One of the biggest questions I get is: “Lily, you’re talking about control in dating, but it’s random. How can you even bring ‘control’ to something so random?”

Great question.

If you were asking yourself the same thing, you’re right. There is a lot about dating and love we can’t control. A lot is random.

But here’s the good news, I’ve learned from years as a dating coach and matchmaker that there are many things in your dating life you CAN control.

Here are three things you can bring control to right now to make your dating life better:

• How you talk to yourself in your dating life.

Because dating is so emotionally charged, I bet the last thing on your mind on a first date is how awesome you are and why someone would want to be in a relationship with you.

Dating is a minefield of triggers, so it’s easy to get down on yourself, or interpret judgement around every corner.

When you approach first dates with a sense of what’s amazing about you, you shift the focus from judgement to curiosity. Better dates come as a result.

• How you talk to your friends about dating.

Friends are so so important to our dating process, but more often than not, we get stuck in a negative feedback loop with them.

Talk to your friends about taking a “negative talk” vacay for one night.

For one night only say positive things about dating. Changing the “negative talk” dating narrative will reduce your stress, increase your feelings of hope and will put in you in a proactive mindset to get in the driver’s seat of your dating life, instead of being controlled by it.

Just a reminder: What is meant for you will not pass you by.

I talked about this in a previous blog post, which you can find here.

• Where you choose to invest your dating time.

When I was single and really wanted to find a relationship, I overdid it. I swiped till my fingers were numb, went on dates I shouldn’t have gone on and got burnt-out and resentful of the process.

When I became intentional about where and how I was using my search and dating time, things turned around.

When you view dating apps as a resource, and not your only hope, you control them, they don’t control you.

To view dating apps as your resource, you need to be intentional about which one you choose, how much time you need to invest in that platform and who you’re swiping to.

Check out this blog post about the scientifically-backed way to beat swiping burnout.

Just like you work out with a trainer at the gym, learning how to do the moves doesn’t make the lift any easier, but it makes you more powerful in the process.

It’s the same with this work. Dating is hard, and there’s no getting around that. But with these three steps, you’ll be more powerful, in-control and fulfilled in your dating journey.

I’m here for you every step of the way and am honored to be a small part of your journey.

Be sure to forward this to your favorite boss lady who needs to hear this.