If you want a loving, long-term relationship and you’ve never been able to picture it for yourself, meet Alyx.

Alyx joined Main Character Dating in March 2023. She felt like a “late bloomer” and had just gone through a painful breakup. She’d been on 30 plus dates over a few years and was getting fed up with dating. She didn’t want to just find someone. She wanted “to really find myself and uncover why I’m holding myself back from what I really desired.”

A few weeks ago, she DMed me her wedding photo. She married the person she met during her time in the program.

In this episode, Alyx takes us behind the scenes of her year, including something we uncovered right before we hit record: the date feedback form from her first date with her now husband.

In this episode:

• Why getting off the apps for a dating detox was “mind-blowing” for her, and how she used the apps to meet her husband with intention after learning our strategy
• What being coached on scarcity gave her that therapy didn’t
• The one line from the program she still shares with her husband
• What she’d say to the version of herself who didn’t believe a loving, long-term relationship was possible

Main Character Dating is open for enrollment now. Doors close November 4th, 2026.

Learn more + Join us here– https://datebrazen.com/dating

📖 Get the book, Thank You, More Please: https://datebrazen.com/book

✨ Download my free Essence-Based Preferences Creation Guide: https://datebrazen.com/workbook

📸 Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/datebrazen/

🎵 Follow me on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@datebrazen

▶️ Follow me on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DateBrazen

---

lily (00:37)
Hey, gorgeous friends. Welcome to another episode of the Feminist Dating Show. I’m so glad that you’re here. I have a very special guest, my former client Alyx. and I’m so excited to talk to her because I got a DM a few weeks ago of her

beautiful wedding photo with an amazing human who she met actually during her time in main character dating. It was called Braith and Breakthrough when she joined. but Alyx I’m so excited to talk to you about that and all of the things main character dating today. Welcome.

Alyx (01:13)
thanks so much. I’m I’m really excited to share my story and

I cannot speak highly enough about your program. I tell all my girlfriends or even like people that I know are single, I’m like, Hey, like this is the stuff that I learned and it just really changed my life. So I I’m so appreciative of you in this program.

lily (01:29)
My God.

my god, Alyx. Well, congratulations on your nuptials, which happened when did when did you get married?

Alyx (01:39)
It

September eighteenth. So it’s been less than a month now. Yeah. So yeah, I’m I’m

lily (01:43)
my goodness Congrats.

Alyx (01:46)
I’m based in Cal Southern California. I live in a town called Ontario. I don’t know. It’s kind of small, but yeah, I’m based in SoCal. I’m thirty six now.

But yeah, it was had a beautiful wedding less than a month ago and

Yeah, it’s it’s everything that I didn’t know that I wanted and it just turned out beautiful and I really never had like a vision of what it would be. And I’m just yeah, it was one of the most beautiful days ever. So I’m really, really grateful.

lily (02:15)
I adored receiving that DM and that picture. what I remember about working with you now like three and a half years ago at the start of our work is how desirous you were you said in your testimonial after the year was done, I didn’t want want to in this experience just find someone.

But instead to really find myself and uncover why I’m holding myself back from what I really desired.

Alyx (02:43)
It made me cry. Well, yeah, I

lily (02:46)
Tell me about what that

brings up for you to hear.

Alyx (02:50)
Yeah, my God. I was like, I’m not gonna cry on the on our conversation. But yeah, I felt like I I was reflecting a lot in preparation for for this call just to think back to that time period and just for some context, like about my dating history. I definitely I consider myself a little bit of a late bloomer. Like I didn’t date in high school, didn’t date in college, didn’t date in grad school, like I just was

I always felt like I wasn’t very lucky and I had like a lot of friends that always had boyfriends, but it was it was never me. It was never my time. And and I after grad school I moved to DC and I ended up being in a long-term relationship there, which was really, you know, great. I think I learned a lot. And right before the pandemic, I moved back home to California. And my partner at the time was supposed to move with me and decided he didn’t want to move with me anymore. And we had been together for almost four years. And so that was like very traumatic for me. And so

That coupled with moving home, moving back in with my family at 30, starting a new job, the pandemic hit, going through a massive breakup. I was like, where is my life right now? And so the years before joining the program, I definitely was like a lot of soul searching and you know, I just trying to like build a community now that I was back home and everything was kind of new again. And I just

Had been through so many tough dates during that time period. And it was so difficult for me to like bounce back from that rejection that I was like, there has to be something different for me to not feel so devastated by this because this isn’t all my life. My my whole life can’t revolve around just dating. And so it’s like, how can I create like a life for myself that feels full and a person’s like an ad a great addition to it?

And I think that’s what I really went into this program with was trying to better understand myself, like how I react to things and applying that not only to dating, but also like other, you know, setbacks or things that may happen outside of the dating space. Cause I felt like I would just blame myself for a lot of it. And yeah, just coming into this program, that was kind of the impetus of wanting to join. And I had seen your, I think, Instagram video and I was like, wow, this really resonates with me. Just

I am like very liberal. I identify like as a feminist. And so it was just something that really spoke to me as something that I could really learn from and apply to all aspects of my life. So you just sharing that testimonial just really it it is it brings up a lot of emotions for me, but it was really true. It was like I wanted to do something that I could not just focus solely on dating, but like how can I just live a full life no matter what the outcome is, you know?

lily (05:42)
Yeah. I think that that is so powerful to hear you talk about because that was my intention with setting out to create this program. It was called I I forget if I mentioned this already, but it was called Braze and Breakthrough. Now it’s main character dating. It’s the same, pretty much the same format, I’ve I’ve now been running it for like six or seven years. And my intention

is to help women and people socialize as women center themselves so that they never settle, so that they can become magnetic to that which is right for them

it’s all about centering yourself and hopefully coming home to yourself to attract the right people and opportunities for you. I’m so grateful to hear that it felt aligned for you.

Alyx (06:27)
Yeah, no, it was it was incredible. And I I learned so much and I just really enjoyed too the community that it built at the time. I did make a really good friend out of the program

It’s just really validating too to share this experience, this time period of dating in this society with other women that are going through it, especially if, like for me, a lot of my friends were either married or in long-term relationships. And it’s difficult to connect sometimes. It was difficult for me to connect with them sometimes. And just some of the advice that they would give. I’m like, you all.

have not been on the apps and you don’t understand what it’s like out here. And I’m sure a lot of, you know, people say that, but it was just really good to have that community and and feel validated that there’s other people experiencing this and I was able to feel supported by like a community of women that were sharing similar experiences.

lily (07:27)
Yeah, for sure. And and I just wanna like take us back a little like take us back to the beginning a little bit.

you said I was reading journal entries I found before joining. It was really heartbreaking to read how defeated I was and how hopeless I was feeling.

At that point, I had probably been on 30 plus dates over the span of a few years and I was getting really fed up with dating and I was drained by it. So do you remember when

Alyx (07:51)
Mm-hmm.

lily (07:53)
you like decided to invest in your self-care in this way with with what was then brazen breakthrough now mean character dating? Do you remember that moment or the decision?

Alyx (08:05)
Yeah,

I because I think I started in March in 2023 and

lily (08:10)
Yeah.

Alyx (08:11)
I had gone on a date or a Uncouple dates with this one guy. I think it was like in February, January of that year. And I’m like, we connected. This is it. Like I really like this person. And then and I felt like it was reciprocated and it fell through. And I’m like, how am I?

Again, I’m like, is there something wrong with me that I’m just not picking up on the pieces?

lily (08:35)
Mm.

Alyx (08:36)
And why am I so devastated by something that is relatively new in the grand scheme of things? It’s only a Uncouple dates. Like that I shouldn’t be feeling this overwhelmed by it. I need to learn tools on how to better manage my reaction to dating at that time.

lily (08:57)
Mm.

Alyx (08:58)
and I and

At the moment, I can’t even remember what video it was that I saw from from your social media, but there was something that really resonated with me. I think it was just around either like the dating detox piece or the app detox piece, or just like creating like a dating environment for yourself that feels joyous. and that really spoke to me like with the the dating app detox because I and I can jump into that later, but

At that moment in time, I think that was really the impetus for me to be like, I need to change the way that I’m reacting and moving through my dating experience because it should be fun, you know. I should be enjoying like meeting new people, having conversations and looking at it and approach from that way rather than it being like this is like the end all to be all. And if I if this doesn’t work out, then that means like my whole life is over. And I it was just really difficult for me at the time. And I

And I didn’t want to keep feeling like that. So I remember those that date at the beginning of twenty twenty three where I’m like, I need to change because if I want to keep dating, I need to be more resilient about potential setbacks. Cause that’s gonna happen no matter what. Like I’m not gonna be everybody’s cup of tea and vice versa. But how

lily (10:10)
Mm-hmm.

Alyx (10:10)
can I take care of myself to go through the motions of dating and know that I can pick myself back up again or give myself permission to take breaks?

lily (10:23)
Yeah.

Alyx (10:23)
And I think that’s something that your program really spoke to, which I really, really loved.

lily (10:29)
Let’s get into it. So tell me about what lessons like sparked you or like stand out.

Alyx (10:36)
I think for the first module to do a dating detox and get off the apps. And that was mind-blowing for me because I felt so ingrained that I had to be on the apps. And if I’m not on the apps, I am wasting time by not going out, by not meeting people. And

lily (10:53)
Mm. Mm.

Alyx (10:56)
something that I learned from the program was okay.

you know, and I I will say this, I will preface this. I did meet my husband on hinge eventually, but I use the time to like to really think through, okay, I can actually meet people out in the world. this is exciting. And just because I’m taking a break doesn’t mean that I am like losing time at all. And I think that was like a big light switch that went on for me was okay, it’s it’s okay.

To take a break from the apps because there are opportunities out there to date in the real world. I will say this too. I think during that time I I had one single friend at the time. And so we would do a lot of speed dating together, which

lily (11:42)
Yeah.

Alyx (11:43)
I loved. I thought it was so much fun. I loved connecting with people in person. And I

like if I I I yeah, I just loved it. So the dating detox was really, really pivotal for me. and then eventually when I went

back on the apps, something that was really helpful for me too was setting those boundaries around how I approach the apps. Cause

I would spend, you know, hours on them. And one of the one of the pieces of advice or part of the program was, you know, make it so that when you’re on the apps, you are doing so in a in a place where you feel, you know, joyous or like neutral or content with yourself. Make it like an experience where like I remember you’d always say like get a cozy blanket.

wrap yourself up, enjoy this experience and and set a time limit. And I think that was super helpful for me to be like, okay, this is one tool that I have, but there’s so much more out there that I can leverage or people that I connect with in the real world that I don’t have to be so consumed by the apps. And that was really, really helpful for me. And I do, I am very woo-woo. I feel like me putting that energy out there.

while I was on the apps too to be in a place that was more secure in myself and not so fixate fixated on it was really helpful in my mental health and in my journey on like navigating dating during the program and obviously thereafter.

lily (13:12)
your testimonial again, I have learned how to reprogram my mind to move away from scarcity and truly know I have my back no matter what.

Do you remember the coaching that we did or like the what was effective about being coached? Cause I do think there’s this conversation for people when thinking about whether or not this is right for them.

of like, can I do this on my own versus do I need to hire a coach or join a container like this? So tell me about the the experience of being coached on scarcity. Do you remember what that was like?

Alyx (13:46)
so going on to the coaching calls and and I spoke to this a little bit earlier about just building the community piece, but being able to, you know, raise a question in a space that felt to me very safe.

In an in a community where a lot of people were going through similar things was really, really valuable. And it helped not only being able to like ask the question on a live coaching call or even just listening in, because a lot of times you just gather so much information from other people asking questions. and I I don’t think I had ever experienced something like that before.

with even like a like a therapist, frankly, or even with friends, because everybody’s gonna give you different pieces of advice. But I think just the way that this program is framed, it’s very much aligned to like my values as a person. And it was so much like it was like a judgmental free zone, which I really, really appreciated.

lily (14:55)
you know, part of my job at the beginning of Date Brazen was that I trained therapists on how to help their single and dating clients more effectively. And I learned just how like therapy can help people in certain areas and how in dating it can feel really different. And I’m wondering what your thoughts are on that.

Alyx (15:15)
Yeah, I will say I was in therapy for a Uncouple years before joining the program. And I learned so much more in the program that I than I ever did in therapy. And, you know, it’s difficult to say that because it’s like you’re going to therapy, you’re paying for this therapist, you’re meeting with them weekly, but I never felt that I was making any progress Whereas the program gave me tools.

To really, and I think we talked about this, like rewiring your neural pathways. I had never even heard of that term before until I joined the program. And it I learned so much more in this program than any therapist has ever taught me. And I’m just so incredibly grateful for that. And even just sitting with my body and like feeling feeling my feelings, especially after dating, again, that was something that was never really taught to me in therapy. And like I’m learning it in this program. And so it was just incredible.

To even think about rewiring the way my brain works, to sit with my feelings and be encouraged to do that and be given the the the tools to understand what that means for me and how to use it was just huge.

lily (16:22)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah. I’m so glad to hear you say that. We literally have a lesson and we had it then called How to Feel Anything because

Alyx (16:28)
Mm-hmm.

lily (16:28)
of this reason. And I do recommend therapy to anybody who feels resonant with that. And specifically for folks who are, you know, processing trauma or like things like that. Like absolutely therapy plays a role that we do not play as coaches, that I pl do not play as a coach, both and I love that we give action plans that are rooted in.

Science-backed methods like self-compassion, based on the work of Dr. Kristen Neff, based on emotional granularity, based on the work on Dr Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, who who it talks about feeling your feelings. So it’s like evidence-based stuff that we’re talking about, but we give action plans and homework and we hold you accountable to doing those things. And we give you a step by step. and I think that that’s what helps people propel forward so quickly.

Alyx (17:16)
I felt other people were very safe in sharing like their sexual history too, in terms of like either being like very sexual, wanting to like date, and that was like a priority to them, or even for people that hey, I’m like still a virgin, or I don’t feel comfortable sleeping around. and I got a lot of advice from friends like, why don’t you just sleep around, just like have fun.

That personally is not something for me, but I felt like in the coaching calls, there was a little piece of everything to like cover all bases for people’s different experiences and not be judged for it. And I thought that was really, really special. and I I just yeah, I just learned so much from that. And I think going to like the scarcity piece a little bit, something that I always I always remember, and I even shared this with my husband. I’m like, you can’t say the

the the wrong thing to the right person. And I think that has just like continued to stick with me no matter what situation. Because I’m like, you know what? If if this person isn’t taking me for who I am, then they’re not the right person for me. And I’m not gonna feel like I need a claw and like make this work. I’m at the point where at that point in my life, I really wanted to cultivate a life that was for me. And again, like adding a person in is great, but I

didn’t want to have to beg for somebody to be with me. And I felt that was something that really changed like my scarcity mindset around I need to be like talking to all these people and I need to be doing like what they want and need to fit into their life rather than the other way around. And something that I is what I learned in the program too. And it’s just it makes me kind of sad, but also I’m like, wow, like again, I credit it to the program. Like I never thought

thought that like a long-term relationship or like love or like marriage was meant for me. Like I just never had, I’m gonna cry, but I had never like pictured that for myself as something that like I was capable of having or being able to attain in my life. I just kept seeing other people around me have that. And so being able to be in the program be like, no, like I do deserve to have joy in life and love and

Whatever it may be, but like I do deserve that. And I think that was something really valuable too. and just like reflecting on the time. I remember that was like the first year that I was like, I’m gonna throw myself a birthday party and I’m gonna invite all my friends to come because like I want I wanted to celebrate myself and it was outside of dating, but it was something that yeah, I just like felt a lot of joy for myself and like coming into my own and like loving myself.

I think that being in the program and that the months that followed, I just really felt that I felt a lot of joy and a lot of love for myself during that time. I just remember just feeling like so confident. I think that was the first time that

I really gave myself permission to not be selfish, but kind of in a way like be selfish and be like, hey, this is this is how I want to feel. This is how I want to celebrate myself. And why not me? Like I can do this. Like I see other people doing stuff for themselves all the time. And I I’m definitely a people pleaser. and so that was one of the first times where I’m like, I’m putting myself first and I want to do this. And I think it just, yeah, I had a beautiful,

Time in the program, and I remember that summer as being like peak Alyx summer. I felt so good. I was like, yes, girl, get it.

lily (20:52)
I love it. I love it. I’m obsessed. And I want to talk about so I love that joy was the focus. I mean, that’s the program promise. We we’ve started measuring the the increase in dating joy, and we’ve measured it to be a hundred twenty-one percent increase in dating joy over the course of the program for participants.

Alyx (21:11)
wow. That’s awesome.

lily (21:14)
So I I’m thrilled to hear that in your your experience.

And now I want to talk about the dating piece and meeting your husband piece. So take us through you said you met him on hinge, take us through the,

Alyx (21:28)
Mm-hmm.

lily (21:28)
you know, the swiping that you were doing and the the messages that you remember exchanging. Were you using the qualifying, disqualifying questions, like what was happening? And then we’ll get into the date feedback of it all. But take us through, take us through this.

Alyx (21:41)
Yeah.

I remember swiping on him. I remember he had a great profile that had

A lot of pictures with him like out doing activities. He had one picture of him at this old kind of art deco theater down in LA. And I felt like that was like very much like my style. And I think is reflective too of kind of the advice that you give in terms of our dating profiles is like, you know, show something that you really like. Don’t make it so generic, like show an activity. And I felt like I saw that a lot in his profile. and he was very responsive with.

questions and was a asking like deliberate questions of of me in the app. It wasn’t like, hey, how’s it going? Like they were very like I remember very pointed questions and he still does that. He’s helped me so much with communication. I’m like, these are two deep questions. Like I need I need a break from these deep questions all the time. But he’s just very like they were very good conversation starters. and then yeah and then I remember you know he scheduled for us to meet

within a Uncouple days, which I thought was really nice. And I appreciate that. Cause like I don’t want to pen pal, you know, I don’t want to like keep talking

to talk. Like let’s meet. And I’m looking at my dating feedback form, but I remember kind of going to the list of like things that I wanted. I remember one of them was I think like being an active cheerleader or something like that around being a a cheerleader.

I didn’t write this on the dating feedback forum, but I remember on our third date, we went bowling and he was like jumping up and down for me, being like, Yeah, like you’re doing so good right now. Like, wow, you got a strike. And I was like, This is like a I’ve never had anybody do that for me, which is you know, something small, but I’m like, this is like exactly what I was looking for. And it’s something so simple as that. And this past weekend, I

I had the privilege to run the Chicago Marathon. And he’s out there with me, like, okay, we’re gonna meet you at this this mile, this mile, this mile. We’re gonna be cheering you along the way. I got you, I got your snacks. Let’s go. And like was so supportive in my whole training plan. And so it’s just like going going back to the dating piece, like that was a key point for me that I really liked. And I think I did have that on my feedback form that I’m like, wow, he seemed just very, very intelligent, very kind and warm.

He we shared a lot of the same things when it came to like travel, family, politics, different experiences.

lily (24:19)
I love this.

Alyx (24:20)
I put here that I felt more and more aligned to what I was looking for. And he gave me evidence that there are men out there that that will fill out what I’m looking for, which I think is really nice.

yeah I yeah.

lily (24:33)
Hold on, wait a second. This is

just too good, Alyx. This is like so just behind the scenes, y’all. So there’s this lesson in main character dating, and has been forever. like since the inception, which is date feedback, and it’s what I used to use as a

matchmaker, we would do date feedback, and it would be like both parties.

writing what they liked, what they didn’t like. and usually people, I I got to help my clients trust themselves more after dates because of their date feedback system. Okay. So then I transitioned into becoming a feminist dating coach, building what is now main character dating, what was brazen breakthrough. And we we did the date feedback so that you could become your own expert matchmaker. In that you can center your preferences.

You can reflect after dates to make sure that you’re feeling the way you want to feel. And if you’re not, we’re gonna tweak your questions that you ask next time or we’re gonna bless and release, right? So that the intention

is that with this model, you’re gonna learn how to trust your dating intuition, heal your picker if that is a a a thing for you, and know when the right person is in front of you. Okay, so peek behind the curtain. Alyx had her date feedback system, but it was blank.

Before this call, and I we hopped on together and I was like, wait, look at the history of the document because it is so fun to see the beginning of your marriage start with that date feedback system. And I love that we uncovered this like artifact of your relationship and

Alyx (26:09)
Yeah.

lily (26:11)
censoring yourself. So you’re real-I I love hearing that your EB, your essence-based preferences.

were being met from the beginning and that you were doing like essentially a thank you more please to how he was showing up. What else do you see in the date feedback that you are appreciating?

Alyx (26:26)
Yeah, so going,

yeah, yeah. So it was feeling more more aligned to what I’m looking for and it gives me evidence that there are men like that out there. And then in this form, it had optional, can you put your top essence based preferences to the right to check in with them after your date?

And

I put here, family oriented, enthusiastic cheerleader, curious adventurer and clear communicator, which he is all of those things. so, yeah, just, I had that list written out, my essence based preferences on my phone and I still have them.

And I even had it written down in my, I had it written down on a piece of paper and I would carry it in my purse.

And I would kind of like, I was out in the world, be like, okay, look, if I saw something that I liked, I would kind of like tap my person, be like, thank you more, please. Like, this is what I’m looking for right now. I, and that was very helpful for me too, because I, I don’t really have too many, I think, relation, romantic relationships that I could look up to. Like I’m a child of divorce. I don’t really see any relationships within my family that I’m like, this is what I would want to like replicate for myself. And so.

I think that was difficult for me going back to like never envisioning that for myself. I think it’s because I really didn’t have examples of that in my personal life. But something that I learned in the program was like, you don’t necessarily need that. You can look for it externally. And that was very eye opening for me to be like, OK, wait, this is giving me evidence that this can happen for me because I’m seeing it out in the world. And that was something that was really like a light bulb for me that went off because I had, again, like had never really

experience that with families and like frankly like even like friend relationships some of them I’m like that’s not really what I’m looking for that’s you know that’s good for them but that’s not what would resonate with me or make me feel fulfilled and so just being able to see that out in the world document it and also give myself permission to want that was just really really big and something else that was really helpful for me

was,

and I don’t remember what it was called, but it was finding almost like moments of joy or like guaranteed successes for your dating And yes,

lily (28:45)
Winning results. Yeah.

Alyx (28:48)
and that was huge for me, because I think for me, it was always like all or nothing. And it had, and I had to be like a hundred percent positive about.

dating or whatever it may be. And if it didn’t go to plan, then I would feel devastated. Kind of going back to like why I think I was so upset with dating before joining the program. But by reframing like, hey, you know, with this date, what’s like one thing I’m gonna, what’s one thing I know for sure is gonna happen? Hey, I’m gonna have like a great meal or like I’m gonna go to this place that I’ve never been to before. And that was also like a mindset shift for me that really helped me kind of see the possible.

and find that joy. I, again, like I preach that to all of my friends, like even this past week when we were in Chicago, one of my husband’s friends, he’s single. And I was telling, he was like, it’s just so hard dating on the apps. I’m like, I know, like I’ve been there, I get it. I’m like, there’s this one thing that I was in this dating coaching program. And one of the big things was like finding like little successes no matter what within.

your dating experience and you’d be like, hey, like I was able to meet somebody new and have a fun conversation or I tried a new beer or I got to get out the house for the day and that’s nice. Like just little things like that to kind of bring those little pieces of joy. And I was even sharing that with him. I’m like, you know what? Men need this too, not just women.

lily (30:12)
Yes, a hundred percent.

you know, winning results is this concept coined by or the first time I heard it, I believe that Simone Soul,

Alyx (30:20)
Mm-hmm.

lily (30:21)
S-E-O-L, came up with this concept in episode 69 of my podcast. She came on and she gave me her blessing to to use it in the context of dating, but she was doing it in like the business world. that idea of winning results of like, what are you in control of and how can you be in control of how you win?

Alyx (30:33)
Mm-hmm.

lily (30:40)
And how you set yourself up to win in your dating life because it can feel so out of your control and it it depends on somebody else, you know, opting in to choosing you. And it can feel so just like devastating when that doesn’t happen. And so creating a nervous system that feels safe to take risks means giving yourself measurable, achievable wins in the process. So I’m really glad that you

Alyx (31:03)
Mm-hmm.

lily (31:06)
you saw that. And I’m really glad that you

Kept a log of these dates with the date feedback system. when was your first date with your now husband?

Alyx (31:14)
It was September 6, 2023.

lily (31:20)
Okay, got it. So like six to seven months after you joined,

Alyx (31:24)
Yeah, I did the… Mm-hmm.

lily (31:26)
which happens sometimes. I would say, like, you know, people find relationships within their year, sometimes within three years of joining. Like it it I get emails all the time of like even people that didn’t even go on a date during their 12 months because

Alyx (31:39)
Mm-hmm.

lily (31:39)
of life circumstances. I’m getting emails like, hey, I’m at the love of my life because I looked back at the workbooks. I looked back at my mindset work and my strategy work, and like it happens, you know? So

What

do you think you would say to that version of you who didn’t believe that a loving long term romantic relationship was possible?

Alyx (32:02)
Gosh, yeah, I think about this a lot. Like I would say yes, like anything is possible for you. You deserve joy. You deserve happiness. You deserve love. And it’s out there for you. I, like I said, I’m 36 now. And I think in my early thirties, I just felt so behind. Like why haven’t I been picked yet? Why haven’t I been chosen? And

I reflect now on it and I’m so glad that things happened when they did because I was able to experience all these different things within life. Even the heartbreak, like that is something that has made me a stronger person and I don’t wish like it didn’t happen at all. Like I’m glad it happened. And so, yeah, I just, I would tell myself a Uncouple years ago that

you deserve this love, you deserve this joy. And there’s just so much to life and all these experiences that you could have that are outside of dating that are super rich and keep building that for yourself because just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean that those things stop either. Like I have, I’m so grateful that I have a really great network of girlfriends. I’ve been running the last Uncouple of years, which has been really fulfilling for me as like a personal accomplishment. And even going to like the tiny wins.

I would think about that even running and being like, okay, you know what? You just finishing this run is a win in itself. You don’t have to hit a certain pace or whatever that may be. And so it’s like, it even translates to my running journey. so yeah, that’s a long-winded way of saying there’s just so much joy in this world that you can cultivate for yourself with a relationship, without a relationship. But I’m just so glad that…

I decided to work on myself and in this program because at the time too, I think I almost was like, should I do this program or should I do matchmaking? Because I was at a point where I felt like I was ready to pull my hair out with dating. And I’m like, no, matchmaking is for me, like would probably just be like the apps. I’m set up, being set up with people rather than really taking a look internally and understanding why I’m feeling certain things.

and really working on that rather than trying to put potentially like another band-aid on my dating life at the time. And so I’m just so glad that I took the time to invest in this program. And again, like it’s just so applicable to all areas of my life that I’m just so incredibly grateful to you and for the resources that you’ve put out there. And I hope that people really resonate with your program and, and

really take it into all aspects of their life, because it has just been so powerful. And like I said, I’m very preachy about it. So I just love it. I love it so much.

lily (34:59)
do

too, you know, and I’m grateful to hear how you came home to yourself, is what you’re talking about, you know, in

Alyx (35:05)
Mm-hmm.

lily (35:06)
all aspects of your life. And sneakily, that’s why I’m a dating coach because I know that dating can be is this microcosm of our well-being. And when you

create a dating life that feels

Well, like that feels good, it feels joyful, that feels self-determined, that feels agency rich, then your whole life can change. this is life work that we get to do together and what an honor it is to have held space with you and to have walked through this journey with you in main character dating.

Alyx (35:30)
Mm hmm.

lily (35:38)
is there anything from this program that you remember supporting you in thriving in this new relationship you were building beyond just like the dating and finding him peace?

Alyx (35:51)
The piece around you can’t say the wrong thing to the right person was huge. And being in this relationship, I have learned so much about myself on how to communicate more effectively. And I credit that to him because I now I feel very safe to say whatever it is that I want. But

I knew that he was the right person because he would take it and we would work on things together. And sometimes like, you can’t read my mind. Like I never understood that until I got further along in a relationship. I’m like, no, you really can’t read my mind. Like you don’t understand why I’m reacting to things a certain way, but let me walk you through it. And I know that you will be receptive to it and it’s a safe space. And so that has been really, really helpful.

and has made me a better communicator, not only within this relationship, but also with friendships and with family to feel that vulnerability, but also be honest with them about whatever it is that may be upsetting me or just having a transparent conversation. I don’t think I had that agency beforehand to feel that I could vocalize things, obviously in a constructive way, but that was one big piece that

I took away from it and again, I’ve shared with other people. Sorry, I’m sharing your stuff with everyone. I

lily (37:20)
No problem. I love it. I love it.

Alyx (37:22)
told them like, follow her on Instagram

lily (37:24)
I’m so grateful that you showed up and allowed yourself to be coached, allowed yourself to want what you wanted and and what a gift it was to be your coach.

Alyx (37:33)
Okay.

lily (37:34)
I wanna know last question, what would you say to somebody

on the fence about joining main character dating?

Alyx (37:40)
do it hands down. Don’t second guess yourself. It is a great investment into your own well-being. You create a great community. There’s people from, I remember people from around the world being on the calls. I was lucky enough to meet someone that actually lived in the same city as me. And so I think the biggest thing is building community. And you get that in a space that feels very safe with people that

you know, are going through the same thing as you. And so I would 10 times do it over. It was just so life changing for me. And I’m not saying this facetiously at all. Like it really, really changed my life. And I still carry a lot of the things that I learned in this program to this day, to this relationship, to my friendships, my family. And I’m just so grateful that I happened to stumble upon your video on Instagram. And it really, I’m telling you, it really did change my life. And so I’m very, very grateful to you, Lily.

lily (38:39)
Alyx, I’m so grateful for you. Thank you for being willing to share your story. Congratulations on all of the joy that you have cultivated in your life, all of the confidence and agency that you have cultivated in your life over the last few years,

you have attracted really cool things by taking up space with your desires in this way. in your love life, friendship life, work life, it sounds like, and beyond. So I’m just over here celebrating the hell out of you.

Alyx (39:05)
Mm-hmm.

lily (39:08)
And and I can’t wait to keep in touch and see what comes next.

Alyx (39:12)
Well, thank you so much. Thank you again for giving me the opportunity to share my story.

lily (39:16)
Absolutely. Main character dating is open for enrollment right now. You can go to date brazen dot com slash dating to learn more and join us. Doors close soon and Alyx, thanks again.

Alyx (39:28)
Thanks.