153. Getting vulnerable: Big updates!
Lily is back this week with a new episode! She shares some big life updates that have transpired over the last few months. You’ll hear about some of the most memorable moments from her wedding, get a brief behind-the-scenes glimpse into her writing process for her upcoming book, and get a front-row seat to an impromptu (and personal) Main Character Energy session. This is a fun and vulnerable episode we hope you’ll enjoy!
Links:
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Show transcript:
Lily: Hello Gorgeous friends welcome to another episode of the date brazen podcast the latest after a little bit of a break on my part. Today's episode is going to be super like hanging out on the couch together doing a major catch up. So I wanted to take this time to hang out to let you know what's been happening behind the scenes and to give you a major update on all things Lilly and date brazen this is going to be an episode full of my messy imperfect main character energy and so curl up or keep walking like get something comfortable around you or like give yourself a hug cuz we I just I'm so excited to see you again to hang out a little bit and let's get into it. hey, I'm Lily Womble former top matchmaker and founder of date brazen after setting up hundreds I realized that with coaching women could match themselves better than anyone else ever could. But my unconventional feminist approach I've helped women around the world build courageous and self trust filled love lives and now I'm here to support you get ready because I'm about to share the exact steps you need to attract a soul quenching partnership and feel amazing about yourself along the way. This is the date brazen podcast. Okay, so for the past month ish. We've been doing replay episodes of the date brazen podcast and I hope you've been enjoying, I hope you've been learning picking up on things you didn't pick up on before. I hope you've been caring for your nervous system and trusting yourself as much as humanly possible. The past month has been wild. I'm recording this on May 31. And I got married on May 4, which was amazing. I'm going to tell you more about it. Also context I am so blissed out right now after a 30 minute solo yoga flow on peloton. And truly my mindset could not be better going into this episode I was feeling earlier today I was feeling kind of rushed kind of harried for like no real reason it just like living life and being in the flow of my day to day and everything that's on my plate right now, which I again, I'm gonna get into I don't mean to edge in this way. But here we are. And I slow down. I was like God, all I wanted to do is lay in my bed and scroll on tick tock, which I did. And then I got my butt up. I was like, let me put on some stretchy pants and a sports bra. And do a little yoga moment because I know it'll make me feel better. God dammit. And I did I feel so blissed out and so like chill and ready to download all of the things. So got married on May 4. It was incredible. Y'all. It was the most joyful day of my life. I think Chris said it was the most joyful day of his life though, he will come on the podcast and share his TLDR from the day we got married at the courthouse a couple days, actually, like a week before the wedding. We had our friends and family in town. It was like 50 people. My favorite moment from the day at least right now, as I'm sitting here is in our ceremony it was in the round, it was so special. We were surrounded by like our literal favorite people and holding hands. And we had scripted our own ceremony. So there was a moment where we did a ring warming where our officiant who was our dear friend took our rings and said you know now Lillian crest would like you to like each hold the rings and like say you know a wish for the couple or or a blessing or whatever you choose is hold them and warm them and we'll pass them around the whole room. And we in scripting this ceremony we're like okay, what was the How long is this gonna take we scripted in some several things like for the rings to hopefully go around the whole room. Okay, so the rings didn't get around half the room before we had run out of script. There was a whole second half of the ceremony it was like a 10 to 15 minute ceremony All in all, so it wasn't like a long thing. It was just like we had slotted this much time for the ring warming and it took literally like half the room had gone by the time we had done all of our time. And it looked at our friend the officiant and he was like, What are we gonna do Oh, and I had this just instant vision of what needed to happen next. And I looked at Chris, I said, I have an idea. Can I pitch it? He was like, do whatever you want. And I took the mic and I said, Hey everybody, do you know the song make you feel my love? And of course, our community being our community, most everybody said, Yes, hello, yesterday, that song and we started I started singing when the rain is falling in your face, and the whole room started singing and we sang the whole song as the rings were warmed by our loved ones and my family and friends are really talented, they were singing harmony, my brother was beatboxing which he is very, very good at. He was a beatboxer in his college acapella group. And then he started whistling harmonies and my mom acted as is like pitch pipe for everybody because she is who she is an amazing musician. And it just became this moment of us all singing in harmony. And the love in that moment was also just it pretty wild. And the main character energy of practicing making an ask like that, like I've been practicing making big asks my whole life I think I'm, I'm pretty good at making big asks. And that moment just felt like the culmination of every big ask and not feeling like a big ask at all. It was just like, Yeah, this is what's going to happen and the people around me and the people around Chris, love him. They love me like, we're going to ask our community to sing together right now. Let's fucking go. This wasn't planned. Let's fucking go. And they were game. And it reminds me of this Instagram story that I just reposted. Someone that I follow posted this and it just was so so right. Carmen Mohaka says I cannot underscore enough how important it is to have people in your life who are delighted by you. Yes, delighted. It actually is foundational to the self esteem of a child to have adults be delighted by their existence. You are worthy of having your full essence enjoyed. I don't mean just sexually surround yourself with people who enjoy you who find pleasure in being around you and witnessing you. None of that lukewarm people cool people shit be around people who fuck with you heavily and joyfully. Carmen Mohaka thank you for these words. They are exactly what I want to live by and exactly why I want all of you to be around people who celebrate your Bragg's with you. Anyway, that was my favorite moment of the wedding day. And you know, we took off work that week and the week after. And so the wedding finishes the what another one of my favorite moments was the luxury hotel that we invested in, in on Brooklyn Bridge Park. It was like so cool to be treated like a literal queen and king at this hotel, literally were chauffeured in their house car, the house Audi electric SUV, I mean, the, the level of luxury I was not used to and I have never experienced before. And so like having that care also was really transformative. And also very validating that I want to create experiences that make people feel delighted and held and seen like in my day to day life, and I get to receive that as well. And so like one of you know, I said in the podcast episode about our wedding, like one of the most main character energy things that I'm going to do is to allow and receive I think that was accomplished. And I'm very proud of the receiving muscles because in the moment, it can be easy like going down to the cafe at this hotel and seeing dolger cat in the line of hotel and then sitting in the hotel lobby with a latte and seeing Ed Sheeran walk in to go to his room. And you know, just it can be easy to slip into like, do I look like a like, what, what what's happening here am I in the right place and then just affirming like, I get to be in this space in any space. And that receiving that was exciting, transformative. All the things that was wedding Update, I'm sure I'll have more like reflections and we also just got our photos back and I'm just like overwhelmed. So they're so beautiful. You can find them at my Instagram and on my Tiktok at date brazen if you want to like sneak peek into the wedding. Okay, so the wedding happened what was happening before the wedding and after the wedding and as the wedding was being planned. Okay, so the wedding. We sort of plan that that she It two plus years go we had to postpone we it was like such a thing. Okay. So amidst all of this, I am doing something very, very fun and very, very big. And also life changing. Like literally two of the biggest things happening in my life are happening at one time, the wedding and writing my book. I am not talking publicly about all of the details yet it is coming very soon. I hate again hate to edge we are not i edging can be fun in this context. I just want to share, spill all of the beans and do all the things and I am I'm I'm reserving I'm reserving the full beans until a later date that is going to be announced soon. And some of the beans just a few of those gorgeous coffee beans are that I'm writing a book. Okay. So that has been the biggest task in my life, besides building date brazen, which that was such an unhurried unfolding. That was like I've been doing this for almost six years, next year will be six years. That was just an evolution and unhurried unfolding. This is Oh my god, there's a deadline, right? There's a there's support. And there's there's there's care and there's excitement, and there's structure, and there's expertise already built, like everything is built. And also there is a deadline. And so after the wedding, there wasn't really much like buffer time, between wedding time and get back to writing, right. And writing is also a skill that I thought I was like, super good at, I think I'm a good writer. And I thought like, I'm gonna dive in to this thing. And it's gonna come out of me so easily. And boy, was I humbled, humbled when I say I was humbled, I say I'm humbled. I was humbled. And so and the the act of like, writing is also not very, not very instantly gratifying. I would say, like, it's fun to write a. It's fun to write, like, yesterday, I got in my journal, and I was like, logical words aren't coming to me. So I like wrote a poem and haven't written a poem in decades. I feel like I wrote them as a child, and then sort of gave up on that. And I wrote a poem. And so that came out like easily and flowy. Sometimes writing this book feels like sitting down and having nothing in my brain, and also doubting myself super fucking hard. And this is I'm writing about things by the way that I talk about on a daily basis, with hundreds 10s of 1000s, almost 100,000 on tick tock, hello. Right now we're at 94.3k. Let's get her up to 100k. Anyway, a lot of people talking about and writing is a humbling skill. It's also like, I'm used to, you know, putting out a podcast, getting feedback, putting out something getting feedback. So it's just been like retraining my brain. So that whole process has been incredibly exciting, incredibly humbling. And I had all of these grand plans to get back to everything after the wedding specifically because I took some time to like incubate and that yummy, exciting. newness and togetherness and love bubble stuff, took some time to incubate in that like a week and a half, two weeks. And then I expected myself to get fully back on board with making podcasts every week writing the book, serving the current clients who are incredible the braiser breakthrough clients are fucking killing it. The Bragg's and winds are outstanding every single day we get them in our Slack channel. Anyway, I digress. Turns out, I could not do it all. Turns out I had to message my incredible podcast editor and producer Darlene. Hey, Darlene. Don't cut this out. This is me publicly thanking you. And I was like, Hey, can't really do everything that I had slated to do. Can you help me? And it was humbling asking for help. It was really humbling asking my team which is growing. We now have, like three members of the team. There's my podcast editor there I have an assistant and I have an online business manager who like handles my operation side now. So this team is growing and I was like, I can't give you all what we have scheduled what we've planned, and really allowing myself to be human in this area of my work in which I fully sometimes don't even check myself y'all I dive into perfectionistic mode so hard sometimes it's I am, I think you teach that which you most need to know. And so it's why we talk about like unlearning perfectionism and untangling, entangling patriarchal conditioning and like all these things like, I am doing that work with you. And so asking for help and allowing this to be imperfect and allowing, you know, the podcasts not to come out every week, and like giving myself the permission to have some more space to write and to create and to, to, like, do nothing for a while to was really transformative. I am speaking from experience when I say that, like main character energy is sometimes allowing the version of yourself I'll speak from the I, my main character and energy discovery process is about allowing myself to die to the version that I thought I was the version of myself, I thought I was who would be doing all these things perfectly. And like, with 100%, no mind drama about it. No, like letting that perfectionistic idea of myself, like fall away. And there's grief there too, right. I had a lot and have a lot of intense feelings about not being able to do live podcasts every week for y'all are new podcast episodes. I love this community. I am so fucking proud of this podcast. I'm so proud of the community that we have built in our building I'm so proud of. I'm so proud that we're here together doing this work. I'm proud of you for showing up for yourself through this podcast. And like every single message that I received that talks about how the podcast has changed your life is so meaningful to me. And I honestly had had a thought that I was letting you down by not recording and putting out weekly new episodes. If I am to be incredibly candid, which why not? Why stop now, I need to be reminded that you have everything that you fucking need. I still want to be around I still want to coach you, I still want to support you. And whether or not I put out a podcast episode, you're fucking great. And you're going to be fine. And your love life is is in its unhurried unfolding stage. And I think it's also like going into the vault of podcasts, there are so many podcasts that we put out on replay this past month, that are so fucking valuable. And that gives you so much to do so much homework, so many next steps, so many mindset pieces that you get to work on somebody's tactical strategy pieces you get to work on so it's about the end of like, you're doing great, you actively don't need to be saved by anybody or anything. Your love life is not a problem to be fixed period. Both and this work that we've been doing for the past three years together on this podcast, like speaks for itself. We have been doing the work and you have been doing the work and going back and revisiting episodes. This is what I was like coaching myself on can be incredibly valuable as well. There gets to be room for spaciousness to incubate and create this new book. Oh my god, which is then gonna serve so many incredible humans as well. So I say all that to say like, I want to you know kind of teach from where I'm at at this moment. I don't usually like to teach from where I am in the current moment for a couple different reasons. You know, there's the adage of like, don't speak from your pain, you know, teach from your scars or teach from healing wounds, whatever I get that Okay, great. And I also think this is more vulnerable, vulnerable, more risky. You're not seeing right now like a polished finished product or script. I don't really have scripts for the podcast by the way and I had no like formula for this episode. No idea like I wrote down three bullet points wedding book, main character, energy, the main character energy part is really learning and embodying and practicing. That it is safe to be messy. It is safe to be in progress. It is safe to be imperfect. It is safe to trust yourself. And it is safe to let expectations that you used to have for yourself fall away. It can be safe let me say that I'm saying it is safe from this spot right now sitting where I sit and I also know that later today am I have a moment and I will re learn again, that it is safe, it can be safe to be in progress. It is safe to step back. It is safe to take your time because there's magic incubating. There's already evidence of the magic incubating. And that's what I think main character energy is, if you haven't heard me talk about main character energy, it's not stagnant. It is a set of skills. It is an embodiment. It is I call it three things, right? Number one permission. So in the context of the book, for example, my God, the book, oh, gotta get to writing it after I record this. Okay, the book permission, I'm going to talk to myself, I'm gonna coach myself, I have permission to actually let me get my let me get my sticky notes out. Okay, so here's what I'm going to do and what I encourage you to do as well. So I have three sticky notes. I chose my favorite color. My favorite color of sticky note currently is lavender and lime green. Okay, so one sticky note, I'm going to write permission. One sticky note, I am going to write doing this in real time. I'm going to write self trust. self trust is the second pillar of main character energy, the practice of main character energy. The third pillar is massive, courageous action. Okay. This is main character energy, these three things. So if I'm thinking about the book specifically, which is something I feel very vulnerable about something I'm so excited about something that is tender and being born into the into the world permission, I have permission to do this messily. Don't love that. I do have permission, though. So you just literally what permission slips do you need, if you were the teacher, giving yourself permission, you are by the way, the CEO, you get to make yourself the permission slips any fucking time you want. And if it helps to think of yourself as like the teacher and the student at once inside your body, go for it, whatever helps you get into this exercise, what else what other permission, I have permission to trust my brain, and my body. To me, that means like, I have permission to trust the ideas that I have, I have the permission to trust the the stories that I want to tell, because I'm telling some stories, y'all that I've never told publicly before. And it is so exciting. And so nerve wracking, and fun. I also have permission to trust my body. So like, when I want to rest when I want to do yoga flow when I want to take a break when I need to shut it down and go into a little hidey hole for a moment and, and take a nap. And when I also want to go on a run or when I want to. Yeah, trusting my body usually means trusting to rest because I and also trusting when it's time to run, I think that's another thing is like that both end of like, trusting the rest doesn't mean that I'm going to want to or need to rest in that same way forever. Rest also doesn't mean one thing rest doesn't just mean a nap. Rest can also mean like something more active or like getting into my document and like playing in the document more resting. Okay, great. So that's my permission. Okay, now on to self trust. What might self trust, say, self trust, like these are like the truths that you know, like you, the self compassionate, most juicy self trusting. If you were to look at who you are, right, you're incredible. You've created and are creating incredible things. My friend, I'm speaking to you, as I'm also speaking to myself, self trust might say, I am on my path. And it's right for me, it might say, I am trustworthy. What might self trust. And if self trust for you is not as available, like permission can be like, Okay, I'm writing the permission, I'm in progress, self trust might feel a little bit stickier, a little bit more vulnerable. So you could even choose a useful and true thought for yourself. It could be I am learning how to trust myself or I am learning how to trust that I'm trustworthy, or I am learning how to trust that I'm on my path. And it's right for me, it might not be impossible that I am on my path. self trust says the book is the book is writing itself when you show up. I think that's another thing that I'm learning and also relearning because this is what we talked about in the last main character energy mastermind which is opening up for enrollment in about a month. Oh my god. Oh, so excited. Okay, that's another thing that I was learning in that container with those incredible humans who joined us is that when you show up when you show up authentically in alignment with your values when you show up and allow yourself to be seen it happens what you desire happens is manifesting one on one is showing up allowing yourself to be seen and asking for what you want out loud and often in a community where your nervous system is being like you're caring for your nervous system actively. So then massive courageous action when I ground myself in permission. And when I ground myself in self trust, and when I keep coming back to the mat of both of those things, keep practicing both of those things keep thinking about talking about both of those things vassal courageous actually looks like sitting down right after this, and writing for 45 minutes who, Okay, gotta do it. Coming to the page is hard, sometimes 45 minutes timer and then celebrating the shit out of myself afterwards, because it doesn't have to be done to be celebratory. Another lesson big big thing that we talked about all the time in all of my programs. Massive courageous action also looks like planning my joy. Well, this is my favorite thing because I am actively again, while writing. I'm also prepping for the launch of main character energy mastermind again, which is my six month program to create a pleasure filled self trusting life in six months or less. It is for burnout single humans who want to center themselves in the most epic love story in their most epic love story. So massive, courageous, I'm planning my joy. Something that we're going to do inside of main character and energy mastermind this round is we are going to you are going to plan out the most courageous Joy building ship possible. So I started I'm doing the work as I'm planning it for myself, and to incubate new ideas for y'all in the program. So I created a pleasure summer list. And you feel free to take this like pleasure summer list. Massive Action includes planning joy, meaning pleasure summer, I wrote down and I'm saying this out loud to hold myself accountable. Ballet class, I would love to take a ballet class at Broadway Dance Center. I I feel so intimidated by it. By the way, I'm a basic ballet level person, I want to take a heels sexy dance class, or a Broadway Dance Center. That means like those like burlesque ski sexy dance class, I also want to take trapeze class. I have a lot of classes that I want to do. So then it was like, Okay, how am I going to I was sort of like, dreading like, oh, I don't really have any outfits. I don't have any leotards that I don't know, like, I haven't danced in so long. So I thought, what might make it more easeful for me to pursue my pleasure this summer, or to pursue these things this summer, treating myself to a really gorgeous leotard and new tights like treating myself to a pair of really sexy heels for the sexy Hills dance class, trapeze class, I want to go and experience that. And it's going to require some self advocacy, because there's some things that like some, you know, things that you have to do to like, do the class and I don't know, like, oh, I don't want to go through the self advocacy piece, like calling the number and asking the questions and all the things. No, I'm going to do it. And I'm going to imagine myself jumping up and down on a trampoline, doing flips in the air, maybe never done it before. I'm going to try. So planning out my joy. Another piece is like a lily care plan. Like, when am I getting my hair cut? When am I going to get a massage? Again? When am I going to these are very things that I'm very privileged to be able to invest in for myself, I recognize that. And maybe you're not in that position to invest in a class that you really want to go to. Or maybe you're not in a position to get a massage right now. And what is your version of available Joy building? And how can you give yourself permission to do that thing, trust yourself that wanting to do that thing is enough reason to do it, and then taking the massive courageous action to sign up for the thing. That is main character energy in a nutshell, and I'm so excited. So there's more that I could say about main character energy, there's so much more that I can say about this book. And I will leave it at that for now. I think after listening to this episode, you will probably understand why for the next three ish weeks, we will also be running some more replays for the podcast. I am so excited to share these replay episodes with you because even if you've listened to every single episode since the beginning, every like 150 Plus, these episodes have another nugget of wisdom for you. You will have another breakthrough when you listen again, when you let yourself get into the mindset of like how is this for me right now? Because I trust that this moment has something new for you to learn to be nourished by to be supported by. And so we're going to run a few replays. For the next couple of weeks. Again, I just wanted to come on here and share where I'm at. I am giving myself the permission to write, I have a deadline that is coming up very soon for that project. And you will get all of the details as soon as I share them, you will get them on like what it means and what is this and what are the DPP bookings, you're gonna get all the details sooner from us. And in the meantime, I want you to have the most pleasurable, drenched summer and I will be back with new incredible episodes if I do say so myself, because those are in planning as well. I will be back with new fresh episodes for you at the end of June beginning of July. I love you. I'm so glad that you're here. I'm honored. You're part of this community. I'm honored. You're listening right now. I am pumped about our summer. It's gonna be a great one. Talk to y'all soon. Bye.