176. My epic year in review
How was your year? How have you grown? In the last episode of 2023, Lily shares her epic year in review, sharing some of her favorite brags and lessons. As you listen, we invite you to do the same - reflect, practice self-compassion, and celebrate your most cherished brags.
Lily also answers listener questions, revealing insights into how she stayed grounded, who supported her through the challenges, and the mental shifts that were game-changers on her book-writing journey.
Join in celebrating the achievements, reflecting on the lessons learned, and looking forward to a new year filled with growth and empowerment.
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Show transcript:
[00:00:00] Hey, I'm Lily Womble, former top matchmaker and founder of Date Brazen. After setting up hundreds, I realized that with coaching, women could match themselves better than anyone else ever could. With my unconventional feminist approach, I've helped women around the world build courageous and self trust filled love lives.
[00:00:20] And now I'm here to support you. Get ready because I'm about to show you the exact steps you need to attract a soul quenching partnership and feel amazing about yourself along the way. This is the Date Brazen podcast. Hello, gorgeous friends. I am coming to you live from a walk in my neighborhood in Brooklyn, and I wanted to do a little different kind of end of year episode to wrap up what was one of the most incredible years of my life and my business.
[00:00:57] And I. I [00:01:00] wanted to like, come to you more casually. The audio will be different because I will be dynamic, who knows? It's very loud in my neighborhood sometimes because I do live in Brooklyn. We're on a wild ride together. And if y'all have listened to this podcast for any amount of time, you probably know that I.
[00:01:20] work through perfectionism all the time. So I'm really just allowing this to be messy and just like honest in the moment reflections on 2023. And I wanted to do this because y'all been with me this year, right? Like I'm treating this as we're on the phone. Like we're talking about our years. I encourage you to ask yourself these same questions that I'm going to ask myself and let me know at date brazen on Instagram DM me with how was your year?
[00:01:57] How did you grow from the date brazen [00:02:00] podcast? Also plug, if you haven't left a review yet, be a great time to leave a podcast review. So this past year, let's just catch up about it because it's been a lot of amazing, intense, wonderful, hard. All of the things at once things, it was the most intense year professionally and personally for a lot of like reasons that were like, Oh my God, I can't believe all of this is happening at once.
[00:02:31] Such a gift, such a privilege to. For example, last year, 2022 was the, I've been in business for six years. Let's just put that out there. So before last year visibility was not as high and like the business was a struggle, honestly. And then. The TikTok virality thing happened. If you've been listening for any amount of time, you know that sort of shifted how many people I get to support with the podcast, how many people are [00:03:00] here now with us because of TikTok.
[00:03:01] So that was 2022. And then in October. Or September of 2022, I got a, an incredible literary agent named Johanna Castillo. Cause in 2020 I started thinking about a book cause I had just quit matchmaking. I just started date brazen two years prior and I was like, I have something to say. I have something to share and I think it needs to be a book, but I didn't know what that book was.
[00:03:27] So 2020 I started the podcast to start to. Every episode I thought could be like a chapter of my book eventually. And so now we're over 160 episodes later, it's wild. Anyway, I wanted to back up to give you the sort of 10, 000 foot view because that. Does feel important because the book wasn't just something that I decided one day I wanted to do.
[00:03:51] It had been years in the making, literal years, three years now. Got a literary agent, September, 2022, [00:04:00] October, 2022, got a book deal. Oh my God, y'all. I got a book deal with Legacy Lit at Hachette, which is an incredible publisher. Krishan Trotman is the founder of that imprint at Hachette and is incredible.
[00:04:16] You'll hear more about her and from her soon. But so I got this book deal in October, 2022, wild timing because it was the day that my clients from my mastermind were arriving in New York for our in person retreat is the day that I got. confirmation that the book deal was happening. So wild. So I started writing that book in October and wrote this like incredible, what I thought was a first chapter.
[00:04:46] I was like, this is, I'm so good at writing, writing this book is going to be a breeze. And I sent it to my publisher. And she was like, Oh my God, this is amazing. We love, I love this. This is everything. And it's the introduction. [00:05:00] I was like Whoa. I thought this was the first chapter. She was like, no, you're not teaching anything.
[00:05:04] This is an introduction. And so I went back to how do I write a book? I really did not know how to write a book. And I had gotten a book advance. I was so grateful for that. And so I started January, 2023, having no idea how to write a book. And I had tried like late 2022, like November, December to write stuff.
[00:05:29] I sent her those pages that I had written for chapters one and two in January. And y'all, I received back an email that was like. This isn't what, it was just like, this tone is a little different. You need to, it was just so humbling to, after six years of running my business, practicing all of the things that I teach and learning how to run a business, like learning a new skill to write this book was incredibly humbling.
[00:05:56] And I eventually got there, but it was [00:06:00] a long journey. So anyway, 2022. started with not knowing how to write a book and wanting to write one slash being contractually obligated to write one and excited to write one, but also like scared shitless. I also had a wedding in May and the wedding was incredible.
[00:06:18] I can share more about that. There's a whole episode about it of the podcast where I do my wedding reflections. And then I took a break from Marketing and selling anything in my business to write the book full time for a couple of months after the wedding, still coaching my clients. Then I like start finishing the book in the summer.
[00:06:40] I worked with an incredible editor who really helped me along the way. I am now crossing. Now you're really getting a view into my day to day crossing the highway on this little bridge in my Brooklyn neighborhood. Finished the book. Celebrating the book. Not really. Sure, how to market the book, figuring [00:07:00] out new ways of doing things.
[00:07:01] Anyway, it was an incredible year. Got married, wrote a book. The book starts pre orders on January 4th. We start pre orders. And I am the most excited I've ever been. I got the box of galley copies for press and stuff yesterday in the mail. And I literally sobbed. It was such a beautiful book inside and out.
[00:07:27] And I know it's going to change your love life for the better and for your life. I know it's going to help you find the love of your life. I know that it's going to help you feel more peace as you find love. So all that being said, that was like. What happened this year and I asked Instagram if they had any questions for me regarding this year so that I could talk about it in this episode and they sent folks sent in a few questions.
[00:07:52] So I just wanted to answer their questions. Let's get into it. When will your book be for purchase? You can pre order the book on January [00:08:00] 4th. And you can go to date brazen. com or anywhere, literally anywhere you buy books to buy the book prior to the book. We also have so many juicy bonuses coming.
[00:08:17] If you pre order the book. And enter your receipt number on our website. We're setting up the whole process so that the, if you pre order the book, you get bonuses that will help you get results before the book hits your doorstep that will help you kickstart your most. Amazing, hope filled, dynamic, powerful love life to help you start attracting the love of your life to speed up your trajectory towards that right relationship before the book ever hits your doorstep.
[00:08:46] These bonuses will do that. So stay tuned. All that info is going to drop soon. Okay. How did you keep yourself grounded? Through all of the big things that happened this year. A lot of times I [00:09:00] was not grounded at all. I really did it messy. Like I talk about with my clients and it wasn't like cute, messy.
[00:09:07] It wasn't like, it wasn't like, Oh, it's a little messy. And I was like ditch imperfections. So no, I'm talking about darkest night of the soul. Messy. I'm talking about anxiety out the wazoo messy. I'm talking about just to give you a peek into my brain, which I get a lot of therapy for a lot of coaching support for.
[00:09:28] I have a lot of great friends. Chris is an incredible support. My anxiety was very bad at certain points in the year, so much so that I feared that I would have to give back my book deal. I know that. And logically, Chris, my then fiance now husband I was like, no, Lily it's going to be okay.
[00:09:49] You've got this book deal. They believe in you. You're learning how to write a book. It's okay that you are learning how to write a book. And I would say no, you're wrong. I have to be perfect right now. And then [00:10:00] just, Doing my own work of allowing that anxiety and moving through it with support and with self compassion became my lifeline.
[00:10:14] I did it imperfectly. So I didn't stay super grounded throughout the whole year. And I think that's a fallacy that so many high achieving folks are like holding themselves to that. Like I have to feel grounded. Now there are resources to help you feel more grounded. And I just allowed myself not to feel great all the time.
[00:10:35] And sometimes then I would be really frustrated with myself and angry with myself for not feeling more grounded. And then. There were points where I did feel more grounded. Like when did I feel more grounded? When I was around my friends and family and my husband during our wedding day, that was really grounding, joyful.
[00:10:52] Joy really helps me get grounded. Phone calls with friends that are in the [00:11:00] trenches of building businesses themselves, building a business and scaling a business is. The most intense personal development journey that I've ever been on. So I would say therapy helped me feel grounded. There were times this year that I thought about reaching out for the support of medication, anxiety medication to help me lower the volume a little bit.
[00:11:23] And something I still have on my shelf as a resource when, and if needed to get me through to another space, like I ultimately didn't. Do you use that resource? However, I did want to mention however you care for yourself, if it is aligned with, your resourcefulness and your agency I just say we need to be caring for ourselves, period.
[00:11:49] That's my answer to how did I stay grounded? I also will say my clients. Working with them and coaching them is very grounding for me. I [00:12:00] love coaching my clients so much and I love supporting them. This is a Brooklyn moment, like all the people around. And so being in this group coaching calls was really grounding.
[00:12:11] Who did I go to for support and to be witnessed this year? I mentioned all of these friends in my book acknowledgments, but my friends are. Stunners, they're just like unparalleled stunners. And I had regular calls with them sometimes when I was really overwhelmed. I didn't. And then I had mind drama about not talking to my friends and then mind drama about I was really watching my brain with a loving witness energy.
[00:12:42] Thoughts about, Oh, my friends don't want to be friends with me because. I haven't reached out, right? All these perfectionistic thoughts when I was overwhelmed and feeling a lot of big feelings were happening. And just want to be, just want to be honest about that. Like it's possible to get Epic results in your life, even if [00:13:00] you feel overwhelmed, even if you tend towards anxiety.
[00:13:03] I have a coach who I work with now. Who says you can be rich and depressed. She's a business coach, so she's all about building businesses. I am now on my walk, walking by a school, which is at recess right now. Maybe shouldn't turn down the street, but I have made the choice. So anyway, it's possible to be human and to have big feelings and to not feel grounded and to.
[00:13:30] Get epic results in your life. That's why I think that anytime you want to work on your dating life, whatever is happening in your life, it is the right time. Have you feel led to investing in? Investing time, energy, money with something that feels aligned for you and your dating life, like only will lead to good things.
[00:13:51] Even if you feel overwhelmed or anxious, cause you deserve support. And as I learned this year, like feelings are [00:14:00] feelings, not facts. I learned it again every day. I also will say I got a lot of coaching this year. I have a money coach, I have a business coach, I have a therapist, I have different coaches in my life who I can call upon at any moment for support.
[00:14:19] And that is life changing. So I love coaching. What am I thankful for? There's another question. My husband. Oh my God, y'all. Chris is an incredible human who has helped me move through this year so well. And to be honest, like there were times where I had so much to do and I know I, I talk about caring for yourself and being proactive about joy building and all of that.
[00:14:45] I just want to say I am perfectly do all this shit and sometimes I don't do it. And Chris was there. To remind me to honestly eat lunch sometimes he would put food in front of me and be like, you haven't eaten [00:15:00] lunch, here's your lunch. And because I would be writing and coaching and doing business stuff.
[00:15:05] And Chris was a rock in this year. And Marrying him and having that joy filled day. And then also like intentionally starting to build our marriage has been so awesome. Like proactively getting support to build the best, most life giving supportive. Marriage and relationship possible in this new season has been also really grounding to get support, be held in support by Chris.
[00:15:37] I'm so excited for y'all to read the book because I talk in depth about our relationship. And how it shifted things for me and how the work that I now get to teach you in the podcast and the Brazen Breakthrough is exactly what allowed me to receive this kind of love and allowed me to attract it.
[00:15:58] Allowed me to be in this [00:16:00] relationship where maybe before I didn't believe that I was worthy of it. I'm excited for you to read the book for that reason and many other reasons. Last question, what were the mental shifts you'd say were game changers that led to such alignment? I love this question. I love this question because it gets to one of my favorite thoughts.
[00:16:20] Two of my favorite thoughts are all of this is an unhurried unfolding. There's no rush, unhurried unfolding. And a thought from Serena Hicks is a coach that I admire, and she has this thought that I love that is it doesn't take time. It takes alignment. So I think that everything that happened to this year, the book deal, the or that happened, late last year, but writing the book having a joy filled wedding.
[00:16:47] It all happened. Fast. And it was an unhurried unfolding. So I would say like the reason that I've been able to get so much done this year, meaning grow the business, grow the team, [00:17:00] write a book, build a pre order campaign for the book, build clientele, get on Tik Tok, go viral a couple more times, have a blast talking to you on the podcast, all these things.
[00:17:10] Like I, I will say I did them all imperfectly as all of those things happened because I was willing to trust myself and I was willing to get messy in the pursuit of trusting myself that I didn't wait for any of these things to be perfect, to make moves. And I also worked on releasing.
[00:17:34] expectation of everybody around me being happy and like caregiving for them in that way. Like I, I just also did a lot of work on caring less about what other people thought about me, which is a constant growth edge for me. I, so I think the alignment came because I was willing to trust myself. I was listening to my body.
[00:17:57] I was taking massive messy action [00:18:00] and I was willing to show up and try. And it also, I will say this year, it's why like TikTok is so funny because people find you and it's the first time they ever meet you. Maybe for this podcast, this is the first time we're talking maybe or right now. And for me.
[00:18:20] I've been putting in the steps for years. I quit matchmaking six years ago. I was matchmaking for two years before that. And all of this time I've had this vision for this moment and have been putting in the moves. And there were times along the way over the last six years that it felt, what I wanted felt impossibly far away.
[00:18:43] And I put one foot in front of the other imperfectly. And I raised my hand and said, I have something to share and shared it imperfectly and learned a lot and made a lot of mistakes. And also ultimately am so [00:19:00] excited to be right here because it's been years of putting in the work. So how did all of the, how did you get all these things done in a year?
[00:19:06] What alignment? What did alignment look like? It looked like years of alignment. It looked like years of trusting myself to be here. And it happened fast this year in certain ways. Like I will be on national TV on January 4th. And I'm so excited about it. I'm going to be on Tamron hall on January 4th. And that happened like literally yesterday night, it was confirmed and things like opportunities like that happened fast because of the time that you're taking to trust the time that it took to trust myself a couple of years ago.
[00:19:44] And the amount of times I've raised my hand this year and said, I have something to share. I have something to say and that. Was also like came from years of building confidence in my voice and building confidence and what I wanted to share and say, and I'm really proud of myself. And I know I talk about self [00:20:00] celebration all the time.
[00:20:00] It's a strategy. I will also say I was able to get so much done this year because I have people in my life who celebrate with me and who I feel comfortable celebrating myself with and who I celebrate all the time. And so in that way, self celebration is a strategy. That's why in the Brazen Breakthrough, we have the Bragg's channel.
[00:20:19] That's why in my masterminds, we have Bragg's channels. Because when you have a group of people who know what you're going through and who can celebrate you with you, who you feel you can celebrate yourself around without fear of judgment, that is life changing. And allows you to take more big, bold moves because you know that you are being seen.
[00:20:40] It's also a dopamine rush to be celebrated, right? So I think that can also help you make more action happen because especially in dating, it can be such an isolating experience. And that's why. We do it in community in the Brazen Breakthrough, but also like self celebration as a strategy allows you to bring [00:21:00] more belonging with your friend group even to your love life.
[00:21:03] And that's what allowed me the self celebration strategy to make big moves and big results happen this year. So those are my reflections on this year. And I would love you to ask yourself these questions too. Just listing out what support did you go to, to be witnessed and supported this year? What are you thankful for?
[00:21:24] How did you keep yourself grounded? When will your book be for purchase? I would ask you to ask yourself, when are you doing the thing that is on your heart to do? Period. When are you doing it? What do you want to do? How can you show up and take massive, messy action for your desires? What's the plan, Dan?
[00:21:40] I want to hear about it. And what were the mental shifts you'd say that were game changers that led to such alignment? For me, self trust, self compassion, massive, messy, courageous action, willing to be uncomfortable, willing to feel all of the feelings, was directly what led to me getting results. And that's why I say that Feeling your feelings is [00:22:00] the strategy to get results inside of any coaching container or any, anything.
[00:22:05] Feeling your feelings, having your own back is the thing that allows you to move forward fast. I love y'all. Thank you for being on this journey with me this year. Thank you for trusting me as your dating coach. Thank you for allowing me to be in your ears. I know that a lot of you take. me on walks and share with your friends and it's really fucking cool.
[00:22:24] The community that we're building and the courage that you are embodying by showing up for your love life desires in this community. And with this, feminist as fuck approach, I'm so grateful. And I will talk to you in the new year.[00:23:00]