Prepare for an epic episode of the Date Brazen podcast, where former Brazen Breakthrough client Maya opens up about her rollercoaster journey through self-discovery and empowered love! Join Lily as she and Maya dive deep into intentional dating and the power of co-creating relationships. 

In this episode, you’ll get the scoop on essence-based preferences and how Maya turned her dating game around. She shares how she embraced her needs and learned to communicate like a boss and how she and her partner keep the romance alive with intention-setting actions.

If you’re ready for a journey filled with real talk and self-love, this episode is your go-to.

Episode hot takes and topics:

• “It is about my internal state. If I am full and whole. I can give of myself to someone else. It has to be a conscious activity.”

• Mindset shifts that helped Maya believe finding love was possible

• Relationships are a co-creation: “You are co-creating the relationship. It grows, it breeds, and it shifts. That is what is so beautiful about relationships.” 

• “What’s meant for you won’t pass you by – this is something I live by for everything in my life.”

• How Maya learned to tap into her intuitive self to guide the way

Links:
Pre-order Lily’s upcoming book, Thank You, More Please!
Creating a Confident and Joyful-as-fuck Dating Life That Makes the Right Relationship Inevitable

21. How Maya Found Love
Maya’s Substack “On Holiday”
Maya on Instagram

Show transcript:

[00:00:00] Hello, gorgeous friends. Welcome to another episode of the Date Brazen podcast. Today’s episode is going to be so juicy, and I’m going to share all the details in a moment. I’m talking to a former client, Maya, about how she found love. We are going to imbue your love life and your brain with so much hope and so much, uh, encouragement today.

[00:00:22] So get your butt ready. I also wanted to share that the work that I did with Maya is exactly what is inside my book. Thank you more, please a feminist guide to breaking dumb dating rules and finding love, which is available for pre order. Right now. So specifically in this episode, Maya and I dive into essence based preferences, which is literally chapter six of thank you more, please.

[00:00:47] And you can do this work with this book and transform your love life in the process with thank you more, please. We are in the preorder phase of this book coming out. It comes out in June. And because you and I are [00:01:00] friends, we’ve been hanging out for a couple of years now in the podcast land, or maybe you’re just new, but You’re still in the fold in the friendship circle of the Day Brazen podcast.

[00:01:09] I want to share that pre orders mean so, so much to a book’s success and it determines how many or if we are in bookstores and how many copies are printed of the book. And so just very vulnerably and transparently, you pre ordering this book means so much to me and I know that it is going to change your freaking life.

[00:01:30] In the process. So you can preorder. Thank you more, please. A feminist guide to breaking dumb dating rules and finding love at date brazen. com slash book. You can also preorder anywhere books are sold. And if you enter your receipt details into date brazen. com slash book, then you can get entrance to our thank you more, please club, which is our preorder bonus.

[00:01:53] where I’m going to be doing live coaching sessions throughout the next four months to get you results before the book ever [00:02:00] hits your doorstep. We’re doing a Thank You More Please training. We’re going to coach you on how to use that tool to attract the juiciest states of your life, how to build hope in your dating life that what you want actually exists.

[00:02:11] I’m going to be leading a coaching session on essence based preferences and creating an in person dating life and bringing in your co conspirator. So literally, I’m going to coach your face off. And you’re going to get results before the book hits your doorstep. So go to date brazen. com slash book to preorder and get your preorder bonuses right now.

[00:02:30] And with that, let’s get into this episode with Maya.

[00:02:38] Hey, I’m Lily Womble, former top matchmaker and founder of date brazen. After setting up hundreds, I realized that with coaching women could match themselves. Better than anyone else ever could. With my unconventional feminist approach. I’ve helped women around the world build courageous and self-trust, build love lives.

[00:02:54] And now I’m here to support you. Get ready ’cause I’m about to share the exact steps you need to attract a [00:03:00] soul quenching partnership and feel amazing about yourself along the way. This is the Date Brazen podcast. This episode is a part two, a very long time in the Making. Maya was on the podcast in uh, July, 2020.

[00:03:17] Okay. Wow. I think it was like episode 26 or something and Maya. It was a brazen breakthrough client. Um, she went through the very steps that I now teach in the brazen breakthrough now in 2024 and she and I kept in touch remained friends. We collaborated and like I got to see her love story bloom and blossom.

[00:03:37] And so I wanted to bring her on as a part two to the first part, which you can totally go back and listen to. But I wanted to like touchdown on it. What’s going on now, what sticks out as like the inflection points in your love story with yourself and your now partner and to share, like, what is, I wanted y’all to hear a story of somebody who [00:04:00] fully did not believe what she wanted was possible in her love life.

[00:04:03] And then like. Proved me right that what you want is possible and that your desire is evidence that what you want exists. So I just wanted to share that and also a gorgeous listener, gorgeous, gorgeous human. I want you to know before we bring my on that I know that you’re amazing, whether or not you have a relationship right now, and you get to hold space for the vision of your future partnership if that’s what you desire.

[00:04:31] So that’s our intention today. To do that both and and I’m so excited to talk about all of the things Maya. Hi. Hello. Hi. Oh my god Okay, so can you believe? Your episode was 20 July 2020. I’m like, wait, what four years ago? Ah It’s just like, you know I think we can all relate to and I’ve been seeing all the memes as we enter into 2024 there Right.

[00:04:58] In particular of the, [00:05:00] um, I think it’s like from Greece in the last scene where they’re in the convertible and it’s like leaving 2019 and entering 2024. And I’m like this 100%. Yes. Oh my God. Well, it’s so interesting. So before this episode, I went on a deep dive in my inbox and it was like, when did we start working together?

[00:05:20] Because it was, I started a date brazen in 2018 and you signed up for the brazen breakthrough in. In June, 2019. Oh, wow. Yeah. Well, it was, yes, it was definitely before the pandemic. Um, but it feels, it just, time feels completely irrelevant now. Yeah. It was 2019. 2019. Okay. So I want to take us back. I don’t want to rehash.

[00:05:46] We won’t rehash what we talked about in July, 2020, because like, obviously we’re all different people now. Yes. In a lot of ways. A lot more grades. So I just. Perfect. Well, um, and you’ve started your [00:06:00] gorgeous business, and you’re like, you’re doing your own, which we are going to get into as well. I can’t wait to talk about that main character energy that you are in.

[00:06:08] I wanted to read you your original testimonial for the Brazen Breakthrough. Oh my God. Do you remember what this says? I have no idea. Okay. Initially, I was very skeptical about date coaching in general. In fact, it took me almost a year before I decided to sign up for the Brazen Breakthrough. I’m very wise with my money and like to make sure something is worth it before I dive in.

[00:06:29] Let’s talk about that, Maya. Where is she? What’s happening with her and her love life? Like, let’s, let’s touch down on Maya in 2018, 2019. Well, I. Basically, in my twenties, had a very, I wouldn’t say toxic, but just like a very kind of scattered way of approaching dating. Um, I didn’t have a lot of belief in my worth.

[00:06:53] I don’t know. I just would like kind of hold on to relationships that weren’t right for me. I had this one very, you know, specific toxic relationship [00:07:00] that I just kept on going back to. And so it was kind of like going through the motions, but I was like super numb to what I actually really wanted and desired.

[00:07:09] And so I kind of held myself back in a subconscious way and in a conscious way. And my good friend, Olivia, um, had worked with you in kind of like the super preemptive stages of, of your business. And she was like, Maya, I have someone I need you to meet. I need you to work with her. And I started kind of doing some digging with you.

[00:07:27] And I feel like that was kind of. I started to feel the seed being planted of like, I might be doing this wrong and maybe I need to approach this differently. What do you think you were doing like quote wrong? I think I just, it was like not centering and I’m a very conscious person. I’m very aware of my emotions and how I’m kind of approaching life.

[00:07:47] But I think I wasn’t really centering my self love as much as I needed to. Um, and so by doing that, I was looking externally for the validation for, you know, and that’s so many people’s story, but it’s like, [00:08:00] Looking outside of yourself to see your own worth. I’m curious about the connection because I, I do think that the like Shani Silver had this post, um, a couple of weeks ago that was a relationship isn’t a prize for healing.

[00:08:16] And I’m curious if I had said that to you, you know, in 2018, 2019, what would you have thought about that? And, and what’s your perspective on that statement now? I think, you know, it’s definitely I actually think like I feel the same way about it then that I do now. I think it was just more like a conscious shift that happened between those this time and back then, you know, because I did, I did realize that there was like a healing that needed to happen and still to this day.

[00:08:43] It’s like, it’s about me and it’s about my internal state. And then if I’m full and whole, I can then You know, give of myself to someone else and be in a partnership with someone, but it has to be a conscious, you know, activity and, um, it’s not, you know, there isn’t [00:09:00] really a prize. Like, you want to just have that wholeness.

[00:09:02] Like, that’s so beautiful. And I think even more valuable than a relationship, to be honest. That’s kind of like the icing on the cake for me is having a partnership and having someone to share life with. I’m curious about, I think I want to like, I know you pretty well. So I want to like get into it because I’m putting myself in the, in the perspective of a listener who is single, who is frustrated, right?

[00:09:27] Like so many, I don’t remember exactly what you said about your dating life and how it felt before. But like, Several clients have described it as like a vicious cycle of hell or like, you know, and so when you say the relationship is the bonus or the, and I say that too, right? Like, the relationship is the cherry on top.

[00:09:45] And then people inevitably, when they’re really honest or like, yeah, but. I want the cherry and I don’t, yeah, but like, cool. Um, and I want what [00:10:00] the relationship. So let’s talk about that piece of like wanting the relationship. And working with a dating coach to figure out what’s going on on your way to that relationship, like, do you have a pet?

[00:10:12] I don’t know exactly even what to ask, but like, just to touch down on that deep feeling of desire and yearning, because I remember even like you crying in some sessions, which is very normal. Most people cry in sessions because of that yearning feeling. Do you like what’s coming up for you as I share this?

[00:10:28] I mean, yeah, like to be completely honest and vulnerable. It was like, A really, my twenties, I was a late bloomer. I, you know, was kind of late to everything. I didn’t hold hands with the guy until I was 21. You know, I didn’t do anything with guys until I was in my twenties and it was just this like development.

[00:10:47] I think it was kind of a gift, honestly. And I look back at it and it’s easy to be like, it was a gift, you know, when now I’m engaged in like happy and whatever, but you know, but it is the time that I was gifted. I believe from the universe [00:11:00] to, you know, really, really understand what I, what I was presenting and how I was presenting in this lifetime, you know, and, and what am I bringing to the table?

[00:11:08] What do I want to create in this life about? It’s about me. It’s not about anyone else, you know, but it’s like that. And of course. Really, really yearning and desiring this person that would, you know, walk this partnership and walk this life with me. And, and that’s really, it’s really, really hard. Like, I won’t say that.

[00:11:26] It’s easy to be in that unknown state of not really. You just don’t know. You don’t know when it’s to come. You don’t know when is your time. You don’t know if the person you’re dating is going to be the person that you end up, you know, marrying or having a long term relationship with, or if it’s just going to be a fling.

[00:11:42] And, and that uncertainty can definitely lead to a lot of, you know, stress and duress. And it certainly did for me. I would cry myself to sleep a lot of nights and just feel so lonely. And like, imagine. Man or, you know, whatever person’s body behind me, like holding me, that [00:12:00] was just very, uh, visceral for me.

[00:12:02] And to not have that was really tough. You know, I think it’s like a both. And where, like, I recognize the gift that it was to be single through those years that a lot of people have a serious relationship in, but at the same time, there was like this deep, deep desire. And I think working with you really kind of.

[00:12:20] I still remember it was, I think, our 1st session together and we had just gotten on zoom and you were like, what if I were to tell you that. You know, you’re going to meet your person soon. Like, what if I were just to plant that possibility that maybe he’s on his way to you and he’s somewhere out there and I felt it in my body.

[00:12:39] I felt like kind of this vibration through my body of, like, yeah, like, my person exists in the world. And he’s doing something that I don’t even know, and we’re doing this dance of life and getting closer and closer to orbiting each other and eventually meeting. And even though there wasn’t a timeline on that, it still felt [00:13:00] very juicy, and it felt really calming and comforting.

[00:13:04] And I feel like I’m going to start going on a tangent here, but just to say that I started to actually write to that person, and I feel like having this activity of knowing that. Even though I didn’t know when it was going to happen that it was, it was on its way felt so assuring. Like, it was just like, so.

[00:13:23] Nice to feel that in my bones that, you know, I wasn’t in this life alone and I could and it was almost like Bennett added this timeline for me of okay. Well, let me use the time. I have now to really sort of solidify who I am what I want to be presenting, you know, what I want to be working on what I want to have in place.

[00:13:40] So that when this person comes into my life, they’re really enhancing it and I’m like, this whole person meeting this other whole person. Absolutely. I, I, I get chills hearing you talk about that. Cause I remember that conversation. I remember that moment. I think the thing that I used to say on like first, uh, coaching sessions, because I do think that [00:14:00] planting the seed of possibility that it could happen.

[00:14:03] I think so many folks, myself included when I was single, was like guarded against the possibility of it working out because I wanted to protect myself from future hurt and rejection and disappointment. I, you know, was myself coming from a space of my parents had just divorced. They divorced about like seven years ago now.

[00:14:22] But, you know, the idea of it doesn’t work out. Or it won’t work out was very front and center in my brain and so I was protecting myself with that thought it won’t work out and then confirmation bias mode set in and then it was like, don’t tell me that it’s possible because and that’s when my friend Rosie and I write about this in my book, which is on preorder right now at daybrazen.

[00:14:42] com slash book. Hello. Rosie really Talk to me in that space that I’m and I’m getting to you, she was able to sit down with me and say, like, I don’t know when and I know that it’s gonna happen. And I’ll hold that for you until you can hold it for yourself. And so the gift that [00:15:00] I get to give. Do you clients like you and now my all of my clients and brazen breakthrough is that belief that I have because I’ve just seen way too much I’ve seen way too many people who don’t believe it’s possible you know show up take up more space ask for what they want out loud and often with these tools and with this process and and find the kind of relationship they only hoped existed and so I think that idea of like.

[00:15:27] Allowing your brain to noodle on the possibility that it exists as an exercise in alignment with your desires is really powerful. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It’s juicy. And I’m, I’m a big fan and practice of manifesting. You were just preaching, preaching my language. I was like, yes, this is, this is possible, you know, and I think, like, once you start to see.

[00:15:54] That, like, once you change your sort of mindset and you kind of create that, like, that space in your, [00:16:00] in your experience that it’s possible, like, just the possibility and having that positive outlook on it can kind of, like, shift the way that you move through life and the way that you approach your dating.

[00:16:11] And just like daily, daily, everything. Let’s talk about the moments when you didn’t believe that it was possible and what helped in those moments. So let’s take back, take you back to, if you don’t mind, the moments where it just like did not feel Like it was going to happen. And what in those moments do you remember?

[00:16:32] I mean, we were working together for many of those moments. What do you remember helping besides me saying I believe it for you? Like, what helped you? What did you do in those moments to care for your nervous system and for yourself? I think it was about focusing not on the dating. And I think like taking the pressure off of, you know, scrolling, um, and swiping and, you know, saying, Oh, I haven’t gone on a date in a really long time.

[00:16:57] Like I’m a failure. And it’s exactly [00:17:00] that sentence of like, I’m a failure or I’m not worthy or, you know, no one’s ever going to love me because I can’t even show up to, to. Do this dating app thing or whatever. And in those moments, it was like taking a step back and being like, you know what? This isn’t the mindset that I want to be in for this.

[00:17:15] And, you know, caring for myself, going to yoga class, doing my meditations. Coming up with new ideas and, and doing fun things in my community, uh, crafting, like these things that just didn’t really involve, you know, anything to do with finding a partner, but more so refocusing on the self love and the self care, you know, and, and making that sort of the, the center point to then build off of.

[00:17:39] And I feel like that really, really helps me. Cool. I love that. And I think it’s decentering men. If you’re a person who dates men specifically. Amen. And I want to talk about, we talked about this in the original podcast episode, I remember, but the, the, what happened before you met your now fiance in terms of the dating [00:18:00] space, like, do you, can you track their trajectory of like, if we could theme the months that we worked together or like sort of.

[00:18:07] Capture each snapshot of the moments. Like what was the beginning of working together? You know, you shared in your testimony. I was skeptical. I took a year to sign up for this. So what happened when you first stepped in and started? I think even having a partner to talk about this stuff with is helpful, but like getting coached and getting next steps and all these things, like, what was that starting point?

[00:18:30] Like middle and then the final phases of our work together officially, like, can you recall? Yeah, this is my most fun, my most fun game because, you know, I’m, I feel like I am a little bit like maybe, maybe I’m more typical than I think, but I also kind of like to think that I’m a bit atypical in the way that my dating life sort of shaped, um, throughout my twenties.

[00:18:51] But as I had mentioned, super unexperienced or inexperienced didn’t really have a lot of dating experience through my. Mid twenties, there was one guy [00:19:00] that was sort of just in and out doing all the wrong things. I remember that. I remember that. Oh my God. We talked about it in our initial call. Okay. Keep going.

[00:19:07] Keep going. And you know, and he was sort of like swirling around, like popping in when he wanted to, you know, doing the whole like weekend visit thing. It was incredibly toxic. However, I also was like in a shifting period when I met you. Where that relationship almost for me was like an activity of empowerment of like, I get to choose how he shows up for me.

[00:19:29] And I thought that was an interesting, that was like, the initial shift I started to notice was like, sure, you can visit me for the weekend because I want you to not because right. And at the same time, I then met this guy, and this is right before I met you who we met on. Okay. Cupid. He was like, the perfect package had everything.

[00:19:46] I thought I wanted took me on this, like. Beautiful, really lavish vacation for my birthday. The whole thing. And, uh, and then on our, the day after my birthday, he abandoned me in our Airbnb [00:20:00] and said that he would never talk to me again. Didn’t want to have anything to do with me completely. Sudden left me completely just to figure out how to get back to DC on my own.

[00:20:09] Uh, luckily I. Grew up or lived in New York for a while. So I, I am aware of how to get home, but it left me in pieces. I was just completely destroyed. And at that point said, I’m done dating. I give up. I don’t want to do this anymore. And I think that was exactly the moment where I learned about you. And it was like this year of, of kind of like, do I want to jump back into this?

[00:20:31] Do I want to actually start dating again? You know, how do I want to reapproach my dating life when I do? Right. And at the same time, I was 28 in 2018. So, you know, I’m approaching this decade that has so much pressure. On it from our society of, like, getting married, having children, and I’m like, when is this going to happen for me?

[00:20:49] When am I going to find my person? So, you know, starting to engage with you then, and then, you know, finally sign up. Um, I didn’t really date that year. I was kind of just, you know, working on myself and. [00:21:00] Uh, simultaneously with working with you, I was also getting deep into Kundalini, uh, meditation and was working on a lot of clearing of negative patterns and old habits.

[00:21:11] Kundalini yoga. I think I had mentioned it in our last podcast episode, but it’s basically kind of like a full body yoga and meditation practice where you use breath work and mantra and energy to kind of change patterns within our, um, You know, just like energy and our network around us. And then, yeah, I would say like working with you, it was a lot more, you know, work on myself.

[00:21:36] It was very independent in terms of looking inward and journaling and understanding what my needs were. The most incredible parts of working with you was, you know, learning about my. Desires, uh, and partner and not thinking about what people have kind of placed on me as what my desires were, which I had a lot of those and I didn’t even realize that they were there.

[00:21:57] I think the funniest and the coolest moment [00:22:00] was toward the ends of our time together. And I just like, had this massive confidence boost out of the blue. I was like. I’m ready to go. Stop. It was not out of the blue. It was not out of the blue. It was definitely planned by me. To happen. Not to center me. But like, this shit works.

[00:22:23] Keep going. Keep going. It might start like you might start to feel this like urge to go up to people. And I think especially it’s, it’s important to say that in today’s world, you know, everything’s online dating. Everyone thinks that the only way you can meet people is on an app. And, and I was kind of like going to this bar.

[00:22:42] I remember it was a bar that I used to go to. It was the only place I felt comfortable to go alone. And I walked into this bar. It was a karaoke night. I used to go every. You know, month for this karaoke night. And this really beautiful tall Greek God of a man was standing at the bar. And I was like, This is it.

[00:22:57] I’m talking to him. I’ve never in my life done [00:23:00] that. And I walked up to him and I like, and I was like, Oh, you look familiar. It turns out we actually had cross paths before. So I wasn’t just, you know, using a line. And then we had this like whirlwind relationship for, I think it was like about a month or so.

[00:23:13] And he was, he was significantly younger than me. So I was a little like, is that, and, and again, I was going back to my, you know, my, my desires for a partner. And I was like, is this, did we call them EBPs essence based preferences at that point? I believe. Yeah, maybe we did. I think we did. Okay. Okay. Cool.

[00:23:28] That’s like chapter six in my book and very much like been, been a thing since the very beginning is essence based preferences. So I’m keep going. Keep going. You went back to your EVPs. You looked at them. They were like, basically, I was like, you know, I think that I am okay with dating a younger guy. So it was kind of like checking off all of these, these things for me.

[00:23:46] And so, you know, we, we went into this relationship for a month and then I started to see the patterns that I didn’t want. Okay. That I was subconsciously allowing back in, um, in terms of avoidant personalities [00:24:00] and, you know, not really giving. Too much care to, you know, letting me know where they are and things like that, um, avoidant things that just weren’t aligned for me after that, I was like, I’m done and this is after we had worked so hard.

[00:24:13] And I remember sending you that message being like, Lily, I’m putting it away. I’m not doing anything more. And then you said. Okay, before you close down all your dating apps, before you do that whole dramatic thing, just write the people that you’re talking to. I don’t know that I said it that way, Maya. I don’t know that I was that judgmental.

[00:24:34] This is me dramatizing. Before you go wild and delete all that, I was like, I think I remember being like, okay, that makes total sense. Now, before you do this, let’s figure out your next. Steps to make sure it’s aligned to like, do the courageous thing. Okay, keep going. This is, this is why you’re here. And so, yeah.

[00:24:50] And so I was talking to three guys, uh, one of which I had just matched with and hadn’t said a word to as yet. And I wrote them all, you know, kind of the same script and was like, Hey, I’m deleting this [00:25:00] app if you wanna talk to. We scripted it. Yep, we did. We literally, which is one of my favorite things about the Brazen Breakthrough is like sometimes you just need, you need the internal work, you need the confidence, you need the essence based preferences, you need all these things to like thrive, and sometimes you just need a goddamn script.

[00:25:14] Yes. Yes. That was exactly it. Okay, keep going. Keep going. And so, he wrote this thing. I remember it was like, super simple, super sweet. Put my number there and, uh, one of the guys wrote me back, basically immediately texted me and was like, Hey, I, uh, was kind of interested in the fact that you gave me your number and it was kind of abrupt and random because we had just connected.

[00:25:37] Um, and we, it was, you hadn’t spoken to him at all. Hadn’t said a word. We had just matched. Keep going. Keep going. And then, yeah, we started texting and realized that we had a ton in common. We were both going away that week. So we didn’t really talk that much, but we were like, let’s maybe get drinks on Friday.

[00:25:53] Um, it was like Sunday at the time. And yeah, we met up, had a first date and this is now my fiance. [00:26:00] Share his name for the people and

[00:26:06] okay, Maya, truly, this is what I mean when I talk about co creation. Yes, because I want to say like a lot of people who I interface with have a lot of thoughts about. Making the first move or making the ask or putting themselves out there first, you know, because I think that a lot of folks conflate making the first move with doing all of the labor.

[00:26:29] Yes, totally. And then, like, if I do all the labor, then how are they going to show up for me? And then so I need to sort of just receive. And this is where I take major issue with the whole just be in your feminine energy all the time things. I think that can be taken to an extreme that is not. Empowered truly in my opinion.

[00:26:50] I don’t know what your thoughts are about that. No, I feel, I feel similarly. And I think, you know, I’m definitely someone who loves to work and live in the female archetype. Um, [00:27:00] you know, I’m a double Pisces rising cancer. It’s like super watery, super feminine, but there’s like also this, this like power that you get from, you know, taking your destiny with your own hands and writing someone that you think is cute or talking to someone that you think is interesting.

[00:27:16] So. So, but the important thing is Dan then reciprocated. It wasn’t my, uh, you know, for those listening, it wasn’t you micromanaging a, here’s my number. Would you like to go out on this date? Okay, cool. Let me find a place. Let me pick the time. How is this for you? Follow up the day of, are you just want to confirm our date?

[00:27:36] Excited to see you day of, Oh my God. Okay. I’m sitting here in this blouse, right? Like I’m, I look like this, right? No. Cool. Cool. You sent your number, Dan made it known that, known that he was interested. You were two adults who met each other and were like, we’re going out of town. Cool. Let’s like figure it out, you know, and I also want to point out, I had a client recently, um, ask me, [00:28:00] she had a similar situation to you when she met somebody who was really hopeful and exciting.

[00:28:06] And then based on her SS based preferences, it didn’t work out. And she then asked me in Slack. Which is very normal. Like, has this ever happened before that a client uses her essence based preferences, uses their EBPs, find somebody that they think is great, and then it doesn’t work out. But is there hope for the next time?

[00:28:26] So, like, what would you say to yourself back then and maybe that person who might be listening? Yeah, I mean, I think it’s like. It’s such a dance, right? And it’s like, it’s kind of what you’re just saying about like, you know, taking the initiative, but not like overdrive initiative where you, because like that then puts you at a disadvantage where it’s like, you loathe that you’re doing that.

[00:28:45] Like, I mean, there are resent. Yeah. Like there are people that like to do that, but I think that, you know, in the dance of a relationship, you want to have that balance. The interplay of like, I really enjoy planning, but I want them to step up and, you know, think [00:29:00] about the details or whatever it is. And I think the same goes for, you know, finding a partner is, you know, it might all be great on paper.

[00:29:07] You might also just have a really great date, you know, to begin with, but there might be just something a little off that maybe you don’t even notice in that time. But. Like, I like to think of it as universe protection. If it doesn’t work out, it just wasn’t meant to be. It wasn’t for you. And that’s another thing that you always say is what’s meant for you won’t pass you by.

[00:29:27] And that has been not only for dating, but just has become like something that I live by for everything in my life. Uh, you know, jobs, people, you know, relationships, partnerships, opportunities. If it’s meant for you, it will stick around. And if it’s not, you just have to bless it and let it go because the right thing is on its way to you.

[00:29:47] So that really, I feel like is a great way. To kind of like approach, even if something feels perfect, it maybe wasn’t perfect. And you know, that was that guy that abandoned me in New York. It was perfect. I thought [00:30:00] he was my guy. I was imagining my name with his last name and like everything about it just felt so right.

[00:30:05] And, and then I was like, you know what, I’m actually really grateful that this didn’t work out because clearly he has a weird tendency of. You know, leaving women in compromising places, like, and that’s not, it’s not something I want to have in my life. Cool. Yeah, for sure. I, I also think this idea of one of my clients, Erica, who did the brazen breakthrough and she has given me permission to share her like testimonial and her name, her first name with the testimonial.

[00:30:34] So I don’t mind sharing. Um, and it’s very exciting to share. She emailed, she did the brazen breakthrough and didn’t go on a single date during. Her time in this program, and she was going through a lot of like bullshit at work stuff, you know, just like really trying. She was caring for herself and had to do a lot to do that.

[00:30:54] So she didn’t have the capacity for dating and she made the empowered decision to not actively [00:31:00] date and instead show up for the brazen breakthrough in the coaching sessions, absorb, do the workbooks, like ask questions when she had them, but not go on active dates. I get an email. She finishes her time in the reason breakthrough.

[00:31:11] I get an email 9 months later that she is in a relationship because she revisited the workbooks and the lessons when she felt available. She had a new job. She had a new community and the new place and was like, I felt aligned with this decision to start dating. I felt ready because I was preparing in the off season for what was to come.

[00:31:30] And then she said, like, who knew? Question mark. You did, Lily. And I just think that that’s a perfect encapsulation of why this work is so exciting and powerful is that it’s, it’s preparing in the off season for what’s to come so that when you do find the right relationship, because it’s a win, not an if, when you do, when you show up actively for your desires, when you find the right relationship, I do think that it is like.

[00:31:57] A different experience being in that new [00:32:00] relationship after having done this work. So I’m curious for you when you met Dan, you started this relationship. You were in the early days. Can you point to maybe some things that felt different for you, both obviously in your connection, but how also in how you were caring for yourself and showing up?

[00:32:16] Like, how did that change things? 180 from how I was before. Um, I think that there was a real focus on like assessing. Dan, but also myself as like, is this, is this an interaction and a partnership and a relationship that I want to show up for? In a long term fashion, centering yourself, right? Like, like centering, not centering whether Dan liked you or not, or loved you or not.

[00:32:42] Like you were like, do I want to be here? So good. And that’s something, that’s a question that, I mean, we’re four years later. I still ask myself that every single, like we’re engaged. I still ask myself that every single morning I wake up, am I willing to. Recommit to this person and do I want to continue to do life with this person?[00:33:00]

[00:33:00] And I think like what was a huge shift for me is kind of like getting out of the fairy tale mindset of like this person, they found me and we’re like best friends and I’m marrying my best friend. And like, not to say that that doesn’t happen. And, you know, I would certainly say that Dan is, is a best friend to me because we spend so much time together.

[00:33:19] We know each other, we care about each other. But there’s kind of this, like, there’s a, a working relationship. And I think like that in the early stages was really important to me. And also assessing, is this someone who has the values that I have in terms of, uh, like another, another resource that I absolutely love is the book attached, which I’ve mentioned before and, you know, understanding is this person, someone who has the attributes that makes sense for my book.

[00:33:46] Thank you. Personality and I’m someone who runs anxious, so I need someone who’s going to check in on me, who’s going to communicate with me, who’s going to text me and let me know what they’re up to. And he was doing all those things. So he was checking the boxes for me, but it was like what I need. I was centering [00:34:00] my needs.

[00:34:00] Yeah. So good. So good. And I, I think that that’s going to serve you period, you know, I was just watching this tick tock. Where I get all my, you know, information, unfortunately. No, no, no. I read, I read things. I read things. No, but I was watching this TikTok on how love languages and, and I’d be curious as your thought on this, but love languages actually are not scientifically backed resources.

[00:34:27] And that they were written by this author who created a language to help people express their needs imperfectly and that this person actually has a PhD in like theological adult something like it’s not counseling or therapy that he has his degree and it’s just this like man with a theological background who like created this language that imperfectly and so this this guy was like going back and forth with himself on like why love languages are Not as helpful or scientifically based or evidence based and he [00:35:00] made this amazing point, which is like, none of us are taught how to express our wants and needs in our romantic relationships.

[00:35:08] And so this language of love languages, a lot of people view it as like gospel of like, this is what, this is what everybody fits into one of these. Five categories, but really it’s this imperfect attempt at teaching us how to advocate for our wants and needs. Oh yeah. It’s funny that you bring this up because I, so I, I see a, like a holistic kind of out there therapist.

[00:35:33] But one of the things that she mentioned a couple of weeks back was like, are you centering your needs? And, and she also said, and I love this, she said, your wants are just love, like it’s loves. It’s not like this frivolous thing that you shouldn’t and don’t deserve, you deserve your wants. And I was like, so every morning now.

[00:35:58] I do an exercise because I, [00:36:00] I would actually argue that the, our needs and, and ignoring them is kind of like a societal thing. Like we’re, we’re so taught to be this like selfless, invisible cog in this wheel, right? Like you go to work or you’re, you know, like you’re a mom or whatever it is. And you kind of like take yourself out of the equation and think about everyone else, even like.

[00:36:23] Reading the news. You’re just like, it’s not about me. Like there’s other people suffering. And so I just realized, I’m like, no, we need to, we need to be centering our needs in every single part of our lives. Right. And so every morning I take my journal, I get my coffee and I write at the top of my notebook, what do I need today?

[00:36:41] And I let the wants come through too. You know, like I want a chocolate chip cookie or I need to move my body today. Or, you know, I feel like being cozy under a blanket with tea and. I allow myself to do those things, even if it’s for five minutes, it’s acknowledging this part of us that we really don’t [00:37:00] allow to come through that often and that permeates into my relationship where it’s like, what do I need for my relationship?

[00:37:06] I need to go on a date. I need to feel really, really loved and held this week. I need flowers. And some of those things feel really ridiculous or like, you know, like, not as important or as centered to a good relationship, but all of those parts. Come together to build a really, really solid relationship.

[00:37:25] And when you’re aware of those things, you can then communicate those things. And yeah, I mean, those five. Love languages are a great way to kind of frame it, but I think that we’re all kind of a mix and amalgamation of all of the things don’t don’t pigeonhole yourself. Just maybe ask yourself what you need and tune in and see what comes through.

[00:37:45] Yeah, and I think the courage to express it, especially in a romantic context, especially when you’re new to somebody. And I think I think also what I’m hearing you talk about is self trust that acknowledging your own needs and wants even to yourself [00:38:00] first. Is building the trust with yourself that like, you’re safe.

[00:38:04] I’ve got you, you know, whereas, you know, child Maya or child Lily might’ve had these thoughts of wants and needs that weren’t able to be met. And so that experience of like, how can I, I can’t meet my needs. Cause I’m a literal child. And then learning that into adulthood is something I think that that’s an untangling that is so important to realizing.

[00:38:29] The next phase of main character energy, the next phase of adulthood, the next phase of life, um, romantically and otherwise, I think that that’s like, I think it’s super important to live into is acknowledging those wants and needs actively and giving yourself permission and that’s what to ask for them to be met totally and then communicate like after you know them and you like, and I love what you said about the inner child because I feel like once you’re able to kind of give your inner child that comfort and let them know that like, yeah.[00:39:00]

[00:39:00] You’ve got them, right? Like you’re gonna have that hot cocoa or you’re going to like take that walk or you’re going to go dance in your underwear in your living room and not care. It then gives you the permission and the confidence to communicate those needs to other people, you know, be it your boss, be it your partner, be it the person you’re dating.

[00:39:17] And, and I think, you know, that was another, another thing that for me and Dan, you know, early on was, was really apparent was that we communicated those needs really clearly and we have a really deep, um, Understanding of communication within our relationship, and I think it’s one of our strongest attributes is that we are always kind of checking in and we’re always talking about what, you know, what didn’t feel good.

[00:39:39] What did feel good? You know, how can we show it better? And I think that’s so important for a healthy relationship. So speaking of a healthy relationship, speaking of Dan, what is your vision for your neck? The next phase of your. Okay. Life together for you. What’s what’s that going to look and feel like I think it’s just more it’s more of this right and I [00:40:00] think like there’s and as I was saying before, you know, every single day.

[00:40:04] It’s like committing to the relationship every single day. It’s enhancing it. It’s tweaking it. It’s making it more of what you want it to be. And I think that’s something that I would tell my my Maya from 2018 and 2017 is like, You get to create your co creating this relationship. It’s not like this thing that you enter into from the first date.

[00:40:26] And you’re like, this is perfect. And everything’s going to stay the same forever. Amen. It’s, it’s kind of this, like it develops and it grows and it breathes and it shifts and, you know, and that’s, what’s so beautiful about. You know, relationships and so, you know, my, my hope for my relationship is to continue to co create and to continue to make it rich and beautiful.

[00:40:48] Um, you know, 1 of the tangible things that I’m really hoping for this year is to have. More exciting dates and challenge each other to come up with interesting. Dates and experiences for one another. Most [00:41:00] of our relationship was through the pandemic. So we didn’t really get to have that sort of really rich dating life where we wind and dine each other and went on trips and stuff.

[00:41:09] We were really kind of homebound on the couch and, and that becomes habits. And it’s something that we love and is really comforting for us to sit on the couch and watch a show, but we’re also starting to challenge that and think about ways that we can help for each other. That is exciting. So yesterday we went eagle watching, for instance, and it’s something that was out of our norm and it was such a blast.

[00:41:31] That’s so fun. I love that. What would you say to yourself five years ago, six years ago, after this conversation, like what it just like giving her a like a virtual hug, lol, a hug across space and time. Yes. What do you think she needs to hear? I mean, what do you want to share? Yeah, I think it’s just like.

[00:41:54] Continue to show up for yourself. Continue to center yourself in love and care. [00:42:00] Um, you know, keep, keep moving forward and, and have like, keep that joy. You know, I think like remembering that it’s like, things are possible and things are moving in your direction and the universe has your back. And, you know, I just wrote this down actually yesterday that.

[00:42:17] The universe is conspiring with you. It’s not against you. Um, and I think that would be the reminder I would give myself and continue to give myself today. Yeah. Well, I’m so grateful. We worked together, uh, in 2019 and I just am so excited to share your story because I. Talk about the long term impacts of centering yourself, knowing your essence based preferences, learning how to show up for yourself confidently, learning how to ask for what you want out loud and often, learning how to set those boundaries in your dating life.

[00:42:49] Like, I talk about the long term impact, but you’re living it. And I’m living it too. I was my first client. And I just wanted to bring you on to share, like, What you want is possible. It’s [00:43:00] it’s closer than you realize to who’s listening. I am believing it for you until you can believe it for yourself. So my, I’m so grateful for your time.

[00:43:08] And I’m curious, I want to give you an opportunity to share like what you, you started a business recently and I want to like, how are you helping people? How can people. Get in touch with you, because obviously you bring such a grounded presence and, and bring so much knowledge. So come, come on, share. Well, um, so I’ve been writing a newsletter since the pandemic called on holiday.

[00:43:31] Um, I sort of just explore what it means to live an intuitive and, uh, intentional life. So, um, it’s mostly my ramblings, but it’s really fun. I just wrote about why I’m crafting more in 2024. So you can find me on Substack. It’s mohalvo. substacks. com. I’m sure we’ll link it. And then I also am offering, uh, 2 different things.

[00:43:53] One brand readings where we kind of dive into how you’re showing up online and this is good for personal [00:44:00] or for business, but it’s a great way to sort of see, you know, how your visual story is translating and how to get a stronger presence online. Yeah, and we should say you’re an artist and a brand expert and have worked with many, many brands creating their, like the line hotel and many more so that.

[00:44:18] It’s like your bread and butter in a lot of ways about visual branding and visual storytelling and aligning what you feel inside of you with how you’re presenting yourself to the world and that goes to styling how you’re wearing your clothes all the way to, you know, what you’re posting online and where, um, and we can get more conscious about that.

[00:44:36] So I really want to help people get that way, uh, or move that way in their journey. Um, and I’m also working on a group Meeting that will be sort of about holding your vision and, you know, coming back to that every month on the new moon. So, um, that is really much in the works right now, but I’ll be sharing all the details of that on my Instagram and on sub stack.

[00:44:58] So, your Instagram, [00:45:00] um, is can you spell it out for us? So it’s M. O. J. A. L. V. O. Mohalo. And we’ll link your Instagram and your sub stack and the description of this episode and the show notes at date brazen. com slash podcast. Maya, thank you for coming on. I’m so happy for you and all of the ways. Thank you so much for having me.

[00:45:17] It’s always a joy to talk to you. Same. Bye. Bye.