifically how to build a main character life, not just in dating, but like everywhere.
[00:00:20] Because as you know, I believe that dating is a microcosm. We start with dating in this podcast because it's like a portal to other areas of your life that you get to give yourself more permission to follow what you want, right? Like we start in dating. I hope it extends everywhere. I want you to trust yourself in your dating life so hard that it impacts how you trust yourself In your whole life.
[00:00:42] I wanted you to take massive messy action in your dating life so hard that it like bleeds out into the rest of your life too. And my guest’s story is a perfect example. She came into my mastermind main character life last year, and you're going to hear all about this, but [00:01:00] she was feeling so stupid.
[00:01:02] Shrinky, like a little shrinky dink, like she with patriarchal socialization with, uh, all of the messaging that she didn't get to trust herself, that she needed to go harder on herself, that self compassion felt really strange and, and like, it was like just going easy on herself for the sake of going easy on herself.
[00:01:21] Like you're going to hear, I mean, the story is so relatable because I think I hear so many of y'all talking about. Even how self compassion feels foreign in your brain and mouth. And, uh, and, and you're going to hear how really like stepped into being softer toward herself and how that created faster, deeper results in not just her love life, but in her work life and her friendship life.
[00:01:46] Is a perfect example of main character energy, main character energy. is three things. Number one, self permission, giving yourself all the fucking permission to get what you want, to want what you want, to go after what you want. Number two, self trust. [00:02:00] Trust enough in yourself to say like, I'm going to try it and no matter what happens, it's going to be okay.
[00:02:06] One of my favorite things that did is Do this like wink and run practice. She was building up to flirting IRL and shooting her shot a hundred percent of the time. And she did this, like, um, this challenge of like, I'm going to wink and then run away. And I'm going to celebrate it when I do it in a nurse like channel.
[00:02:26] It was so epic and so fun, but she was in the practice of trusting herself. And she was building that self trust, this, uh, moment by moment, right? Choice by choice. Then thirdly, main character energy requires massive, courageous, messy action, which can be scary if you've previously been stuck in perfectionistic patterns.
[00:02:49] You're going to hear that from , how she overcame her tendency and practice of being. Perfection to then release it, get messy and move forward quicker. In [00:03:00] fact, ended up applying for and receiving a grant because of her main character energy that she wouldn't have otherwise. Like it led to gorgeous money coming in.
[00:03:09] It led to a new core group of friends coming in. I can't wait for you to listen. I'm going to stop talking in a moment, but this is all to say that. This main character energy is not just for . It's not just for me. It's not just for the people that you've been hearing on this podcast. It's for you too.
[00:03:26] And if you've been listening to these episodes or listening to this episode and you're feeling like, Oh my God, I'm really struggling with this. main character energy in my life. I feel like I'm shrinking what I want. I'm afraid it doesn't exist. I'm stuck in scarcity mode. Then I want to invite you to my upcoming live training called take that risk with confident main character energy.
[00:03:48] It is coming up on October 9th. And here is what you need to know inside this live training. You are going to learn My three steps to unapologetically claim what you want, not just in your love life, but in your fricking life in [00:04:00] general, you're going to learn how to release self doubt and you are going to get the roadmap to taking that life risk you've been dreaming of with main character energy.
[00:04:08] Ended up taking like three core life risks that paid off because of how hard she was stepping into her main character energy. And you're going to learn all about how to do that for yourself, uh, in this live training coming up on October 9th, it's totally free. Yeah. Uh, so get your seat saved with the link in the description of this episode.
[00:04:27] You can also go to datebrazen. com slash take dash that dash risk. And at this live training, you are going to be invited to my six month mastermind main character life. Which is what did, uh, where you're going to complete a life changing main character project by releasing people pleasing, building rock solid self trust, and taking risks that pay off big time.
[00:04:51] And you can find all the information about the training, about the Mastermind, with the links in the description of this episode. I've only opened this [00:05:00] Mastermind once a year. It is a life changing container, and this episode is sponsored by it. So go Go check it out and get ready to listen to .
[00:05:06] Get ready to be inspired by your own main character energy brewing by listening to somebody else's and how it changed her whole life. All right, let's get into this episode.
[00:05:22] Hey, I'm Lily Womble, former top matchmaker and founder of Date Brazen. After setting up hundreds, I realized that with coaching, women could match themselves It's better than anyone else ever could with my unconventional feminist approach. I've helped women around the world build courageous and self trust filled love lives.
[00:05:37] And now I'm here to support you get ready cause I'm about to share the exact steps you need to attract a soul quenching partnership and feel amazing about yourself along the way. This is the date brazen podcast. Hello, gorgeous friends. Welcome to another episode of the date brazen podcast. I'm so excited because one of the sparkliest [00:06:00] humans is here today.
[00:06:02] She was in main character energy mastermind and had a Such a beautiful path that she blazed for herself. And so I had to have her on. I had to have her on to talk all about it. You're going to hear all about it. You're going to leave this episode feeling so inspired to take up more space with your own main character energy, especially if you feel stuck where you currently are.
[00:06:30] I hope that this episode holds a lantern up and shows you that it does. Change is possible. And, uh, and so let's get into it. Hello, . Hi,
[00:06:39] Guest: I am so excited to be
[00:06:42] Lily: here. So excited you're here. Okay. So the question I start for all client episodes, what feels important to know about you?
[00:06:51] Guest: I'm a woman of many desires.
[00:06:55] I love we're beginning here. I'm a scientist. [00:07:00] I'm a poet. And I'm a former people pleaser. I can say that with confidence now. Also important to my journey is that I am an immigrant. I'm from India and I moved here to the States to pursue a pursuit of an education. And a lot of this journey is me reclaiming.
[00:07:19] Pass off, uh, who I was or who I had left behind, but also nurturing, uh, who I can be going forward.
[00:07:30] Lily: Yeah. Oh, beautiful. So I want to know about your life before main character energy mastermind, and then what drew you to. Learning more and hopping on a call.
[00:07:44] Guest: So I've been living here in the States for about like six to seven years.
[00:07:49] And I think that's, that's important context for people to know. I have, I don't like to use the word late bloomer. I bloomed when I needed to bloom. And I started to date [00:08:00] about maybe three and a half years ago now. Um, and so I've been on this dating journey where it's like a mix of, you know, a modern desi culture, right?
[00:08:09] Which is, um, meeting people through your family and friends, matrimonial dating website, like a mix of all of those things. When I hit close to my 30th birthday, right, I almost hit a pause on this fleeting romance I had with someone. On paper, he was the definition of like a suitable Indian boy who was like, well educated and smart.
[00:08:32] And as I, I guess I continued to date him, I really couldn't figure out, I couldn't put a finger on it, but there was just this like fluttering, uh, yellow flag, uh, in my belly and I didn't know what to do. Why that was coming about. And I also didn't want to risk sort of ruffling too many feathers and asking him too many questions because what if this was really the closest shot I would to have to find someone in [00:09:00] this dating pool?
[00:09:02] Lily: Yeah.
[00:09:03] Guest: And so I was just really exhausted playing this game and I guess I found myself at the precipice of like two things that community really like drills into you. Yeah. Like, one is compromise and the second one is like settling down. I really found myself like compromising on my own principles when I was talking to him to like fit into this mold, um, and I found myself like lying by omission, agreeing to things that I don't necessarily wanted to agree.
[00:09:32] And really feminism was struggling to take its dying breath in my body. That's how I would describe
[00:09:38] Lily: it. Wow.
[00:09:39] Guest: And so I sort of took, had to take a step back to myself and I asked, why was it that I couldn't practice the values that I championed for when it mattered the most? Right. And this was sort of the recurring pattern in my life for the last like three and a half years of active [00:10:00] dating.
[00:10:00] And I clearly knew whatever I was doing wasn't working. It just wasn't working and I call it like I hit the law of like diminishing returns, which is I like I was trying everything in my toolkit, but it just wasn't going anywhere. And so that was one portion of it. And then the second idea was also that, um, I was dealing with sort of some stagnant energy, right?
[00:10:27] Like I had carried over a lot of fears through the pandemic and my graduate life. And somewhere along the way, I had become too afraid to like, ask for too much picking up space and really that my melanin would be, um, cashed as a token If you had asked for somebody who knew me outside, they would be like, Oh yeah, she's totally main character.
[00:10:52] She's doing what works for you. But that's not how I felt like on the inside. And I really had to separate [00:11:00] those two voices and listen to what I needed. And so that's how my life like was before this.
[00:11:06] Lily: I think you have. So eloquently, I'm not shocked. I'm not surprised at all that you have eloquently described exactly what the experience of hundreds of other people that I've worked with and talked with has been, which is this like cognitive dissonance of other people see me this way.
[00:11:25] I don't feel like the main character. I think that's so beautifully put that it was sort of like, socialization, a practice of shrinking that didn't feel good. And I'm curious when you received the invitation to Main Character Energy Mastermind and you hit submit on the application and we had a phone call about it and like, we were exploring what that would be like to do this work together.
[00:11:52] What was going through your mind?
[00:11:55] Guest: First of all, I found Lily on the depths of a TikTok [00:12:00] scroll on my toilet seat, which is, of course, the best way to have, like, found you. And I remember, like, watching it and I was like, What do you mean by I get to take up space and what would I want and build a joyful life?
[00:12:19] I was like, what is this woman talking about? I think that you were one of the few people I, and I'm not even on dating TikTok, like my, my, my for you pages. You know, completely things that people do not want to listen to about on this podcast. Uh, something that struck me is you said you were an intersectional feminist leading coach and that I really held on to.
[00:12:48] And so I was like, okay, I'm going to take this leap of faith and I'm going to contact this person I do. You don't know, like, internet is like full of like scammers and psychos. [00:13:00] You never know what you're signing up for. And then when I got on a call, right. If I had to describe you on that first phone call was you were kind, empathetic, and like a no nonsense attitude, which is exactly what I feel like I needed at that moment.
[00:13:20] Um, and as we let talk about my journey, and I want to say this up front is what I've known is you are someone who genuinely cares about your clients. And I don't even like to use the word clients. They are your people, and you always make time, uh, despite you having hundreds of people to work with, right?
[00:13:44] You make time for them. You know what their story is, and you really cater to them. And so in that first phone call, I had all of these inhibitions that I am from this intersectional background, like this Daisy Brown dating background. I don't know if Lily will really get what I'm [00:14:00] saying,
[00:14:00] Lily: right?
[00:14:01] Guest: And you were like, let's.
[00:14:02] I hear you, I see you, and there is so much commonality in a lot of the work that so many women do, you will be surprised, right? And so I think that's what really, like, in that first initial phone call, I was like, I think she knows what she's doing and what she's talking about. Do
[00:14:24] Lily: you remember believing me?
[00:14:26] When I said there's so much commonality, you don't, you can't even imagine how much commonality you and your background have to other people, whether or not you're from the same place or whether or not they are immigrants or whether or not, like, did that resonate? Did it feel true?
[00:14:40] Guest: It didn't feel true, uh, then, but I think Jump into like the first or maybe even, yeah, the first session I knew I was like, yeah, okay.
[00:14:52] All of us are, we have the same problems. We're just dealing with in different fonts.
[00:14:58] Lily: Yeah. Oh, that's [00:15:00] so good. , that's so good. And
[00:15:02] Guest: so I think that that's what, uh, yeah. So, and it's okay. It's, it's okay for, like, if people are on this call and they're trying to contemplate whether to, you know, sign up or not, everything doesn't have to resonate with you, but I think to like, dig deeper and ask yourself what you really want from it, um, helps.
[00:15:22] Lily: What permission did you need to give yourself To step into a group coaching container like this one that was very intensive in which you would be seen in which you would be, you know, really like asked to take up space. What was that? What permission did you need to give yourself to take the leap
[00:15:39] Guest: for me?
[00:15:40] The massive permission that I had to give myself was. I had never invested in myself before. Given my family history, I knew what the cost of a bad investment was, but I think I did not know what the benefit of a good [00:16:00] investment is. And so the permission I had to give myself was to say, you deserve to just take a leap of faith to move forward.
[00:16:10] And I kept thinking to myself, like, for the last 30 years of my life, um, I had a lot of, like, parental nurture. And nature that shaped me, but for the next 30 years, what if I gave myself the chance to say, I have the ability to nurture myself and I need some toolkits, which I don't even not even sure what those are yet.
[00:16:35] But I need something. To really push myself. Um, so that was, I think the biggest permission that I gave myself. Uh, I still came into the call, uh, thinking, Oh my God, I'm going to be like, uh, when I show up on these calls, I'm going to be composed and I know what I want.
[00:16:59] Lily: [00:17:00] Cut to the first, uh, the kickoff retreat where I remember vividly. The coaching that you received, I'm not gonna share on the, on the podcast, 'cause that's between us and that cohort. But what do you remember about stepping into the kickoff retreat? Oh God. You had just had a haircut. I just
[00:17:18] Guest: had a haircut and I had come back home and you were like, uh, make sure you do these like, um, tree onboarding modules.
[00:17:27] And these were about like self-compassion. And then I had finished that module and I was sitting in that call and I was trying to hold back my tears. I was like, why? Puffy eyed, red, and then, and I'm also on this call and I was like, I don't want to be that person. Especially like I'm the only Indian, like the international, like there's just so much pressure you put on yourself.
[00:17:53] You're Don't be that person who shows up with, uh, on the first day of the call with [00:18:00] all of these, like something so silly as. I have a bad haircut. And I think that me actually showing up as vulnerable as I did, and we get to this and maybe sometime, but it was just not about the haircut, right? It was a period of time where I wasn't, I was in a hiatus and talking to my mom for the first time in 30 years and had gone to the salon.
[00:18:28] And I was sitting in the salon and actually I was crying because I realized that, um, when I thought about my mom, the only time I would see her rest, uh, was in a salon is that's the only time when she felt taken care of. And so there were just so many of these feelings that were like bubbling up when I came to that call.
[00:18:52] And I was like, I don't want to show my dump on the first day. Um, But like risk, like [00:19:00] seeing what I was going through allowed and receiving that coaching from you set the tone of how willing I was to continue to open up in these calls. And that did me the most benefits. So,
[00:19:14] Lily: well, I just want to, I'm going to riff for a second on the idea of.
[00:19:19] you know, trauma dumping that people, the fear that a lot of people have coming into this kind of intensive coaching space of, I don't want to be the first one to cry in the call. I don't want to be the only one who cries period. I don't want to quote trauma dump. And that's why I really have done a lot of work on creating community guidelines for us to follow as a space, um, that create a brave coaching space for you to share.
[00:19:50] With emotional safety, hopefully, in a way that also doesn't, isn't trauma dumping, right? I don't think that we as a culture are trained [00:20:00] necessarily on how to receive support in a collective. And that's why I'm so proud of our community guidelines and so proud of the, you know, the work that I ask people to do before the first kickoff call, which is the caring for your nervous system stuff.
[00:20:15] so much. Because that creates a space for you to be held in a new way and seen even in big emotions. And it makes it so that other people in the space also feel safe and brave to share and to hold space for themselves. Right?
[00:20:30] Guest: Yeah, I completely agree with you. And I think moving forward from there, it never, whenever someone shares in that space, it's like everyone really honors what they're trying to say.
[00:20:43] And you're giving them space to hear. And I think that if anyone has any reservations that. You will not find space in this community that is 1000 percent not true. It's amazing how every single person like found the [00:21:00] space that they needed, whether that's on call, whether that's outside to say what they need to say, receive the coaching that they need to receive.
[00:21:06] Right. And so I think in also honoring other people's stories, like I don't call them trauma dump anymore. Like, and that's also means that honoring my own story and letting them get breathed space. was truly like a community that you set up, right? We wouldn't have been cohesively able to do that by ourselves.
[00:21:28] Lily: Mm. So I'm curious, , what lesson in the mastermind has impacted you and your life the most?
[00:21:35] Guest: I think that there are, if I had to pick, there are three lessons that have impacted me the most. One is a lesson on asking second on desires. What is that? And the third is receiving. Um, but of these three, I think asking was the one that impacted me the most.
[00:21:58] [00:22:00] Um, it was, uh, a lesson that where I found myself thinking, like, do I even know how to ask? And, um, I was really struggling with this chapter. And I think someone had, Jackie had shared how she had written like a, a letter to her younger self. And so I decided that maybe writing a letter to my younger self would be helpful.
[00:22:29] Uh, if it's okay, I'm going to share a portion of that letter and that might help us like think through like what I, what really like moved me from there. Dear , you're growing up in modern day India. The duality of India is jarring. At home, you're asked to put your head down and work. At school, you're asked to dream big.
[00:22:53] At home, you're practically raising yourself. At school, you're discovering that others have patterns with an S. [00:23:00] At home you're shamed for having a boyfriend and at school you're shamed for not having a boyfriend. It's a win win recipe for confusion and shame. When this is how you've been raised, you already know that asking certain things are simply not on the cards.
[00:23:16] You have limited asks and you've had to choose where and what to ask. I'm proud that you asked for some things. Like when you asked for when you wanted to leave home and choose a career in science. Like when you asked for the guy who assaulted you to be thrown off the bus. Like when you begged your family to stop fighting because it was affecting your mental health.
[00:23:38] I'm proud that you asked. I also want to let you know that it was okay to ask your sister to be present for you. It was okay to ask your first love if he loved you back. And it was okay to ask your parents, would they still love you? If you found love on your own terms, it's okay to ask to be [00:24:00] seen in my harshest moments, I'm tempted to say to you, it's better to ask for what you want than to never have asked at all.
[00:24:09] Today I get to choose to be kind and say that asking is difficult. I think people are lying when they say that the worst thing someone can say is saying no. The worst thing someone can say is say nothing at all. It's scary, it's hard, and you're still learning how to navigate silent nothings. It's maybe why it's easier to ask questions in science because the answer is never a no.
[00:24:32] It's a discovery of why it's a no. I want to let you know that asking is actually asking less of yourself and allowing others to show up for you. Asking is a collaboration between you and me. We are figuring out how to be vulnerable, to be boundaried, and this very, very silly thing called self compassion.
[00:24:56] It's a few haircuts away. We'll get there.
[00:24:58] Lily: Oh my god. [00:25:00] How are you feeling sharing that?
[00:25:04] Guest: I haven't read this. I think I wrote this maybe about six months ago, and when I wrote it, I was in so much grief. I remember just crying. In fact, I was at the precipice of quitting this program when I wrote this because I genuinely felt like, how can I be carrying so much pain and even entertain the thought that I might be able to move past this.
[00:25:36] Is it even worth trying to move faster? Right? Like, is it worth trying to do all of this other creation that I have high hopes for? And so I remember when I shared this, you know, you had given me coaching of your coaching was You've done such good creation. I really need you to feel these feelings in your body, [00:26:00] right?
[00:26:00] Like when you're younger, they're just parts of your younger self. You, I, I didn't even know what it meant to have this like mind body fluency. And so to really like learn how to grieve in my body. So I was visiting Chicago for a week and I was like crying on the crying while watching a painting, just like crying.
[00:26:20] Yeah. But what it also did was, um, I, I, and I think under the great piece of coaching that I had was what else do I need and what, what I needed was I needed to practice self compassion in my own mother tongue, because that's where that's the period of time that I was, uh, in when I, you know, when I was looking back at this letter.
[00:26:46] And so for me, from there on, right, I think a lot of people, um, especially in, um, in, uh, POC cultures talk about like intersectional trauma, but I [00:27:00] think what people don't often talk about is people talk about intergenerational trauma, but people don't often talk about intergenerational healing. And so some parts of this journey was I had to heal a little for my sister, heal a little for my mom, heal a little for my friends.
[00:27:19] Right. And so many of my friends in DC cultures, like who've had a love match. And I can say this, like at least three of my five friends who've had like a love match have been shamed about, have been like disowned by their family, have been called a prostitute. And this is like middle class. Urban India.
[00:27:40] And this is in the last five years. So we're not talking about, you know, decades ago. And so really like All of that just kept sort of, uh, rushing back into my body. And so, uh, I think working through these, these feelings, [00:28:00] working through that pain and giving myself the space that actually like a lot of my own life has been the pursuit of education.
[00:28:12] And it always felt like it's education or something else, or romance. Or, uh, creativity. And so this gave me the space for saying, I can, I can have education and, um, meet the love of my life. And do other things outside of my quote unquote, you know, scientific world. ,
[00:28:38] Lily: the both end is so
[00:28:39] Guest: juicy. And the both end is like your coaching, right?
[00:28:42] Like you're constantly reminding us that you are allowed to want what you want.
[00:28:50] Lily: Yes. Oh my God. I want to know, what are you proudest of that you created or did inside of the program? [00:29:00]
[00:29:00] Guest: Uh, so many things I'm proud of, uh, which is I think always like a joy to talk about. Um, so let's see when, so when I look back at my life, right.
[00:29:10] Um, I, there are, of course, there's so many moments that I can point to of, you know, Moments I can point to extraordinary growth, but those moments of growth have either been attached to moments of like massive success or massive failure, but then there has been these last six months where that has showed me that growth can also look like what it means to be healed, to be rested.
[00:29:39] And for the desiring to simply be seen. Um, and so we were all asked to, like, create these projects in the Mastermind. And of course, I had to be extra.
[00:29:52] Lily: Give it to us. Give it to us.
[00:29:54] Guest: My project was called the Orb, the Odium, and the Ulala. ,
[00:29:59] Lily: y'all, [00:30:00] y'all listening, you're not ready for these alliterations.
[00:30:03] Alliterations is what they're called and they're amazing. Keep going. Colon, of course, because, uh, it's, it's a book chapter, I guess. It has to be a subtitle. Yes. Yeah. Nurturing the audacity to believe in my own fairy tale. Keep going. So I, I'll quickly walk through like the three parts. The orb was very focused on nurturing my inner orb or my inner light.
[00:30:29] Guest: And so this included like building confidence, like mind, body fluency and practicing such compassion. Um, and I was also grappling with this new, uh, newly diagnosed ADHD. And so I was, Really operating a lot with my brain forward and not necessarily like feeling those feelings in my body. Um, and so I think I look back at my journal and I wrote this is I always love my body, but I think she's loving me back.
[00:30:56] We are fluent with each other. It's here. I feel, [00:31:00] I grieve, I rage, I love, I'm safe. I can move a thousand houses, but I'm at home here first. My body and I have been talking a lot lately. Uh, of what it means to be healed, to be desired, and to have outrageous brown orgasms.
[00:31:23] Lily: , when is the book coming out? I mean, seriously, you, your writing is so beautiful. Okay, so tell me more about the other pieces of the project. I love that outcome for the orb. I know, I love that too. So the ODM was, uh, really as Um, I wanted to give myself more permission to be seen by others. Um, and as I had mentioned, I was like really shrinking myself.
[00:31:47] Guest: So the asking, uh, which was the, I think the, um, the lesson that made the most difference to me came into like asking for asking for what I want. Hey. Can I be [00:32:00] invited to present my poetry in this, like, poetry conference? Which you did in the program, and it was amazing. I know. I know. And, uh, writing short and long letters to, uh, to scientific collaborators who don't know me yet.
[00:32:17] Shooting your shot. Doing my shot and remembering that people love hearing from me, which is, Oh, wait, we have to pause there. You, that was not something that was easily one in, in your brain or in anybody else's brain. But I remember the facial expression that you had when I pitched to you in a coaching session, you're like, Oh, I want to reach out.
[00:32:39] Lily: I don't know. I was like, what if , what if people were delighted by hearing from you? And you were like, What? And then for that to become a no duh thought is incredible.
[00:32:51] Guest: When people ask like, what is, why is this program six months? It's, it takes time to practice these thoughts [00:33:00] over and over again.
[00:33:01] And the thing is that these motives for me, like the motive of asking shows up in many different areas of my life. And so to be able to like practice these thoughts have just been so critical. And now I'm like, Oh, yeah. I like this summer. I've I'm going to like attending a bunch of conferences and I've been asking people.
[00:33:23] Oh, hey. Yeah. Uh, if you have slot to invite someone as the main speaker, can you do that for me?
[00:33:30] Lily: Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Love it.
[00:33:32] Guest: And, and so I think that that's the power that it gives you. Right. But more than that, I think the thing that I learned was Slowing myself down, um, both in my moments of success and failure does not slow down my growth, right?
[00:33:50] I'm growing softly and unseen and I'm going where I need to go.
[00:33:56] Lily: What's the ooh la la?
[00:33:58] Guest: Oh, ooh [00:34:00] la la was everything sparkly and spicy that included my love life. So during my time, I was like, I want to just do something that's fun and take the pressure off myself. Yeah. Trying to go do this intense Indian, like all of this dating that I had built up.
[00:34:20] So Katie, who is this other great person and mastermind, and I like, we came up with these bingo cards. So we had like, Oh, why don't you wink at a stranger or doing thumb fights? And for me, I created like a bachelorette profile,
[00:34:36] Lily: the most iconic Slack share that I've one of the most iconic in my entire time.
[00:34:43] As a coach, you, you made an entire bachelorette profile for yourself and it was incredible.
[00:34:48] Guest: Yeah. And had like a red rose. And I had, it was called Bachelorette Light, y'all. Uh, and I'm still working on that bingo card. Like I'm going to a dick [00:35:00] riding class. A what class? So there's this awesome, a small, shout out to the small business.
[00:35:06] It's called Riding for Rookies, a great black owned small business where what they teach you is either people who are experienced or amateurs. Uh, how can you just. better, uh, learn how to ride. Except that you like bring like a pillow and like fun props. So she goes all around the country and I was like, heck, I'm going to sign up for this.
[00:35:32] Lily: Amazing. I love that.
[00:35:35] Guest: So it was so much fun. I, oh yeah, I created this wonderful dating profile, but the funniest part is I haven't been on a single app date yet. All of my dates have been in person.
[00:35:47] Lily: I think that's main character energy, baby.
[00:35:50] Guest: Right. I met, I met someone in the bar, had a great like date with them right off the bat.
[00:35:56] I went to this like Indian matchmaking convention [00:36:00] where I ended up dating like 30 something people, uh, which was definitely an experience. I've had that experience now, maybe not again. Uh, but I think it also taught me a lot of things about like, how do I center myself on a date? Uh, what does it mean to, to maybe Like your brain can trick you when you're going on these like huge speed dating things, which is, Oh, my God, why can't I even find one person and then remembering all of my coaching and thinking, actually, it's fine that there isn't a person in.
[00:36:38] You know, in this room for me, but I'm going to be my most, um, Sarah Jessica Parker vibe in this, in this convention,
[00:36:49] Lily: but
[00:36:50] Guest: it also something that I think people don't think about is I, so I live in a small city in the state and so I went to sort of this big city to do this [00:37:00] dating convention and I always thought that, Oh yeah, moving to a big city, Quote, unquotes will solve my dating pool problems and then remembering that actually your problems remain the same, whether you are where you are, it's you who changes how you approach the problem.
[00:37:21] Um, and then the final, uh, Thing that I did, I think in the last week off my program is you had asked us to write permission slips, which is something so fun. And so my final permission slip was to my future husband. And it said he has my future husband. He has the permission to come find me. I'm not shrinking.
[00:37:42] I'm not hiding. I'm growing. I'm expanding, but I also don't feel a necessity to yell from the rooftops to get his attention. I think you'll find me exactly where I am soft, shiny, and funny until then. Uh, I get to be, I'm just the [00:38:00] girl in the world, uh, wild, unburdened, hopeful, reclaiming my girlhood. I'm so many girls, DC girls, uh, wildest dream.
[00:38:10] Lily: Hmm. Oh, , thank you more, please. I'm so proud of you. You have truly, you truly came in because your self trust was guiding you here, I, I perceive, and you didn't know exactly why you didn't know exactly what this was going to look like. And you heard that desire and you took action from that place.
[00:38:34] And that yeah. That listening to your desire only creates more of it. You know, it's like a, like a, a renewable resource that you invested in and created for yourself. I want to touch on something that a couple of members have spoken on. I've done a couple of these conversations with other masterminders from your cohort and several of you, interestingly [00:39:00] enough, literally made it.
[00:39:02] Your money back or more than the money you spent on the mastermind back with your main character energy Can you talk about how that worked for you? It was like a really fun bonus. Oh my god.
[00:39:15] Guest: Yeah, I Really? Like as I mentioned before I had never invested in myself And so going into this I was like I had this thought where I was like invest in this program You will find a way for this money to come back to you And so the other things that I haven't spoken about is your emphasis on, like, seeking out collaborations, seeking out community, like, community building, and that's something that had continued to do, and I applied for, like, this joint group.
[00:39:45] Thank you. Scientific grant with these people, and we want that ground and I need more than the money that I had invested in this program was one of the piece of [00:40:00] evidence to show that you will get back what you invest in, um, and you just have to. You have to keep trying different doors.
[00:40:09] Lily: Yeah. And whether it's literal money or not, I think that the, the, this only creates pathways for you to live a richer life, whatever that looks like, um, for, for people.
[00:40:22] Um, what would you say to folks, last question, , what would you say to folks on the fence about joining?
[00:40:29] Guest: I can say what I know for sure, and so I'm going to be true to myself. One is I really think you need, people may have to dig deep to see if they have a deep desire for a change. This program is also not just about coping, but it's also the willingness to want to build more joy.
[00:40:51] It's not a substitute for therapy. It's actually a great framework to get you to reflect because I don't even know if I would have come across these [00:41:00] questions or this framework to work through these ideas. Um, and also in retrospect, I also think that traditional therapy doesn't do a great job in trying to, you know, think through ideas of self compassion attended.
[00:41:14] Of yourself, so many of the small ideas that we we talk about in the program. A second thing is I read a lot of self help books, right? So James Clearwater has this thing where he says, you do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems. And so then when I begin to think about it, I have systems in place for so many other things, like when I fall off my workout, when I fall off cooking, just so many small things.
[00:41:46] I don't have a system in place for when I'm going through the hard times. I guess what the main character of Mastermind does is that it gives you a system to not just work through the hard times, but also a [00:42:00] system in place on how you can keep your desires and your pleasure and your dreams, right? Like, how can you build systems in place to keep that going even when your life is done?
[00:42:11] So essentially, I thought of it as like a toolkit to nurture yourself. Um, and as I said, is it worth the monetary investment? I had really never spent anything on myself and looking back, I'm like, why did I even think that this wouldn't be worth it? But if you want a more, uh, I think a more practical take on it, Mishi, who is, who just recorded a podcast.
[00:42:38] Amazing podcast. You should definitely listen to it. Um, had a great, um, take on it, which is divide the total cost by the number of hours and see if that you're, if you're willing to spend that much money, which I think makes it a lot more tangible for people when they're trying to think about things like the cost.
[00:42:57] I'm so grateful that I did this program [00:43:00] and I can see how Uh, how it's, how really it's like changed my life in so many different ways, and I'm very grateful to you, Lily. ,
[00:43:12] Lily: I'm so proud of you and just everything and not, I think that it's so funny hearing these reflections. I think that this is about co creation, the spirit of our main characters collaborating, and I'm so grateful that the spirit of my main character created this container and shared these lessons and that the spirit of your main character came to the table and brought your beautiful brain, your beautiful body, your essence, your needs, your wants, your desires, your particular past and, and, and that we got to play and that your main character energy co created such magic for [00:44:00] yourself.
[00:44:00] And I think that's what happens when you show up.
[00:44:02] Guest: I want to do say something and put something up on this podcast, which I think is very main character of me. I feel like you might be proud of that. Okay. Tell me. Since I'm on this podcast. Tell me. If you've gotten to the end of it, you've probably realized that I'm a catch.
[00:44:20] So any listeners, if you have anyone who you think, who I would vibe with, uh, send them my way.
[00:44:32] Lily: How can they do that? , give us a P. O. box or give us a, give us something.
[00:44:36] Guest: Specifically. I want to see this, um, I'm looking for you, I'm looking for you, I'm looking for a DC feminist.
[00:44:47] Lily: Curious, telepathic, great smile. Oh my god, amazing. For anybody that doesn't know, this is a TikTok trend. Uh, but like, I'm looking for a man in finance, 6'5 blue eyes. I [00:45:00] love that you brought this up. Okay, so how can people get in touch if they have someone in mind for you?
[00:45:05] Guest: I have an Instagram account, which I just recently created.
[00:45:09] It's called L I L dot infectious. Um, L I L, like little dot infectious, but with a L I L. And so yeah, you're welcome to slide into my DMs. I do not respond to, Hey, what's up? But if you write me maybe a nice message or even better, a letter. Look,
[00:45:28] Lily: look, look, , you are the first person to ever shoot their shot publicly on the podcast.
[00:45:37] And I am so grateful that you are. It is setting the stage for future main characters.
[00:45:42] Guest: I feel like I have to create a butterfly effect for myself. And you never know,
[00:45:47] Lily: there you go. You literally never fucking know. I love this so much. , thank you more, please. I'm so grateful that you came on the podcast.
[00:45:57] Main character mastermind is open [00:46:00] and you can apply with the link in the description of this episode. Thank you so much for coming on . I'm so grateful.
[00:46:06] Guest: Oh, don't worry. I'll be here in maybe two years again, giving you an update of my life.
[00:46:11] Lily: Yay! Thank you more, please. I cannot wait, y'all. Go apply for the Mastermind.
[00:46:19] I'm ready for you. Let's fucking go. Bye, . Thank you.