You want to flirt IRL. But you’re scared to start…

The Flirting Ladder is exactly how you will build the skills to become an expert, confident flirter!

This is the exact tool Lily teaches inside Main Character Dating to take you from frozen with fear to flirting with confidence. In this episode:

→ Flirting is joyful, courageous connection. Not a performance, not a personality trait some people are born with. It’s a skill set you build by doing.

→ Awkwardness is the price of admission for connection. It will be awkward, and that is not a sign you’re doing it wrong.

→ You cannot say the wrong thing to the right person. The right person is looking for you too, and they will be delighted you walked up.

→ The flirting ladder itself: start with one second of eye contact and climb, one accessible rung at a time, until “so random question, are you single” feels doable.

→ The 10 seconds of courage tool that builds momentum from paralyzed to shooting your shot. By the time “random question” is out of your mouth, you’re already halfway done.

Your flirting ladder lives right next to your rejection resilience plan from episode 267. Build both and you’re unstoppable this summer.

💎 Get the book, Thank You, More Please: https://datebrazen.com/book
💎 Join the Main Character Dating waitlist: https://datebrazen.com/dating
💎 Download my free Essence-Based Preferences Creation Guide: https://datebrazen.com/workbook
💎 Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/datebrazen/
💎 Follow me on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lilydatebrazen-com
💎 Follow me on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DateBrazen

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Show transcript:

lily (00:00)
Hey, gorgeous friends, let’s talk about making the impossible possible in your dating life. So if you’re anything like the people that I work with, it is hard to believe that that which you have not experienced yet will happen. It’s such a human trait, right? It’s hard to believe in that which you have not seen yet for yourself. It might be that you particularly feel cursed, like it happens for everybody else, but it’ll never happen for you. Or

That you’re somehow broken in some unique way that disqualifies you from finding love, or you want something that just genuinely doesn’t exist for you. It exists for people that you’ve met who are in loving relationships, but just not for you, right? Whatever your brain is serving up as like the particular brand of impossibility doesn’t really matter. I’m kind of unbothered by your brain being a human brain. What I want today is to shed light on how impossibility.

is something that we just experience as human beings and how to make or the experience of like thinking something’s impossible. This is normal. and how you can actually prove to yourself that you make impossible things happen, that you have and will again attract impossible feeling opportunities. So with that, let’s get into the episode.

Now, I actually don’t think that you finding love is impossible. I think it’s totally possible. And I teach you how to do that in this podcast step by step with a feminist as hell action plan. But if you feel that finding love is impossible, let’s believe your brain just for a second. Let’s indulge this scenario in which, yes, it is impossible to find love. But isn’t it true that you have done things before that felt impossible and then you did them?

Isn’t it true that there are people in your life, friends, for example, who you didn’t know existed, who the kind of friendship that you now have felt impossible before you had it? Aren’t there career opportunities that you now have and sort of feel like, no duh, I have this opportunity that used to feel like a pipe dream? What is there in your life currently that felt impossible, that now is a no-duh?

I want you to write down those things. Try to get to at least 10 things that you now have in your life that used to feel impossible. Then I want you to re-reverse engineer that impossible list. I want you to write down the 10 things that you did to make that which felt impossible at one point possible and then inevitable and then no duh. Yeah? So for example, maybe with friendships, you became more vulnerable.

You shot your shot more often, you asked for hangouts more often with people that you met out and about, you put yourself in rooms with people that you knew you’d connect with. you really blessed and released the people who weren’t good friends to you, and that made room for the people who were right for you, maybe for work opportunities. You claimed the kind of job culture that you wanted to be a part of, you talked to your mentors, you expressly asked for help.

You sent your resume out and and did everything your brain could think of to get in the right rooms for this right opportunity for this job in which you’d be working at a cult in a culture that felt like fill in the blank. You claimed it explicitly. You wanted to work for somebody who was a leader like this explicitly. Now, maybe the exact vision with the exact people, exact players didn’t come to be exactly as you wanted, but

you wanting what you wanted and going after it with an aligned action plan by asking for aligned help, all created the environment for that which felt impossible before to happen. I think there was also probably a moment when you were trying to go after something that felt impossible where you said, fuck it. I’m gonna try. Fuck it. Like let’s go. I’d rather, you know, I know it’s cliche, but

when I do things that feel like somewhat impossible on the onset, I do say this cliche thing of like, at least if I’m shooting for the moon, at least I’ll land among the stars. Like you shooting for what you want, even if it feels impossible, when you say, fuck it, it’s not that deep. Let me go for it, let me try, makes what you want.

More possible as you go after it with an aligned action plan. So I want you to write down 10 reasons, 10 things that you did in your past to make things that felt impossible happen that are now a no-dah in your life. When you do this impossible list, I want you to think of Whitney Houston in Brandy’s version of Rogers and Hammer Sign Cinderella.

Whitney Hughes, I love this movie. If you haven’t watched it, please do yourself a favor and watch this movie. Bernadette Peters as the stepmother changed my life. Brandy is a vision. Whitney Houston is truly the best fairy godmother ever. She’s singing, impossible. Things are happening every day. Like literally, I imagine her singing this.

And using this little song as a reminder, a trigger for you to be like, yeah, fuck it. Like, let me try to do something that feels impossible right now. Cause it is true that impossible things have happened to me and they will happen to me in the future. The other thing that I want you to keep in mind as you go for that which currently feels impossible is I hear the phrase, it’s it’s rare. What I want is rare all the time. and again, similar to your brain thinking that.

What you want in your love life is impossible. I’m unbothered by it’s rare as a thought, because I know that that which is rare is also possible. That which is rare is available. That which is rare exists. Otherwise, we’d call it extinct. It is good to be going for an opportunity, a relationship that feels rare because that makes it precious.

And unique for you, right? That’s the kind of relationship we’re all going for, you’re going for. It’s okay to want something that is rare. Something being rare doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist, it means that it is rare. How do you find something that is rare? Well,

There is a normal Joe Schmoe, what you do. And then there’s the expert archaeologist, what you do. Normal Joe Schmoe wants to find something that’s rare, like a rare gym or a rare artifact or whatever. And they are like, I think that I’ll do this, or I’m gonna go like throw spaghetti against the wall, go digging in all sorts of places and like look for you know, look for rare things. Joe Schmoe, by trying to cast a wide net.

Just throwing spaghetti at the wall is not probably going to find that which is rare. But expert archaeologist, expert archaeologist is resourced, they know where to look, they have tools, they have support and a community going with them, ideally. And they have more likelihood of finding that which is rare because of how they go about finding that which is rare. That’s why we’re doing dating strategy here.

That’s why we’re doing, that’s why we are helping you like own what you want and bring a community alongside you in this podcast and my program, main character dating, to help you find that which is rare, to increase the likelihood of you finding that which is rare. We are helping you. I am helping you with this podcast, with my program, with my book. Find that which is rare for you. Turn that which feels impossible right now into an inevitability. That’s what we’re doing together.

So I want you to put together your impossible list, both the list of 10 things that have happened in your life that felt impossible before they happened, and then the 10 things that you did to make that which felt impossible happen, whether directly or indirectly. And then I want you to share your work. Share it on Instagram at date brazen. Put it in your Instagram stories and tag me. I can’t wait to reshare, or just DM me what your impossible list is. I can’t wait to hear and cheer you on. And

Know that this is just the beginning of you making that which feels impossible inevitable, right? So you don’t have to be too bothered about your brain being a human brain and assuming that that which you want is not gonna happen or that it’s impossible. Those are just really hard human thoughts that are trying to protect you from rejection or vulnerability.

And with this framework of impossible things are happening every day. With this framework, you’re going to make that which you want even more possible every single day as you move toward it with intention and with this feminist action plan that we’re talking about together. So make your impossible lists. Decide that you are becoming an expert archaeologist for yourself. Be kind to your human brain. And

Open up to a little bit of possibility with an accessible reframe, like it might be possible that I make impossible things happen. It might be possible that that which is rare also exists. It might be possible that I’m becoming an expert archaeologist from my love life to find that which is rare. It might be possible that maybe, just maybe, this is just the beginning of my love story, and I’m right on time for it. You’ve got this, and I’ve got your back. Talk to you next week.