184. Being in the right relationship with Brazen Breakthrough member Maddie
What does it feel like to be in the right relationship? Join us on the Date Brazen Podcast as we get into this intriguing question with Maddie, a former client whose journey may inspire you. From discovering deeper essence-based preferences to finding her now-husband during the Brazen Breakthrough program, Maddie's story is a testament to the transformative power of belief in self and taking courageous action.
This episode is a beacon of hope, reminding you that what you desire does exist. Through inspiring stories like Maddie's, we witness firsthand that with bold action, the love and fulfillment you seek are not only possible but inevitable.
Hot-takes and episode topics:
The most impactful lesson Maddie learned that translates beyond dating
Maddie shares her sparkly experience meeting her now husband on a dating app
Overcoming doubt about whether or not you are in the right relationship
How does it feel to be in the right relationship, and what is the work like after you find it?
Centering yourself on what you want sets you on a different path; there is transformative power in believing in the possibility of what you truly desire
Links:
Show transcript:
[00:00:00] Lily: Hello, gorgeous friends. Welcome to another episode of the date brazen podcast. So glad that you're here today. I'm talking to my former client, Maddie. We worked together starting in October, 2020 and during her time in the brazen breakthrough, she ended up because she's okay. Like you'll hear all about her story.
[00:00:19] I don't need to preamble, but basically she was just out of a longterm relationship, joined the brazen breakthrough because she felt like. This is what I want to be doing with my time to get to know my deeper preferences, ended up meeting her now husband while she was in the program. And we unpack all of that.
[00:00:35] We talk about what is it like to be in a new relationship? How do you know that it's the right new relationship and how to keep checking in with your partner and like what the next phase of that growth looks like? I just wanted this episode to be a. A reminder to you that you are incredible.
[00:00:56] You're doing a great job. Number one. Number two, what you want is [00:01:00] possible. And so that's my intention with bringing on folks who are in relationships after doing the work in the brazen breakthrough to share that it's possible. What you want is possible. What you want is inevitable when you show up and take massive, messy, courageous action towards your desires.
[00:01:15] And so I wanted to help you have this hopeful thing to put in your pocket. I think it'll impact how you show up for yourself and how you ask for what you want. If you just assumed that what you want was what you wanted was happening and it was possible. So let's get into this episode. It's a great one.
[00:01:31] I am really excited for you to hear Maddie's story. She was first on the podcast in April, 2021. And so this is a great part to really juicy. And if you are interested in joining us inside of the brazen breakthrough, then you can go to the description of this episode. To learn more, we are open right now.
[00:01:49] And if you're interested in the essence based preferences or the qualifying disqualifying questions that we talk about in this episode, you can also pre order my book. Thank you more, please. A feminist guide to [00:02:00] breaking dumb dating rules and finding love is on pre order right now, and you can pre order it right now with the link in the description of this episode as well.
[00:02:07] So those are the two options of next steps that are on the table for you. And I know this episode is going to give you a lot of inspiration and juice. So with that, let's get into it.
[00:02:25] Hey, I'm Lily Wanville, former top matchmaker and founder of Date Brazen. After setting up hundreds, I realized that with coaching, women could match themselves better than anyone else ever could. With my unconventional feminist approach, I've helped women around the world build courageous and self trust filled love lives.
[00:02:40] And now I'm here to support you get ready. Cause I'm about to share the exact steps you need to attract a soul quenching partnership and feel amazing about yourself along the way. This is the date brazen podcast. Hello, gorgeous friends. Welcome to another episode of the Day Brazen podcast. I'm so pumped that you're here and I'm so pumped to have a [00:03:00] repeat guest.
[00:03:02] Her name is Maddie and she was last on the podcast in April 2021, which feels very long ago. And she was inside my program, The Brazen Breakthrough and has since gotten married. No, we're not burying the lead at all and had a gorgeous wedding. And so I just wanted to bring her on to talk about what it's like to do this work and then be in the best relationship of your life.
[00:03:30] And like all the things that come up and being in a new relationship and an established relationship after this work, I think it's a fun part too. So
[00:03:38] Maddie: hi, thanks for having me. Happy to be
[00:03:41] Lily: here. A hundred percent. And you're a podcast veteran as you have. Or had your podcast Camp Adulthood for so many years.
[00:03:49] Had,
[00:03:50] Maddie: yeah. It was a really fun run with my co host Shea, so you can still listen to the episodes if you want. It was a good time. It
[00:03:58] Lily: was a great time. And you were my first [00:04:00] podcast I ever went on ever. So special. It was so special. And I went to your home and we recorded it. And I remember, and we talked about this in 2021, but I remember feeling so Oh my God, this is so fancy to have a podcast and to have all this equipment.
[00:04:15] And now it's all that for me. So thank you for introducing me to all of it. And we didn't really do much preamble because you're that's why I mentioned your podcast veteran. Cause you like. I want to get into it with you. How are things going where I think we begin to give everybody a catch up, tell us about how we met and then what your love life was like at that time back in, I believe in 2020 and let's
[00:04:41] Maddie: start there.
[00:04:41] Yeah, definitely. So when we met and you came to my home for that podcast recording, I was living with a different partner that I was with for four years and it was not. The sparkliest of times, using one of your lovely words. We had [00:05:00] talked privately. I feel comfortable sharing this. Like you could pick up on the energy of just being in the space of this was not the forever situation.
[00:05:07] So there's,
[00:05:08] Lily: It just felt not
[00:05:09] Maddie: as connective. Nothing bad, and I have nothing but lovely things to say about that individual and what I think we both learned about ourselves in that relationship. We're still, in contact and cordial and friends in some aspects today, so all good things there.
[00:05:25] But I was definitely at that time, I think like a lot of COVID couples, we broke up during 2020, after the summer. It was like the fall of 2020. So it was a really tumultuous COVID, all the protests and stuff happening over the summer, the election. It was like, it seems like a lifetime ago. I really knew I was coming into being newly single in an interesting space because I had been in a relationship for so long.
[00:05:52] So a lot of the women, when I joined your program, not that shortly thereafter, I was like, truly the sounds. [00:06:00] Really sad, but maybe some people are in this space. I was like, this person's moving out. I'm living alone for the first time. I need community and things to fill my time that also feel like.
[00:06:11] Would better myself in some way. So I think like a lot of people, when they go through breakups, it's like, how do I fill my time? What are my hobbies? All these things. And I was always a fan of your work and just your energy in general, but had not been single. And I think at the time I was like, is it too soon?
[00:06:28] I remember when I was on the intake call, I was like, am I going to be ready to do this work? Do I need some more time to just sit by myself? But it ended up being really great. I think even virtually just outside of the coaching and kind of the. The bread and butter of the work itself. It was just nice to have a space weekly to come and just talk to other ladies was just huge for me at that time.
[00:06:51] So yeah, that's how I came into doing this work with you and
[00:06:55] Lily: how we met. I love that story and I love remembering it because it [00:07:00] was, it marked a shift in. Both of our lives, I think at the time that you joined it in 2020, it was, I was like shifting my business model and I was teaching the same things, but you joined at this like cool inflection point and a really intense one because of the extenuating circumstances, both in your life, but also in the life of the election and COVID and everything.
[00:07:22] So it was a very, Impactful. I remember that your specific cohort so clearly because it was Whoa, we're all here with it. We're going through something together in addition to the dating work, right? Okay. So for those who have recently exited a relationship, I'm curious you can speak for yourself, obviously, but what it, what a cute mug.
[00:07:45] Thank you. It's a
[00:07:46] Maddie: little piggy. For those listening, it's
[00:07:48] Lily: so cute. I wonder about, cause I hear all often, like I just got out of a relationship. Is it too soon or is it or do I want to do this work? How did you make [00:08:00] that distinction for
[00:08:00] Maddie: yourself? I think truthfully, and this is not me trying to suck up right now.
[00:08:05] I was just like, out of all the things I could be doing and spending my money on, I was going into it being like, this could be a fun, three months and I decided at the end of it, I'm not ready and I go on no dates, but it's still a good use of time and the community aspect.
[00:08:19] And I think having interaction with you, I was like, I just know that this will fill my cup and make me feel better in a low time. So it's a different calculus for everyone in terms of both time investment and financial investment. But I was like, even if I'm not ready, I can always go back to these materials and.
[00:08:40] All have still have done something that was a good use of time. And I knew I was like, I really, I think a lot of people do this and I definitely felt this way where I was like, I want to be single for a period of time and get to know myself. But the reality is I see this in my single friends and.
[00:08:56] I felt this way, too, where you're still looking, your [00:09:00] Spidey Spence is still ting, you're still look at a cute person and you're like that could be interesting. You still want the thing. Yeah, you still want the partnership. Yeah, even if you're not actively looking and I was like, I don't want to fall back into a suboptimal relationship because I haven't done the work on even understanding what I want.
[00:09:16] And even if you're not actively swiping or going on dates or whatever. I wanted to be able to assess those interesting connections that you have in social situations and be like, is this really what I want? Or am I just like repeating old patterns?
[00:09:31] Lily: Yeah, why do you think you didn't know what you wanted necessarily romantically before this work?
[00:09:38] I'm curious. I hope that question doesn't feel judgmental. I think it's a really normal, Normal thing. I'm just want to be
[00:09:45] Maddie: curious about it. Yeah. I think a lot of people that are in long term relationships, especially in your 20s can relate. Like I had gotten with my past boyfriend. We started talking and started like seriously dating right after I got out of [00:10:00] college.
[00:10:00] So I was in my very early 20s. And then by the time this person and I were breaking up, I was much more established in my career. My, Okay. Some of my values had changed. So I think part of it was just the age and stage of life that I was in. And I think when you're in a long term relationship to you shut down parts of yourself, or that's the tendency to be like, what type of energy am I attracting?
[00:10:24] You take a lot for granted or as given. And I was like, I want to interrogate those things that I just sat with and assumed for Years about myself. I'm
[00:10:33] Lily: curious. It's been like a couple of years now. This is 2024 3 years, like 30 plus years ago. So I'm curious when you think back to the work that we did, what lesson sticks out to you as most impactful or like what, thing stands
[00:10:50] Maddie: out as most.
[00:10:51] Yeah. Obviously impact of I've now. Married to someone forever. That was like, I'm happy to go into more specifics of how that person came about and why [00:11:00]
[00:11:00] Lily: I'm get there. Yes, but I
[00:11:03] Maddie: think one of the lessons that translates beyond just dating that still resonates with me is like asking for more, taking up space, celebrating your wins.
[00:11:16] I think those were things that even though it was in the context of dating, The program and a lot of your teaching is about those moments and it doesn't necessarily have to be dating. So when I think about, work, I just got promoted last week, so I'm still celebrating. That's my grad day. And that was huge.
[00:11:33] And I think, a lot of women that suffer with like perfectionism anxiety, which I definitely do. It's like, all right, those big things happen. You just move on to the next thing or what's the next goal. And I think that's something that we really did well as a cohort was. Celebrating those wins.
[00:11:49] I agree. I think
[00:11:49] Lily: it's a life changing thing. And I'm curious, how are you celebrating your promotion? What does that look
[00:11:54] Maddie: like? Jim, who's my husband, we went out on Friday and got a bottle of champagne. So that was [00:12:00] nice. Lovely. Anything else? No, I'm still now it's like becoming more public at work.
[00:12:04] So I'm getting more congratulations, which is nice. You can Celebrate it in each one of those interactions.
[00:12:10] Lily: I love it. I'm celebrating you. That's very exciting. Huge. Okay. So leading up to meeting Jim, what do you remember about deciding to start dating? Because you came in and you were like, I'm not going to date necessarily.
[00:12:24] I'm just going to learn and soak it in and be in this community. And then suddenly I think in like month 2 or month 2 and a half or whatever, you were like, I'm going to date. Yeah. And I'm going to do it now. Yeah. And I just remember being like, Oh, cool. Let's go. But what do you remember about leading up to meeting Jim and what the tactics of that were in terms of you're not to over index on it's about strategy, but what was your plan?
[00:12:48] What did we help you create with the plan? I
[00:12:51] Maddie: know everyone comes at this work in a different place. And I definitely felt. Even though there was a lot of challenging aspects of my situation, I felt very [00:13:00] privileged that I had not had years and years of very voluminous negative dates or like negative swiping interaction.
[00:13:08] I definitely sympathize with the women in my cohort that were like, really trying to motivate themselves to give it 1 more shot. I was coming at it from a clean slate of I've heard the dating app suck, but I haven't been on one in years and when you're on them in college, it's like you're using them very differently.
[00:13:24] So I think having that open mind and even if you are one of those people that has a lot of kind of residual feelings about using these tools or dating in general, like trying to. really use this as a reset. I think I was just starting from a place of I don't have a frame of reference. So this is literally the first time I'm doing this, but I think the foundational elements really set me up for success.
[00:13:47] I think I had already been doing, you mentioned like month two was when I was like, okay, I'm going to start dating. There's a lot of. Two months doesn't seem like a lot of time, but I feel like I really had distilled down. This is what I'm looking [00:14:00] for, practice the boundary setting. I think a lot of the analytical approaches around having pre date rituals, post date stuff.
[00:14:08] And mind you, I have not done any preparation for this podcast. So I think it speaks to the listeners, how much has actually retained in my brain over the last couple of years. It's remarkable even for myself. So I think that appealed to me, like having a structure, having a framework, having the support.
[00:14:22] And having these things that I could try, I was like, I feel supported going into it. So that's why I think I made the decision to do it in the program.
[00:14:31] Lily: And for those who don't know the process that I teach is know your essence based preferences, your EBPs, I call them. Know then, based on what you want, your EBPs, know your qualifying, disqualifying questions.
[00:14:43] So what questions are you going to ask to gauge whether or not somebody has the personality traits, values that you desire, at least on a level one basis? Do you remember what question? You opened with when
[00:14:53] Maddie: you talked to Jim. I don't. I wish I had we met on Hinge. I wish I still had screenshots of them because I'm sure I would [00:15:00] hysterically laugh.
[00:15:00] I think you
[00:15:01] Lily: started with the what's bringing you joy question. Yeah,
[00:15:04] Maddie: that was a big one. I always liked what does an ideal Saturday look like for you. There's one that sticks out. Why
[00:15:11] Lily: did you like that question?
[00:15:12] Maddie: Because I think it, it speaks to both like energy level and personality and just like interest because you don't want to go in with a checklist, but it's if someone's yeah, I spend every Saturday, going to a religious observation or something.
[00:15:24] I'm just using that as the example. It's okay, probably not something that I'm going to seamlessly fit right into. So great that we talked about it up front. So I think it's good. Qualified the surface level stuff, but also it's okay. Tells you something about is this person more introverted more extroverted.
[00:15:38] How do they like to spend their free time?
[00:15:41] Lily: Okay, so cut to Meeting Jim on a dating app. And what do you remember about that process of deciding you were going on a date? Making the date happen like who asked you out like what? How did that go down?
[00:15:54] Maddie: Oh, I actually so Jim was the second person that I went [00:16:00] on from the app, which is yeah, that I went on a date with.
[00:16:03] So I had a date with another guy. It was like totally fine. I had decided at that point I was going to go on a second date because I went through the process and I was like, there's enough there, that this is worth pursuing, but it was a nice kind of testing ground. What I remember about Jim's profile was most of.
[00:16:21] What he wrote, he had some funny one liners and we both had prompts on our app about our love of the national parks and wanting to go to more national parks. So there was already like that common thing. I would say his photos. He was wearing sunglasses and 75 percent of them. An interesting maneuver there that I still make fun of him
[00:16:41] for.
[00:16:41] Lily: What did you make of, what did you make of that at the time? I was like,
[00:16:44] Maddie: Lily would not allow this. No, it was, I was like, I tried to not stand in judgment, but I was like, there was enough there. And I was like. Yeah. Trying to focus on the essence based preferences, not being super superficial.
[00:16:57] And I think I went into it just being like, I'm going to do, [00:17:00] I didn't go into it with low expectations or no expectations. I was just like, I'm going to do this so that I can come back, add this to my spreadsheet, the group coaching. It was very hard to process. And I went on the date and I was like, Oh, this is way more sparkly than date.
[00:17:16] Number 1. So it was just like a very a very stark feeling. And I think that's also something about the program that stuck with me that I didn't mention before is I'm a pretty logical analytical person and I think having more of a mind body connection and being more in tune to what situations do I feel icky?
[00:17:35] What situations do I have? Like a viscerally bad reaction or just like a neutral reaction has really helped me. I think in a lot of interpersonal relationships, not just. Romantic. And I definitely felt that I was like both Jim and this other guy had a lot of the essence based preferences, but the feeling that I got on the date with Jim was definitely much better.
[00:17:56] And I don't know if I would have gotten to that point as quickly if it wasn't for the [00:18:00] program and if I hadn't gone on that other date, To compare to. Yeah. Did
[00:18:04] Lily: you ask something about therapy or did he ask something about therapy? I remember something.
[00:18:09] Maddie: Yeah. It very quickly. I don't know if it was, it definitely wasn't while we were talking on the app, but I think very quickly in our in person conversations, it was like, it was clear.
[00:18:20] Cause I think that's something that came up a lot in our cohort was like, there are plenty of people that find love without a dating coach and it's still somewhat unorthodox and it can be embarrassing to be like, I paid a lot of money to the. Do something that my friend got for free or whatever, there's all this like negative connotation, I think with like various movies and ways that like dating coaches are portrayed in the media that like the wrong person could make fun of you for that and I think Jim hadn't engaged with a dating coach, but he had done a lot of extensive therapy and I could tell he was coming to me.
[00:18:57] At a stating asking very similar [00:19:00] questions, like looking for a lot of the same things and just like engaging in the process similarly. Yeah, which was really encouraging. I very quickly disclosed yeah, I'm asking these questions talking this way because I'm in this program and he was like.
[00:19:13] Cool. I want to do that back to you. It was fun in that way to break the
[00:19:16] Lily: fourth wall. I love it. You're who I think about when people ask isn't that intense? Or isn't that kind of weird to ask? I'm like you gotta get in there and be intentional because if you don't, you're leaving an opportunity on the table to go deeper quicker or to get clarification quicker that this is not the person.
[00:19:37] Okay, when did you feel like, oh, This is different. And this could be the person that I partner with. Like, when did you start to think about those kind of things?
[00:19:49] Maddie: I think on our first date, it was like, you're so in the moment. You're like, how much of this is like reality versus I'm just high on a feeling, yeah, excitement, whatever.
[00:19:58] It was after the second [00:20:00] date, which was a lot more it was still fun, but it was a lot more serious. I think we had gotten through the first level of the essence based preferences, and then it was more like, okay, we both have good feelings about this, but there are some certain things that I was like, we gotta talk about.
[00:20:16] We talked about Abortion we can go there some deeper stuff that people have varying strong opinions about, and that went exceedingly well, and didn't kill the vibe. It was like, it was good. It deepened the connection. And I distinctly remember texting a couple of my Girlfriends in the group chat after that date and I was like, I could see this person being my husband after date to,
[00:20:40] Lily: Yeah, what did they say?
[00:20:42] They were like, what? Wow.
[00:20:46] Maddie: Especially because I, at that time I was like, maybe 5 or 6 months out of. Yeah, like not even four months out of my relationship. How did you
[00:20:56] Lily: feel in your body as you like kept going [00:21:00] in the new relationship? Like, how did that, how was that?
[00:21:02] Maddie: Yeah. I remember it feeling good.
[00:21:04] Calm.
[00:21:05] Lily: I would imagine. Like I'm asking because people often ask, like, how do I know if this is the kind of thing that. Is truly, wow, I can trust that this is it versus, I think some people doubt themselves or they're feeling like this is what I want, but it's not everything that this person's not giving everything that I want.
[00:21:27] So then they make, have to make the tough decision of do I bless the police? So I think it's, I wanted to unpack in this episode, like, how does it feel to be in the right relationship and. What's the work after you find the right relationship to your, from your
[00:21:42] Maddie: perspective, I've seen this written down other places.
[00:21:45] So it's definitely not an original thought, but it's not about what you fight about. It's how you resolve the conflict after and I think even in positive getting to know you conversations. It's yeah. Is the person engaging are you asking 50 percent of the questions and then they ask you 50 [00:22:00] percent back?
[00:22:00] Or is it more 90 10? It doesn't matter if they're answering your questions. If they're not engaging on the back end. So I think that felt good that I didn't feel like. The whole relationship was riding on my shoulders and I had to make all the decisions about do I bless and release? I think a lot of women feel that way where it's like.
[00:22:17] This guy's around, but everything's on me to figure out when are we going on dates or. Like, when they do engage, it's good, but I really have to pull it out of them to get that engagement that, I think, can feel icky. And so I think there is a sense of ease and like reciprocity when it feels good, but it's definitely work at commitment and like continuing to check in.
[00:22:41] And I think the communication piece is huge. Like we have done couples counseling, which I'm happy to talk about in the like proactive. So I definitely recommend that to folks, which is helpful to just have the container to talk about stuff, but also I agree. Get reflected back from the therapist. We think this is great.
[00:22:59] Are [00:23:00] we just, in mesh together in this love nest of, are we not seeing clearly? And it's nice to. Have someone interrogate those beliefs and just give you that extra assurance that like, no, this is the right way to approach it.
[00:23:12] Lily: I think that's awesome. I think that's awesome.
[00:23:14] And tell me about how did your wedding feel?
[00:23:18] Maddie: What was that like? It was nice. Yeah. So I got married in November. It's not January. It was great. I think that there's so much I could like, talk about wedding culture in general. I'm sure you have a lot of opinions, but it's, it was a very concerted effort to be like, okay, when we get to the day trying to push out all the like, nonsense of the logistical stuff as much as possible and be very present.
[00:23:39] And I think we tried to set it up that way so that it felt like we had enough time. Like we got married in the afternoon and then had a bit of a break and then had the reception after. So there, the day felt a little longer and we had more opportunity to talk to people and rest and stuff, but it's still a [00:24:00] blur.
[00:24:00] And it's still, there's also an element of it. That's you're performing for people. Like you are the entertainment at your wedding. Overall it was very good. I just I have many opinions now that I've done it, but overall it was like, so fun. And Jim and I have gone to a lot of weddings. We went to seven last year and nine the year before.
[00:24:16] It's the season of life. And we were like, no, people are gonna listen to this and be like, wow, you're trashing my wedding. But we were at our wedding and we were like, this is the best wedding we've ever been to. And I'm like, I think that's just because it was like, everyone that we loved was in one room.
[00:24:31] And I'm sure everyone at their wedding. Feels that way, which is how it's supposed
[00:24:34] Lily: to be. And I think I didn't ask about the wedding to, that's not where we're ending this episode. And I also think that it's not the pinnacle of romantic. It's not the pinnacle of like life standard, gold standard success, blah, blah, blah, as society has portrayed it to be both.
[00:24:51] And I do think that this idea of. Deciding to partner with somebody deciding to commit to somebody deciding to, do it in front of friends and [00:25:00] family is really beautiful. And also not everything and also beautiful. And I also know that there are a lot of folks in my community and maybe who listen, who feel a little bit like, is it possible?
[00:25:14] Is it? Is it? Can I believe that the right relationship exists that it's on its way? So I've been wanting to bring on folks who have found love after in the years after brazen breakthrough to interrogate it and get to know it a little bit more to hopefully give some tangible evidence that it's there.
[00:25:34] It does exist and it's okay to believe that it exists. Yeah, definitely. And I feel very complicated about weddings as well. I also, whenever I ask yeah, you're the second alum that I've talked to in the past couple of days. And when I asked the question, like, how's the engagement or how's the wedding?
[00:25:53] It's I don't want to do that thing that I saw being done in Jackson, Mississippi in my sorority when it was [00:26:00] like the most excited any woman ever was in that group was when somebody got engaged and that was really icky to me. Yeah, and so I just want to, I just want to put it all out there on the, yeah, no, it's not that there's any like thing, any
[00:26:14] Maddie: conclusion, but I totally agree.
[00:26:17] I think there's some stuff about it. That's it puts a lot of pressure on people. But also, I do think if you are someone that wants to be partnered for life it is the biggest decision you'll ever make.
[00:26:31] Lily: I think I, for myself, I don't know that, I think that marrying Chris Numbers among the most important decisions and I think that like for me, the, that choice was a choice of who am I going to, I think that starting for me starting day brazen was them at this point in my life, the most important choice in my life and [00:27:00] Chris comes alongside it as the most important, another most important choice to me as who's going to ride with me through, This life and also just want to acknowledge the complexity of being an adult child of divorce the idea of marriage for life and that this is a life decision also is very complicated and brings along with it.
[00:27:20] I, brings along with a lot of stuff. And I just like, if we're unpacking and acknowledging the complexity of the decision, I just I took comfort on in the week that I married Chris, because I, we did a courthouse wedding and then a ceremony with friends and family of 50 close folks and a reception or like a party.
[00:27:38] I think that week felt so affirming because it was just this I love to say the thing that's underneath the surface. You're like, I just, in my life, I think it's one of my values of just like saying the thing and having this affirmation of getting married was. The ultimate saying the thing, like saying the thing underneath the servers.
[00:27:57] I love you. I choose you. Let's go both. And [00:28:00] I just wanted to acknowledge that for me, it wasn't the most, it was one of maybe two most
[00:28:06] Maddie: important decisions. Yeah, definitely. I think that's a great perspective. And I'm definitely, I'm coming at it from a place of, I haven't been an entrepreneur. I've always worked.
[00:28:16] Corporate jobs, and my parents are still married. So I think it's great to acknowledge the different perspectives that can exist at the same time.
[00:28:24] Lily: For sure. And I think that it's exciting to me that you like tracking back to the inception of meeting Jim and the conception of this relationship that You started the process by getting to know yourself more and your preferences more and centering yourself in the dating process, which, like you met Jim pretty quickly in that, like you met him during our cohort, which happens sometimes other times it's a couple of years for folks.
[00:28:57] And I do think [00:29:00] that centering yourself and what you want sets you on a different path and a different trajectory than if you didn't definitely. Do you, how do you,
[00:29:07] Maddie: what do you think about that? I totally agree. I think that there's a lot to, there's a lot to your program. That's like specific tips and like tried and true things, but also a lot of it is energetic work.
[00:29:19] And I truly believe in a lot of the woo side of you attract what you're putting out into the world and. I think people pick up on that. And even if you're in process of doing the work, I think people can see it in you like, oh, this is someone that's like striving to better themselves. And I'm attracted to that.
[00:29:40] I think just by doing something like taking some forward step, even if it's a struggle, like people can pick up on that. And it's like a positive thing that attracts more people to you that you can then you. Choose to bring along with you or not, it just gives you more options. I think and to
[00:29:58] Lily: your point of and I wrote it [00:30:00] down because I am going to write an email about it.
[00:30:01] It's such a great phrasing that you said it, which is I paid money. A lot of money for something that my friend got for free. Just like very spot on. I think what a lot of people are thinking. I like to say like I it's great that your friend found a relationship without working with a dating coach. It's totally possible.
[00:30:18] Most people find a relationship without me and that's wonderful. Both and I don't care if you find a relationship. I care about you finding the best relationship of your life and feeling really grounded and supported. And free in the process and within that relationship. So I'm excited for you that you are in this new phase of life with this human that you love, and I'm really happy for you and your experience.
[00:30:44] So many other people's experience. My experience is why I believe that. It's inevitable for folks that I'll believe it for them until they can believe it for themselves. So
[00:30:53] Maddie: I think it's all about the mindset that you that was really like the foundational element of this program [00:31:00] to me and what I stress to people that I think would benefit from something like this.
[00:31:06] And I think they usually come at it from a time or finance perspective is like the knee jerk of, like, why I can't do it. But really, at the end of the day, it's they're not in the right. Mindset for it. Yeah. I'm like, when you break it down, not to like, air other people's dirty laundry, but I have some friends that like have gotten into pretty bad relationships that have cost them financially.
[00:31:27] And it's like the investment of time upfront and figuring out, there were signs that probably would have blessed release this person sooner. And you wouldn't have been in debt dealing with this years later. So I think. Keeping those examples in the back of the mind of life is long and the investment is worth it if it's in
[00:31:46] Lily: yourself and if it's available yeah thank you so much for coming on Maddie.
[00:31:49] I'm really grateful for you sharing and thank you so much and I'll talk to you soon and listeners. I'll talk to you next week. Bye.[00:32:00]