209. From paralyzing dating fear to confidently Blessing and Releasing with client Miriam
What if the key to transforming your dating life is all about owning your worth? Listen in to find out how Miriam went from dating fear to confidently choosing people who were aligned with what they truly wanted.
Join Lily and client Miriam as they dive deep into the thoughts that so many of us have about dating, worthiness, and settling, and how these can keep us stuck on a hamster wheel, going through the motions without real progress. Miriam shares their journey from feeling frustrated and scared about dating to radiating confidence and truly enjoying the experience!
We get into:
The dating hamster wheel: How to break free from the endless cycle of dating without progress and finally make things happen
Tips for overcoming those nagging thoughts like “I’m too much” or “All the good ones are taken” and boosting your dating confidence
Dealing with fears of settling, picking the wrong partner, or just getting started in the dating world
How Miriam mastered the art of blessing and releasing when there was a values mismatch, rather than sticking around to “see where this goes.”
Links:
✨RSVP for Lily’s Free Training - 3 Steps to Attract the Right Partner as a “Late Bloomer” ✨
Main Character Dating (formerly known as Brazen Breakthrough)
Lily’s book: Thank You, More Please
Date Brazen on YouTube
Show transcript:
[00:00:00] Lily: Hey gorgeous friends, let me know if this is you. You prep and show up for a date and you're so nervous you want to poop yourself or throw up or a mixture of both. You go on a date that was so promising on an app but then they turn out to be a dud and you feel hopeless all over again. Watching your friends get into the relationships they want and thinking when's it my turn?
[00:00:20] If dating has felt like a hot soup of I'm behind, dread, confusion, and hopelessness, you're not alone. And I know that dating is deeper than dating. Dating is a microcosm of every hope, joy, dream, fear, insecurity, desire that we have as humans. And it matters to our wellbeing. And when your dating life feels this shitty, it's impacting the rest of your life too.
[00:00:42] And you deserve more. Creating a joyful as fuck magnetic dating life means knowing and asking for all your preferences to be met with fierce confidence and clarity. It means having the confidence to bless and release the wrong people without mind [00:01:00] drama. It means creating a powerful, abundant dating mindset rooted in your worthiness and feminist values.
[00:01:07] It means only going on dates with people that you're excited about, and they definitely exist. It means going out into the world and taking messy, massive, courageous action to connect with new cuties. And it also means being surrounded by other single badasses who have your back. When your dating life looks like that, then it is an expression of your joy, your preferences, your power, your boundaries.
[00:01:31] And that's how joyful That's, and that's how dating can be joyful as fuck. And if this resonates, if you want some of this magic, if you want to create a joyful as fuck, magnetic dating life, then you want to get your butt to my upcoming live training, which is the sponsor of today's episode. called Three Steps to Attract the Right Partner as a Late Bloomer.
[00:01:53] It is on August 13th at 6 p. m. Eastern, 3 p. m. Pacific, and all who register will get the recording. If you [00:02:00] feel behind in any way in your dating life, these three steps will help you attract a feminist partner with main character energy. I can't wait to support you with that. I can't wait to support you on August 13th.
[00:02:12] Get your butt RSVP'd right now for this training. It will be a life changing evening for your love life. What you want matters. It is not frivolous. You are not broken. You just want something and you get to figure out your plan of attracting it to you with ease and joy. And that's why this training exists.
[00:02:33] I can't wait to support you on August 13th.
[00:02:41] Hey, I'm Lily Womble, former top matchmaker and founder of Date Brazen. After setting up hundreds, I realized that with coaching women could match themselves better than anyone else ever could. With my unconventional feminist approach, I've helped women around the world build courageous and self trust filled love lives.
[00:02:57] And now I'm here to support you. Get [00:03:00] ready because I'm about to show the exact steps you need to attract a soul quenching partnership. And feel amazing about yourself along the way. This is the date brazen podcast. Hello, gorgeous friends. Welcome to another episode of the date brazen podcast. I'm so glad that you're here today.
[00:03:17] We have one of the most amazing humans, Miriam, and you are sure to really be inspired by her story. Uh, their like approach to this work and how much you know, how much they've done to transform their love lives. I'm so excited to have you, Miriam. You're the fucking best and I can't wait to get into it.
[00:03:41] Miriam: I feel like you're the fucking best.
[00:03:43] Oh my God. Okay. Very pleased to be
[00:03:49] Lily: here. I'm so glad that you took us up on the offer. Miriam is in The Brazen Breakthrough and Full Disclose. We also do one on one work together, which is A blast [00:04:00] and really is so good. So you have that perspective of both brazen breakthrough in one on one. We're going to talk about your love life.
[00:04:06] We're going to talk about what's going on. We're talking about your stepping into your agency in your love life specifically and how that happened for you. Um, before we get into that, What feels important for people to
[00:04:19] Miriam: know about you? So I am a young person who recently moved back to a big city after working in the country as a physician.
[00:04:28] I'm a pediatrician and in so many avenues of my life, I feel like I am strong and have been able to achieve all of my goals. And finding my partner has had for a long time felt like a goal that I just was hitting a wall against. I'm And felt like I needed, um, some guidance and have loved my work in the Brazen Breakthrough.
[00:04:55] Lily: Well, tell me about what led you to, how did we find [00:05:00] each other? How did you stumble upon this Wild Date Brazen thing?
[00:05:04] Miriam: I am lucky and I have a great group of queer friends, many of whom are, um, female identifying, and we talk about our relationships and our struggles and our approaches and our histories.
[00:05:21] And I have a great friend who lives in L. A. who had been recommended this podcast by her therapist. And so she sent me the introductory episode. And I listened to it and To know you is to love you, Lily. And so I listened for about six months and felt like I was incorporating a lot of the tools and tricks from just listening to the podcast and noticed a difference and given the changes in my life, moving back to the city and.
[00:05:49] Wanting to step into a different season, thought it would be the perfect time to work with you.
[00:05:56] Lily: What was your dating life or your love life? Like before we [00:06:00] started working together,
[00:06:00] Miriam: it felt very much like a hamster wheel. I would say I was. Going through similar motions and getting results that I was not happy with.
[00:06:11] I was using apps. I was meeting wonderful men and women who were not as aligned either in what we were looking for in the longterm or whether it be values or whether we have the same amount of time because I have such a high pressure job and were they ready for that? Um, and so I would have that. This kind of rinse, wash, repeat cycle where I would meet somebody, we would have fun, and then we would find these sticky points, and maybe talk about it, maybe not talk about it, and then it would end, and then it would start again, and I was having trouble identifying.
[00:06:49] What wasn't working and how could I change my approach as a person who wants partnership and who wants a family, um, and feels [00:07:00] very ready for that next, you know, last relationship. How could I change my approach?
[00:07:06] Lily: Yeah. Do you remember what you were feeling in your dating life? Like, how would you describe that experience?
[00:07:14] Before, you know, a couple months ago, a year ago,
[00:07:17] Miriam: there were many emotions that I was feeling, but I think frustration was the most salient feeling like I had a lot to offer and that there was some disconnect and being able to meet the people who could connect in the ways that I wanted to connect, who could meet the, the ideals that I am looking for.
[00:07:38] What did your
[00:07:39] Lily: brain make that mean at the time?
[00:07:42] Miriam: I had several periods of time where the loudest thoughts were, they've all been taken.
[00:07:49] Lily: They,
[00:07:50] Miriam: they, they found each other in college and the ones that are good are already partnered and having kids. And, um, I had thoughts that if I were. [00:08:00] Doing it differently, I could just find them if I was a little bit X, Y, Z, like maybe, maybe this was too much.
[00:08:09] Definitely thoughts about my expansive self being, being too much. What is your expansive self? I am a curious, imaginative, funny person who loves to play and also has great emotional depth with a lot of capacity to support other people. And I love both sides of myself, my, my silly and my serious self.
[00:08:36] And I think they, they go hand in hand, like having that expansive, creative mind also allows you to be even a greater impact. Um, And sometimes if you are like too quick to jump on the bit, I would worry like, am I, is this too much personality? Is this too much take to the stage? Miriam, which [00:09:00] is definitely part of who I am.
[00:09:03] Oh my God.
[00:09:03] Lily: Well, I love that part of you. I'm obsessed. So often clients, like obviously our work lives influence our personal lives. Other parts of our life because you're especially with a caregiving professions, um, folks who are physicians or nurses or social workers or a full time caregivers for a parent or this work
[00:09:25] Miriam: that you do.
[00:09:26] Lily: Oh, we're not here to talk about me, Miriam. We're not here to talk about me. This is what Miriam does. Y'all you take care of people so well, and I'm so grateful and you get to receive all of the shine. Right now,
[00:09:41] Miriam: thank
[00:09:42] Lily: you. So these
[00:09:43] Miriam: jobs where you interact with people, you care, give
[00:09:46] Lily: it becomes this. It becomes this sort of, I mean, I resonate with this, you know, in the way that, like, everything becomes, I mean, I'm, I'm doing it right now, even though this is my podcast and I want to be, this is about you truly.
[00:09:58] And I'm so excited to talk about you. [00:10:00] The default is it's about you. You know what I'm saying? The default is it's for you. I would imagine the default, what is the default, you know, in your day to day life is, do you resonate with this?
[00:10:11] Miriam: I actually do for a long period of my life. I was defining my value as how I supported other people.
[00:10:19] Both, you know, I always was the caretaker in my family to my parents. To this day, I still live in the person that they turned to for issues that they are having at like work with friends, with each other, as sticky as that is. This is not a parent therapy podcast, but we can talk about that. I'm support for my sister.
[00:10:37] I'm the person that my friends go to and. My job, you know, caring for babies and their parents mostly is a lot of my value still in my day to day work is how I provide that care for them.
[00:10:52] Lily: In hospitals as well, which is very different than like a family practice, which not, you know, not adding judgment either [00:11:00] way, but you are seeing like a high volume of people at a critical point.
[00:11:06] Usually I would imagine is that,
[00:11:08] Miriam: Right. It's definitely true the way that I tend to describe it for some of the learners that I work with who are considering jobs in pediatrics or hospital medicine is to be able to create care spaces for themselves because your job is seeing the darkest parts of society, the underbelly of society and carrying it with you.
[00:11:34] There's a lot that we can do in that hospital interaction, but. A lot of what we see is something that there's not a pill for. There is a lot that you have to carry to be able to be a caretaker.
[00:11:46] Lily: Yeah. I wonder about how you were managing the, like, I have to caretake for everybody else and the desire for more in your dating life before we started working together.
[00:11:59] Like, what was [00:12:00] that like for you?
[00:12:01] Miriam: The short story is I was managing it poorly. I was At the time in a job that had a lot of hours and, and didn't have as many spaces for myself to, to create that care space that I preach. Additionally, I had suffered a musculoskeletal injury and was not able to be as active as I had been before, which was one of my major emotional outlets.
[00:12:33] I also, through that work and my personality that predisposed me to being as good as I am at my job, developed these patterns and neural pathways of my value is in how I care for other people, and have. Had several relationships where I was a giver and was not receiving, but felt valuable in that relationship [00:13:00] because I could tell everything that I was giving and how strong the relation, the strong points of the relationship were what I was doing.
[00:13:08] And that was valuable enough. At the time,
[00:13:12] Lily: I want to sort of carry that Miriam, who was working so hard and we do this in our work, but carry her, like, hold her hand and be like, let's step into the new chapter together. I'm wondering about what it was like when we started working together 1 on 1 and you were in the, you're in the brazen breakthrough, but like, what about this work felt like it met you where you were and what about this work felt like?
[00:13:38] Oh, I, I. I want to change this, you know, this part, what, what, you know, tell us more.
[00:13:44] Miriam: And most intimidating part of the work at the beginning was holding space for my own emotions. Yeah. I hadn't practiced that before. And I have always been a big feeler. I feel my feelings. [00:14:00] I feel other people's feelings and they take up space in so many areas of my body.
[00:14:05] And I had always So told, my parents have very different, you know, approaches to feeling their emotions. And so I had learned lessons such as, well, if you want to be happy, just be happy. And well, it doesn't help to be worried. It doesn't help to think about that. Like, you don't need to be angry about this right now.
[00:14:24] And your feelings are a little bit too much was the script that I had been told. So I hadn't really been in the process of sharing my feelings outside of. Therapy with almost anyone because I was there to support other people and was not comfortable asking for support. So learning the caring for my nervous system skill sets and self compassion and holding that space for myself.
[00:14:57] Um, was really scary at the beginning [00:15:00] and really hard and meeting the Miriam's at the time where I had really big feelings where things happened that caused shame or regret and going through that process of giving those emotions space and forgiving myself for a lot of things that. For a lot of emotions that I've been carrying for so long was really the biggest initial value and growth point that was scary when I started.
[00:15:34] Lily: When I was like, okay, let's fill your feelings. What was your initial? We're like, let's do it. And it's no, I don't want to do that. No, no, no, no, no, no,
[00:15:45] Miriam: no. Yeah. It's not
[00:15:47] Lily: sexy.
[00:15:49] Miriam: It's not sexy and it was 2023 and I wanted to feel sexy, but I had to feel a lot of other things before I could feel
[00:15:57] Lily: sexy. Good. What [00:16:00] about therapy was like, obviously therapy is amazing.
[00:16:04] I love therapy, but what about therapy is different for you than coaching? In this work, specifically,
[00:16:10] Miriam: my work with my therapist has not been as focused on investigating my dating life.
[00:16:19] Lily: Yeah.
[00:16:19] Miriam: And had been focusing primarily on. Self esteem building and responding to frustrating situations at work. I've usually worked with therapists who focus, who have a specialization with physicians because we have, there's a lot of careers that have challenges like us, but they are unique to caregivers and how to deal with that.
[00:16:43] Additionally, the therapist that I have worked with that helped at the time with where I was, we were very action oriented. With let's make a plan to do this this many times a week and let's make a plan to do this and journal about this and [00:17:00] do your gratitude and these things and so I, I'm, I love a plan.
[00:17:05] I love being organized. And so that worked for me and it made me feel like I was. Taking care of myself and that I was, I had control over the situation because I had my steps and I could check off my little boxes of, I did these self care things and what therapy is now is different because I am so much more in touch with my emotions after now practicing this for.
[00:17:33] What is it seven months now that I ask for different things and I'm getting different help and I'm I'm diving deeper into more like broad thought work with coaching. Um, I Felt like I was given a toolkit to take care of myself and given the [00:18:00] skills to assess. And I still, I still need help. You know, I'm practicing imperfectly, but to when faced with, um, an issue specifically in my, my dating life, although it is spilling over into other parts of my life too, looking internally and figuring out what feels like the most free.
[00:18:21] Expansive step.
[00:18:23] Lily: That's so juicy and agency filled. I, I hear. And one of my favorite things about this work, not to, I mean, I think that coaching, if, if it feels aligned, we'll always have this impact, but I do think that it deepens therapy, I think that like, My clients go deeper in their therapy work. If they're working actively with a therapist because of the coaching, the coaching just takes so much of the like, um, dating stress off the table.
[00:18:55] The, like the ambient, is it possible you now have a plan? You now have a support. You now can [00:19:00] go so much deeper into things that felt inaccessible because you now have coaching support.
[00:19:07] Miriam: Yeah, that has definitely been true for me and has helped me to even access things that I was ignoring because I wasn't ready to, to approach those big feelings.
[00:19:19] Lily: Yeah. So, uh, you know, I think for the, a lot of our first couple of weeks we were doing like, Where is it in your body? What's going on in your body? How can you allow it without being, feel it without feeling unsafe, emotionally doing so, right? Like this, our goal is not to, um, engage in you going deeper down a dysregulation base.
[00:19:41] Our goal is to re regulate, which doesn't mean you'll feel great a hundred percent of the time, but it does mean that you learn how to have your own back more often. And I wonder about like, what are the, what are some other dating? Things that we've worked on together for your dating life and how are they [00:20:00] feeling?
[00:20:00] Tell me.
[00:20:01] Miriam: You're working through the essence based preferences project and creating the qualifying and disqualifying questions. I feel both that I have to use your phrase, this impressionist picture of what it will feel like when I find my person and have avenues that are helping me choose better dates.
[00:20:22] And I have had A lot better first dates, certainly since the beginning of this year, um, that are more fun and
[00:20:31] Lily: feel
[00:20:32] Miriam: more aligned.
[00:20:33] Lily: Yeah. We're only like four months deep into the year and you've had so many more dates. Tell me about the, um, that are joyful. It's too, from my perspective, looking in, what do you make of that
[00:20:47] Miriam: now that I have clarity?
[00:20:50] On what I'm looking for and how that's going to feel, and I have such a better relationship with my feelings. [00:21:00] There's a lot of pressure that's off about worrying about making repeating past mistakes and allowing myself to be in situations where. I don't feel cared for that may be toxic and situations that.
[00:21:14] I think scared me that were preventing me from feeling the joy of engaging with other people, whether or not they end up being my ultimate partner.
[00:21:21] Lily: Right. Well, that's such a normal paralyzing fear of like, I'm gonna, am I gonna be, I mean, I felt that in my dating life, like, how do I never ever do that again?
[00:21:31] How do I never settle again? And I'm not gonna, right. And so really, and people, I think either over function response to that thought and like, try to micromanage their dating life where they under function and they take their hands off the wheel completely. And they stopped dating completely, even they have a desire for the right partner.
[00:21:49] So, you know, I think that essence based preferences and qualifying disqualifying questions that we teach in the brazen breakthrough that we do in the one on one work, um, is really a [00:22:00] grounding centering force that allows you to like, okay, I have a process with this process. Yeah. I'm not going to settle because there are touch points of support along my own process that I've created with my desires that will make it so that I don't settle.
[00:22:17] And then if that's off the table, that worry, I hear that, like, more freedom filled actions come.
[00:22:24] Miriam: Yeah, it's very liberating and. With that freedom, I've been experiencing a lot more joy and it's nice to know that I have both these, this skill set to check in with myself and through creating that dating feedback rubric that I check in with after dates that I know, you know, I will.
[00:22:47] I have that time to decompress and get it all outside of my body and reflect.
[00:22:51] Lily: Yeah. I can't tell you listeners how, like, I just want to impart that, like, Miriam, we [00:23:00] started working together and I don't know that you, you were not here. You were, you, and so many people struggle with the paralyzing fear, the, the deep dark thoughts that feel very scary to admit out loud about worthiness or about these types of hard things that have come from responses to trauma and past experiences.
[00:23:23] And I just want to give you your that you have created such, you have co created such an enormous shift.
[00:23:33] Miriam: Yeah.
[00:23:34] Lily: And how you're showing up right
[00:23:35] Miriam: now. It is almost hard to remember what seven months ago feels like because of how different my relationship with myself is. That's why I said what I said,
[00:23:47] Lily: because it's, it becomes your new stasis.
[00:23:51] Yeah. And then it's like, I remember, yeah,
[00:23:54] Miriam: go ahead. I remember in our first session talking about. Emotions that I was [00:24:00] feeling approaching dating at the beginning of my dating detox when I had deleted the apps and committed to having two months to focus on myself and describing my four year, the feelings that I was feeling as my four year old self, who was inside of a cave that had one little tiny hole that she could look at and feeling cold and unsupported and alone and scared.
[00:24:24] And I don't have imagery like that around. Dating anymore. I don't feel secluded. I don't feel unsupported. I don't, I feel warmth and I feel empowered and there's a lot more light in my dating life than what we were finding
[00:24:43] Lily: initially. So what does it look like now? Like give me some brags. What do you want to brag on now with your dating life?
[00:24:50] All brags are on the table. We're welcome.
[00:24:54] Miriam: I, I feel so much brighter both [00:25:00] in the Sunshine aspect of it. It just it feels so much more joyful and light. And then additionally writer in the sense of intelligence. I feel like I'm coming at it with a very different vantage point and I'm doing it more.
[00:25:18] Intelligently in a way that impresses me, but also impresses the people that I'm engaging with, which feels exciting. And it's this nice feedback loop where I'm like, I'm the best. And I'm going to ask you this incredibly engaging question, and you're going to be impressed by it. And tell me how impressed you are.
[00:25:36] And then it's
[00:25:38] Lily: a wonderful ego boost. And if I'm remembering from like two days ago, didn't you go to a speed dating event?
[00:25:44] Miriam: I did, and I crushed it. Yeah, tell us everything. Yeah, the city that I live in has so many wonderful singles events. And this was a, uh, a speed dating event where there were 12 people that I got to engage with.
[00:25:59] And [00:26:00] you, you know, you had six minutes to chat with this person. And it had a partial electronic setup. So we got an app and we could, you know, Like each other on that. And if we both liked each other, we could give each other's contact information. But there was an option if you really connected with someone to leave early.
[00:26:16] And I hit 12 for 12. All 12 people that I spoke with at the end of the six minutes were like, Hey, would you, would you be interested in just stepping out now and, and not, and forgoing the other potential matches. Oh my God. I thought I went with a friend and I, I said to them. Like, these people were so thirsty.
[00:26:35] Everybody was just trying to get us out of this and get us over to the
[00:26:37] Lily: bar. Which is not, I mean, it's very, like, look. You attracted that.
[00:26:42] Miriam: Yes, it is true. My friend was like, nobody said that to me here. I was like, Oh, this was a me thing. This was me bringing this levity and joy intention to my interactions.
[00:26:57] And that's, that is sexy. That's
[00:26:59] Lily: [00:27:00] look, you created it. You wanted to feel sexy and now here you are, feel like creating sexy. I wrote down and I quote, everyone was super into me, which is what you've asked me afterwards. And I was like, dying. I loved it. And I wrote, of course they were. Of course they were. Oh my God.
[00:27:22] And do you want to talk about the recent Bless and Release that you did?
[00:27:25] Miriam: Yeah. It was. It felt pretty seismic.
[00:27:29] Lily: Tell
[00:27:29] Miriam: us. I had been messaging with a person that I met, um, that I had connected with through a dating app and had been asking my QD questions, my qualifying, disqualifying questions, and had been getting answers that felt, um, Really aligned and felt exciting.
[00:27:50] And so we, um, decided to meet up and we had a great first coffee date and walk date, incredibly fun conversations, [00:28:00] lots of bits that we both joined in on laughing. It was very cute. And we made plans to see each other again, and we continued to. Text and communicate pretty regularly in the interim. This person was a man and he was interested in having more serious conversations to get to know each other a little deeper and had created, um, some questions that he felt were important since I had started with the question.
[00:28:26] And that as an idea was great. I loved the curiosity and the intention that he came with that, but several of the questions were very binary and felt. That he expected responses that were very gendered. And I am not a binary person. And I identify as a queer person, which is very, very. Prominent on my dating profile that we created because I am looking for a person for whom that lights them up.
[00:28:56] And it was a surprise to [00:29:00] have these questions and these responses seven months ago, I would have been like, okay, shut it down. We don't have to tell him about those things yet. Like let's, let's continue because there are certain things that you want that this person has, and we should just stay positive.
[00:29:17] Keep them engaged, but instead there was an icky thing and I was less conflict avoidant than I have been in the past for fear of repercussions. And I engaged with it and I asked if they felt that this was binary, if they were focusing on gender binaries, if that was important to them and asked straight up, are you a feminist?
[00:29:39] Because as a feminist and as a person who wants to, you know, Parent, and if I have daughters, definitely want them to be raised by a dyad of feminists. That is a value for me that you believe unabashedly in the equality between the sexes. [00:30:00] Um, and he said that he isn't and gave some kind of.
[00:30:10] That I think, you know, people who are attracted to this podcast have heard about like militant man hating feminists before, and he was kind of referencing that and was able to feel very confidently that this person met a lot of what I wanted, but we did not connect on this value and that there was not, you know, A reason for me to continue with this match.
[00:30:37] And I have in the past had people that I was excited about that. It didn't work out for one reason or another, even during this process and had a deep sadness and grief about what could have been and how excited I was and grieving, grieving the loss of that excitement, and that definitely exists in this scenario too, but the more palpable [00:31:00] emotion is actually gratitude that this reinforces.
[00:31:04] All those other things that I'm looking for exist, and I can find, I believe I can find someone who is a feminist and is fun and intelligent and wants to parent and is dedicated to conserving our world and caring for our community. All of those things can exist.
[00:31:27] Lily: So good, Miriam. I'm so proud of you for this bold blessing release.
[00:31:31] And then what did you do?
[00:31:33] Miriam: I Since we had been texting, I continued texting. I gave, I sent this and then afterwards I did a self compassion meditation. Um, I still have, I'm, I feel I'm very practiced in meeting myself with tender self compassion. And then I need a little extra boost to help get the emotions out of my body.
[00:31:57] So I did a little body movement [00:32:00] afterwards to help. After doing that, you know, I, I felt the big feelings and I took care of myself and then I was able to move on with the rest of my evening. So
[00:32:14] Lily: good. So good, Miriam. I think that people's ability, your ability to bless and release without getting caught up in the mind drama is exactly what propels you forward into the best experiences, best connections, best opportunities for you.
[00:32:30] And I'm so glad you didn't linger in the indecision that you really owned what you wanted and that you, and if you had lingered in the decision, that would have been okay too. But I just think like, You were decisive and you were clear and kind for to yourself in this process, and by extension to him.
[00:32:49] And I just think that way to go, you know, like, that's exactly what settle proofs your love life. It's exactly just adding to the [00:33:00] growing marble jar of self trust of like everything that you do to like, believe yourself and to take action based on that. Uh, self trust is like adding a marble to a jar, you know, and you're like, I'm so proud of you for trusting yourself and for like listening to what you wanted and asking the deeper questions that felt a little scary and like for doing a thank you more, please.
[00:33:21] And then a bless and release. So good. I feel so
[00:33:24] Miriam: proud of myself too. Every time I imagine that I'm creating this new groove. Where I don't, where I don't settle where I'm settled through where I choose myself and we'll find a partner that is aligned with that.
[00:33:39] Lily: I would love to hear your thoughts on brazen breakthrough.
[00:33:43] I know we've mentioned, uh, our one on one work. In addition to brazen breakthrough, if you join one on one coaching with me, I have a few VIP one on one spots throughout the year that open up and you get a year's access to brazen breakthrough, which is my 12 month. Signature feminist group coaching program to help you [00:34:00] attract the right partner with a joyful as fuck dating life.
[00:34:03] Uh, and then the one on one work is like accelerated bespoke one on one work in addition to the Brazen Breakthrough. So I'd love to hear your thoughts on the Brazen Breakthrough and like being in that community and what is that like for you?
[00:34:17] Miriam: I have found it to be an incredible experience. We all know that there are people in our same season of life who are working to find their partner, but having this group where everyone is intentional and making a concerted effort and being able to cheer each other on and seeing each other's wins has been very informative.
[00:34:39] Additionally, the group coaching sessions, I learned something that is directly relatable to my struggle, even if we may not have worded it the same every single session. And I'm so grateful for the vulnerability of all of the women who are going through this process with me. I [00:35:00] can't, I would hope that I would have been able to get here.
[00:35:05] To this place where I am so much more comfortable with my emotions at some point in my life, but I don't feel like I would have been able to do it as quickly and maybe not even in this decade if I hadn't have had access to these tools and this community.
[00:35:22] Lily: Oh, thank you. I'm so. Grateful to receive. I like to hear that.
[00:35:27] And that's so like, that's my intention. And I'm glad that that's felt in the impact. And, uh, I'm just curious, like, is there anything else that you're really proud of yourself for that you want to brag on?
[00:35:40] Miriam: I am really proud of myself for taking this step. I think it is very easy to. Go taking the step of joining the braids and breakthrough.
[00:35:49] It's very easy to go through the process of dating and using the apps and hitting those frustrations, knowing that you deserve better and taking that first step [00:36:00] to, to get yourself the access to, to better is big and was scary. I mean, I listened to you for a long time before I decided. To do this, and it took quite a few like other changes in my life for me to feel like it was, I was finally ready.
[00:36:13] And I'm really grateful to that Miriam for choosing this.
[00:36:18] Lily: Well, I'm just so proud of you for every moment that you have believed your desire, you know what I'm saying? Like your desire to be supported, your desire to be, um, seen your desire to learn something new, your desire to change the status quo, your desire to, you know, you.
[00:36:37] Listen to those desires and you took action. So flowers to you for creating. It is possible to create change in your life. I think that that's the ultimate thing is like when you believe your own desire and when you start taking action based on that desire that is aligned with your power, uh, then change starts to happen.
[00:36:58] And I'm so grateful [00:37:00] to be your coach. It's a dream to be your coach.
[00:37:03] Miriam: Thank you, Lily.
[00:37:04] Lily: Tell me, what would you say to somebody on the fence about joining Brazen Breakthrough or the one on one work?
[00:37:11] Miriam: I can't give a stronger endorsement based on the experiences I've had. I didn't realize how disconnected I was from myself.
[00:37:22] And finding new depths and getting to know myself even deeper has been invaluable. I think we all want to find the love of our lives and have an amazing partnership and we definitely all deserve that, but the, the work to get there is, is work on yourself. And for me, this has been an incredible avenue to get there.
[00:37:47] And I, I recommend it very deeply, both the brazen breakthrough program, because the videos are. And the worksheets and all of the media that we get access to. But [00:38:00] I also am very grateful that I have gotten to work with you one on one.
[00:38:03] Lily: Well, both are a blast and both are personalized as hell with the brazen breakthrough in the slack.
[00:38:10] And I loved your brag the other day that you shared, and I love seeing you in the group coaching sessions as well. The work on the way to the right relationship. We both know people who, um, Are not comfortable, unfortunately, like for them, like, I want everybody to. I mean, we all know people in romantic relationships that feel miserable because they are struggling with shame or they're, you know, struggling with, with something or another that is deeper rooted based in past learned survival mechanisms that you're unlearning and untangling for yourself to Create more freedom for your personal life and to have your back more fiercely.
[00:38:54] So I think it's going to help you magnetize the right partner. [00:39:00] It also is preparing you and preparing you to live a life that is amazing and
[00:39:07] Miriam: so expansive period. It already is spilling over into other areas of my life, and I am so grateful for the work that I've done.
[00:39:16] Lily: I'm grateful for the work you've done.
[00:39:17] I mean, like, it's beautiful. I'm so proud of you. Thank you more please. Thank you more please. The Brazen Breakthrough opens tonight. August 13th, 2024. And if you want to learn how to join us, then check the link in the description of this episode or the show notes at date brazen. com. You can also apply for one on one coaching with me with the link in the description or in the show notes, Miriam.
[00:39:42] Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you more, please. And I will talk to you very soon. [00:40:00] Thanks.