186. How to bless and release the wrong people
Are you striving to let go of the wrong people? What if we told you that the extent to which you're willing to bless and release the wrong people is directly linked to your path toward the right relationship? In this episode, Lily reveals her strategy for blessing and releasing the wrong people in your life, enabling your mind to shift its focus towards the right connections for you.
"Blessing and releasing" is a radical step towards fulfilling your desires. So, grab your note-taking tools because this episode is full of practical how-to's on this transformative process.
In this episode, you will learn:
Having people in your life who are not suitable for you is about the underlying fear that what you want is not possible or not worthy of what you want. That is worthy of your curiosity and compassion.
Categories of when to bless and release (B&R) someone
Different levels of connection deserve a different approach to blessing and releasing.
Tips for outlining a B&R moment for a breakup
Lily breaks down an incomplete roster of individuals to bless and release, including the stonewaller, the Eeyore, the most intense human, and the pen pal.
Reflection questions to help you determine if you need to bless and release someone
Text and out loud scripts for B&R like “Hey, thanks for hanging. I’m not feeling a romantic connection; I wish you the best.”
Links:
Pre-order Lily’s upcoming book, Thank You, More Please!
124. The “Thank You, More, Please!” Challenge!
Radical Alignment, Alexandra Jamieson and Bob Gower
Show transcript:
[00:00:00] Hey, gorgeous friends, welcome to another episode of the date brazen podcast. So glad that you're here. Today is going to be literally a note taker. Today is a note taking episode. I'm going to teach you my complete blessing and releasing strategy for people that are wrong for you. Who goes to you, who you can't stop thinking about, you're going to learn exactly how to bless and release those people from your heart time from your brain so that you can move on to the right people for you.
[00:00:31] You're also going to learn in this episode how to bless and release people who are like in person with you who are not the right fit. It's going to be a note taker. So grab a pen, grab a piece of paper, grab your notes app. If you're on the go, I can't wait to teach you this strategy, which I also go. in depth on in my brand new book.
[00:00:51] Thank you more, please. A feminist guide to breaking dumb dating rules and finding love. I am drawing directly from chapter six in my [00:01:00] book. Uh, this chapter is entitled the wild, wild west of online dating and this blessing really strategy goes for online and in person dating. I'm so excited for you to listen to this episode.
[00:01:10] I'm Also really excited for you to preorder my book because this book is going to be the step by step guide that you have been craving to get out of the dating overwhelm, to get out of the patriarchal toxicity of all of those dumb dating rules that tell you to shrink. Be smaller. Want less. This book is going to be a massive permission giver for you to start showing up more boldly in your dating life, to start taking up more space in your love life so that you can attract people who are into you, who you are also into so that you can start attracting the love of your life with these tools.
[00:01:51] More please comes out in June, June 11th, 2024. And I would be so honored and delighted if you [00:02:00] pre ordered for three reasons. Number one, pre order so that this book can land on your freaking doorstep on June 11th. You don't have to think about it anymore. Pre order so that you don't have to think about it and it'll just land on your doorstep.
[00:02:11] I've got your back with this book. This book is going to change your life. Number one. Number two. I would love it if you pre ordered because I want to change your life before the book ever hits your doorstep too. That's why I've created these juicy pre order bonuses. The Thank You More Please Club is the pre order bonus when you order one book, one Thank You More Please copy.
[00:02:33] And inside the Thank You More Please Club, I've got monthly live coaching sessions with me. I've got workbooks for every single lesson. We're talking about essence based preferences in the live coaching session. This month in March, March 19th is the next thank you more, please. Club call. There are recordings from sessions on thank you more, please.
[00:02:53] The challenge and how to attract a juicy date in person with that challenge. And you also get a podcast listening [00:03:00] guide because I have a lot of podcast episodes and I want you to have a clear and defined guide to getting your needs met with exactly what podcast episode would meet your needs. So in this podcast listening guide.
[00:03:12] Only for thank you. More please. Club members. I've outlined the top 10 issues that I'm seeing people struggling with in their dating lives and exactly what date brazen podcast episode to listen to based on where you're struggling. This guide alone is so. Juicy. And when you preorder a copy of thank you more, please enter your receipt into date brazen.
[00:03:34] com slash book. You will get immediate access to the podcast, listening guide to our member portal for the club and our calendar for upcoming live coaching sessions. So go preorder a copy. That's the second reason. Cause you will get results. in the Thank You More Please Club before the book ever hits your doorstep.
[00:03:52] Third and final reason, super vulnerable, pre orders mean everything to a book's success. So that's why you hear all these [00:04:00] authors talking about their pre orders because in the book publishing world, pre orders determine how many books are printed, how many bookstores buy the book, or how many libraries have the book, how many people actually can get their hands on the book is determined by the pre order numbers.
[00:04:16] So This book is going to change your life. The pre order bonus is going to get you results in your dating life before the book ever hits your doorstep. And your pre order would mean so much to me personally and to the success, the future success of this book. So go to datebrazen. com slash book to order your book order.
[00:04:34] Thank you more, please. And enter your receipt to get into the club while you're at it. Order from your local bookstore. I know that they would love seeing your order come in. I can't wait for you to have this hot little book, hot, big book. Actually, it's 200 pages y'all. Wow. In your hands. And with that, let's get into the episode all about blessing and releasing.[00:05:00]
[00:05:00] Hey, I'm Lily Womble, former top matchmaker and founder of Date Brazen. After setting up hundreds, I realized that with coaching, women could match themselves I'm Lily Womble. It's better than anyone else ever could with my unconventional feminist approach. I've helped women around the world build courageous and self trust filled love lives.
[00:05:15] And now I'm here to support you. Get ready. Cause I'm about to share the exact steps you need to attract a soul quenching partnership and feel amazing about yourself along the way. Get ready. This. Today we're going to be talking all about blessing and releasing. I have been really thinking about my clients.
[00:05:33] I think about them all the time. Who am I kidding? Inside of the brazen breakthrough. And uh, I have been specifically thinking about folks who have found a relationship after our work together, whether that be in the year that we work together or. Within two, three years of working together, the folks who found the best relationships of their lives, what tools were most helpful and like most critical in, um, [00:06:00] them meeting their person or their people.
[00:06:02] So let's get into it. I identified a couple core skills. Number one was essence based preferences. When people know their essence based preferences, they are able to vet others more quickly. They are able to tune in with their self trust more easily. They are able to. Then the second skill, second tool that helps them really swiftly and more easefully find love is blessing and releasing, because I have seen over coaching hundreds over the last six, seven years, that blessing and releasing the strategy that I'm going to teach you today is.
[00:06:37] Maybe the tool that leads to people finding the best relationships of their lives. And it sounds counterintuitive because blessing and releasing is about releasing people. It's not about like finding a zillion people. It's about literally releasing people, but The, um, the amount to which you are willing to release the wrong people for you is directly proportionate to [00:07:00] your trajectory towards the right relationship.
[00:07:03] And I say that because maybe before our work, or I'm not going to say maybe, before this work of learning, blessing, and releasing, most people are given too many people a chance. Most people are ruminating over Xs that are keeping them, that rumination is keeping them stuck in a cycle of overwhelm and Like lack of clarity and blessing and releasing.
[00:07:27] I like to think of it as if you had a plot of land and you wanted to plant a garden. And in this garden, you only have so much real estate. You have a 12 by 12 plot of beautiful soil to, to plant your seeds with him. Right. That is your love life. That is your time. You do not have all the time in the world to entertain all of the people that are not right for you.
[00:07:54] So if you want to plant a garden and your intention is to get the most pleasure out of the garden to [00:08:00] maybe even harvest food from the garden that you want to eat, that you will enjoy eating, Um, maybe your, your goal is to have beauty in the garden, to have all these flowers in the garden. If you go ahead and plant plants in that garden because somebody else gave you, you know, somebody else gave you a seedling of their plant that they liked, but that you didn't, you weren't like crazy about, you were like, it's free.
[00:08:23] Let me plant it. And you weren't like wild about it. And you just like, let this, this plant grow. That was somebody else's favorite plant. But like, you just like, it's soaking up nutrients. And I hope you're following me for this analogy. It's about you really identifying what have I planted in the garden, in my one precious garden that is not for me, that does not bring me joy.
[00:08:46] That is not actually. in my desire map to use the Danielle Laportism. So Blessing and Releasing is really about evaluating like what's currently in my garden landscape. Is this dirty? Is this metaphor [00:09:00] dirty? I think it might be. It was not intended to be, but here we are. When you got to look at the garden and you got to say like, okay, what do I need to bless and release from this garden to make more soil space for actually what brings me more joy?
[00:09:13] Actually, what serves me actually what I enjoy eating, right? Because bless the idea of putting things in your garden or your space, having people in your life who are not good fits for you romantically or otherwise, friendship wise, whatever, like that's really about scarcity. More than what's actually possible having people in your life who are not right for you.
[00:09:36] Ultimately keeping them around whether it's mentally keeping them around or Physically keeping them around if they if you know, they're not right for you is about the underlying fear That what you want isn't possible or that you are not worthy of what you want, and that is worthy of your examination, your curiosity and your compassion, because [00:10:00] blessing and releasing is a radical act of agency.
[00:10:04] It's a radical act of your confidence. It's a radical act towards your desire. It is saying to yourself in the universe or to your your social certainly it's saying to everything and everyone around you like. I get to want what I want and what I want is not here right now. So I'm going to bless and release it.
[00:10:25] And then the courageous act of putting yourself out there for what you want is what comes next, which is the third and final thing that helps my clients who found love get into the best relationship of their lives. It's like number one, essence based preferences, vetting people based on their EBPs.
[00:10:43] Number two, blessing and releasing everyone and everything that does not. Align with where they're going and what they want. And the third and final is then taking massive, messy, courageous action in the real world [00:11:00] to get what you want. Like, ask for what you want. Shoot your shot. Ask people out. Go on dates that feel aligned with your E.
[00:11:07] B. P. S. Bless and release the people who are wrong for you. Then take massive, messy, courageous action. I. R. L. And that also includes like dating apps, using them with boundaries, but I digress. This is so important, this bless and release strategy. So I want you to grab your notes app. Um, I am going to be reading excerpts from my book along the way so you can get a taste of the book and you also can get some strategy before the book ever comes out.
[00:11:34] So definition of blessing and releasing is letting someone go. Right. Plain and simple. It's freeing your heart space and your time for the people, relationships and opportunities that are more aligned that are most aligned for you. Blessing and releasing a K B and a K A B and R because I am apparently acronyming everything now a K A B and R.
[00:11:55] Can be nerve wracking and can be like [00:12:00] existentially tough, especially if you're drenched in scarcity mode. Again, compassion for that version of yourself who is nervous that what you want doesn't exist. And the underlying thought that I want you to practice when blessing and releasing is it might be possible that what I want exists.
[00:12:16] If that feels true, then what do I need to do about it? It might be possible that what I want exists. If that felt completely true, what would you want to do about it? Because if what you want exists, then you don't have to, if it might exist, right? Ease your brain into it. Carl Lowenthal in the Un Fuck Your Brain podcast talks about ladder thoughts.
[00:12:34] Your brain's going to freak out if you try to like force it into believing like, what I want is possible. It's happening. So just ladder thought, like baby step thought it in. It might be possible that what I want exists. It might be possible that. More is out there. It might be possible that I haven't met everyone yet.
[00:12:51] So choosing a thought that feels useful and true right now to help you ease into the bless and release vibe and practice. Remember, this is a practice of [00:13:00] fully owning what you want to just called it a radical active agency. It is. Okay. Setting boundaries around your time with the wrong people will make room for the right people in your life.
[00:13:13] So I want you to be bold with your blessing and releasing. Now I'm going to get into who I want you to bless and release and how to bless and release them. And if you're saying to me, if you're listening and you're like, Lily, I don't have anybody in my life who I can bless and release right now. I don't have anybody.
[00:13:28] romantically. There's nothing going on. There's probably someone or something in your life. If you're that, you know, person who's like, I don't have anybody to, you know, bless and release right now. There's probably someone, something, a thought, a belief, an ex that you're holding onto for your life in your brain that I'm going to ask you to bless and release to start the process of blessing and releasing.
[00:13:51] Um, because, uh, What you want is possible, and I want you to get unstuck as quickly as possible. So you can find what you want, what you [00:14:00] desire, but I digress. So here are some categories of when to bless and release someone after a long ish conversation on a dating app. In which you talked about making a date plan and changed your mind and we're like, actually, this doesn't feel aligned after a date or several, especially if the other person wants to see you again and you don't, when someone ghosts you and you want to own the narrative, they have disqualified themselves.
[00:14:30] That's one of my favorite parts of blessing and releasing is that you get to bless and release people who ghosted you because they have disqualified themselves. You get to take the power back in that scenario with a blessing release. And when somebody doesn't meet your essence based preferences, period, there are different levels to blessing and releasing this strategy.
[00:14:49] Different levels of connection deserve a slightly different approach. So use this guide if it's helpful to bless and release. So a level one blessing release [00:15:00] is a casual connection, a dating app match someone who ghosted for these folks. If you haven't had a deeper conversation or they ghosted. You can just let it fizzle and do an internal bless and release boundary for yourself and your own brain and body.
[00:15:14] If you have been chatting back and forth for a while, you can send a bless and release text. A bless and release text could be, Hey, I'm not feeling a romantic connection and I wish you the best period. Send go. Uh, you can, if you're ghosted, send a bless and release text and then block their number. You can say, Hey, it was a bummer not to hear from you.
[00:15:33] I thought we had something good and I wish you the best. Hope you find what you're looking for. Bless and release. Go. You also don't have to send anything. It's just an option. If that is helpful for you to sort of physically do something to bless and release those people. 11 level to bless and release.
[00:15:49] It's like 1 Plus dates. You can send a bless and release text or have a phone call or talk in person. Totally up to you. No hard and fast rule. [00:16:00] Trust yourself. I would say if you have been on a couple dates with somebody or a lot of dates with somebody, and this feels like something you want to do face to face, do it face to face.
[00:16:09] If you don't feel safe doing that, you don't have to, you can do a phone call like there. And I want you to free yourself from any rules about this and just be in alignment with what you want and who you are in the world. Like period, you get to trust yourself. Okay. Level three, bless and release. This is what I would consider a breakup and you can use a version of the bless and release message to have a conversation that feels available, honoring your needs and boundaries.
[00:16:35] And I'd also recommend using the radical alignment conversation framework that I'm going to share in a moment. For the conversation, so that if you're having a breakup, bless and release moment, then I would journal out beforehand, potentially for things your intention for the conversation, your concerns for the conversation with the worst case scenario, your boundaries for the conversation and your dreams for the conversation.
[00:16:59] What's best case [00:17:00] scenario? When you journal off these four things, which are the radical alignment framework from the book, Radical Alignment from Jameson and Gower, and this will really help you be more grounded in yourself before that bless and release conversation. Here is an incomplete list of people who I'd recommend immediately blessing and releasing on a dating app or anywhere.
[00:17:23] So these are four categories. Number one, the Stonewaller. Anyone who doesn't ask you a question back or who just says hi, don't carry a conversation alone. Don't do that unnecessary emotional labor on a dating app or anywhere. The right conversations and the right relationships will be co created. Asking all the questions in a texting conversation, again, is unnecessary emotional labor.
[00:17:48] And you get to expect the right person for you to be capable of a back and forth conversation. Period. Okay, that is a stonewaller, and I recommend just like blessing and releasing them without a bless and [00:18:00] release text, just mentally, like there's the mental bless and release, and there's a physical bless and release.
[00:18:04] Do a mental bless and release. Bye! You've disqualified yourself. Bye! You're not right for me. Okay, I digress. I want to take a little aside before I go to the next three categories. There is so much When I hear people say like, ugh! I met the wrong person again, or like, Oh, I'm, I, I haven't had any good matches lately or whatever.
[00:18:26] I hear so much bothered energy, which is normal. Look, normally you want to find something. It's not here yet. When you are in bothered energy about the lack of matches that you've had, or the lack of quality dates you've had lately. Or, you know, specifically on a dating app, you just see a bunch of people who are wrong for you.
[00:18:46] Your brain is taking that information and being in recency bias and confirmation mode. Confirmation bias. So confirmation bias is like. Look, it is hopeless. Your brain's looking for evidence to prove that [00:19:00] survival story, that what you want is not possible, right? Recency bias is, the last date I went on or the last people I saw is exactly what it's going to be like forever.
[00:19:10] Your brain, again, is trying to survive, trying to protect itself. And so, when I hear somebody saying to me, like, Oh, so many, everybody doesn't. Nobody answer asks questions back on a dating app. I hear that you are just bothered that the wrong. People for you are the wrong people for you and, and, and I just want to give you permission that you don't have to make them mean anything about you or your dating life or your potential.
[00:19:37] I think that there's a reality here where most people you got, you gotta like own that most people are going to be wrong for you and there's nothing wrong with that. Why? Because you're for the few, not for the many. Think about your friendships. Right there, you know, when somebody is going to be a good friend for you, because they have these like qualifiers, they have these, these [00:20:00] personality traits, they have these values that you share, right?
[00:20:02] You know, when you meet somebody, hopefully that they're going to be a friend or that you want to pursue a friendship with them and that you're not going to feel that way about everybody. Think about your coworkers or like, you know, people that you grew up with or whatever, like, You can look at these people.
[00:20:17] A lot of people are not going to be the type to be your close personal friend because you're for the few, not for the many. It's not that the person you want or the people that you want don't exist. It's that you haven't met them yet romantically. Yeah. So you're for the few, not for the many. I want you to really engage as much as possible and unbothered energy.
[00:20:38] This is also a, uh, what happens with my clients who really make. Progress in their love lives really quickly with the freedom that they feel with the joy that they feel with the boundaries they set with the people that they end up meeting with the dates they end up attracting and the love that they end up being in the love life that they end up being in is that they become unbothered by the wrong people for them it's sort of [00:21:00] like yeah I don't I don't want to be with you bye.
[00:21:02] You don't have to make that mean anything about you that you've talked to somebody who is wrong for you and blessing and release blessing release them unbothered. You don't have to assign a lot of weight to the people who are wrong for you. They don't have to be evidence that what you want isn't possible.
[00:21:19] They're just evidence that. People exist in the world that are wrong for you. And that's not a problem because I'm for the few, not for the many. And that's what the Thank You More Please challenge is about, is looking for the evidence that what you want is possible. But that episode, I've done a couple episodes about Thank You More Please, and I really recommend that you listen to them if you want to start building that unbothered energy towards the people that are wrong for you.
[00:21:42] Let's get back into this list of the people that I recommend blessing and releasing. Second, the first was the Stonewaller. Just bless and release them. No need to send a message back. If they don't co create a conversation, bye. Bless and release. Disqualified. Number two, the Eeyore. Based on the iconic Winnie the Pooh character, [00:22:00] when someone said, Good morning, Eeyore, he once responded with, If it is a good morning, which I doubt, right?
[00:22:05] He blesses hard. You know, in my southern, in my southern drawl, the Eeyore in a dating app context or in person means you message with something like what's bringing you joy lately and they respond with nothing. Everything is terrible. And, uh, this person is doing their best. Bless their heart. I do write this in the book, but they might need therapy more than a date, or they just might not be right for you.
[00:22:29] It's not that you're looking for somebody who's positive all the time. That's not it. It's that you're looking for somebody who wants to be intentional about connecting intentional about it. What brings them joy, even if they said something like, you know, it's been a really hard month or a really hard week, or I just went through a personal loss and what's bringing me joy is being connected to my family or what's bringing me joy is going on runs or what's bringing me joy is going out with friends and, and, um, commiserating with them after a hard day's work.
[00:22:56] Like all of those are authentic, honest. [00:23:00] Not just like nothing, so your blessing release, you know, you don't have to send a message. If you're just early in the conversation, remember the levels 1, 2, and 3 of blessing release. The other person, the 3rd category of blessing release is the most intense human you've ever met.
[00:23:20] Basically, this is a person who love bombs. Which, according to Oxford Languages Dictionary, means the action or practice of lavishing someone with attention or affection, especially in order to influence or manipulate them. They are also way too effusive in their expression of love or sexual attention, and I define way too effusive as like, Not in keeping with the moment of conversation that you're in, right?
[00:23:47] If you're in a relationship with somebody that has been established, you've defined the relationship and they lavish you with like, you're the most beautiful person I have ever met. I love you. So like there's a [00:24:00] difference here. If we're talking about a level one connection, which is we're starting to talk, we're beginning to get to know each other and you feel uneasy about the amount of, Um, lavishing that they're doing or you feel just like uneasy about like, okay, it's fun to hear these words out of their mouth.
[00:24:17] But is this in keep? Is this authentic to the level of connection that we're in right now? If you feel uneasy about that, listen to yourself. Okay. Your body will know when it's in the presence of a love bomber. I would imagine when you're tuning into your body, if you feel now there's a difference between feeling uneasy about receiving compliments because you're just not used to receiving compliments.
[00:24:42] And you got to practice receiving what you want to receive or receiving attention in a healthy romantic context at the beginning of a conversation or beginning of a new relationship. There's a difference between that discomfort and the discomfort of, Whoa, this is, this is [00:25:00] a little too much like, Oh, you might be love bombing.
[00:25:03] Right? So paying attention to that. That difference in your body. I would just get curious to know that for yourself of like, what does it felt like in the past when I receive an authentic compliment that feels really like authentic and real and grounded and in a relationship when I've been uncomfortable?
[00:25:20] What does that discomfort feel like? And how can I give myself permission to receive compliments and affection from people that I love and practicing that getting to know that bodily sensation? And. Ask yourself when I have, if you have been love bombed, I'm sorry. First of all, second of all, think back to that time and just remember what it was like in your body when you use your body and your, your like sensations as a metric of information for like what to do, what, where to put something in the future.
[00:25:51] You'll be so much more set up for success and for the right boundaries with the wrong people. The blessing releases for the wrong people. But to know the [00:26:00] distinction between, I'm just uncomfortable receiving compliments and oh shit, this is a love bombing situation. You gotta get curious about what those two categories feel like in your body and how they feel distinct from one another.
[00:26:10] And then, on dates, in conversations, you just check in with your body. Okay, how's my body feeling? Am I feeling more like the discomfort of receiving a compliment? Am I feeling more of the discomfort of a love bombing situation? Right? So if you feel uneasy or even unsafe emotionally in your conversation or new relationship because it's feeling more like the love mommy version, bless and release.
[00:26:32] Period. And you can just say nothing romantic connection. Wish you the best. Bye. You can block their number. Like, you don't have to give them a reason. You don't have to give an explanation. You just get to practice setting a boundary. You also don't have to send the text if it's a level one, right?
[00:26:46] Remember the level one, two, three. The fourth and final is the pen pal. This person is not interested in going on a date. They keep talking to you and maybe the conversation is super sparkly and you feel hopeful about where the connection is [00:27:00] going. But if they don't make a move or respond to your move.
[00:27:05] Your empowered first move after a substantial conversation. It's a like a week, two weeks, maybe even three weeks. I'm a fan of like a week max before there's a plan before there's a either do a virtual date or an in person date. We have a plan on the books. So again, if they don't make a move or respond to your move with.
[00:27:22] Co creating a plan after a substantial conversation. They're probably just lonely or they're in a relationship or they aren't interested in dating at all. And they're just wanting a connection or a conversation. They're looking for a text buddy. Who knows what they're looking for, but that's none of your business.
[00:27:37] They're wrong for you. Bless and release. That's what I would say. So you get to, this is why I love the boundary in a texting scenario. Let's say it's on a dating app or you've been set up by a friend. You've like a friend has exchanged your number with somebody else's number who you think is cute. If there's no co creation of a date, my cutoff point for my clients is like a week to two weeks max [00:28:00] of back and forth.
[00:28:01] If there's not some movement forward, then I think that's a good sign that you bless and release. You can also just directly ask, Hey, I'm enjoying our conversation. I want to meet up IRL. And what you're looking for is not just a yeah, that would be great. You need more than that. You need a co creation. So what you're looking for ideally is yeah, that would be great.
[00:28:22] I'm out of town for the next two weeks. How's this date? Or Yeah, that would be great. How's Saturday at 6 p. m. And then you get to say cool. Great. Um, how's this neighborhood? Oh, amazing. I love that neighborhood. How about this place in this neighborhood? That is a co created date. Which is why I don't get very, like, freaked out about who asks first and whatever, like, it doesn't matter, it just matters that you co create a date.
[00:28:45] So here are some reflection questions to help you bless and release someone that you know you need to bless and release, whether it is, um, a bless and release that you need to make with an ex in your brain, or with somebody in the real world, or somebody on a dating [00:29:00] app, um, here are some reflection questions.
[00:29:03] Why do I want or need to bless and release this person? What feels sticky or uncomfortable about this? Bless and release. What hard thought is my brain practicing about this? Bless and release that feels quote true. What's the worst case scenario? What's the best case scenario? What might self-compassion say, say to my fear about blessing and releasing?
[00:29:28] What might this bless and release give me or add to my life? How do I want to feel about this bless and release? What is a useful and true baby step thought I can practice about this bless and release that gets me more into how I want to feel. So if you want to feel hopeful or if you want to feel grounded or if you want to feel self celebratory like whatever it is, what is a baby step thought that could get you there?
[00:29:56] A baby step thought could be It [00:30:00] might be possible that I get to want what I want. It might be possible that this person's just wrong for me. It might be possible that I'm for the few, not for the many. It might not be impossible that the right person still exists. It might be possible that I just haven't met everyone yet.
[00:30:16] It might be possible. I haven't met the right person yet. It might be possible that circumstances are changing and so am I. That's a Serena Hicks thought that I love. Um, and then what's my beautiful, most beautiful and true next step? What's my most beautiful and true next step? If it's an internal boundary that you want to set, I think it's about Really like blessing and releasing an ex or blessing and releasing somebody from your obsessive thoughts means consistently practicing, um, self compassion for when you do have thoughts like, oh, my ex was the person or maybe I blessed and released the right person for me.
[00:30:54] Maybe what has meant for me will pass me by right practicing compassion for yourself. Being [00:31:00] kind to that version of yourself who just wants to be safe, who just wants to get what they want and then practicing the baby step thought, it might be possible that more is possible or it might be possible that what I want does exist.
[00:31:13] It might be possible that that I made the right decision for me. It might be possible that I am in charge. It might be possible that I get to want what I want. Right? So that's how to do that mental. How to retrain your brain to bless and release the person that you've been kind of obsessing over right the self compassion and then the baby step reframe consistently the brain needs consistent support and practice to build a new neural pathway because the thought my ex was right for me or what is meant for me will passing by or it's not possible for me.
[00:31:44] That is a well, well trodden path in your brain. It only feels true because you've practiced that thought a zillion times. So how do you build a new neural pathway? How do you bless and release your ex or the person who was wrong for you and [00:32:00] start believing that more is possible, that the best is on its way.
[00:32:02] You just practice the baby step thoughts and self compassion until that is a well trodden path. The brain likes well trodden paths. Is trodden a word? I think it is. The brain likes well worn paths, so you gotta build the well worn path. You gotta practice. It's gonna be uncomfortable. It's gonna feel like two steps forward, one step back a lot of times.
[00:32:20] You gotta just practice though. That's how you build the belief that what you want is possible. That's how you mentally bless and release the wrong people for you. Now out loud, here are some text scripts and some out loud scripts you can use. Again. Hey, thanks for hanging. I am not feeling a romantic connection and wishing you the best.
[00:32:37] And as always, take what you need. Leave the rest from this. Um, hey, hope you're having a good, if you're like chatting with somebody, uh, for a few days and they're not right for you, hope you're having a good day. Thanks for chatting the few, the la last few days. I'm not feeling a romantic connection and I wish you the best.
[00:32:51] Boom. If you know that their ghosting is a sign that they're not interested or they haven't. Responded in a few days and just like, okay, okay. You're not interested. Hey, [00:33:00] hope you're having a great day. I had a good time on our date, was bummed not to hear from you. I'm going to move on and I'm wishing you the best.
[00:33:06] Period. So another analogy that I like to use for dating and blessing and releasing is that your dating life gets to be like a fresh spring of water. There's always opportunity. There's always there are always people who you could meet who are right for you. You get to bless and release the wrong people keeping the wrong people around.
[00:33:27] I think with the roster don't love that concept. Um, I think that it's just a yeah. A pool of water that is getting stale and that, you know, is wrong for you, but you're keeping it around because swimming in a lake or like a stale little pond feels less freaky than going to an open water situation or going to a fresh like river that has a current, right?
[00:33:50] It's just time to get yourself in the way of more opportunity, which means you got to get fresh water in the in the pipeline in the stream. So blessing and releasing gets the [00:34:00] fresh water and gets you into the right. Kinds of conversations, um, it gets you into more abundance because when you give yourself permission to want what you want and you give yourself permission to know what you want, it means more blessing and releasing will happen, which means more room and space and time will be open for the right people.
[00:34:18] So let me know. What you think about this episode, if you like the bless and release strategy, who you're like, if you're going to bless and release somebody this week, I would love to hear you can DM me on Instagram at date brazen. I would also be so, so delighted if you left a review for this podcast, if you've been enjoying it, if you get value from it, would love for you to leave a review of the podcast on apple podcasts or Spotify.
[00:34:43] I can't wait to share more next week. Again, you can preorder my book. This Bless and Release Strategy was taken directly from Chapter 6 and, uh, and from the Brazen Breakthrough. So, you can preorder the book, Thank You, More Please, at, like, literally anywhere. But datebrazen. [00:35:00] com slash book will give you the options and the, uh, opportunity to get that juicy preorder bonus of the Thank You, More Please Club after you preorder.
[00:35:09] You've got this and I've got your back. What is meant for you will not pass you by. And I'm over here in Brooklyn, believing it for you until you can believe it for yourself. Talk to you next week. Bye.