Ready to stop playing small and start living big? This week, Mastermind client Katie shares how she embraced main character energy, stepped out of her comfort zone, and began living a joyful AF life! 

From ditching self-doubt to creating a social life that lights her up, Katie talks about the bold moves she made—like taking a sabbatical and going on solo adventures. It wasn’t easy, but she trusted herself enough to push past fear and take massive, rewarding actions.

We get into:

• Breaking out of your comfort zone and going after what you want

• Building joy and meaningful social connections

• The power of self-trust and why it’s okay to invest in yourself 

• Katie’s breakthrough journey and how she stopped playing small 

Don’t miss out on the chance to take control of your own story! Tune in and step into your main character energy. 

Links:

RSVP for Take That Risk with Confident Main Character Energy

Show transcript:

[00:00:00] Lily: Hey, gorgeous friends. Welcome to another episode of the Date Brazen podcast. I’m so glad that you are here. So here’s the deal. There’s probably been a massive risk on your heart and brain for a long time. You have probably wanted to shoot your shot with that cutie. IRL, ask them out to quit your soul sucking job, to start that business you’ve been ideating on for years, to ask for that raise, to move to Europe, to, uh, like do that thing that’s been on your heart to do.

[00:00:28] And you probably, cause you’re probably type A like me, you make a to do list at 9 PM on a Friday after a friend pumps you up and you open your notes app and you’re like furiously writing down, okay, I’m going to do this, I’m going to do this, and I’m going to do this. And then you get stuck. You might get stuck in fear, in self doubt, in caregiving for others, in people pleasing, in the fear of other people’s judgment.

[00:00:50] And then you look up and it’s a year later, and the to do list has been gathering dust on your notes app, and you’re in the same place. If that has been you, [00:01:00] Then I want you to know what you want is on the other side of you stepping into your main character energy. It is time to take that risk that you’ve been dreaming of and make sure it pays off with your confident main character energy.

[00:01:15] And that’s why I am leading a free live training tomorrow. If you’re listening to this on October 8th, when it comes out tomorrow, October 9th, 2024, I’m leading a live free training called take that risk with confident main character energy where you’re going to learn my free. Framework for how I help my clients take massive risks that pay off big time.

[00:01:38] You’re going to learn how to own everything that you want. Claim that massive risk you’ve been dreaming of with self celebration. You’re going to learn how to release the fear that has been holding you back and keeping you stuck. I’m going to help you come up with a main character plan to make it happen.

[00:01:54] And this plan will help you eliminate obstacles before they [00:02:00] occur. So you’re like. Ready to move forward quicker without the self doubt so that you can take that risk that you’ve been dreaming of with main character energy and make sure it pays off. Today’s episode is with Katie, my client from main character life, my six month mastermind, formerly known as main character energy mastermind, Katie.

[00:02:19] Came into the mastermind not really knowing what she wanted her project to be. She didn’t really know, she didn’t have on her heart this like big change. She didn’t really want to move or, you know, change jobs. She felt like she had some good friends and, and she felt like her life was good, but she knew that.

[00:02:37] It was good, not great yet. She knew that she was in her comfort zone. She had built this beautiful life and she wanted something bigger. And she didn’t even know how to define it yet. She just was called to this work because the invitation to step into main character energy inspired her, made her feel good.

[00:02:56] Alive. And so she trusted herself to take the leap [00:03:00] and join us because on this, at this live training, the applications for my mastermind open, we open like previously we opened only once a year. So this is a really special, exciting time. And she applied, she joined us. She felt self trust telling her that this was the right next step.

[00:03:17] She didn’t know exactly what she wanted her project to And we ended up co creating the most Epic main character project together that involved doing scary and exciting things that brought her immense joy, building a new core group of friends. She ended up leaving the mastermind with a whole new set of fricking friends in her city.

[00:03:39] She noticed one week that she had had plans every night with new friends that she didn’t know before the mastermind. And it made her really emotional. This conversation made me emotional too. I wanted to start crying when she shared that. But that’s just like one little snippet of how this main character project increased the quality of her life, increased her ability to ask for what [00:04:00] she wanted.

[00:04:00] She ended up making an epic ask at work that she didn’t even know was possible. And we’re going to get into that as well in this episode. If you have a risk on your heart, or if you just feel a tingle at this invitation to start stepping into your main character energy and your love life and everywhere, then come to my live training tomorrow, October 9th, 2024.

[00:04:21] Everybody who registers will get the recording. You’re going to learn about main character life, my six month mastermind to release people pleasing, build rock solid self trust, become fricking life. In just six months, I can’t wait to support you with the weekly group coaching, with the monthly one on one support, with the friendship building hub that I’ve created for you, with the gorgeous workbook that you’ll get in the mail when you join the mastermind.

[00:04:46] All of that, that work, that community, that coven of cheerleaders is waiting for you on the other side of accepting this invitation into your main character energy. Um, so go register for [00:05:00] the live training. If you’re catching this after October 9th and before October 18th, then our applications are open right now.

[00:05:07] So what’s going to happen is that if you want to join us in the mastermind, you’ll fill out a quick application. The application questions alone will increase your main character energy. If you’re a good fit, you’ll get a link to my calendar and we can schedule an unhurried sales call. So we can see if this is the Best next step.

[00:05:24] I’m only accepting the people who are absolutely right for this program and who are ready to go on this journey together with this group. It’s going to be a powerful, intimate coven of cheerleaders. So get ready. Mastermind is coming. That live training is happening October 9th and Katie’s story is going to inspire the hell out of you, especially if you have been hearing these like.

[00:05:47] Calls into like, take that risk with main character energy. And you’re like, I don’t really know what the risk is I want to take, but I do feel like I want to step onto a bigger stage than this episode with Katie is for you. You’re going to leave feeling so much more clarity [00:06:00] about what could be possible.

[00:06:02] You’re going to leave with a, a sense of like what an action plan could look like that was built on your terms for your main character energy. And I hope you leave feeling less alone. Cause what you want in this life and your love life and in your work life and your friendship life, what you want is possible.

[00:06:20] It is possible. And let Katie’s story be an example of that. What you want is possible. It’s on the other side of you showing up with main character energy. So with that, Let’s get into the episode.

[00:06:35] Hey, I’m Lily Womble, former top matchmaker and founder of Date Brazen. After setting up hundreds, I realized that with coaching women could match themselves better than anyone else ever could. With my unconventional feminist approach, I’ve helped women around the world build courageous and self trust filled love lives.

[00:06:50] And now I’m here to support you get ready. Cause I’m about to share the exact steps you need to attract a soul quenching partnership and feel amazing about yourself along the [00:07:00] way. This is the Date Brazen Podcast. Hey, gorgeous friends. I’m going to introduce our guest in a moment, but I just need, we were starting a conversation that I just wanted to pick up with right here.

[00:07:12] Katie, what were you just saying about sending me this picture? Like paint the picture. Where were you? What was happening?

[00:07:19] Katie: So I was sitting on my beautiful terrace in Strasbourg, France, where I could see the top of the cathedral. And it was a beautifully sunny day. There were flowers. Not only flowers on the terrace, but I also bought myself flowers to really enhance the moment.

[00:07:36] And it was a beautiful day and I was just taking a little bit of a rest between. Lunch and going out again. And I was sitting there reading my advanced copy of thank you more, please. And I had to share it with Lily because it was truly one of the most consciously aware, happy moments. I felt that I had, and I really felt that I had gifted myself this.

[00:07:57] I feel like a lot of this started with the [00:08:00] investment that I made with date brazen and main character energy in actually spending money and gifting myself things. That were more about personal development and growth. That trip was certainly something that was a big gift to myself. And I feel like I made it bigger and more expansive because of a lot of the work that we’ve done together.

[00:08:23] Lily: Oh my God. Well, so I y’all, I received this picture of your stunning terrace on a sabbatical from work that you Asked for during main character energy mastermind that we coached on, that we worked on, that you were really nervous to ask for that you’re on then it’s happening. It’s there. And you’re like, this is my main character energy.

[00:08:46] And then you send me a video of you talking to the camera with these glamorous sunglasses on, on your French terrace. I couldn’t believe, I mean, I could, but like, I was so excited.

[00:08:56] Katie: It was such a great moment. And I really wanted it. [00:09:00] Before I sent you that video, I actually started taking that video just for myself being like, I want to remember this moment because I just feel so aligned and so happy and so much, you know, you have a saying that I just have loved, which is like, I get everything I want.

[00:09:15] And, uh, you know, the sabbatical in retrospect, like I didn’t know this when I asked for it, but it was in the works and it was going to come probably regardless of my ass. I’m sure me asking didn’t hurt, but like it, it was something they were already kind of working on that. I didn’t know, but regardless, I love, I asked for it.

[00:09:34] I got it. Who cares how it came about? It happened and it was just such a special moment. But then as I was taping it, I was like, no, I’m sending this to Lily, especially because I was. Like sitting down to read the book.

[00:09:47] Lily: You were promoing Thank You, More, Please, the book. I’m so grateful. It was a true Thank You, More, Please moment.

[00:09:52] So let’s back up, um, for the people listening. Obviously. Hello, gorgeous friends. I’m so glad that you’re here [00:10:00] today. I am joined by. An incredible human who I have had the pleasure of coaching for, uh, the past year or so, and in different programs, she was in the brazen breakthrough. And then she also joined main character energy mastermind this last round.

[00:10:17] Um, in 2023 going into 2024, I am so excited to dive into her story, her breakthroughs so that you can get inspired to live more in your main character energy. Even if you don’t know exactly where it’s going to lead you, even if you feel like my life is pretty good right now, but like, why do I, I feel this pull towards doing something more, but I don’t really know what it is.

[00:10:43] Even if that’s you, that’s, that means that this episode is going to inspire the hell out of you. Katie, welcome.

[00:10:50] Katie: Thank you. Oh my God.

[00:10:52] Lily: And we already, you know, this is, this is a formality at this point, because we already dove in. I’m like on the edge of my seat. Tell the people at home [00:11:00] what is important to know about you.

[00:11:02] Katie: That’s a great question. What is important to know about me? I think similar to your introduction, I feel like I have an amazing life. I, um, love my job. I work in marketing for a travel company and I travel a lot both personally and have opportunities through work, which feels just very aligned with things that I’m interested in.

[00:11:21] Amazing family, amazing little nephews, not so little, actually two of them are much taller than me and great friends, but I felt That there was more that I was looking for in life, even outside of a romantic partnership, which is something obviously that we’ve talked about and worked on first with a brazen breakthrough, but I felt a real desire and your, you know, kind of your approach and, and philosophy really called to me and I could tell I was already making such breakthroughs and brazen breakthrough that I really wanted to continue in a deeper level, which is really what [00:12:00] kind of drew me to To main character energy.

[00:12:02] And I remember struggling with the decision for a couple reasons. One, obviously it’s a big financial commitment to, I didn’t have a thing. I w you know, some of the other, um, people in the program were interested in, you know, putting a job and doing something different or making a big career change or moving forward with a business that they were the CEO of.

[00:12:25] And I didn’t have a thing like that. I I’m happy at my job. I wasn’t looking to make a big shift like that, but yet I still feel felt so drawn to the program because I felt like there was more that I wanted from life and I didn’t just want to sit by and continue to feel like every year or every few years when you reflect that, like.

[00:12:47] You wanted more from life, but you weren’t being an active participant and making that happen.

[00:12:54] Lily: What did that sound like in your brain when you would reflect and say, I want more from life? Like, [00:13:00] what did that mean to you? But, you know, regardless of our work, like when you were thinking about that before we met, what did that sound like?

[00:13:06] Katie: A more full life. So I have, and I think because I’ve been single for so long and have built a really comfortable, nice life for myself, which I do enjoy. It can be easy to get stuck in that comfort.

[00:13:22] Lily: Yeah.

[00:13:22] Katie: And I knew that like, yes, well, it’s really comforting to come home and have like a nice dinner and then like watch Netflix or like a show that like you’re, you enjoy, or even take a walk.

[00:13:34] Like I wanted more to my life, more social, probably. Um, when I really was thinking about it, it was, Probably more social connection and understanding that while obviously I do deeply desire to meet a romantic partner and I have some control in that and some things that are outside of my [00:14:00] control. What I did feel like I had to acknowledge is I had a lot more control in building a very fulfilling social, joyful life.

[00:14:08] A lot of it was more social connection. Very best friend who lives, who lived close to me. Cause I have a few best friends, you know, like most girls, right. Um, hopefully yeah, she moved to Georgia during COVID that really forced me because she’s my, she was my only single physically close girlfriend that really forced me to have to like really reflect on, wow, like we were really each other’s social lives.

[00:14:38] I don’t want to be in a situation again, where 1 person moving kind of really disrupts. Of course, there’s also complexities with being encoded that made that more challenging to. But I was like, I want to have a more full social life. Not just for that reason, but. But also just because I really think something I really realized during this program is [00:15:00] I really enjoy people.

[00:15:01] Like, I really enjoy meeting new people. I like making new connections, new friendships, learning from people, people have such interesting stories and that’s something that I feel like I really got out of the program was just like, really enjoying kind of getting out of my comfort zone and meeting new people.

[00:15:18] More new people making more connections. Certainly on the trip that I just took, I got to meet a lot of amazing people, a lot of other solo travelers with great stories. Really interesting backgrounds. And I’ve really, really enjoyed that. So I think what felt missing that I felt like I had more control over was joy building and social connection.

[00:15:40] Lily: I wonder for you, what, what were some breakthroughs you had during brazen breakthrough before you joined the mastermind and then let’s get into the weeds of when we were. First connecting about the mastermind and like what came up for you around the decision to join us because there’s something really juicy in that that I want to bring to the fore.

[00:15:59] But first, [00:16:00] like, okay, braise it, give me like a list of some brazen breakthrough breakthroughs. And then let’s get into like our first call about the mastermind.

[00:16:08] Katie: Okay. So some of the breakthroughs, I think one thing, and it’s funny, cause this came up in a therapy session this morning, but self compassion was probably Maybe the biggest breakthrough.

[00:16:21] Maybe. I don’t know. I, I, I have to like really reflect it. I have to think, do you

[00:16:25] Lily: remember being really resistant to it?

[00:16:28] Katie: Yes. Because it’s not, you were like,

[00:16:31] Lily: what’s this? I don’t want this. Yeah. It’s

[00:16:34] Katie: very counter to how I was raised and how I personally. Even probably how I personally felt until a few months ago, I felt like no excuses, like push through it.

[00:16:46] Like that felt very much like a, Oh, you’re being too soft. You’re being too easy on yourself. Like, it’s not okay. Like it’s, people have it worse, a lot of comparative stuff with that. So I would [00:17:00] say self compassion it’s, I would say it feels like it’s probably at the cornerstone of a lot of. A lot of the work that we did in the program.

[00:17:09] I don’t know if you agree with that statement. That was something very much out of my comfort zone, but I could I could actively see as the program progress in that. And I would lean into it that. It was a very helpful tool because certainly being hard on myself wasn’t getting myself anywhere.

[00:17:25] Lily: I just wrote down a little sticky note.

[00:17:27] You know how I, you know how I feel about sticky notes and taking furious notes about what my clients say is this idea of, I was in my comfort zone in this beautiful home that I’ve built this beautiful life that I’ve built this like that I am living in day to day. I’m so grateful for all these lovely, I have amazing friends, I have amazing job, right?

[00:17:47] Comfort zone. And the pushing through mentality. Yes, I remember a huge main character energy [00:18:00] moment that you had in our time in that program when you went to a restaurant or a bar. I don’t remember which one it was for the first time solo.

[00:18:08] Katie: Yes, and it was the night before my birthday because I specifically wanted to have that.

[00:18:14] Off my list,

[00:18:15] Lily: it was on your like dare list. Yeah. Which we’ll get into in a moment about the program and the dares that Katie did with the main character energy mastermind, but I think that you had identified in the mastermind. I’m a, how did you feel about going out solo? Like what were some thoughts that you had or assumptions that you had about that?

[00:18:33] Katie: I would happily give a presentation 500 people at my company before I would want to go out to dinner solo.

[00:18:40] Lily: Why

[00:18:40] Katie: that’s well, a couple of things. I think. Growing up, I always like would feel bad for people who were sitting by themselves or eating alone. So I think there was like a

[00:18:50] Lily: lunch, like a, like in the lunch room kind of thing.

[00:18:54] Yeah.

[00:18:54] Katie: Yeah. You feel bad. Like, Oh, do they have no friends? Like, are they lonely? [00:19:00] So that there’s partly that, which, you know, as an adult, you can understand, you know, you can separate.

[00:19:05] Lily: Yeah.

[00:19:05] Katie: But I think also, like, I just felt like I felt some of those things about myself, like, Oh, people are going to say. Or feel bad for me because I’m sitting here by myself or what a loser because she has no one there to be with.

[00:19:22] Right. And so I ripped the band aid the night before my birthday, because there’s this, there’d been this restaurant I had really wanted to try. And I was like, what am I waiting for? Like, so I went and it was, it actually was a really good experience. I sat at the bar and the bartender was so nice. And like, just like, he actually gave me a glass of wine to sample.

[00:19:44] Like it was a great first experience. And then I just forced myself. To keep doing it. So if I’d be out shopping at like an outdoor kind of nice venue, I’d say, all right, I’m going to go get a glass of wine somewhere, or I’m going to go and I just would, or I love sports. [00:20:00] Yeah. So I’m like, what is hot? Like there’s game on right now.

[00:20:04] Like just go sit there and like watch the football game. So I started to get more comfortable with it and actually they’re comfortable with it. Two things happen. One, I remember one day when one of my friends asked if, if I wanted to go out and I was like, actually, like, I kind of want to go by myself because I feel like I’ll have more opportunity.

[00:20:21] Oh my God. Converse. Yes. And. Then there was a moment when I was on my sabbatical, it was like the very, cause I went to Europe and I worked for like two or three days. And then I was officially off for three and a half weeks. And I remember sitting there that very first night, I went to a bar that had like live music.

[00:20:44] I was in Scotland. I was sitting there, maybe I’d been about an hour. And I had this moment where I realized. Oh, my God. Not once. Not once have I thought about the fact that I’m here alone. Not once have I felt like self conscious about it. I’m just enjoying the [00:21:00] moment, taking in the surroundings, the music, having a nice glass of wine.

[00:21:03] Yes. I was just totally happy and in the moment, and I hadn’t remotely felt any of the self consciousness.

[00:21:11] Lily: Katie, what do you think Katie, a year before then, or even six months before then, would have thought about where you’re at right now?

[00:21:22] Katie: Gosh, that’s a great question. I think she would have maybe hoped.

[00:21:26] That, but not, not really thought like that would be totally true. Like she probably would have thought like you could push yourself to do that, but you’re probably going to be miserable or you’re probably going to just be like, how soon can I leave? Or it’s not going to be

[00:21:43] Lily: fun. I, I’m, I should be in a relationship, that old story, default thought, like, I shouldn’t be here alone.

[00:21:50] I should be married by now. And you know, and I just, this comes back to the comfort zone and the pushing through without [00:22:00] self compassion led to decreased resiliency.

[00:22:05] Katie: Yes.

[00:22:06] Lily: Right. Because what I’m hearing is that you would have assumed, Oh, I’m going to have a bad time. You wouldn’t have tried. You’re assuming, which is shutting down the trying, which is a resiliency gap.

[00:22:20] Right. And with the skill of self compassion that you, you, you started learning embrace and breakthrough that we shored up in the mastermind coupled with courageous action. I think you increase your capacity for resiliency and decrease your cortisol, which is the scientific. You know, right. Outcome of self compassion.

[00:22:40] Well, what comes up when I say those reflect that back to you?

[00:22:42] Katie: A lot of positive feelings. And also there was one thing you had said at one point when this had come up during the course, and you said, Oh, it’s interesting that your take on this is like, people might think I’m lonely or like feel bad for me because you had said when [00:23:00] you go out.

[00:23:01] You feel glamorous. Like you’re yourself to like this nice dinner and like maybe a cocktail. And I was like, what, what a spin, like, like, why did I not think of it? Cause it’s true. And I, I also like, so I had that first night, like on the sabbatical where I officially realized like, wow, like things have really dramatically changed and then as the trip went on, cause I was constantly, like, I actually did have dinner with a couple of people.

[00:23:29] That I met on the trip, but most of the time I was just obviously going out by myself, but it didn’t feel like there was just a different, I would say I’m a confident person, but there was a different confidence and like walking in and they’d be like, Oh, how many? And I’d be like, Oh, just one. And it’s actually, I don’t think I said just.

[00:23:47] I think. Yeah. Good.

[00:23:48] Lily: Oh, that’s huge. That just right there. That like not qualifying it.

[00:23:54] Katie: Yes.

[00:23:55] Lily: That’s such a powerful

[00:23:57] Katie: thing. Oh, just one. Just me. Is that [00:24:00] a problem? I can sit at the bar. Like, and I actually prefer to sit at the bar because it’s nice to be able to have the chance. That’s

[00:24:05] Lily: where you can connect to people.

[00:24:07] Yeah.

[00:24:08] Katie: Yeah. But I think that there was a moment when I also realized it might’ve been in Amsterdam, um, which was the end of my trip where I was walking in and being like, what, not just one or just me.

[00:24:20] Lily: So good. Katie.

[00:24:21] Katie: They’re subtle, but like you start to realize like things are shifting

[00:24:26] Lily: while your brain has changed.

[00:24:28] You have changed, you know, like I, I just, I’m so excited for where this is going to take you. Cause I think the way we do one thing is the way we do everything. So if you’re walking into the restaurant and saying, I’m here. I’m taking it really essentially when you’re not qualifying. It’s not that you’ll be solo forever.

[00:24:45] You obviously will not be. You had friendships that blossomed from this sabbatical trip. You will have a romantic partner. I know that I hold that for you until it feels available for you to hold yourself. I don’t know how you feel about that right now, but we can discuss it. But [00:25:00] I think that you’re so much more likely To meet the person.

[00:25:05] I know that you’re so much more likely to meet the person when you are going and doing things that bring you joy. IRL.

[00:25:11] Katie: Yes. I a hundred percent believe that. And I feel so, so incredibly different than I did a year ago, two years ago. Like I started therapy three years ago. And probably my biggest regret is that I waited so long to start therapy.

[00:25:28] And then I think that. Um, starting and investing in that and also working with a dietitian and then finding your course. Like, I think those things made me more open to this investing in like self improvement and in myself. Yeah. And I feel so incredibly different and I do feel like, wow, just a very different person than I was a few years ago or six months ago, even.

[00:25:55] And I do believe that, like, I am putting myself in a much [00:26:00] better position to have the opportunity to meet someone aligned through these activities in the joy building that it’s hard for me to believe the inevitable part just because I have so many years of it not happening, despite a lot of effort over the years, I will say, I do think I’ve unpacked through the therapy and the work that we’ve done together.

[00:26:25] I’ve unpacked some stories and and baggage that I feel like maybe held me back before that isn’t there. Um, but I do 100 percent believe in the joy building approach, even if it didn’t ever result in people meeting. Romantic partners. It’s still a much better way to be living life.

[00:26:47] Lily: Yes. And yes,

[00:26:49] Katie: conscientious of it.

[00:26:50] Like the joy building, I can’t remember exactly what you called it, but the summer challenge last year, that really kind of kicked this off for me. Cause I got [00:27:00] intentional about it. I wrote a list and I was like, what are all the things I’d like to do this summer? What was amazing. And this happened in main character energy too.

[00:27:09] A lot of the things off the list. I didn’t have to force. I had some things on the list. People asked me to do out of nowhere. Like I had put like, Oh, I want to see a drag show. Like I’ve never done that. That seems fun. I don’t know. A month later, one of my friends is like, Hey, they’re doing a Barbie drag show tonight.

[00:27:25] You want to go? And I was like, well, yes I do.

[00:27:27] Lily: Oh my God. Thank you more, please. Yeah. You. You become a magnet. I mean, you become a magnet for what you want when you step into your main character energy

[00:27:37] Katie: and

[00:27:38] Lily: when you ask for what you want to yourself first.

[00:27:41] Katie: Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:27:43] Lily: I love this. Enjoy building is one of my favorite concepts.

[00:27:47] I’m so glad you resonate. Katie, let’s go back to our sales call. For the mastermind. Okay, let’s go back because it was one of the most memorable and the follow up was one of the most memorable. I’ve had, you know, hundreds of [00:28:00] sales calls over the six, seven years of business. What do you remember about first talking?

[00:28:06] You had invested in brazen breakthrough. You had done a few months in that program. I perceive that you got a lot out of it. You enjoyed it. Um, But that there was something like calling you to joining the mastermind. What do you remember going through your brain in that call that we had? And tell, let’s, let’s talk about it.

[00:28:23] Katie: Yeah. I actually think when I first found you, I think you had been talking about the main character energy course, but you weren’t offering it at the time.

[00:28:32] Lily: Okay.

[00:28:32] Katie: And I remember being very drawn to that, but then I saw the dating program and I’m like, well, this. This also really resonates and she’s offering it right now.

[00:28:42] So I jumped on that. So when it came time again, I knew previously, like it had drawn me. I had, I was pulled to it, but I was questioning because I didn’t have like a defined thing. Yeah. So type a and like, I was like, so [00:29:00] you’re going to join this. But like, you don’t know what your outcome is like, you don’t have, like, I want to quit my job or I want to start a business or I want to, whatever I, you know, I didn’t have like a, yes, a checkbox to say at the end of it, you did the thing.

[00:29:19] So as a type a person, like I was really struggling with that. I am a little fiscally conservative with money at times, although I’m getting so much better with that. I am not conservative all my. Just want to put that all out there. Um, so the money was like a really big decision and I had made the decision.

[00:29:35] I wanted to spend the month in Europe and it was probably about the same amount of money. So I was like, well, I want to do bowl, but like, should I? And then it was the program that made me think like, just spending a month in Europe, isn’t enough. You need to ask for the sabbatical. So like that made it bigger, but on the call, so I was struggling with doing the, being drawn to it, but not having like this.

[00:29:59] Perfectly [00:30:00] like wrapped thing that I wanted to accomplish.

[00:30:02] Lily: Yes.

[00:30:03] Katie: There would be no checkbox to check that like you accomplish. Quitting the job, writing the book, starting the business. I wasn’t going to be able to say like, people asked me and not many people knew that I did this, but of the people that knew that I did it one, none of, none of the ones that I shared this with would say whatever, say this, but I wanted to be able to say like, I got X from this.

[00:30:31] Lily: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:30:32] Katie: Yeah. And then over time I, I could understand that. What you got internally and from like a self improvement mindset, like was so much more than being able to check a box of like, I did this other thing. Cause that, that can’t, I don’t think these things can be taken away from me. The mind shift changes and I also remember I’m [00:31:00] distracted, like this is not from the call, but I remember there was a moment towards the end of the program when I had recognized that everything I was doing that week, like everyone I was going out with that week, every activity I was doing was all with people who were not in my life before the program.

[00:31:15] Lily: Wow. Wow.

[00:31:17] Katie: Even thinking about that makes me like emotional right now because that was really like that more fulfilling, like joy building social connection. It truly did. It did happen. And I don’t know, I don’t think that that would have happened. Certainly not at the pace that it happened, if not for the program.

[00:31:36] Lily: What’s the, what’s the emotion. Tell me more about that.

[00:31:39] Katie: Yeah. Cause that like kind of surprised me,

[00:31:43] Lily: but I

[00:31:43] Katie: guess as we’re talking and I’m realizing like, I didn’t have that. I want to quit my job or I want to, I did know that I wanted a more fulfilling social life. So like, it’s a little different because it’s not like a formal definition.

[00:31:58] Right.

[00:31:59] Lily: Yeah.

[00:31:59] Katie: [00:32:00] Um,

[00:32:01] Lily: and when you say more fulfilling social life, tell me like, let’s get deeper. Like what did you want to feel that you were not feeling? How did you want to be supported that you weren’t? Feeling supported. Like, tell me about that.

[00:32:11] Katie: Yeah. Like more connection. Um, in my day to day life, more opportunity for like joy building experiences.

[00:32:21] Um, really connection. I think at the end of the day, deeper connection than just like, you know, like randomly seeing someone like really building friendships and deeper connection.

[00:32:32] Lily: If I may offer what I see. Mm

[00:32:35] Katie: hmm.

[00:32:36] Lily: Happened. Is that, you know, going back to the sticky note in front of me, the comfort zone and pushing through, you’d created a beautiful life and that had become sort of the status quo.

[00:32:47] Yeah, and there was nothing like quote wrong with it, right? It’s not like you were broken or that you needed to fix something necessarily. But I think that you were playing small. Yeah. [00:33:00] And that, you know, creating a more fulfilling social life, um, and social connections and being brave enough to ask for, you know, Um, a sabbatical, even when you didn’t know all the answers and giving yourself permission to go out solo for the first time and not feel, um, shame about it and instead feel self celebratory.

[00:33:24] I mean, you’re playing bigger now, Katie.

[00:33:26] Katie: I think that’s a good reflection back. And I think I mentioned this on our initial call too. Like, I feel like it would shock people because I travel a lot and. You know, have a good life and, you know, go out to nice restaurants and have a nice home. And like, I think it really would surprise people that I didn’t feel main character energy in my own life, because I think externally it probably looked main character, but I didn’t feel it.[00:34:00]

[00:34:00] And

[00:34:00] Lily: why, why do you think you didn’t feel it?

[00:34:02] Katie: I, even though. It didn’t look it. I was playing small. Everything was safe, even though for, to me, right. Cause everyone has a different comfort level. Like I was not nervous at all about spending a month in Europe by myself. Yeah. And I remember one day, one of my friends saying like, you are afraid to go out to dinner by yourself, but you’re going to go to Europe for a month.

[00:34:23] And I’m like, yeah,

[00:34:25] Lily: that makes total sense to me. Yeah. Why would you ask that question?

[00:34:28] Katie: I was playing small and comfortable. I would have probably identified it more as like comfortable, but I do, I think I was playing small.

[00:34:39] Lily: I don’t have a fully like fleshed out concept here, but what I’m here, what I’m reflecting on is.

[00:34:46] Comfort is wonderful and needed so much of the time. I mean, life is very difficult. There’s a lot of injustice in the world that, you know, the [00:35:00] comfort is necessary to our thriving as people or even surviving sometimes, you know, comfort is necessary. I don’t want. This shit, this idea to come across as like, we don’t need to feel comfortable.

[00:35:13] I think that that’s not true, but it’s a both. And comfort is not a useful state of being.

[00:35:20] Katie: Not if you want to grow and not if you want to change things.

[00:35:23] Lily: Yeah. Comfort is, is, has a place if you don’t mind exactly where you’re at. And, but I do think that there’s so much more life to live than like, um, then comfort will allow you to experience if comfort is the main state of being.

[00:35:42] Katie: One thing I think I learned about myself is throughout this process. I am a grown woman with my own money and no debt other than my mortgage. Right. Yeah. And I still felt the need to like, kind of get approval. Yeah. I’m spending this kind of [00:36:00] money on myself. That was my own money that I had.

[00:36:04] Lily: Yeah. Tell me about that.

[00:36:06] Tell me about that. Even if it does go on a credit card for some people, if you have a financial system that you feel great within, like, but tell me about the experience of, I need to ask somebody else’s opinion or get their approval to spend this much money on myself for this mastermind.

[00:36:24] Katie: One, probably the.

[00:36:25] The only hesitation truly that I had about the program, because I think not knowing exactly what I want from it was one thing because I felt so drawn to it. So I was, I could get over that, but it was the biggest amount of money I’d ever, other than like grad school that I’d ever spent on myself for something and throughout the kind of few weeks when I was debating this.

[00:36:49] I talked to some really close people in my life about it. And most people were very supportive about it. And there was one that was a [00:37:00] little like more cautious I’ll say, and in their feedback about it after kind of hanging up with that person, I realized like two things. One, I shouldn’t be asking anyone else how I should, this is my money.

[00:37:14] And it’s something I want to do. And I think that’s something I really, really learned throughout the program too, is like that self trust, which is one of the first things we start with. I’m not going to shame myself, but I don’t think I will ever ask anyone’s opinion about how I’m spending my money ever again, because it’s really irrelevant.

[00:37:34] Lily: Huge.

[00:37:35] Katie: First of all, I was spending well within my means and, and it’s no one, I mean, it’s really for myself. So like, I don’t need anyone’s permission. So I felt like I took that away. Another thing I realized. After, you know, having these conversations, it’s like, why am I questioning these people are spending similar amounts of money celebrating themselves

[00:37:55] Lily: and no

[00:37:55] Katie: one is judging them because they’re coupled.

[00:37:57] Lily: Yep. Yep.

[00:37:59] Katie: It’s [00:38:00] amazing to me, one, I initiated this, right? Because I started the conversation and I got opinions, but it’s amazing to me how judged people’s solo people, single people really are with how they spend their money. People have a lot to say about it.

[00:38:15] Lily: Yes. Yes. And if we look back historically at the context of women and money, like the recently, and I’ve, I’ve talked about this so much, but, um, this year was the 50th anniversary of when a woman could get a credit card without her husband’s or father’s permission.

[00:38:34] Right. Or, or I think husbands, I need to, I need to actually double check that fact, but, um, I don’t know about the father’s part, but definitely like you had to be connect, like, Married to receive financial independence, not even independence, because you’re married. Right? And so if we that wasn’t that long ago, 50 years isn’t that long ago.

[00:38:56] I mean, our parents definitely remember vividly [00:39:00] this time. And I just think it’s important to recognize. How our brains have been conditioned within the patriarchy to doubt ourselves, especially those who are not coupled romantically. Our society is structured to put coupled people as like ahead in life as single people of single people.

[00:39:23] And why, what, who does that serve? Right? Who does that paradigm serve? Uh, men and, uh, um, generally single women are left out to dry and treat it as like children.

[00:39:37] Katie: Yeah.

[00:39:37] Lily: Which is fucked

[00:39:38] Katie: up. It is. All of, you know, most of my friends are married with children and, you know, that means they’re spending a lot of money on their children and also celebrating, you know, anniversaries and different moments in their life.

[00:39:54] And I wouldn’t like, I don’t think anyone would ever think anything about how they’re spending their money or how [00:40:00] they’re celebrating themselves. Yet I did feel from some people and some people I wouldn’t even tell about this. That were close in my life just because they had previously judged like spending money on myself in those ways.

[00:40:17] Lily: What’s your, what’s your new thought about how you spend your money after the mastermind?

[00:40:23] Katie: I think like two big things. One, my money, my choice.

[00:40:28] Lily: Great, great. My body, my choice, my money, my choice. Yeah.

[00:40:31] Katie: And also like, I’m very, I’m very responsible and I’m a very good decision maker. And I think the self trust now, like no more, I don’t need opinions anymore.

[00:40:41] Thank you. No more, please. Yes. Um, I don’t need opinions. And another thing that I felt like I got from this too, is I’ve always been, I was raised, you know, You don’t have debt, like you pay everything down, like as you overpay on mortgage, pay everything down, save for the [00:41:00] future. And, and I’m grateful for that.

[00:41:02] And it’s, it’s put me in a good place. But I don’t, I want to enjoy life now too. And I think it’s made me so much more balanced in spending in the now and enjoying the moment. And I actually forced myself on this trip. I said, I was hoping that I would. Find something that was more money than I would normally want to spend that I really want to buy.

[00:41:29] And I also had no, no room in my, because I was gone for a month. So I, it couldn’t be anything big. So I, I actually really like buying jewelry when I travel, but usually I buy like, Silver costume jewelry, something like that. And I went into a jewelry store and I saw this bracelet I loved, but I was like, this isn’t enough money, so I need to buy, I need to buy something else.

[00:41:52] And I ended up paying a ring, a necklace and the bracelet. I should have worn them every, I I’ve only been [00:42:00] home for a few days, but I wore them on Monday and I know forever when I pull them out and I wear them, it will be such a special memory of the trip and also like a pivotal moment where I was like, no, I deserve this.

[00:42:11] Like I. Deserve to, to have like some nice story to remember this trip by and spend money on myself. So I feel like there’s two big things. That I took away from this program, one, like my money, my choice, self trust, don’t need others opinions, and also that I, it’s okay to spend on now, you know, like, the balance between spending now and being responsible and saving for the future, um, and letting my, because you, one, you never know what’s going to happen.

[00:42:48] Lily: Well, I think that, you know, in terms of relationship to money, I think it’s very directly correlated to relationship to self in [00:43:00] some ways, right? Like, I know that money and like our capitalistic culture can be a complex thing to navigate with, uh, in alignment with, uh, uh, values, you know? And I, so I, I want to connect the money piece to the energy beneath the surface because money is really powerful.

[00:43:18] And the way that you sound like you’re treating money now and be be treating yourself in the process is more generous, more expansive. Uh, also the energy of, I see a direct correlation between I’m willing to go to this restaurant and have the best time solo

[00:43:36] Katie: and

[00:43:36] Lily: not. Have any doubt of myself taking up space in this restaurant?

[00:43:41] Like I deserve either like, Oh, do you need me to sit somewhere? I’ll be in the corner, right? Like, no, like you deserve to take up space in, in this place and enjoy yourself and have this nice experience. Same, same with, I deserve to go on this. I deserve to ask for a sabbatical, which is another thing that you did courageously.

[00:43:59] Even if you were [00:44:00] nervous about what the company response was going to be. Asking for more time than other people had asked for. Isn’t that right? That you were asking for more time than anybody else in your company had ever asked for.

[00:44:10] Katie: Which I mean, I guess I don’t know for sure if anyone had ever asked for, but yes, I was asking for something that to my knowledge, no one else I worked for had, had asked for.

[00:44:21] Yeah. And people were very supportive.

[00:44:24] Lily: Yeah. But you created these opportunities for yourself. You know what I’m saying? To enjoy and take up more space and play bigger in your life.

[00:44:35] Katie: Definitely.

[00:44:35] Lily: Yeah. And what if this was just the beginning of that?

[00:44:38] Katie: I think it is just the beginning. It’s definitely just the beginning because once you’ve had a taste of this and you embrace it, you only want more.

[00:44:50] Yeah.

[00:44:51] Lily: Thank you. More please. I get everything I want, which is something that we were practicing in the program. Amen.

[00:44:56] Katie: Amen. And you know that as a more like [00:45:00] pragmatic, uh, practical person, I, I sometimes struggle with some of the sayings, like what’s meant to you won’t be won’t pass you by. Um, and, you know, the right relationship is inevitable.

[00:45:11] Sometimes those are a little hard for me. The, I get everything I want. Like that really clicked because I’m like,

[00:45:18] Lily: take it and run with it.

[00:45:19] Katie: Yeah, it really clicked for me.

[00:45:21] Lily: Those listening. It doesn’t mean or negate that hard things will happen in life. Life is always 50 50. It’s just this mindset of like, You know, for example, I, you know, before going to an airport, um, Chris and I will sit and we’ll breathe together and be like, we get everything we want.

[00:45:38] The airport experience will be easeful. It will be seamless. We’re going to have an easy travel day. Cause I get very anxious about travel. And then the next day for our Uh, holiday trip this past time. It was a shit show at the airport. It was a terrible, terrible experience at the airport. We almost missed our flight.

[00:45:56] We only bought. Yeah, it was, it was wild because we got there too [00:46:00] late, like all these things, but because of the, uh, A mindset of I get everything I want. I saw in the difficulty moments where I was getting what I wanted in amidst the difficulty. And so, um, you know, it can be true when things are hard, when things are amazing, I get everything that I want also not to say that everything happens for a reason.

[00:46:19] That’s not what it means. I think it is just like a framing though, that generally Yeah.

[00:46:31] Katie: And I think you can also like decide what it is like saying something like that makes you think like, well, what do I want?

[00:46:37] Lily: What do I want? Yes.

[00:46:39] Katie: Acknowledging puts it back on you to be very conscientious. Like you probably can have what you want.

[00:46:45] What is it like? Really sit down and think like, obviously the relationship, there’s some of that that’s out of your control. But like. Okay. The things in your control, you, you usually can figure out how to get what you want.

[00:46:57] Lily: A hundred percent. Tell me [00:47:00] last two questions. Number one, you’ve done a lot of therapy.

[00:47:03] What did the mastermind give you that enhanced your therapy or was, you know, more powerful than therapy in certain ways or aspects. Um, and then what would you say to somebody on the fence about joining the mastermind?

[00:47:17] Katie: Yeah. So I would say I actually upped my therapy during the program because I wanted to have cause you get everything you

[00:47:25] Lily: want

[00:47:26] Katie: and I have very good health insurance, which I’m very grateful for, but I really wanted to be able to have one session a week that could compliment the work that we were doing together.

[00:47:39] Just my regular session. No, it didn’t always necessarily so methodically work out that way, but I knew that like I wanted so type a, I wanted to get the most out of this program. And I thought adding therapy could only help, but I really think that this put a lot of what I was working on, on a much faster path.

[00:47:57] It just [00:48:00] complimented so much of it. So well, I think, and I think I mentioned this in the beginning, but I’ll kind of full circle it here. Like the self compassion stuff that. Really, and I still have work to do for sure, but I don’t think I would be where I am with that and also trying to still continue to work on feeling my feelings, which is also very hard for me, but I think relates it really put it on a much faster trajectory.

[00:48:29] Doing this and the therapy work, not just because I doubled down on therapy, but because it really, it really connects and each week or each month, you know, there’s a theme they would just inevitably so directly relate to other things. I was working on in therapy and there would be so many little full circle moments.

[00:48:51] Lily: Yeah, I love that.

[00:48:53] Katie: Yeah, I think it’s the I mean, I know you say this that you need to be doing therapy or have a therapist to do the program and

[00:48:59] Lily: [00:49:00] yeah,

[00:49:00] Katie: honestly, like, I think you’d be doing yourself a disservice not to together. They’re such a good compliment.

[00:49:06] Lily: Well, I, I love. That share. And I also think that, um, for those who have done therapy before, who are finding that coaching is where they want to invest their time.

[00:49:19] They take a pause from therapy because that work is over for the time being like that also can be powerful. I’ve seen, um, and there are also those who start therapy for the first time while they’re in the mastermind. And that also can be. Incredibly powerful. I loved your main character energy project of your dares and your like your next steps and you daring yourself to do things.

[00:49:42] And I loved seeing your journey every single week. It was such a joy and pleasure because you really took this seriously and you got you got everything that you needed out of it and more. I’m hearing that it was surprising [00:50:00] some of the results that happened and that’s exactly what. I desired for all these amazing humans who joined us, uh, in the mastermind.

[00:50:07] Katie: Yes, definitely. Yeah. What you just said to kind of, I think it was a great point about, because there, and at least my therapist who will never tell me what to do. Right. And I think sometimes like having that coaching aspect is also so helpful because you weren’t. Necessarily saying what to do, but you could guide and be more direct in a very different way than a therapist.

[00:50:31] And you, you have a different perspective and skillset as well. So together, like they really do make such a good combination for me. At least.

[00:50:40] Lily: I love that. Katie, what would you say to people on the fence about joining the mastermind?

[00:50:44] Katie: I would honestly say, if you’re finding yourself drawn to it, there’s a reason.

[00:50:49] And you should have self trust and listen to your gut. And take that first step because I’ll never forget at the end of our kind of, um, initial [00:51:00] call to see if it would be a good fit. You had me, cause I was very tortured. I was very conflicted and it was really about the money and you had me just take a breath and spit in my body and say like, which feels better.

[00:51:14] And I know I told you this on our very final main character call, but I totally lied to you because I told you it felt better to do it, but the truth was, what felt better was to say no, but I knew that’s because it was I was pushing myself out of my comfort zone.

[00:51:32] Lily: Yeah. Well, then we’ve got to define what feeling better means, right?

[00:51:36] Like I could have been more specific, right? Like, does this feel more comfortable as saying no and putting that money into my rollover IRA that I got in addition to the 401k that I, right. Like whatever is happening, but yeah, if it, if it feels more comfortable. And your intention is to allow yourself to be uncomfortable and still feel emotionally safe and like grow, [00:52:00] then you were listening to yourself and that way.

[00:52:02] Katie: Yes, you’re right. In that regard. I was. Yes.

[00:52:05] Lily: Yeah.

[00:52:05] Katie: Yes. But I wanted nothing more to just be like. Okay. No, I’m not going to do it. I can be safe. I don’t have to worry about over, like feeling, feeling like I’m overspending. Right. Here again,

[00:52:17] Lily: the shame of taking agency over what you want and then taking action and spending money on what you want.

[00:52:25] Katie: So I would definitely say if you’re drawn to it, there’s a reason and you should trust it.

[00:52:30] Lily: I’m proud of you. Tell me one reason why you’re really proud of yourself from the last six months.

[00:52:37] Katie: What I want to say is I’m really proud that I made the decision to do it because that has changed. That was like the starting point and really changing the trajectory for a lot of things.

[00:52:48] And really feeling so much more comfortable and confident in who I am and myself, I journaled in your journal, um, on my trip every day. And I, I know there’s [00:53:00] some, some entries in here that just like, really talk about this, like, just comfort and confidence in who I am really being excited. About this just being the beginning of this new chapter, and I’m so grateful that I gave myself this gift and that.

[00:53:20] I know in five years when I look back, I will not have to say, Oh, well, I wonder if life could have been better. I wonder if life could have been bigger. I will feel like I have taken such an active part in making my life exactly what I want it to be. And I think a lot of that came from this program.

[00:53:44] Lily: I adore you and I’m so grateful that we are working together.

[00:53:48] We got to work together and, um, thank you for being willing to come and vulnerably share your story. I’m so grateful y’all. If you want to join main character energy mastermind, uh, [00:54:00] we are opening soon. It is going to be a party. Check the link in the description of this episode to learn more and to join us.

[00:54:08] Talk to y’all soon. Bye.